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Younghyun’s heart pounded in his chest as he climbed up Sungjin’s back, shifting his weight and adjusting his position so as not to hurt the other.
He sure is good at hiding his feelings. Well, he has to. They’re currently at the final stop of their world tour and he can’t fuck things up in front of 9000 people.
Sungjin is surprisingly strong and solid for being able to carry him with no issues, laughing and singing and running around the stage like the weight on his back is nothing.
Did he save an entire country in his past life or something to get this lucky? He was totally expecting Sungjin to drop or even throw him off at some point, only up for the punishment game at first but already secretly fuming on the inside.
And when he didn’t, he figured it was a rare opportunity so he wrapped his arms around Sungjin’s broad shoulders even more tightly, relishing in the warmth of the moment and the actual warmth emanating from Sungjin. It was a moment he didn’t ever want to let go of, Sungjin’s smile magnified by the LED screens behind them for everyone to see, immortalized by the countless of cameras in the room but preserved in his memory more perfectly than any shutter can.
They all stepped off that stage that night with massive smiles on their faces, having just played their biggest crowd so far, but for Younghyun it was more than just the concert high causing his.
Sweat beading on his forehead even with the AC on, Younghyun blinked and suddenly he’s back in his bed and not onstage in front of a sold-out Olympic Handball Gymnasium crowd. That moment appeared in his dreams again like it always did for the past few nights. He sighed deeply, pulling the covers over his head in an attempt to save himself from embarrassment from the imaginary eyes in his bedroom walls watching him, silently judging.
There should be an unwritten rule about this somewhere.
Rule #1: Do not fall in love with your bandmate.
Especially the one with dangerously sparkly eyes and a dreamy smile. It's insanely complicated.
Younghyun isn’t sure when it started, but he is sure of one thing: He is so damn whipped for their perpetually oblivious leader.
He’s tired of writing songs about the past, about people and short-lived relationships long gone from his life or were never his at all. But can he make Sungjin his present and future when he’s even more of a mess in the love department than himself?
The next morning was rough. Younghyun was terribly distracted, ending up being the only one left who hasn’t packed for their upcoming camping trip. He couldn’t count anymore how many times he has said “I’m on it” whenever Sungjin and their manager nags him to start packing. Can’t that wait? They still have two days before they leave, everyone needs to chill.
Still, he can’t hole himself up in his room for the next two days just to avoid Sungjin, who probably thinks he’s just being moody. Or maybe he won’t even notice at all. He can tell Sungjin is being increasingly antsy as well, with the recording sessions and comeback preparations and the thought of everything they need to do until June.
Maybe he can help?
And that’s how they ended up on the living room floor after dinner, beers in hand and backs against the couch. It only makes sense, Sungjin is stressed as fuck and needs to let off some steam.
“When I fall in love, I’m gonna make sure I take care of that person really well,” Younghyun took a sip out of his bottle, glancing at Sungjin and closely watching his expressions.
“ When ? Haven’t you been in love so many times?”
“Nah… Not really… Liking someone and falling in love is different,” Younghyun leaned back on the couch and shook his head. “Do you even know what it’s like?”
A few seconds of silence washed across the room, awkward and deafening.
“That person must be very lucky then,” Sungjin smiled and let his head fall back on the seat of the couch. He almost bolted up from his seat when Younghyun let out a really loud laugh. “Kang Bra! Everyone’s asleep!” Soon, Sungjin found himself laughing along too.
“Seriously though… I’m worried about you lately,” Younghyun started after their laughter died down. “I know you’re our leader and all, but you don’t have to keep everything to yourself,”
“Ah, I’m working on that, don’t worry too much about me,”
“Can’t help it,” He shrugged. “Sometimes I just don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours,”
You can always rely on us too. It’s what Jae always says and all of them hopes Sungjin can consider every once in a while. Especially with Younghyun.
“You make it a lot easier though,” Sungjin glanced at him, bumping their shoulders together. “Your presence makes me comfortable,”
“Hyung, I wanna take care of you too,” His voice was barely a whisper, closing his eyes and leaning his head on Sungjin’s.
