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Yoongi’s knees crack when he squats down. Hoseok feels proud that he’s still flexible enough, and is usually annoying about the fact that he’s younger and healthier, but when he sits down at the very bottom of the closet– crick, crack. Damn. He’ll have to eat his words soon enough.
All in all, thirty is scary. Trying to think of a present for someone turning thirty is horrifying. Especially when you’re supposed to be the one who knows them a level above most. He’s got a vague idea, though. He reaches far in, back after the boxes behind their shoe shelf. There’s dust they’ve missed back here that makes him frown from the disgust. So dirty… He eventually finds the box he’s looking for. There has to be something in these old cameras he can use. If anything, make a slideshow. Maybe make him cry. That’d be something.
There’s so many little tapes. He flips them over to find they’re cryptically named after dates that he can’t personally place. Lifting the bigger video camera, he puts one of the tapes in. It’s a very pretty, if not inredibly boring documentation of a fishing trip with Jungkook. Hoseok watches maybe one minute before his body naturally just lets out the biggest yawn.
What dates are special? Special dates. Hoseok leans back against the hanging coats until he hits the wall, cradling the box between his legs as he searches. There’s big VHS-tapes in the bottom, titled things like ’Yoongi - 1st birthday’. He puts them in the ’important’ pile for further use even if he can’t watch them right now. Knowing Yoongi, he might have recorded something over them, ruining the precious memories with his family out of teenaged spite. He’ll just have to find out.
Tapping his foot, he flips more tapes. It’s quick, nothing special turns up until he finds one ominously different. Not in shape or form, it’s just titled differently. ’BURN THIS TAPE’, scribbled like a to-do note on a post-it over the plastic cover. Hoseok furrows his brows and pauses. It’s the same as telling people to not watch it. Instantly, it’s overpowering how interesting the tape is. Important.
With a small grin, he unfolds the hard cover and pops it into the camera. When he closes it in with a click, and it whirrs nicely, the anticipation builds gently. He presses the gallery button. There’s a lot of clips. He recognizes himself in one of the thumbnails. It only makes him more curious. What’s on this that is so damn terrible? Something embarrassing? Funny? Sad? Important?
Hoseok picks up the casing to check the date. It feels kind of familiar, but he can’t really place it right. Shrugging, he scrolls down to the earliest clip and presses play.
• unnamed clip 1
15:56 10-08-2015
There’s a weird view. Bright light. Something’s off– the camera is upside down, tilted. It stays that way for a while. Voices stay muffled until a minute in, when the camera is moved to– on a table? Someone’s hands. Two people. Three? The camera keeps shaking as if they’re on a train. Momentarily. It’s a recognizable voice– even if it was gentler and higher in tone back then. A time when Jungkook’s voice wasn’t quite adult. Neither his haircut, clearly, when he leans in and wipes the lens.
”So just do some casual–”
”I’m on vacation, kid,” Yoongi’s voice insists. ”What do you need my help for?”
”Youtube! It’s called vlogging, dad,” he replies sarcastically. ”Come on, you frame it so well! I just wanna edit. Just give me some filler content.”
”I dunno. Filming isn’t my thing,” he says. ”I take stills.”
”But you know more– help me.”
”It’s just a hobby. Why d’you have to put it online?”
”I have a thousand subscribers,” Jungkook argues. ”That’s why.”
Yoongi snorts. The Camera moves again.
”Here. Do it or don’t– but if you do, I’d be… really happy.” Jungkook is in frame now. His puppy dog eyes are focused on the person holding the camera. They’re on full power.
”…I’ll think about it.”
The camera turns to the landscape speeding past. Definitely a train-ride. Saturated fields. A grey sky. Late summer– Japan? The clip cuts.
•
Hoseok looks at the date. Wow. He almost remembers their college trip to Okinawa. But just enough that he doesn’t remember much specific. Did anything special happen? Why is this tape something to destroy? He stares at the next clip. At Jimin– probably Jimin, standing on a rocky ledge. Playing at being a model, or something.
