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Mordin dead, Thessia in ruins, and Earth facing destruction; It sucked the life out of her.
Shepard sighed into the deep, cavernous space that made up her living quarters, weary and guarded against the events of the past few weeks.
Hope, whatever that fragile concept meant, was fading from her and the rest of her crew. What was she supposed to do, fight for it? Her extended efforts over the past few years had already been rendered futile, as if the universe had amusingly made her the butt end of some massive galactic joke.
Well, it wasn’t funny, she thought as she rose from the bed, her bones groaning in protest against the unexpected movement, not to anyone. She donned a soft hoodie an attempt to fight against the damp chill of her room and she shuffled quickly across her room with chilled, bare feet to the computer terminal. They were on their way to the Illusive man’s hideout, his efforts to thwart Shepard from finding out about the Catalyst on Thessia had been successful, but she would no longer put up with the puppet Kai Leng and his petty attempts. As soon as she recovered from the last battle, this was going to end. Her hand dropped to rub at a rather heavy bruise on her shoulder, a token from nearly having been crushed by what was now the asari temple ruins. Kai Leng’s little missile stunt had been nothing to sneeze at; the assassin was dangerous and she had to cut his efforts off at the head.
A knock on the door distracted Shepard from her thoughts.
“Allow it, EDI,” Shepard spoke into the open room, knowing that the AI’s presence was still active throughout the ship despite her new, physical form. The door opened without a verbal response from EDI and Liara entered the room, two mugs held firmly within the grasp of one hand, her features weary and strained.
“You don’t have to knock, Liara,” Shepard said, turning towards her as she rose from her seat,” you have clearance to enter the room at any point. EDI knows that.”
The asari shook her head, “I was trying to be polite, and so was EDI,” she responded, “I could sense that you were up, but I didn’t know if you’d enjoy being disturbed."
“Frankly, I could use the distraction,” Shepard responded honestly, “and it wouldn't have bothered me. I know I’m your Commander but I’m also your friend; sometimes I feel like you forget that.”
"I don't." The asari said, gently pushing the mug into into Shepard’s hands as she guided them to the couch. “Believe me Shepard, you're one of the few things left that are dear to me.” Liara’s face grew solemn and she closed her eyes against the threat of tears. Shepard did not have to possess mind-melding powers to know what was on the asari’s mind: Thessia. Sadly, the commander could empathize. What had happened to Liara’s homeworld was now happening to Shepard’s own. The universe felt empty with the thought of losing Earth.
“You shouldn’t be afraid to cry in front of me either, Liara,” she said as she wrapped her arm around the alien’s shoulders and pulled her into an embrace, “cut the stoicism.” For days now the asari had remained a pillar of strength against the ships rapidly waning morale--they had many battles yet to come and she would not allow the crew to witness any weakness--but Shepard knew that she was devastated. In the privacy of the Commander’s quarters, the dam broke and the bridge between alien and human--at times, so vast-- was lost as Liara began to sob into her arms.
“I’m so sorry,”, Shepard whispered into her tentacled scalp after a few moments had passed and the sobs still had not quelled, her own tears beginning to form as her grip on the asari tightened.
“Oh goddess, Shepard,” Liara spoke into the Commander’s shoulder between shortened, anguished breaths, “I’m so...lost...I feel disconnected. I don’t want,” she sniffed, as she felt Shepard’s hand slide across her back, “I don’t want you to blame yourself. Please...you couldn’t have known that this would happen. I almost didn’t come here because I knew you would blame yourself.”
“You can come to me for anything,” Shepard responded. “I do blame myself," she nearly whispered. "I should have been able to prevent it but that’s not your problem. I can’t go back in time and can’t bring back Thessia, but I will try to save what’s left of your race.” Shepard’s jaw tightened, anger rising within her once more, “The Illusive man will get what's coming to him. The information collected at Sanctuary is leading us straight to his headquarters. He'll pay tenfold for what he has done to your home-world and to the universe.”
Liara rose then, wiping her tears away with her forearm. “I don’t want to lose you either Shepard. I’d rather have my friend alive than know she died avenging my planet.”
Shepard shivered as the cool air rushed in to replace the heat of the asari’s body. “I’m not going to die,” she leaned to grab her mug once more, then took a sip. “I’m going to let that bastard know that he’s done pissing me off.”
Liara giggled for the first time in days, smiling hesitantly as she wiped away more tears.
“What?” Shepard asked lightly, glad to see her finding some amusement.
“You’re cute when you’re angry.”
“Liara...” Shepard spoke accusingly, the corners of her mouth rising as she shook her head.
“Hey, I know you’re with Garrus but that doesn’t mean I can’t find you adorable” Liara’s tone softened further.
Both shared a moment of laughter, and Shepard shook her head at the asari’s innocent attractions.
“You’re 109 years old, Liara. You haven’t been getting out enough lately if you’re finding me appealing. There are others out there who look a lot better than me, others you won’t outlive.” She shifted to crawl out of the asari’s grasp.