Shit. Younghyun thought. What the hell am I saying?
It was too late to take it back and honestly, he didn’t want to. It is true anyway. He wants to be someone Sungjin can turn to no matter what, no judgements and no questions asked.
Maybe I should just pretend I’m drunk so I can get away with saying all sorts of dumb shit.
“But you already are,” Sungjin said with a chuckle. Is it the alcohol or is it the way Sungjin’s shoulders shake when he laughs that made him even dizzier? “Wait, you’re drunk, aren’t you?”
“Tsk, shut up, I’ve only had, like, three beers,” He held up four fingers, further proving Sungjin right.
“Yeah, only three beers, but you had two bottles of soju before that,” Sungjin turned a little to his side, shifting his legs so he can get a better look at Younghyun. “Look at you, you’re all red,”
Huh. As if it’s the alcohol that’s turning him red. But okay, he let Sungjin believe that it’s not the way their faces are literally a few inches away from each other that’s making all the blood rush to his head.
“I’m not that weak!” With drinking, yes. With Sungjin, no.
“Really?” It happened so fast but felt like slow-motion. Sungjin stood up, grabbing him by the chin, brows furrowed while his gleaming eyes curiously scanned Younghyun’s face. Surprised but not sure if in a good way, Younghyun’s eyes widened, unable to form any proper reaction as Sungjin’s thumb and forefinger rested on his chin, squishing his cheeks a little bit. Then Sungjin let go of his face and laughed in that hearty way that makes his eyes crinkle into tiny crescents.
Younghyun let go of the breath he was holding but his heartbeat will take some time going back to its normal pace.
Is this a fucking joke to you, Park Sungjin? Because the way you make me feel is no laughing matter at all.
He turned even redder than before, blushing into a pathetic shade of pink only Sungjin can cause, complementing his pale lavender shirt so perfectly.
“Go to sleep,” That voice. Younghyun rarely hears it like that and he’s so thankful he did. Sungjin’s voice softened, brushing Younghyun’s hair away from his face, the reassuring tenderness carving the man deeper into his heart. “I’ll help you pack tomorrow, okay?”
He could only nod dumbly in response. And about sleeping, well, that’s something he couldn’t promise.
Looking at Sungjin and the clothes carelessly strewn on the bed, Younghyun didn't know which was more stressful: packing for the camping trip or having Sungjin in his room. This scene isn’t supposed to be anything new. This is something normal, though they were only roommates during overseas schedules, and it has been for years.
What he felt that moment wasn't normal anymore though. His heart is not supposed to skip a beat in the presence of their leader, though it’s hard not to when all he can think of are his starry eyes and the warmth and weight of his hands last night. He swore he’s the smooth, confident one when it comes to things like this. Now he’s not so sure. Is this the difference when you love someone versus when you just like them?
“Looks like you got it mostly down,” Sungjin looked around the room, surveying the neat piles of random stuff Younghyun has set aside and have yet to put in his bag.
“Ah, yeah, I just didn’t wanna bug you anymore, these are my things after all,” He didn’t want Sungjin to walk into the chaos that is his room, so he did some last minute clean-up and picked out the clothes he will bring beforehand.
“Mind if I stay here? Your room is colder and I like it,” Sungjin sunk down into the mattress, stretching his arms leisurely over his head. It’s taking all of Younghyun’s willpower not to stare at the subtle outline of arm and shoulder muscles straining against Sungjin’s shirt.
Younghyun gave him a smile of approval and turned away to rummage around his drawer. Folding clothes is usually an easy and painless task, but not when Sungjin is laying in his bed like it was his own, pushing the clothes neatly aside into a pile to make space for himself. They stayed in comfortable silence for a while, glad that there was no awkwardness at all despite the previous night’s events.
After the last items got squeezed inside his duffel bag, Younghyun plopped down next to Sungjin on the bed, his side finally cleared of clutter. Sungjin looked up from his phone and closed whatever it is he was watching on Youtube.
“Wanna get something to eat?” Sounding tired and sleepy, Sungjin’s voice cut through the silence.
