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1. The time TJ wanted a toy kitchen set.
TJ Kippen loved spending Sunday afternoons with his grandmother. Every Sunday while his mother was volunteering at the local food bank and his father was off golfing with his co-workers, TJ’s grandmother would babysit him. She always gave him as many cookies as he wanted, never enforced nap time, and watched his favorite shows with him.
This Sunday was no ordinary Sunday, though. It was TJ Kippen’s fifth birthday.
They had just finished their special trip to the ice cream store when TJ saw it. A huge, gleaming toy store across the street. “Grandma, can we go to the toy store? Please?” TJ pleaded while he held onto his grandmothers’ hand, giving her his best puppy dog eyes.
She chuckled and squeezed his hand fondly. “Of course. Anything for my birthday boy.”
TJ let out a whoop of rejoice before hugging his grandma. Less than five minutes later, TJ was surrounded by toys of every kind, shape, and color.
His eyes were wider than dinner plates, looking at all of his options, “Wow,” he whispered, reaching out to touch a huge dinosaur Lego replica they had on display. He was too entranced by the Lego sculpture to notice his grandmother moving away from him.
“Come over here, TJ,” Her voice called to him from a few aisles over. “Look at all of the new cars they have!”
He wandered over towards the aisle she was standing in and looked around. “I already have a lot of cars…” he said quietly, scanning the shelves. He already owned most of the ones they had, and the ones he didn’t have were boring.
“What about a basketball?” She asked, taking his hand and leading him out of the cars aisle. “Let’s go over to the sports section.”
His grandmother was leading him over to the sports section when he saw it. The best toy in the whole toy store.
It was a pretend kitchen set, sitting at the end of one of the pink aisles in the store. The girls on the cover looked so happy, cooking pretend chicken and pulling plastic cakes out of the tiny fake oven. It reminded him of all of the times that his mom would cook in his kitchen, making him his favorite foods. He wanted to be just like her when he grew up. He could use the kitchen set to practice!
He started pulling his grandmother in the direction of the kitchen set. “That! I want that!” he shouted excitedly, letting go of her hand when she was going too slow and racing towards the pink and yellow box the kitchen set came in. He turned around to show his grandmother, grinning widely.
She was taken aback. She opened her mouth to say something, before closing it abruptly. After a moment of silence, she spoke up. “A kitchen set? TJ, you don’t want that,” she said firmly.
“Why not?”
“Cooking is for girls,” she said. TJ felt tears welling up in his eyes, on the verge of a meltdown. So what if there were only girls on the cover? So what if the packaging had pink on it?
His grandmother had never said no to him in such an outright way before. Even if she told him no, he could usually convince her to say yes with his puppy dog eyes and some pleading. After all, it worked last week with an extra cookie.
TJ pulled out his best puppy dog face, and his most pleading expression. Pulling out all the stops, he tugged on his grandmother’s hand. “But grandma-”
Her reply was clipped and cold. “Timothy James. Do not make me repeat myself.”
He had never heard her sound like that. He had never heard her sound so angry and… mean. “Ok,” he said, defeatedly.
She ruffled his hair before guiding him away from the pink aisles and away from the kitchen set. “Look at that new basketball!” She pointed to a row of basketballs among various sports equipment in a very blue aisle.
He looked at the kitchen set longingly one last time before allowing his grandmother to drag him to the other side of the toy store.
2. The time TJ wanted to have best friends.
Eight-year-old TJ walked into his house, waving goodbye to his group of friends from where they were standing across the street. “See you tomorrow Abby! Bye Bethany! Bye Jen!”
He closed the door behind him, taking off his shoes before walking into the pristinely clean house. His mother was setting a casserole in the middle of the dinner table. Her blonde hair seemed almost white in the florescent lights of his dining room, tied back into a tight ponytail. “You’ve sure been hanging out with those girls a lot, huh TJ?” She remarked casually as TJ sat down at the dinner table.
At the head of the table, TJ’s father barked out a deep laugh and slapped his son on the back. “That’s my boy. What a player!” he said proudly. “Which one of them is your girlfriend, Teej?” He asked, loosening his tie from around his neck.
TJ looked at him in confusion. “Huh? They are all girls and they are all my friends.”
“But which one of them do you have a crush on?” His dad asked, scooping some casserole out of the pot and onto his plate.
“Gross!” TJ scrunched up his nose in disgust and shook his head. “None of them! Dad!” He exclaimed, embarrassed.
“You’ll change your tune soon enough,” he said with a smirk. His mother laughed as she sat down to join them for dinner, patting her husband’s arm fondly and giving him a knowing look.
TJ was pretty sure he would never have a crush on a girl, no matter what his dad said.
Ten-year-old TJ walked into his house, shutting the door behind him and yelling as he walked into the house, “Mom! Dad! I’m home!” The warm summer air seemed to seep into the walls of the house, making everything seem just a tad stuffy.
His dad’s bulky figure appeared from around the corner. “Hey, bud. how was your day?” he asked fondly, smoothing down his sandy hair.
“Pretty good.” TJ remarked, walking into the living room and flopping down on the couch. “I hung out at Abby’s house today with her and Bethany and Jen. It was really fun! She has this cool new video game.”
His dad smiled. “Well that’s-” he stopped mid-sentence and her smile dropped off his face suddenly, as if he had seen something horrible. “TJ... what is that on your nails?” he asked, gesturing to his right hand that was perched on the armrest of the sofa.