The asari’s smile faded, slowly morphing into an expression that carried much more weight. “Not with your spirit, Commander,” she said softly, almost shy in her diction, “not in this lifetime or the next. You’re right, I am very old by your standards. I have outlived many of your kind but in all these years I’ve never met anyone like you--asari or otherwise. You have the courage and dedication of a Justicar, the wisdom of a Matriarch, and the unending curiosity of someone...well someone very young like me. You really are unique, Shepard.”
Shepard bowed her head, humbled by the words. “I....”
“Don’t thank me,” Liara cut her off, “You don’t thank people for telling you who you are. I’m only giving you what you won’t give yourself--the credit you deserve." Liara leaned forward, watching Shepard’s eyes close. "Lately you’ve been acting as though your actions do not matter. That’s what you believe, isn’t it?”
Shepard shook her head, “I don’t know what to think anymore,” she said lowly, lifting a palm to her forehead. “We’re running out of time.”
Liara stood then, walking across the room to grab a glove that Shepard had idly tossed upon her bed earlier that day--a sign of some previous moment of fatigue that Liara found endearing; a token of Shepard’s fallibility. Even the great commander herself grew tired sometimes. “It’s funny how things come full circle,” the asari commented. She ran a thumb softly over the rough surface of the gloves, admiring the material’s heavy weave. As with all of Shepard's armor, it was well designed and served to protect the Commander from any outside force that dared to harm her, but it did nothing to protect the Commander from herself. “Just a few months ago, when we encountered each other on Mars, I was the one saying that I had little hope for the galaxy, that I didn’t believe we would survive.” Radiant blue eye’s met the Commander’s as she spoke again, “do you remember what you told me then?”
Shepard’s eyes flickered, heavy and curious, “I said I believed we would.”
“Exactly,” Liara sighed with relief, remembering how the words had comforted her at the time. “Someone as old as I am, or as young as I am--I’m not sure which--begins to lose hope in things. We asari have become jaded with the universe. It’s refreshing to encounter someone like you, Shepard; you’re not afraid to believe in things. It’s an ability I’m jealous of, but one I can utilize. What you’ve accomplished and who you’ve united...it’s far beyond what many individuals, including myself, thought was possible. You’ve done more in one fraction of a short human life span than I could do in a thousand years. I won’t see you give up on yourself; not after what you’ve made me--what you’ve made all of us--believe.”
Shepard’s could only stare in awe at the asari’s dedication. “What in hell did I do to deserve you?” She asked, quite serious.
“I ask the same of you, Shepard, but I know better than to wonder. There are a multitude of things in this universe that we cannot explain; the occurrence of friendship is one of them. It is futile to wonder how, in the wake of such chaos, we happened to exist in the same period of time and in the same universe. Or why our paths eventually crossed.”
“It’s a wonder what it all means.”
“Not really,” the asari’s eyes bore into her’s, at once both serious and playful. “It just means that I’m really, really lucky.”
Shepard quirked a brow ever amazed at her friends wit. “Thanks,” she said, her smile growing. Then she laughed as she spoke. “I’m going to have to let Garrus know that he’s facing some very tough competition.”
“Don’t tell me that,” Liara responded in jest, “I’ll be tempted to throw him off the ship and claim you as my own.”
“He’d be too pissed to die.”
She laughed lightly “You’re probably right, but I don’t think that he has ever crossed paths with a possessive Asari.”
Shepard’s brows rose and she hummed an agreement, but said no more. Silence fell between them and Liara took the moment to study her friend.
A blue hand rose to brush the commander’s hair away from her face. “You should get some rest, Shepard.” Liara’s voice broke the stillness, “I can tell that you haven’t been sleeping.”
“Speak for yourself, blue-butt,” the side of the commander’s lip rose as she half-smiled, “It doesn’t look like you’ve been getting any shut-eye either.”
“No,” Liara smiled, “but I don’t need quite as much as you.” She sat down beside Shepard again, and placed a hand on her shoulder to guide her body downward. “Come on,” she spoke lowly.
The commander did not argue, and she let her head fall to rest on Liara’s lap. Their combined silence resumed and Liara gently combed her fingers through Shepard’s hair.
After a while, the Asari smiled as she felt the commander’s breath deepen in sleep. Her own ancient eyes began to feel heavy and she yawned despite her desire to stay. She shifted in an attempt to leave Shepard there and find her own quarters, but stilled when she heard the commander moan in protest.
Minorly frustrated, she huffed in defeat. “Fine,” Liara muttered softly, “have it your way.” She slid against the back of the couch until her head was on top of Shepard’s waist. Distantly, she heard Shepard release a peaceful sigh in her lap. Lying across her body as she was, she smiled at the commander’s warmth; a balm against the sterility of space-life. The Asari closed her eyes and let herself be cleansed by a sense of comfort that she had not experienced in months.