• Clip 2
10:43 11-08-2015
The lens struggles to find focus on something. Slowly, a tiny hermit crab is crisp and focused. It’s dancing nervously in a pair of hands that have to be Namjoon’s. Nobody else goes to the beach past the age of twelve and looks for little animals and rocks. The wind is blowing hard into the mic, muddling the sound up. He can still hear someone shouting in the background.
Turning towards it, the camera refocuses on the silhouette on the rock by the sea. It’s a really beautiful scene, somehow. The weather is better than the previous day, sun shining invasively, making everything annoyingly prettily colorful. Jimin, maybe, motions for someone to come closer. As if he’s talking to the camera. Like in a romance film.
Closer by, the camera looks up at him. Jimin bends down, dazzling smile and fluttering dress-shirt. He points somewhere off screen. The scene pans to the edge of the horizon. Just watching is warm. Not seeing what goes on behind the camera– out of it’s reach, is frustration incarnate. Because it wobbles, for some reason. The clip cuts.
•
Black screen. Next clip ready. Hoseok has to swallow down on nothing. Suddenly, he feels nervous. What does it mean? Burn this tape. What happens on this tape? Does he even want to know– if it’s like this– if it’s– what… what exactly happened? Something that he caught on tape even? And if it was that bad, why isn’t it already trashed? Because it’s something he cherishes? Even if he shouldn’t keep it? Because–
… He twists his mouth. Letting his fantasies run without watching all of it is a bad idea. He shouldn’t do that. If only he could remember what it might have been. Dry throat, he pushes the button. The next thumbnail is just a beach. He hates that he can’t place the itching feeling that he’s forgotten something.
It was weird to see Jimin filmed like that– not that he did anything special. Just that it felt like the kind of clip Jungkook’s viewfinder would tape.
Unless it was. It could have been Jungkook.
Yeah. Yeah! It was probably Jungkook. Hoseok shakes his head and presses play once more.
• Clip 3
13:01 11-08-2015
The camera pans over a beautiful line of trees. It stops when it reaches someone a little further off with their back to the lens. Guessing what they’re doing doesn’t require thinking further than your nose. The camera man snickers, zooming in on– Oh, the sliver of Namjoon’s ass that’s showing. Behind the childish camera man, voices argue and a radio thumps 90’s hiphop gently. A rented car, probably.
”I don’t like seafood,” Jimin voice informs.
Zooming back out, it’s clear that Namjoon has spotted the camera. The clip cuts.
•
Hoseok smiles. It’s starting to come back to him. Right. The sights, the food– the people he spent it with. A moth circles the light bulb in the roof of the closet.
• Clip 4
19:13 11-08-2015
Yoongi is looking into the camera. It’s such a long time ago– back when his hair was fried to bits by bleach. He’s trying to prop it up somewhere, like he’s about to say something important. Sluggish, as usual, his eyes dip. He clears his throat. The ceiling fan spins. Oh yeah– the first bed they shared together behind him.
He brought a keyboard. That’s right, he did. That time. It’s a little dazzling, his disrobed cover of an oversaturated pop song. It’s better this way. This clip isn’t as short as the others, it goes on and on. Uncut, obviously, as it’s raw footage. Did Jungkook use this clip of youtube? Or– is it the reason the tape isn’t for anyone else’s eyes? Yoongi always did feel self-concious about music he played if he hadn’t decided it was good enough.
The door opens, ending the music abruptly. It’s strange to see yourself on tape– awkward, somehow. A young Hoseok steps in, a very full plastic bag hanging from his hand.
”Oh– am I interrupting?”
”Nah,” Yoongi shrugs, back to the camera.
”I brought snacks. For the sake of truce,” he says, a little too quietly, as he closes the door behind himself.
”Were we fighting? People disagree sometimes, you know– you don’t have to apologize for actually telling me off for once.” Yoongi gets up from the chair and steps closer. Oddly fond for being the year this is filmed, when they didn’t get along as well, he reaches up to ruffle Hoseok’s hair.
