Chapter Text
(Gif not mine! Creds the original owner!)
Bucky hated mornings. He hated them more than nights. At least at night when he was tossing and turning on his too-comfy bed, he could pretend to be doing something else. He spent countless nights on the Internet, searching for all the things he had missed over the years.
But mornings just seemed like one more hurdle he couldn’t jump over. Every morning, he had to drag himself out of bed and feel the brokenness of his body.
Today was no different. Bucky stared at himself as he brushed his teeth, glaring at the image in front of him. His hair was tossed up into a lazy bun, dark circles under his eyes, bruises decorated his chest like they were paintings on a wall, and his arm… his stupid metal arm.
He sighed as he rubbed it, feeling the cool metal under his fingers. It was a part of him, whether he liked it or not. Some people thought it was pretty cool, like that Spider kid that was always around Tony. He would bounce around Bucky, fascinated by it like it was some brand new toy. Others were scared of him, but Bucky couldn’t tell if that was because of his “Winter Soldier” history or because of the arm.
He had seen interns and workers at Stark Industries would whisper and deliberately go the opposite way if they saw him coming. He knew he had a bitch face, especially when he hadn’t gotten any good sleep, but couldn’t they just not?
Steve reassured him that people would get used to having him around. But Bucky just wanted to fade into the wall, wanted to go back to Wakanda where, even though people were a bit scared of him, there was peace and quiet outside.
It was so loud here. He hated it. God he hated it. Why couldn’t everything just-
“Bucks?”
…So maybe everything in this time period wasn’t that bad. Bucky peered out of his bathroom, wiping his face with a clean towel to find (Y/N) standing in his room.
“Hi!” She grinned up at him, a large folder in her arms. “Did you finish your TV series?”
Bucky felt his lips tug into a smile small. Most people would’ve asked if he had had a good night, if he had slept well, if he felt comfortable. (Y/N) knew the answer was no to all the above and that he probably spent the whole night online anyways. He gave her a short nod in response, tossing his towel aside and opening his dresser to find a clean shirt.
She gave him a smile, watching him for a moment before turning to the folder in her hands so as to not stare at him as he changed. “So, your schedule is basically clear today except for a few things in town,” (Y/N)’s cheerful voice cut through Bucky’s grumpiness, but he still avoided her eyes.
“In town?”
(Y/N) smiled, hearing him speak up but not making a big deal out of it. “Well, to be honest, you have the full day off but Steve asked me to keep an eye on you so you weren’t, and these were his words, ‘sulking in his room until he dies from lack of sun exposure’.”
Bucky rolled his eyes, mentally making a note to punch the idiot later. “I’d rather stay in,” he grumbled, pushing stray hairs from his face.
“If you really want to, I won’t push it. But I will say that I’ve got the day off too and was hoping to go do some errands or just walk around,” she offered. “I’m not leaving until closer to 10, so you can meet me in the hangar if you’d like to join. If not, I’ll bring you a treat from the bakery nearby!”
Bucky watched as she left, the cheery and happy air disappearing from his room. He sighed, looking at the window that tended to always be hidden behind curtains. Maybe it was time to go out.
(Y/N) glanced at her watch again, nibbling on her bottom lip. She did tell him he didn’t have to come, so why would he? She sighed, picking up her disappointment and heading towards the door. Maybe next time.
“I’m not late am I?”
(Y/N) turned to see Bucky in clean clothes and standing in the doorway she was just staring so intently at. “N-No!” She grinned, smiling as he walked over. “I just thought maybe today wasn’t your day.”
He shrugged, looking away from her. “It wasn’t,” he mumbled.
(Y/N) waited for a moment, wondering if he would add more but then happily grabbed onto his metal arm. “Come on then! To the car!” She said excitedly, the grin growing bigger on her face.
Bucky couldn’t help but be surprised by her. Most people stayed as far away from his arm as possible. The rumours about what he did with the prosthetic, the people he hurt… why would she take it so lightly?
“Do you mind if we take my bike? It’d be nice to feel the wind,” Bucky asked as they got to the garage.
(Y/N) glanced nervously at the bike in question, giving a quick nod. Bucky noticed her silence but grabbed the helmets, handing it to her.
“I’ll just…put this on my head…” she murmured to herself, lowering it onto her head. Bucky chuckled as she struggled to strap it under her chin, touching her hand before taking over and doing it for her. “Thanks,” she blushed, avoiding his eyes.
Bucky watched her and smirked, hating Steve slightly for putting him in this situation…but also not hating it completely. He threw a leg over his motorcycle, glancing back at her through his own helmet. “Coming?”
She nodded nervously, climbing on behind him. She felt her heart skip a beat but was unsure if it was due to the nerves or the fact that she had never been this close to Bucky before.
“Hold onto me,” he told her, taking her arms and wrapping them around his waist.
“I’m not making you uncomfortable am I?” She asked, feeling him shift. He shook his head, starting the bike up.
