Chapter Text
Death was upon them. There was no escaping it. They all encountered it many times, but coming back from it was different. Murphy couldn’t get over the feeling after his revival. It was dark, cold and lonely.
He never believed in hell, but where he went was worse than he imagined. Murphy was petrified to going back there. Even if he has done good, it will never outweigh the selfish things he did for his own survival. Wanting to stop himself from thinking about the inevitable, Murphy spent his days drowning himself with alchohol against everyone’s advice.
“Fine John, go ahead and feel sorry for yourself!” Emori erupted and left him wallowing at the bar.
Raven’s first instinct was to follow Emori, but she stopped herself and turned her attention to Murphy. He needed her. That what she told herself as she sat next to him and watched him silently.
He rested his head on the table and titled his neck to look at her, barely maintaining to open one eye.
“You’re gonna lecture me too” Murphy said while slurring his words.
“No,” she smiled as she took his glass and drank the wine in one gulp. “I need to drink too before you finish it all for us”
Finally he smiled, and his eyes lingered, watching her drink.
Raven started talking about their days on the arc, bringing up Monty and Harper.
“Are you trying to force happy memories on me?” Murphy could see through her even when he’s drunk.
Raven knew she had to be real with him.
“No one can force anything on you. Only you.” Raven retorted.
Change comes from within, Raven understood that, but she worried that Murphy will spiral with his drinking and won’t be able to come back from it. Like what happened to his mother, and hers as well. Both their mothers drank themselves to death on the arc. She couldn’t let that happen to him.
She was adamant on helping him recover.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Raven asked.
“No…” he dismissed her, and reached for another bottle, but raven stopped his reaching hand with hers.
“Please, for our mothers, don’t do this” Raven finally said the words, Murphy needed to hear.
He raised his eyebrows at the mention of his mother. The last time he talked about her was with Raven after he shot her in the dropship. She remembered and knew what he was doing.
“I haven’t been to Shaw’s grave since that day and I’m so afraid to see him again. It’s not only you who fears death.” Raven said while still grabbing hold of his hand. She wanted to show him that she feared death as well and he's not alone.
Murphy looked away when tears started to fall.
“It’s pointless” He finally opened up and pulling his hand away. He stumbled when he tried to walk out, and Raven was quick to help him. She lifted his arm, placed her shoulder underneath it and her hand around his waist to steady his walking. They headed toward his room, and Emori seemed to have moved out.
Raven helped him to his bed, took off his shoes then sat near the window. She could see Shaw’s grave by the end of the field, and it shook her to the core when she pictured Murphy’s grave next to him.
“Please don’t give up, Murphy. I can’t imagine a world without John Murphy, the Cockroach” she said out loud, not knowing if he could hear her, while being passed out on the bed.
She knew she cared a lot for him. More than she should.