TJ didn’t notice his dad’s suddenly souring mood. “Oh, it’s just some nail polish. The girls were painting their nails and I thought it looked cool, so I asked them to do it for me. The blue is pretty sweet, right?” He raised his right hand and looked at the polish. Abby told him that the nail polish even changed color in the sun! He was excited to test it out tomorrow.
“You take that off this minute, Timothy James.” His dad shouted at him, grabbing his hand and pulling him up off the couch.
TJ was taken aback by his dad’s sudden change in mood. He yelped in pain when he was yanked off the couch to a standing position. His voice trembled, “But Dad-”
“I mean it.” His dad growled. He dragged him by the wrist to the kitchen sink where he turned on the water and handed him a rag.
“Fine,” TJ relented. He started scrubbing at his nails. When his dad got like this, it was better just to agree with him. He had tried to defy him before and… it did not end well.
“And you are never hanging out with Abby or Bethany or Jen ever again.” His dad added scornfully.
TJ froze. “What? Why not?” He asked, annoyed and confused.
His dad scoffed. “You shouldn’t be hanging around girls all of the time. It’s not right.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “You don’t want kids thinking that you’re gay, do you?”
The words repeated in TJ’s head. You don’t want kids thinking that you’re gay, do you?
Gay. He had heard that word a couple of times before. Once, explained by a babysitter when he heard it on a TV show. What does ‘gay’ mean? He had asked her. She had explained it as when someone likes someone else of the same gender in a romantic way. In a crush way. It seemed simple enough at the time.
Sometimes, he heard it from the older kids in the neighborhood at the park. Dude, that’s so gayyy one of them would say, which would cause the others to laugh. Maybe, TJ thought, it has a different meaning? Or maybe being gay is… bad?
He even heard it once from in his dad’s mouth, under different circumstances. Our new neighbor is so gay that rainbows might as well shoot out of his mouth, his dad said sneeringly to his mom in a hushed town when they were spying on their new neighbor. They thought that TJ didn’t hear or see them, but he did. That was when he knew being gay was a bad thing. At least… to some people.
“Dad…” TJ was at a loss for words. He knew that nothing he said or did would change his dad’s mind. “They’re my best friends.”
“Not anymore.” His dad whipped out his cellphone and started typing frantically. “I’m setting up a playdate for you with Reed tomorrow.” TJ heard the whoosh tone of a sent text message. His dad out a firm hand on his shoulder. “Maybe he can be your best friend.”
TJ frowned. “I... I guess.” Reed had never been one of his favorite people. But… maybe his dad was right.
He looked down at his blue nail polish, now smeared and chipped from the scrubbing.
3. The time TJ wanted to pass his math test.
Cyrus looked at TJ from across their table in the library. Honestly, he was starting to get worried about his newfound friend. He had been looking at the blank back side of his math test for ten minutes now. Although they hadn’t been friends for very long, only a couple of weeks, Cyrus could tell that this was something TJ had struggled with for a long time.
“TJ... just flip over the paper,” Cyrus coaxed in a gentle voice.
“I can’t do it.”
“Yes, you can,” Cyrus encouraged. “I’ll be right here whether the news is good or bad. No judgement.”
TJ let out a breath he didn’t even realize that he had been holding. “Yeah, ok.” He relented. With a sudden moment of courage, he turned the test over and held it up.
Cyrus’s view of the score was obscured and TJ’s face was unreadable. “And...?” he questioned, wanting to know the outcome of the test.
TJ slammed the test on the table. A big, bold red 57% glared up at him. “I failed. Again.” He said through gritted teeth, avoiding eye contact with the brunette boy across from him.
A wave of sympathy washed over Cyrus. “TJ-”
The basketball player cut him off. “I don’t know why I thought this test would be any different.” TJ said defeatedly, biting his lip. He sighed, putting his head in his hands. “I guess I’m just stupid.”
Cyrus frowned. “Don’t say that about yourself, TJ.” The other boy lifted his head out of his hands. “Seriously. You can’t be expected to fix your dyscalculia overnight. You’ve only had one lesson with the tutor.” Cyrus placed his hands on top of TJ’s, which were now resting on the table. “Just... give it time, okay? You can still do retakes on the test until the end of the semester. Deep breath.”
TJ’s bottom lip wobbled dangerously. “I’m just so sick of failing,” he admitted, showing rare vulnerability.
Cyrus squeezed his hands lightly. “I know. But you’ll get it. I believe in you.” TJ looked into the eyes of his new friend, suddenly grateful that he had someone so… good in his life.
“Thanks, Cyrus.” He said sincerely.
He didn’t notice Cyrus’s blush when they didn’t separate their hands right away.
4. The time TJ wanted to win the basketball championships.
TJ made a basket from the free throw line, listening to the slight swoosh as it fell flawlessly through the hoop. The court was silent and empty, the hush almost feeling eerie. He felt a presence come up behind him but made no move to see who it was. Instead, he just picked up another basketball from the rack next to him and dribbled it between his legs.
“You’re still here?” The person behind him asked. He didn’t need to turn around to see who it was, he already knew. But he wasn’t in the mood to talk. He took the basketball that was in his hands and made the shot. Swoosh.