”But I had no right to take offense, hyung, I get that rooming with me can be–”
”I love these,” he interrupts, shuffling through the plastic bag. ”Thanks, Hoseok-ah.”
The gentle way to say his name must have caught him off guard, because he shuts up. Just standing there, while Yoongi sits on the bed. Like an invitation to be friendly for once.
”If you prefer Jin, you should room with him.”
”I do, but it doesn’t matter. You’re my roommate right now.”
”I know I can be a bit much,” he tries again.
”Not an issue. You’re not Taehyung or Jungkook.”
A silent stand-off follows. If that wasn’t the issue, what was? Present Hoseok has forgotten, trying to piece together the timeline.
”Sit down.”
Young Hoseok sits. The silence merges into a soft talk about different kinds of snacks. Childhood memories. Eventually, and ten minutes must have passed, of uncut, raw footage, and they look comfortable, finally. Lazing around, talking about nothing, laughing. They must have made up, strangely enough, without making up.
”I wanted to go see the shrine,” Yoongi says. It’s a little off, their position. As if they’re trying to stay close without being too close. ”But I guess you all went for the damn pineapple place?”
”You want me to go with you?”
Another off-beat silence.
”Maybe.”
Is it that awkward to admit that you want to go somewhere with someone?
”Ah– I forgot, hold on.”
”What?”
Yoongi gets off the bed and rushes to the camera. The clip cuts.
•
He scrolls over the thumbnails. There’s about seven just scenic previews. He plays one, and it’s just as he guesses. A short show of a view. Probably for Jungkook. Hoseok is more drawn to the previews with people in them. Though they’re mostly just shots of shopping or eating. It takes a while before anything specifically interesting happens.
• Clip 11
18:34 13-08-2015
”Okay! Are you filming? You’re filming, right?”
”Red light, smart-ass.”
Two things: Yoongi is definitely behind the camera, and Taehyung has always been camera hungry. The future big-name actor sets off on an anecdote he probably requested Yoongi to capture. He’s acting as if a lot of people are watching. It’s kinda cute. Hoseok tries to focus on what he says, but it slowly zooms off to the side, past his face.
It zooms in on Hoseok, by another table. He remembers the game of poker they’re invested in. The lens closes in on him, and it’s uncomfortable. Because it’s as if it’s meant to look– like… The camera is clearly admiring him. His younger self, laughing–
”Hyung! Are you zooming?”
The clip cuts.
•
Hoseok rubs at his forehead. If they hadn’t gotten so drunk or high all the time back then, maybe he could puzzle together the dates with what lead to where they are today. But he can’t. He doesn’t remember them being together in August, so why would the camera chase him like that? Ah– well, maybe he just happened to be there. Maybe it wasn’t on purpose.
• Clip 15
14:50 14-08-2015
”Like a commercial, try it,” Yoongi says behind the camera.
The camera chases a younger Hoseok again, who is looking eager to please any audience. He wiggles his eyebrows at the camera before throwing his head back and lifting a bottle of soda. Accidentally, it tips too hard, and instead of pouring gently, he catches half a bottle of it to his face and torso with a hilarious noise.
Yoongi loses it, judging by the shaky cam.
Surprised, but still acting, Hoseok pulls his own laugh back and holds the bottle right side up.
”Sp– … Sprite. Refresh–” is all he manages before the amusement bubbles out.
The camera spins out of any controlled framing before the clip cuts.
•
It wasn’t even that funny. Hoseok just smiles gently. The effect isn’t as strong, and that may be because he remembers it. Time passes as he goes through more clips– some just pretty scenes, others mundane travel clips of their friends posing with landmarks or having fun at the beach. What becomes increasingly evident is that it’s not just happenstance how often the camera lands on a younger him and focuses extra well. It doesn’t pass by, it follows him. It’d be creepy if he didn’t know who was holding the camera.
