Work Text:
I'm running on some kind of empty;
I don't know what's wrong
While I simultaneously do.
I keep waking up at one accidentally
(Accidentally?)
And cannot find oblivion once more.
I don't know how to love myself,
Truly love my disaster, my havoc-
I'll make sure I'm not about to die-
The world needs me too much-
But otherwise, I will live
What an empty word, live-
I'll push past what's expected of me,
Exceed those expectations,
Build, party, smile,
The whole charade.
-
I've pushed upon myself
A high pain threshold
Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;
And oh, I cannot anymore.
I've pushed upon myself
A substantial amount of perseverance
Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;
And oh, I cannot anymore.
I'm in a desert,
Of multiple kinds,
Sand in all directions.
A desert of loneliness and enemies,
Save one soul;
A desert of mocking mirages,
Of my shattered life;
A desert of pain
Of pain, of heat, of torture,
Of pain.
I've pushed upon myself
A high pain threshold
Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;
And oh, I cannot anymore.
I've pushed upon myself
A substantial amount of perseverance
Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;
And oh, I cannot anymore.
But I must, for who I am.
Was? Will be? Will always be?
I'm in a desert,
Of multiple kinds,
Sand in all directions.
A desert of loneliness,
One soul unsaved;
A desert of mocking mirages
Of my shattered life;
A desert of pain
Of pain, of heat,
Of pain.
I've pushed upon myself
A high pain threshold
Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;
And oh, I cannot anymore.
I've pushed upon myself
A substantial amount of perseverance
Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;
And oh, I cannot anymore.
But I must.
But I must trudge on
Through the loneliness,
Through the mocking mirages
Hanging there even when
I close my eyes
To red-lit emptiness.
But I must trudge on.
-
The loneliness stays,
The mirages I saw
And've seen since,
Haunt my dreams.
I can't.
I need the hand to guide me that I've never had
I need the love to rise that I've never had
I need, I need,
I need.
I don't know the words to say-
I need.
I need that something of which I've never had.
-
I'm running on some kind of empty;
I don't know what's wrong
While I simultaneously do.
I keep waking up at one accidentally
(Accidentally?)
And cannot find oblivion once more.
I'm in a desert,
Of loneliness,
Of souls who do not understand.
Souls who don't understand,
Save six souls
Who do, miraculously,
Understand.
Save one soul,
Bright,
Save one soul-
I'm running on some kind of empty,
But I near the hand to guide me that I've never had
But I near the love to rise that I've never had
I near, I near,
I near.
I don't know the words to say-
I near.
I near that something of which I've never had.