Cyrus was silent behind him as he picked up another basketball from the rack. Shoot. Swoosh. And another one. Shoot. Swoosh.
Cyrus broke his silence. “You just made 4 free-throws in a row! That was incredible!”
A sigh escaped TJ. “Yet I couldn’t score when it really counted.”
It was such a close game. The final score was only a point away in margin. TJ had taken the final shot, the potentially game-winning shot… and missed. They lost the championship. His parents had looked… so disappointed. He was sure he was going to get chewed out by his dad as soon as he got home.
He was so caught up in his thoughts he didn’t realize Cyrus and moved to the space in front of him. “It wasn’t your fault you guys lost,” Cyrus said sincerely, putting a hand on his shoulder.
TJ shrugged it off. He didn’t deserve Cyrus’s sympathy, and he didn’t want his pity. “Yes, it is. I missed the game-winning shot. I’m the team captain.”
“It was just one loss, TJ. After an incredible season.”
“It cost us the tournament, Cyrus.”
“So what? you’re only a sophomore, TJ. There will be plenty of other tournaments.” Cyrus reasoned.
“I guess.”
“You still were the highest scorer on the team,” Cyrus added.
TJ thought about that for a moment “...Yeah.”
“And, that college scout looked very interested in you…” Cyrus trailed off, giving TJ a smile.
Cyrus’s smile was contagious. And… he was right about all of those things. TJ tried not to smile, but he couldn’t help it. He turned around so Cyrus couldn’t see his face. “Stop trying to make me feel better.”
“Why?” Cyrus asked knowingly. “Is it working?”
“No,” TJ said, obviously lying. He grabbed another ball from the rack and dribbled it a few times.
Cyrus giggled lightly. “You’re lying~”
TJ didn’t even respond, knowing he was defeated. He actually did feel better. Then again, he wasn’t surprised. Cyrus always had that kind of effect on him. Like he could make his heart soar with just one look. With a lighter heart and a better attitude, he held the ball in his hands, preparing to make another shot. Before he could process what was happening, a brunette blur grabbed the ball out of his hands.
Like a sports announcer, Cyrus started announcing his moves out loud. “He steals the ball, goes to the left…” Cyrus dribbled clumsily a few times before giving up and just carrying the ball, running down the court.
TJ followed him, laughing. “Okay, you are totally traveling-!” Cyrus made it to the basket at the other end of the court.
“And he shoots-!” He lobbed the ball at the basket. It missed by at least 3 feet, not even coming close. Before it even hit the ground, Cyrus turned around and started doing a celebratory dance.
“You didn’t even hit the backboard!” TJ said.
“You’re clearly blind! I totally scored!” Cyrus announced, continuing his funny little dance. TJ’s heart skipped a beat.
The basketball player raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?” He moved closer to the other boy, a mischievous look on his face.
“Absolutely-” he was cut off when TJ suddenly picked him up from behind and swung him around in a circle. “AH! TJ!” He exclaimed, laughing breathlessly, “Put me down!” TJ chuckled, ignoring his request and adjusting his grip so he was holding him bridal style.
“I could probably use you as a basketball, you’re so small.” TJ teased. Cyrus had always been slighter in stature than him, but honestly TJ thought it was adorable.
Cyrus pouted. “I resent that. I’m 5’8, that’s not... that short...” He trailed off, the humor seeping out of his voice. His gaze flickered downwards to TJ’s lips.
It was only now when TJ noticed how close they were. Cyrus’s arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, holding him close. His brown eyes were wide and fanned by dark lashes, giving them an innocent look. TJ had always thought that Cyrus had been beautiful, but high school had really allowed him to blossom. This wasn’t just a crush anymore. This was something… more.
Cyrus’s voice broke through his thoughts. “You gonna put me down, TJ?” He asked, a teasing lilt to his voice.
TJ pretended to think about it. “I could... or I could drop you.” He dropped Cyrus a few feet before catching him again.
Cyrus let out a yelp and tightened the grip he had around TJ’s neck. “You wouldn’t…”
He smiled. “You’re right.” TJ conceded, putting Cyrus down and letting him out of his arms. He gave himself half a second to mourn the loss of feeling of him in his arms. It just felt… right. But, uh, moving on.
“Look, Teej...” the smaller boy started, “I know this loss was a hard one. But you’re... honestly incredible. You’re a great basketball player. Not only that... but you’re a great person. You’re always there for me when I need you. I guess... what I’m trying to say is-”
Whatever he was about to say got interrupted by TJ’s mom. “TJ! Car. Now.” Her voice echoed through the court from the entrance that was by the far doors. He could vaguely see her figure walk out through the door towards the parking lot.
TJ turned toward the door. “Be there in a sec!” He yelled after her. He turned back to the other boy, his heart beating fast. It was almost like Cyrus was going to… tell him something. “What were you saying, Cyrus?”
Cyrus hesitated, biting his lip. “Just...” The shorter boy stood on his tippy toes and pressed his lips to TJ’s cheek. His lips were soft and warm. “You won in my book, alright? I’ll see you tomorrow.” Giving a quick wave and ducking his head, he walked out of the gymnasium.
Brain short-circuiting and heart pounding in his chest, TJ raised his hand to his cheek, feeling the phantom warmth of the lips that had been there a few moments ago. He watched Cyrus leave the gym and couldn’t contain the grin that broke out on his face.