The last clip is another thumbnail of Yoongi in his room. Ceiling fan, et cetera… The last clip is extra long. Five hours? That’s a little much. But he does like his music. It’s a little foreboding, though, when he peeks at the date.
He doesn’t lack the memory of the vacation being two weeks. This date sets the end of footage at a little under one week. The tape could’ve just ended.
Huh. He scratches his chin and plays the clip. When it’s just him playing music, he starts to skip forward. Just to see if anything interesting happens. Stopping suddenly when he sees himself again.
• Clip 22
22:28 21-08-2015
”Hey,” Yoongi quips, putting an end to the music in a second.
”Hi,” Hoseok replies, looking more embarrassed than awkward.
He turns away from the camera. His neck is red from the sun. Present day Hoseok suddenly gets a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach– as if he’s on the verge of remembering.
”I wanted to explain–” Hoseok says at the same time that Yoongi says ”About yesterday–”
”Go ahead,” Hoseok insists, shrugging his own words off.
”No, you–, you first,” Yoongi tells him.
They mirror each other in tight lips, probably. Yoongi gets off the chair. The way he walks, he looks so confident. Like he knows exaclty what he’s going for. Hoseok closes the door.
”I wasn’t sure you’d be comfortable,” he says a little too quietly. ”After that. To stay here.”
”Hyung,” young Hoseok whines, pulling at Yoongi’s shirt suddenly. ”Me too.”
”What? Tell me,” he mutters, sounding smug. But the camera isn’t capturing his possible smirk.
”There’s a literal eighteen-year-old rooming next to us.”
”So? What’re you scared of? Super-hearing?”
”I’m scared of a lot of things,” Hoseok jokes.
”Ugh. Stop talking.”
”Yeah?”
”Yeah, stop.”
”You’re talking, too.”
Yoongi groans. Hoseok stops him from walking off with a hand to his neck. The camera is too far off, but it’s burning present Hoseok’s stomach, the memory of the way they looked at each other. Admitting it all for the first time– the first– shit?! He freezes, watching himself and Yoongi make out against a door, then a bedside table– until he’s on top of him on the bed.
•
”I’m home,” Yoongi announces, kicking his shoes off. No reply. Strange, he’d been sure he checked Hoseok’s schedule intently.
Walking in, he sees the only light still on coming from the bedroom. He follows it and spots an empty room, save from muffled noises. Squinting at the foot sticking out from the closet, he steps closer. He can’t, he shan’t, and he absolutely will not miss an opportunity to tell Hoseok to come out of the closet. Especially when he’s decided to– watch porn? in there.
He drags the sliding door open in order to surprise him, but Hoseok doesn’t jump, like he normally would. It’s like something else already shocked him before Yoongi came home. Big eyes stare up at him. He looks like he has no idea how words work.
”What’cha watching down there?” Yoongi smirks. The smile fades when he looks at the technology in his hands.
”You… you filmed our first time?”
His jaw drops. Hoseok found the burn tape. Fuck. That explains his pale face and worried brows.
”I– not on purpose,” he promises, squatting down to his level. ”Haven’t I told you not to– can you turn that shit off?”
”No!” Hoseok cradles the camera to himself.
”I’m sorry, okay? I’m– ah– I– I’m sorry I haven’t ripped that to shreds and thrown it in a fire– I can explain–” Yoongi reaches for it. Hoseok moves it away from him.
”Why would you even do that?” Hoseok complains, standing up slightly to be further off from his hands. The noises are unbearable now.
”Fuck, I’m sorry, okay?!”
”Why didn’t you tell me?!”
”And fuck this up?”
Hoseok puts his foot up on his chest to keep him off. Yoongi feels wildly dismayed. Eight years of hard work– eight whole years of devotion and trying hard– could fall on something this small– a dirty secret– a bad, bad, bad…
”Don’t destroy it, stupid,” his boyfriend mumbles.
”What?”
”Why’d you rob me of the opportunity to leak my own sex tape?”
He can’t tell if he’s joking. Simply staring, feeling his speedy heart painting his cheeks all kinds of blotchy pink. Hoseok pouts at him.
