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Finally, after another long stressful day I’m home. I slam the door behind me not caring for how loud it slams into its lock, there is no one around for miles who would be able to chide me for it. Not anymore and I’m glad.
And while I take off my shoes, wiggling my toes in the process as a sort of apology for torturing them all day, I can’t stop myself from grinning like a fool. And then I feel it, this giddy feeling that always rushes through me and if I had to name it then I would call it freedom and happiness.
This is my ritual, or wait I should be more specific this has been my ritual ever since I was a teenager. Coming home dropping everything and just stepping out, running down the steps to the beach and embracing all the shore has to offer.
As soon as my bare feet touch the sand I raise my arms and twirl around. I feel so free and right now nothing matters but the sand beneath my feet and the salty air.
No, if I’m honest then there is also this tiny tingle of anticipation. While it’s true that I started walking along the shore to clear my mind about the day, it’s also true that I hope I get to see a glimpse of him.
And for so many years I never did, even though I remember the day like it was yesterday, when he looked so deeply into my eyes and told me: “Wait for me along the shore.”
And at the beginning I did, I kept remembering his words and I hoped for a sign no matter how small. But I never caught a glimpse of him or the promise I saw in his blue eyes. Yet I stayed and watched the waves rise and fall, sitting on the sand and looking out over the sea. And every day the ocean always made me feel so small and so alone.
Yet I never gave up and lately I’m not sure if my mind keeps playing tricks on me, but sometimes when I wake up after a nap, it’s like his voice surrounds me, like a spirit of the sea.
You see when I met him, it was almost like he knew what would happen and he just wouldn’t see me anymore. And then they told me he went abroad on a maiden voyage far away, this young man I didn’t really know, and his life was taken that same day.
And yet when I walk along this shore it’s like I can feel him, always watching over me… his voice surrounds me, like my very own spirit of the sea.
His smile stayed with me and when I close my eyes, his arms surround me and guide me through the haze. He gives me shelter from the storm with the promise that we’ll be together some sweet day and when that day comes we’ll never part.
So I skip my toes through the sand and sit down, letting the waves touch my toes. And then I see him, the man I’d seen before but this time when I get up and approach him, he doesn’t slip away.
And I know we will never part.