5. The time TJ wanted the perfect prom date
The cafeteria was serving sloppy joe this week… again. TJ picked up his food and inspected it for a moment before setting it down with a sigh. He looked over at Jonah sitting across from him at the table, who picked up his sandwich and sniffed it, shrugging and taking a bite.
From across the room, Cyrus caught his eye as he walked in the door and started heading towards their usual lunch table, the one that TJ and Jonah were currently sitting that. As he approached the table, he greeted the two boys and sat next to TJ.
Before any of the boys could say anything, Andi burst into the cafeteria, dragging a hesitant Buffy behind her. Practically running to their table, she held some kind of rolled up paper in her left hand. As she sat down, she was practically vibrating with excitement.
Jonah was the first one to speak. “Hey Andi. What’s up?”
“Prom tickets went on sale today!” she blurted, taking out the poster she had rolled up in her hand and spread it out on the table. The graphic had many rose petals, cursive font, and an embracing couple on the front. “The theme is ‘A Night of Romance’. Isn’t that just so... magical?” She sighed wistfully, holding her hands over her heart.
Buffy mimed throwing up behind Andi’s back, but was otherwise silent.
“That’s such a great theme. I can’t wait!” Cyrus said, ever the romantic. Maybe this would finally give him and TJ the push they needed to get out of the friend zone.
They had been dancing around each other since middle school. As the end of their junior year approached quickly, Cyrus wanted to make a move now more than ever. He was just too nervous and too scared of rejection. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship with his stupid feelings. Still, he had come close to confessing to TJ before. But every time he started to confess to the other boy, he ended up changing the subject or word vomiting about something unimportant.
Cyrus was pulled out of his thoughts by Andi’s voice. “Who are you going to go with, Buffy?”
She pulled on a stray curl absent-mindedly. “I think I might ask Marty…” she said after a moment of contemplation.
Cyrus raised his eyebrows. “So that’s back on again?”
“Chill, I was just going to ask him to go as friends. But if I want to beat him to asking me, I got to start on my poster.” She said, standing up from the table and turning to exit the cafeteria. “Catch you later guys!”
Jonah turned to Andi. “Who are you going to take, Andi?”
She bit her lip, hesitating before answering, “I was thinking of taking Libby.”
Jonah beamed. “It’s cool that you guys aren’t afraid to go together as friends!” He took a bite of his sloppy joe.
Andi laughed nervously, her eyes darting back and forth. “... yep... friends…”
TJ turned to the boy next to him. “What about you Cyrus?” He asked, faking being nonchalant.
“I’ll probably be roped into going with some girl by my step-mother.” Cyrus sighed. “Susan from her mahjong group is always trying to set me up with her daughter.”
Jonah put down his sloppy joe. “I don’t get it. Why don’t you just tell your parents you don’t like girls in that way? They would love you no matter what.” He said, as if it were as simple as that.
TJ cut in before Cyrus could even open his mouth to answer. “Coming out is Cyrus’ choice and his choice alone. You don’t get to have input.” Jonah put up his hands, as if to surrender.
“He’s right, Jonah,” Cyrus said, “I’ll tell my parents when I’m ready.” TJ put a hand on his shoulder and smiled reassuringly. Cyrus put his hand on top of TJ’s. This was a topic they had talked a lot about, and that Cyrus still had a lot of anxiety with.
Jonah’s expression softened. “I’m sorry Cy-”
“It’s okay.” He reassured Jonah. “It was just wishful thinking, that’s all. It would be nice to not have to go with some random girl to prom.”
“Why don’t we go together?” TJ suggested.
Cyrus almost choked on his own spit. “Wh-What?”
Was this actually happening? Was TJ asking him out?
“Think about it, Cyrus- it’s a win/win situation. You don’t have to go with a girl and I avoid my sister trying to set me up with one of her friends!”
Oh. Right. TJ wanted to go as friends. Just… friends. It was probably just as a last resort.
Shoving aside any disappointment he might have felt, Cyrus turned to TJ and gave him a smile. “O-okay. Sounds great.”
“Good.”
Andi groaned and banged her head on the table. These two were so oblivious. Even Jonah was over it.
The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Andi and Jonah both got up immediately and left, having started conversation about some thing or another.
Before TJ could stand up to leave, Cyrus grabbed his arm. “Are you sure you’re okay with going to the dance with me?” he asked quietly, glancing around to make sure that no one was in hearing range of their conversation.
TJ raised his eyebrows in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Cyrus hesitated, pulling on the collar of his polo. “I don’t know... just...” he trailed off, taking a deep breath. “A lot of people know I’m gay or just assume I’m gay just from looking at me. If they see me at the dance with you... they might think that-”
TJ cut him off before he could say anything else. “I don’t care what other people think,” he reassured, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re my best friend, and I want to go to the dance with you. Okay?” He looked into Cyrus’s eyes, sincerity seeping through his tone.
“Okay.” Cyrus let out a sigh of relief and beamed, immediately launching into a tangent about what color ties they should wear.
A few weeks later, TJ’s mom sat down next to him on the couch after dinner. TJ smiled at her and leaned his head on her shoulder. She didn’t get to see her son all that much, between basketball and his busy social life. It was nice to spend some time just her and her son.
