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“ Has it ever occured in your mind on how irresponsible you are to my feelings?” a loud pang only he can hear it and the pain spread through his whole chest. Tears falling down washing the hot redness of his cheeks, if only that can cool him down too, he thought. If there’s anything uncool he has ever done, its this one, crying on a break up, where he was the one who initiated it, on someone he first confessed to.
“I’m sorry, I―,” his voice, his words seems to be stucked inside his throat, even talking is hurting him.
“Dont bother, Jinwoo. This is what you want anyway and what you will get too.” Jinwoo looked up, meeting the brown orbs of the guy he love, he did not dare at first but the emptiness in every words he said, pulled every nerve he gets to look up and instantly he regretted it, Dongmin had tears and its flowing graciously on his cheeks. Jinwoo hate himself more, a little more than when he had the thought of breaking up, a little more than when he decided to brought up the topic over dinner at their dorm where Dongmin excitedly prepared to celebrate their third year anniversary, a little more than anytime where he has ever hated himself. He hated seeing Dongmin cry and now being the reason to those tears burning his heart down to ashes, he knows the consequence, yet he still did it. His head hung low, no words can do justice on how much pain Dongmin could feel right now. He glanced to the bed, Dongmin’s bed where they often share, looking around the room, he realized how the room is fringed with their little precious memories, how they shared their clumsy first kiss after few weeks of dating, Jinwoo had came to Dongmin’s room that day, no reason, just wanted to talk he claimed, but Dongmin knew him better and their lips locked perfectly despite being clumsy and nervous, how few months later his shirt would lay in coldness of the floor after a heated making out session, got Dongmin moaning his name breathlessly when they recklessly ditched practices to spend an hour or two alone, which they can barely have eventhough living under the same roof, how his manager always questioned him running to Dongmin’s room when he said he left his handphone and how the night before, he left his laptop on the table beside Dongmin’s bed, he wanted to write, maybe lyrics or just anything to ease his mind from the entangled thoughts but Dongmin was distracting him, though Dongmin was just sleeping, he ended up staring at Dongmin’s sleeping figure with thousands of unsaid thoughts running in his head, he could care less to those, his eyes marvelling on the beauty of his boyfriend that he always have been proud of, taking in the view as if it will be his last, and then his gaze fell on Dongmin again, catching him off guard, pulling him back to the ground on their current situation, soulless orbs still fixated to his existence, unsure of what he is waiting for, Jinwoo let out a weak sigh.
“I’m sorry.” was all he could utter, he is afraid that his next word would do more harm to Dongmin, that it will hurt the already wounded heart instead of sending comforts. Its true though, if anything he would want to say as his final words to Dongmin, is that he is sorry, for everything he had done.
“You’re my home Dongmin, no matter where I go, I will still come back to you. You know that, don’t you?” and after he said those words, Dongmin giggled, his eyes turned into crescent moon shape as he laugh and cringed to his words, amused, Jinwoo had pulled him close for a hug and not forgetting a soft kiss on Dongmin’s nose making him gigging more, “and eventhough you left, you still have the key to this home, Jinwoo, I’ll always wait until you come back because like you said, I know you will.” with their fingers perfectly intertwined and so the night faded with Dongmin snuggled on his side, drifting into deep slumber with Jinwoo smiling as said promise linger tasting sweet on his lips where they sealed it with a kiss.