“It’s just been a while since I had a pretty girl with me,” Bucky said before taking off, leaving (Y/N) to wonder if she had really heard him right.
He couldn’t deny he enjoyed her company. He couldn’t even deny he had feelings for her. Go for it, Steve had egged him on, what could go wrong?
Everything, Bucky thought to himself.
As they got to the bank, (Y/N) was talking to the teller about some forms Tony had her look over. He watched her, saw how she smiled at the people around them. It was different than the smile she gave him, but not that different, so who’s to say she even liked him?
He huffed as the teller slid his business card over, offering for her to call her anytime. “Thanks, but I’ve been managing Stark Industries financials for a while now, I don’t think I need much help,” she gave him a polite smile, leaving the business card on the table before skipping back to Bucky. “Ready for errand number 2?” She asked, hooking her arm in his.
Bucky couldn’t help but look back at the teller, smirking.
“What errand could you possibly have here?” Bucky asked. After a long day of traveling around, (Y/N) had brought him to the edge of a forest. The trees were scattered enough for Bucky to see a trail, and in the distance he could hear the sound of water.
“No errand, I just like to come here after a long day,” (Y/N) smiled, taking her helmet off and heading towards the trail. “Coming?” She called back.
Bucky stared, biting his inner cheek slightly. God, she’s something, he thought to himself. There’s something special about her but Bucky had a hard time putting his finger on it. He had hung out with so many girls in his past life, he thought he’d seen it all. Even in this new life, all the girls he met seemed to be so similar. But… (Y/N). She was something completely different.
He sighed, putting the helmets away before walking after her. She would look back every so often to make sure he was still there, until they finally reached an open space. Bucky took a deep breath in seeing the view. The lake was bigger than he imagined and they were much higher up from the water than he expected.
“I used to come here when I was in school,” (Y/N) said after a moment of silence. She sat down on the rocks, legs hanging off the slight cliff. “It was a nice way to break away from routine and normal city craziness.”
Bucky nodded, sitting down next to her. For the first time since he came back, he felt like the burden on his shoulders was just slightly lighter. “Why did you bring me here?” He asked after a while, his eyes meeting hers.
(Y/N) paused for a moment, wondering how to phrase it, “I know you’re having a hard time adjusting to life here. I know you’re worried people are scared of you. And I know you hate looking at yourself,” she started, reaching out and putting a hand on his. “I just thought after all the struggle, you could use some peace and happiness.”
Bucky watched her, his thumb grazing over her fingers. “Thank you,” he mumbled out shyly, squeezing her hand gently.
(Y/N) shrugged, giving him a smile, “It’s nothing-”
“No, I mean it (Y/N). Thank you.” Bucky hesitated, before finding his confidence in the fresh air, “I’ve woken up every day here hating practically every piece of my new life. All I’ve wanted was some peace… and I can’t tell you how happy I am to have some with you.”
(Y/N) felt her cheeks turning pink and immediately looked away from him, “Most of the employees aren’t scared of you, you know,” she mentioned quickly, trying to avoid a subject that made her blush.
Bucky raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, some of the new ones are, but that’s because you sulk and don’t really talk to anyone,” (Y/N) giggled. “Actually, most of them think you’re pretty cute though.”
Bucky let out a laugh, shaking his head. “Despite what Steve might’ve told you, my charming self was left in the past.”
“I don’t think so,” (Y/N) smiled, playing with his fingers gently. “I wouldn’t trade the present you for anything.”
Bucky’s heart swooned and he felt how badly his cheeks were hurting from smiling. He watched as her fingers moved along his, almost entranced by the feeling of her skin against his. He glanced at her lips, finding his thoughts completely captured by the idea of kissing them.
(Y/N) swallowed hard, feeling beyond nervous as Bucky seemed to lean in closer. Is he going to kiss me? Her heart was beating so quick, she couldn’t think straight. Before she could even process what was happening, she moved in closer, crashing her lips onto his.
Bucky was stunned to feel her make the first move but didn’t deny it. He kissed back passionately, grabbing her waist and pulling her closer to him. This has to be what heaven feels like, was his last thought before he tried to lift his hand up to touch her cheek.
Suddenly, he snapped back into reality. His eyes shot open and stared at the metal hand pressing against her cheek. He pulled away quickly, eyes darting anywhere but her disappointed and surprised face.
“Bucky?” (Y/N) tried to catch her breath, any chance of a smile slipping away as she recognized how distraught he looked.
“N-No, this can’t happen.” Bucky shook his head quickly, pushing away from her. “I’m sorry, I can’t. Not with you.” He mumbled, getting up and muttering, “I gotta go,” before quickly rushing back to his motorcycle.
There was a tightness in her chest as (Y/N) sat there, watching. Before she knew it, she heard the distant roar of his motorcycle and felt her heart drop.
Not with you. The words repeated in her head over and over again. A cool wind blew against her eyes, pulling at the tears she had been trying to blink away.
There she was, at a place she once considered a second home, alone and heartbroken.