She decided to ask him about something she heard at the PTO meeting earlier in the day. She heard that the theme was ‘A Night of Romance’ from one of the parents on the prom planning board. Her son was so handsome that surely he’d have a gorgeous date lined up. Being somewhat of a nosy woman (hey, she was aware and proud of it!) she decided to needle him about it a little bit.
“So, who are you going to prom with?” She questioned, leaning her head against his that was rested on her shoulder. “Abby?” She asked. Mrs. Kippen had always sensed that there was something up between her son and the girl next door.
TJ lifted his head off his mom’s shoulder, confused. “What? No. I haven’t talked to her since I was twelve.”
“Well, who are you going with? My handsome son must have a date lined up.” She teased, pinching his cheek jokingly.
“I’m going with Cyrus.” He said as if it were no big deal.
Mrs. Kippen’s heart nearly stopped. “What?” She asked, panic seeping through her voice.
TJ sat up, startled by his mom’s sudden mood shift. “I said-”
She talked right over him “I heard what you said. But you’re not going with him,” she declared, getting up from her place on the couch and tightening her blonde ponytail.
TJ jumped up off the couch, incredulous. “Why not?”
Her eyes were about to burst out of her head. She raised her voice, her hands clenching into fists. “You’re NOT going with that very obviously homosexual boy to a dance called ‘A Night of Romance’!” She yelled, jabbing a finger at him. Her face was flushing red, she sounded absolutely scandalized.
It was like TJ’s whole world had flipped upside down. He had known that his parents were more conservative, but this… this was something else. “We’re just going as friends!” he defended heatedly. He didn’t want to go just as friends, but that wasn’t something he was planning on telling her. Especially not now.
TJ’s mom crossed her arms. “I forbid it,” she declared, stalking into the kitchen to grab her cellphone. Maybe she could fix this, somehow.
He ran after her, pleading, “Mom, you can’t-“
“I said no, TJ.” His mom had never sounded so cold.
Anger welled up inside him like never before. “Why are you so homophobic?” he interrogated, his chest heaving in exertion. Emotion was catching in his chest, making it hard to breathe.
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that Timothy James. I am your mother!” she shouted, putting down her phone.
“And I’m your son!” Desperation and anger clawed at his throat. Dreaded tears were welling in his eyes, threatening to spill over. “Don’t you care about me at all?”
She turned around. If he started crying, she would lose it too. “I’m doing this because I care about you! I don’t want you getting bullied and tortured by other kids like he did!” She sobbed, putting a hand over her mouth to muffle her cries. The dam was breaking. She wasn’t sure she could pull it together.
TJ was caught off guard. Who was she talking about? “Like... like who?” he questioned quietly.
It was silent for a moment. Mrs. Kippen swallowed her sobs and wiped her tears off her face. She turned around, mustering the most stoic face she could. “Go upstairs, TJ. My decision is final. I’ll call Abby’s mom in the morning and see if you two can go together.”
TJ turned and ran halfway up the stairs before an overwhelming wave of anger washed over him. This was unfair. She can’t control his life. She can’t control everything and expect to get away with it.
In one moment of insane courage, he said:
“You can stop me from going to the dance with him, but you can’t stop me from liking him.”
Stunned silence.
The tension in Mrs. Kippen’s posture was palpable. She whipped around and stared him in the eye. “Go to your room. Now.”
“Fine.” He relented, turning around.
Her voice stopped him in his tracks. “And... I think it would be for the best if you didn’t talk to Cyrus anymore.”
Now she was trying to control him from even being his friend. She couldn’t. Cyrus meant too much to him to ever let go. “You can’t stop me from talking to him,” he said defiantly. He would walk to Cyrus’s house just to talk to him if he had to.
“If you don’t stop...” she hesitated for a moment, contemplating how to choose her next words. “I might have to make a call to his parents. About his… preferences.”
TJ’s stomach dropped, the implication of the words settling into his bones. “You wouldn’t...” he whispered, unsure if this was an empty threat or a promise.
“Are you sure about that?” She challenged, picking up her cellphone.
TJ turned and ran as fast as he could to his room, slamming the door behind him. He flopped down on the bed and sobbed, clutching at his heart.
To say Cyrus was concerned would be an understatement. TJ had called him at 2 in the morning and asked him to meet at the park, sounding not like himself. Something was terribly, terribly wrong.
Cyrus spotted TJ walking towards him and ran up to meet him. He only took one look at his face before immediately pulling him into a hug. TJ looked… destroyed. He pulled back after a moment, looking him in the eye. “TJ? What’s up? Are you... are you okay?”
“We can’t go to the dance together anymore.” TJ said in a quiet voice. Cyrus shook his head in confusion, then took a step back.
“Okay...” he said, trying to process this information. “Why?” he questioned.
TJ wouldn’t meet his eye. “I’m going with Abby.”
The temperature felt like it had dropped a hundred degrees and was going straight through Cyrus’s chest. He had always feared that TJ would eventually get a girlfriend, but he hadn’t expected it now. After stunned silence, he answered, “Oh. I... I didn’t know you talked to her.”
“Yeah, well... I don’t.” He bit his lip to keep from saying anything else.
Now Cyrus was truly confused. “TJ, I don’t understand.”
“We can’t be friends anymore.”