”Wh…wha–”
”I thought it’d be something worse,” he admits, dropping down on his ass properly, making the hangers shuffle on the pole above their heads. Yoongi just wordlessly freezes as he scoots closer to kiss his cheek once– twice. Three times. ”I’m glad it was just… this.”
Yoongi heaves a sigh, shoulders drooping, head tipping down. ”You’re not… angry?”
”No!” Hoseok grins, even, and the tape keeps playing. Fuck. It’s unmeasurably embarrassing. ”You ever get off to it?”
”Ugh– no. No. I swear– I kept it for the, uh… sentimental value.”
”…Aw,” Hoseok coos. They’re still moaning with little voices, the people they used to be. Yoongi can almost still taste the sweat on his tongue. The pressure of expectation and inevitably bad first times. His boyfriend wags an eyebrow and pokes his thigh. ”I bet you did.”
”…Give me that, I’m gonna burn it,” he grunts, reaching again. Why the hell did he have to fall for a guy with long-ass arms?
”Did you use it every time we were fighting? When– we were far apart,” Hoseok speculates, lifting the camera far away. ”When you missed me?”
”Can– we please– not–” Yoongi huffs, climbing in over him to have a fighting chance. Hoseok locks him into a weird half-hug.
They stop moving when their noses bump. He watches Hoseok’s sharp eyes– hears his own bated breath, and the damn noise from the video. It’s a little cramped and hot. Hoseok finally shuts the screen part of the camera, and the sound dies. He gives it to Yoongi’s open hand.
”Destroy it if you want to, sugar,” Hoseok suggests, slightly smug. ”I know you won’t, since you already kept it for eight years.”
”Happy anniversary, I guess? You fucked up my plan.” He makes himself cozy on Hoseok’s lap in the closet, putting the tech down in favor of rubbing circles into his scalp.
”Oh?” Suddenly, his eyes go comically wide. ”It is? It is…. oh.”
”You forgot,” Yoongi groans, tipping his head back. ”Great.”
”I love you?” Hoseok quips carefully, hugging his hips as if he’d suddenly storm off.
Giving up more than his somewhat steady posture, Yoongi leans his head on his shoulder and shrugs. ”I love you.”
With the closet so quiet, Yoongi listens to the way Hoseok’s heart picks up. His mind must be spinning with ideas of how to make it up to him. But it doesn’t matter all in all. His plan is still do-able, and it he doesn’t need anything in return. Really. Except maybe a promise to keep their sex tape secret.
”Did I really ruin your plan?”
”No, just the… mood I was going for, I guess.”
”What’s the plan, then?” he hums, heart pattering slower.
”Secret. But the first part includes you coming out of the closet and smelling the dozen roses I got you.”
Hoseok gulps. He doesn’t even laugh at the joke. When Yoongi looks up, it’s more like he’s so touched he’s just about ready to cry. Not full on. Just lightly.
Yoongi lifts his head. ”What?”
”That’d be a good title for our sex tape,” Hoseok jokes in the language ’emotional panic’. ”Part one, coming out of the closet and smelling the roses–”
”Hilarious. You’re a riot, babe,” Yoongi smiles fondly. Hoseok mewls a little when he kisses the corner of his mouth.
The plan faces another hindrance as it takes an illogical amount of time to stop making out in the closet. When they do leave it, Yoongi makes sure to grab the tape from the camera and carefully place it back into it’s case. Jungkook never got the unsullied footage, he remembers. Back then, he said it got lost when he was packing his luggage on his way back. Who the fuck has the kind of luck to catch the moment they properly fall in love for the final time on camera? He did. Nobody– absolutely nobody was supposed to see it. But if anyone would be allowed to it, it’d be Hoseok.
As he closes the door to the closet, he considers the fact that he can finally say that there’s not even one secret Hoseok doesn’t know about now. To be fair, that’s pretty solid. He fixes his sleeves gently and leans on the closet to lovingly watch his partner fawn over the flowers he got him.