Younghyun rolled on his side to face him. Normally, he wouldn’t say no to offers of food, but he just can’t break this moment. Sungjin looks too precious like that, so soft and relaxed and vulnerable in his presence and he didn’t want it to end.
“Nah, not really hungry, I’m too lazy to get up,” He hoped that’s a good enough excuse.
“Woah, that’s new,” Sungjin chuckled, turning to face him as well and reached out to poke his cheek, making Younghyun jump at the contact. “Did an alien possess you or something? Oh wait… Did an alien take my Kangbra and replaced him with a clone?”
My Kangbra. Younghyun’s cheeks burned at the nickname. In defense, he picked up a pillow and hit Sungjin on the face, causing the older to retaliate and turning the relaxed afternoon into a full-on pillow fight.
That somehow ended up with Younghyun on Sungjin’s lap, but neither one dared to move.
Breathlessly, Younghyun put his pillow down. They were too close, but still separated by Sungjin’s pillow, too big and bulky against their chests. God, how much he wants to just throw that pillow across the room and throw himself to Sungjin instead. For a few seconds that felt like hours, their eyes met again, not tearing their gazes off each other.
Please, please let me have this spark of courage, please give me even just temporary guts.
The internal debate whether to finally kiss Sungjin went on, each second feeling longer than the last. If Sungjin isn’t making a move, then he will.
“You know, I could totally kiss you right now,” Sungjin blurted out with a grin. "So I can teach you a thing or two about making a move,"
They caught each other staring at the other’s lips, Younghyun biting his own nervously but trying hard to keep his cool.
“Do it then, don’t just say it,” Younghyun raised a brow in challenge, a smirk forming on his lips. “Oh my god, you’re such a mess with your feelings, you know that?”
“Wow, you’re one to talk Kangbra,” His fingers gripped Younghyun's chin like he did last night, but much gentler. “As if you’re not the one who blushes like a teenage girl whenever-”
A kiss to Sungjin's lips cut him off, eyes going wide for a second before fluttering shut and melting into Younghyun's touch. Sungjin took control once he got the rhythm, pushing the younger on his back and deepening the kiss. Though awkward, everything felt perfect to Younghyun, savoring every move of Sungjin's lips and tongue, pulling him closer by the back of his neck. They pull away smiling and gasping for air, giggling awkwardly before going for another more heated kiss, getting increasingly passionate until Sungjin stopped for a moment to take a good look at him.
“Fuck, this still doesn't feel real,” Younghyun whispered in between kisses, caressing Sungjin’s face, like the boy in front of him was made of fragile glass.
Sungjin gave him a quick peck on the lips in response. “Does this feel real enough to you now?” And another. “How about now?” And another, until they're sharing breaths again, their hearts finally beating in sync after struggling to find the timing after a long, long time.
“Can I just stay here?” Satisfied smiles graced their faces, especially Younghyun resting on Sungjin's chest, looking up at him with hopeful eyes.
“Kangbra, this is your room,”
“I meant here! With you!” He slapped Sungjin's chest playfully, the elder gasping in mock pain and both of them breaking out into laughter.
“Of course, I'm yours now, I guess… That’s what all this means, right?”
“I’ve always been yours, what are you saying,” Younghyun closed his eyes and focused on Sungjin’s fingers running through his hair. “But wait, you didn’t answer my question last night,”
“What? What did you ask?” The expression on Sungjin's face changed quickly from curiosity to a teasing smile, then a feigning ignorance.
“I asked you if you knew what it was like to really fall in love,” He mumbled against Sungjin’s chest.
Sungjin’s chest shook with laughter. “Yeah, only once though,” A questioning look crossed Younghyun’s face. “With you,”
Younghyun looked up, heart fluttering at how Sungjin’s lashes look so long from that angle, making his eyes shine even more in the soft lighting of the room.
“Park Sungjin, you really are gonna kill me at this rate,” He took Sungjin’s hand and pressed it against his own heart, intertwining their fingers. “Feel that?”
“Hmm, you do pretty much the same to me,” Sungjin went closer and closer, pressing their foreheads together, smiles seemingly tattooed on their faces. “Since you already made the first move, mind if I make the second?”