If Cyrus through that his heart was breaking before, it was certainly shattering now. Tears started welling in his eyes “W-What? Why? Is it because...” he trailed off, afraid to finish the sentence. He always had a fear that the ones closest to him would suddenly be disgusted by his sexuality. He took a deep breath and finished the sentence, voice wobbling. “…because I’m gay?”
“No. Cyrus, no.” TJ was trying to hold it together, but he couldn’t last for much longer. “It’s because I am. And my mom found out. And now they’re trying to- to reverse it, or something.” He confessed, looking at his shoes, trying not to cry. Looking at Cyrus made him feel… so much. Too much, right now.
Shock. “Oh god, no… TJ… I’m so sorry.” Cyrus pulled him into another hug, wrapping his arms around his neck and crying silently into his shoulder.
As soon as Cyrus’s arms wrapped around him, TJ lost it. The tears streamed down his face. He buried his face in Cyrus’s neck, wrapping his arms around his waist. “It’s... I just...” He sobbed, unable to formulate a sentence. “This is the last time I can talk to you.”
The smaller boy pulled back from the hug slightly to cup his face. “Don’t think about that. Just breathe with me.” Chests pressed together and foreheads touching, they took a few deep breaths together. Cyrus wiped some stray tears off of TJ’s cheek, his thumb brushing against his cheekbone tenderly.
TJ opened his eyes, his lashes wet with tears. A new kind of resigned determination and courage swept over him. It was now or never. “If this is the last time... there’s something I need to do.”
Cyrus looked in his eyes deeply, confusion washing over his face “What?”
The taller boy took a deep breath. Moving one hand to cup Cyrus’s cheek, he moved closer. Their noses were touching. He looked into his eyes, giving him a chance to back away. Cyrus’s gaze flickered to TJ’s lips.
In one insane moment of courage, TJ leaned in.
As soon as their lips met, TJ’s heart started beating at a million miles per minute. Cyrus’s lips were softer than he could have ever imagined. The kiss was chaste, a simple press of lips. It was the most perfect first kiss that anyone could ask for. He felt like he was on top of the world.
They pulled away for a moment, both trying to catch the breath that had been stolen. Cyrus smiled a soft smile, and TJ returned it, moving a stray hair off his forehead. He couldn’t think of anything more perfect than this moment.
“Cy…” He breathed out, at a loss for words. He bit his lip as he looked at Cyrus’s lips again, wanting nothing more than to kiss him until his dying breath.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” Cyrus admitted; his arms were still wrapped around TJ’s neck.
TJ nodded in agreement. “So have I.” He had to wonder; how much time would they have had together if he would have had the courage to do that sooner?
The phone in TJ’s pocket buzzed insistently. He pulled away from Cyrus slightly and took it out, skimming the angry text messages from his mother.
“It’s my mom. She’s telling me to come home.” He sighed, putting his phone away and focusing his attention back on the shorter boy.
Cyrus ducked his head, looking at the ground. “So… I guess this is it,” Cyrus mumbled.
TJ lifted his chin with a finger, their eyes meeting. “I guess it is.”
Anger welled up in Cyrus as he thought about him and TJ’s bleak future. His mind was racing, trying to think of ways that they could get around her. She couldn’t watch TJ all of the time, right? “It’s not fair. What can she even do to you if we still talk?”
“It’s not about what she’ll do to me, it’s about what she’ll do to you.”
Cyrus stepped back in confusion, stepping out of TJ’s embrace, his arms falling away from TJ’s neck. “You’ve lost me,” he said slowly, trying to understand.
“She threatened to out you to your parents if I kept talking to you.”
Realization and fear dawned across Cyrus’s face “W-why would she do something like that?” he stuttered in disbelief. To think that anyone would threaten that, especially TJ’s own mom… was horrifying.
“It’s okay, Cyrus.” TJ reassured him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly. “I won’t let that happen to you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you,” he vowed solemnly, meaning it with his whole heart.
TJ’s phone buzzed again in his pocket. He sighed, not even bothering to take it out and look at the messages this time.
“I have to go.” He whispered, trying to hold on to these last few moments.
Sudden panic took ahold of Cyrus. “No, no- this isn’t fair. I only just got you-” he sucked in a breath, tears falling down his cheeks. He clutched at TJ’s arms, wanting to hold on and never let go. TJ pulled him to his chest, embracing him tightly.
“You’re the best person I’ve ever known, underdog.” TJ murmured in his ear, his voice cracking with emotion.
Cyrus leaned up and kissed him desperately. His hands reached up to tangle in the basketball player’s hair. TJ’s responded equally as passionate, his hands splayed across his back, pulling their bodies as close as they could be. This was not the sweet, chaste kissing of five minutes ago, but something different entirely; desperate, passionate, and sensual.
TJ was the first to pull away from the desperate kiss, both his hands coming up to cup Cyrus’s face. He kissed him slowly, gently, pouring all of his emotion into the kiss.
“Goodbye, Cyrus,” he whispered, placing one last kiss on his forehead before pulling away.
He walked down the street, tears once again running down his face. He didn’t turn around to look back, because if he did then we would go running right back into Cyrus’s arms.
Cyrus’s eyes remained closed for a long time after TJ left. When he finally gathered the strength to speak, TJ was long gone.
“Goodbye TJ.”
TJ walked into his house absolutely exhausted. He couldn’t cry anymore. He couldn’t hurt anymore. He couldn’t feel anymore.
His mother was waiting up for him, sitting by the door in an armchair. As soon as he walked through the door, she accosted him. “Where were you?” She questioned, worried. She didn’t like that her son was going out at 2:00 in the morning.
“Saying goodbye.” TJ said flatly. Mrs. Kippen was taken aback by her son’s voice and by his appearance. His eyes were red and puffy. He was slumped over and drained. He looked… wrecked.
Doubt sprouted in the back of her mind. What was she doing to her son? At what price? She moved towards him, trying to comfort him. “I-I’m doing this for your own good, TJ.”
He stepped away from her. “Well, you just took away the best thing I’ve ever had, mom.” He said monotone, brushing past her and going up to his room.
Mrs. Kippen sat in shock for a moment. What had she done to her son?
+1 The time TJ wanted a boyfriend.
The reflection in the mirror was almost unrecognizable to TJ. His suit was impeccable, hair quaffed to perfection. His tie was blue; it was the color that he and Cyrus were supposed to wear before…. everything happened. He wondered if Cyrus would still be wearing the blue bow tie that he had planned on wearing.
TJ had been dreading this day for the entire week. Ever since the night he and Cyrus said goodbye, he had been miserable. He was tired of trading longing glances from across the cafeteria. He was tired of only being able to touch him when their hands accidentally brushed in the hallway.
Nothing could be more miserable than tonight. He would see Cyrus, probably looking absolutely radiant, and see everything that he could never have.
Knock knock knock
His mom opened his bedroom door and stepped inside. When she saw him, she put her hand over her heat.
“Oh TJ. You look so handsome, so grown up.” He didn’t answer, keeping his gaze fixed on the mirror. His jaw was clenched. After it became clear that she was not going to get any kind of response, she let out a sigh. “We need to talk.” She relented, taking a seat on his bed.
“I have to go soon,” TJ said monotonously. “Abby will be here any minute.”
“Have I ever told you about Todd?”
TJ shook his head. His mother was wringing her hands nervously in her lap.
“He’s my brother. He died when he was very young.”
Caught off guard, TJ looked at his mom. “How come I’ve never heard of him until now?”
“My family... doesn’t really talk about him,” his mom admitted. “It’s too painful.” She sniffed, her hands starting to shake.
As angry as he was, TJ still loved his mom. He sat down next to her, bumping her shoulder against his. “What happened?”
“He took his own life. He was bullied so bad, constantly tormented until he... needed to end it. He was bullied because he was... he was gay.”
Suddenly, everything made sense. TJ had always thought that if he came out to his parents, his mom would take it better than his dad. He had always been close with her. He was genuinely surprised when she reacted so harshly. In some kind of twisted way, she thought she was protecting him from her brother’s fate.
He put his hand on his mom’s shoulder. “Mom... I didn’t know about him. I’m sorry for your loss. But it’s 2018. It’s not the same. You can keep me away from Cyrus now, but you can’t stop me from... from being who I am.”
She kissed his forehead. “Let me think about everything, okay TJ?”
“Okay.”
She patted his knee encouragingly. “Try to have fun at the dance tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to it.”
“I’ll try.” He stood up, grabbed his wallet from off his desk, and turned to leave. Before he exited completely, he turned around. “Mom?”
“Yes?”
He gave her a small smile. “I appreciate that you’re trying.”
She stood up off his bed and hugged him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. “I love you so much, TJ.”
“I love you too mom.”
This was not going to be an overnight change. But… maybe they were heading in the right direction.
TJ and his ‘date’ Abby were outside the balloon arch that marked the entrance to prom. On the other side, he could see flashing lights and kids already tearing it up on the dance floor.
“You... uh... you ready?” TJ said awkwardly, which is expected when talking to someone you haven’t interacted with in years.
She nodded, her dark curls bouncing slightly. “Yeah.” He offered her his arm, which she took hesitantly.
They walked through the arch, entering the room filled with their peers dressed to the nines. They got some punch and sat at one of the empty tables that were scattered around the edges of the dance floor.
It was awkwardly silent for a few moments before Abby spoke. “That girl’s dress reminds me of the time we had a paint fight in Jen’s garage,” she said, pointing to a girl who was wearing a dress that had a huge paint splatter design all over it.
TJ chuckled, recalling that day from years ago. “I remember that! Her parents were so mad. It was so worth it.” Jen laughed, snorting slightly. TJ forgot that she used to do that. He forgot a lot of things about her, but it was reassuring to know that they still got along.
She gave him an indecipherable look. “It’s actually nice that we’re speaking again, TJ. I really missed your friendship.”
“I missed you too, Abby,” he said sincerely.
She bit her lip, looking around for a moment. She opened her mouth, then closed it, as if she wasn’t sure how to say something. TJ raised an eyebrow. “I don’t mean to... make this awkward…” she started, avoiding eye contact, “but I hope you don’t think this is like... a date.”
TJ was taken aback. “What? Oh my god, no,” he assured her. “Not that you’re not great, but no.”
“Okay, good. Cause I... kind of like someone.” She hesitated for a moment. “And... she’s really important to me.” She tilted her chin up, a guarded look in her eyes.
Surprised and ecstatic, TJ beamed. “Well, I like someone too. And... he is really important to me.” She matched his smile once she heard his pronouns.
She hit him lightly on the arm, her brown eyes gleaming with mirth. “Well, look at us, Kippen. We’re quite the pair.”
He laughed. “I guess we are.”
Her grin suddenly morphed into a look of confusion. She was looking at something over his shoulder. “Um, by chance... is your someone Cyrus Goodman? Because he’s coming this way and he looks like he’s on a mission.”
He turned around, catching sight of the boy. His heart nearly beat out of his chest. He looked absolutely stunning. His suit fit him like a dream, and he was wearing the blue bow tie that matched exactly with TJ’s tie. Also… Abby was right, he was, in fact, walking over to TJ with a determined expression on his face.
“Cyrus- woah!” The smaller boy didn’t even stop walking, just took his hand and kept on marching. TJ was dragged along, surprised at his sudden strength. “Catch you later Abby!”
Cyrus dragged him out of the gymnasium and down a couple of hallways. “Cyrus, slow down!” Tj exclaimed, his feet tripping over each other. Confusion clouded his mind. Cyrus let go of his hand, pulling him by his tie into an empty classroom. “What are you- mph!”
The smaller boy cut him off with an open-mouthed kiss, using his grip on his tie to pull him closer. His heart immediately started racing, warmth flooded from his cheeks to the bottom of his toes. TJ melted into the kiss for a minute before realizing what they were doing.
It took all of his willpower, but he pulled away from the smaller boy, putting his hands on his shoulder and holding him at arm’s distance. “We-we can’t Cyrus, remember?” He looked away, a pained expression on his face.
But Cyrus had no trace of sorrow or pain on his face. Actually, he was smiling. “I came out to my parents,” he revealed, putting a hand on TJ’s chest, right over his heart.
Tj’s jaw dropped. “What? Really?” Cyrus nodded enthusiastically. TJ pulled him into a hug, sweeping him off his feet and spinning him around. Cyrus laughed, his arms coming to wrap around TJ’s neck. TJ set him down, still holding him close “I’m so happy for you, underdog. Why now?”
Cyrus shrugged. “It was just... the right time for me. I finally felt ready. It was actually quite painless, and... I had a pretty good incentive to come out of the closet.” He bit his lip and trailed his fingers over TJ’s jaw, looking into his eyes lovingly.
“You didn’t come out just because of me, right?”
The smaller boy giggled. “Don’t flatter yourself, Kippen. I just finally felt like I was ready. And now...”
The realization hit TJ like a ton of bricks. “My mom doesn’t have any leverage anymore!” He smiled so wide he thought his jaw would break. Cyrus nodded, matching TJ’s grin with his own.
Not wanting to wait a second longer, TJ pulled him into a kiss. Cyrus immediately responded enthusiastically, tilting his head to get a better angle. TJ walked him back against a tall desk, their lips never breaking. In one fluid movement, TJ lifted Cyrus and sat him on the desk, sliding in between his legs. Cyrus wrapped his legs around TJ’s hips, pulling him in closer.
There was one last thing on TJ’s mind that he had to know. He pulled away briefly from the kiss, simply asking “Boyfriends?” With the angle they were at, with Cyrus sitting on the desk, TJ had to look up at him for their eyes to meet.
“I thought you’d never ask.” Cyrus teased, tugging on his tie to pull him into another kiss.
Buffy and Andi looked around with their respective dates, Marty and Libby, searching the crowd for their best friend. They had been looking for him all night but hadn’t seen him since they arrived at the event. Jonah eventually joined their search as well.
Finally, towards the middle of the night, Buffy spotted Cyrus walking through the balloon arch. “There he is!” she shouted over the blaring pop music, pointing at the boy they were looking for. “There’s Cyrus- and... TJ?” She said almost as a question as she realized that TJ and Cyrus were walking through the archway together.
Both of them had messed up hair, and Cyrus’s face was very flushed. TJ had a mark on his neck that looked suspiciously like a hickey. Cyrus’s bowtie was a little crooked. And they were holding hands.
As Cyrus and TJ walked up to them, Buffy raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I thought-”
“We’re boyfriends now.” Cyrus blurted, raising his and TJ’s connected hands.
The reaction was instantaneous. Marty let out a big whoop. Jonah patted Cyrus on the back, beaming widely. Andi let out a tiny squeal. Libby immediately started clapping in sign language, and Buffy pulled TJ and Cyrus into a hug. After a few moments, everyone joined the hug, making it one big group hug.
“About time!” Andi said.
When everyone pulled away from the hug, Jonah gave Cyrus a big thumbs up. “Way to go, Cy-guy.”
TJ’s heart was so full from the support of his friends and the boy standing next to him. He couldn’t believe that things were finally going his way. Well… mostly. He still had his parents, especially his dad, to worry about. But he knew that as long as he had Cyrus everything would be okay.
The music switched from an up-tempo pop song to a slow love ballad. Couples all across the dance floor started pairing up, stepping closer to each other.
TJ looked around. Buffy and Marty were somehow slow dancing and trash talking each other at the same time. Andi and Libby were doing some kind of cutesy swing dance. Even Abby had partnered up with her mystery girl, both of them looking stunning under the sparkling lights and resting their foreheads against each other.
Cyrus turned to TJ, looking at him like he was his whole world. “Can I have this dance?” he asked his boyfriend, holding out a hand.
“I thought you’d never ask,” TJ said cheekily, taking his hand and allowing himself to be swept onto the dance floor.