Chapter Text
At 24 years old, Taehyung can confidently say that he’s known Jimin for almost a decade now.
For that decade – Taehyung has loved Jimin for most of it. Jimin has been his best friend, his soulmate, his other half. That special light in his life with the cherubic smiles and full body laughter that seems to make even his darkest of days just that little bit brighter.
At 24 years old, Taehyung can confidently say, he can’t quite imagine his life without Jimin in it anymore.
However.
For as long as Taehyung has loved Jimin, falling in love with him had been the tricky part.
(If anyone were to ask him, he would say that he’s also been in love with Jimin for almost a decade as well. However, he’s a bit slow on the uptake, so actually realizing that took a little more time.)
The moment Taehyung realizes that he’s completely, irrevocably in love with Jimin, it’s at dawn – almost a whole five years after they’ve met.
It starts like this;
Taehyung is upset. He’s stressed out, feels like no matter what he does, it’s always wrong. He feels lost amid six insanely talented boys…and sometimes he wonders what he’s doing here. Is he only here because he’s a pretty face and nothing more? Does his voice matter at all when he’s constantly being compared to Jungkook, Jimin, and Seokjin’s prettier and also higher pitches? Why is he even here, he’ll ask himself, when he could have just stayed behind in Daegu. Sure, in Daegu he wouldn’t have the lavish Gucci clothes or the brand name watches, but at least he wouldn’t have to constantly feel like he’s just less and all of its synonyms. Untalented, Not Enough, Forgettable, the list goes on.
So he sneaks out of their dorm, throws on a jacket to protect him against the frigid winter air, and takes a walk. It’s late at night or early in the morning, Taehyung doesn’t know, but the cool autumn air feels nice against his cheeks. Aimlessly, Taehyung continues to walk until he finds the park. The park where he used to go all the time with Jimin when they were still trainees, trying to escape for a little while from the hell they lived in, and pretend they were just two normal boys.
Taehyung enters the park, eerily silent at night, even bordering on creepy. Still, the familiarity of it all calms down his nerves as he settles down on the very same bench that he always sat on with Jimin. Here he is, upset and alone, yet all he can think about is Jimin. Ridiculous really.
Absently, Taehyung leans his head back against the cold wood and looks up at the moon. It’s a full moon, so pretty tonight, and hums a tune. It’s not a tune from any song, just a calming melody, but it seems to make the quiet a bit more bearable, the loneliness feel a little less so. It makes him feel like Jimin is here with him, his best friend and soulmate, which makes him feel better.
“That’s a pretty melody,” a voice interrupts his thoughts, causes Taehyung to jolt, clutching at his heart. He turns around and sees it’s none other than Jimin, the person he needs the most right now, the person he feels like he always needs. He’s dressed like him, cute pink pajamas with a denim jacket on top, and his hair is a mess – probably jumped out of bed and came here immediately.
Taehyung wants to feel bad, but more than guilt, he just feels endeared.
“Thank you,” Taehyung replies lightly, scooting over on the bench for Jimin to sit. Jimin settles down next to him, barely leaving any room between them as he interlocks their fingers together. Jimin’s hand has always been comically smaller than his own, but Taehyung has always loved that thing about them. Eventually, he asks, “How did you find me?”
Jimin smiles, “You’re really not as mysterious as you think, Tae. At least not to me.”
Taehyung’s heart skips a beat, smiles because Jimin really does know him better than anyone else in the world.
“Well how did I wake you then? I tried to be as quiet as possible,” Taehyung replies.
“I didn’t really get much sleep in…I had a feeling you might need me at some point,” Jimin admits, squeezing his hand. “Although, I hadn’t expected you’d come here to be honest. It’s, like, 4am.”
Jimin noticed that he was upset and was on guard for a possible break down, always reading him like an open book.
Taehyung laughs, “Sorry. Just wanted to clear my head a bit.”
Jimin shakes his head, snuggling in closer to Taehyung, “It’s fine. It’s nice coming back here, even if it’s at an ungodly hour.”
“I’m so – “
“If you say you’re sorry one more time, I will hit you,” Jimin threatens him.
Taehyung bites back another sorry, laughs sheepishly instead.
“So do you want to tell me what’s going on with you?” Jimin asks him, finally bringing up the elephant in the room.
Taehyung shakes his head, “Not particularly, no. Just the same old self doubt and self loathing, you know?”
Jimin snorts, “Of course I know. We all live it, but that doesn’t make your pain any less significant.”
“It’s whatever,” Taehyung says, resisting the urge to shrug, so he doesn’t shake Jimin off of his shoulder. “It just gets a little hard sometimes, and some days are worse than others.”
“Well, you know I’m always here for you whenever you need me. Through thick and thin,” Jimin promises, squeezes his hand. A sign of support.
“I miss my family, Jiminie,” Taehyung admits, voice coming out a little shaky. “I miss my mom and her food, my dad and his cheesy jokes, my little siblings that are growing up without me there. I miss feeling like I’m my own human without some camera breathing down my neck sometimes. I miss not always feeling like shit.”
And before he knows it, Taehyung finds the waterworks start coming down, and tears are falling down his face. He’s just so tired, so upset, so stressed and sometimes he just feels like he can’t deal with all this shit anymore. Sometimes, it just feels too hard, and he wants to press the End Game button.
Jimin gathers him into his arms, face in his hands as he rests his forehead against his, as he wipes his tears away. Jimin’s eyes are glistening too, but he keeps a smile on his face, trying to be strong for him – and somehow, that only makes him feel worse.
“Tae, sweetie, I understand. I really do – and there’s nothing I can do or really say to make it better,” Jimin replies. “I know being away from your family is hard, and I know that the life we’ve chosen isn’t an easy one.”
“I know that,” Taehyung replies through a sob.
“Do you want to leave?” Jimin asks him, caressing his cheeks lightly. “Do you want to walk away?”
Taehyung opens his eyes, shocked at the question, “Jiminie, I couldn’t – you know, I can’t –“
“If you want to leave, Tae, I promise you – I’ll be right by your side. Every step of the way,” Jimin promises him. “And if you want to stay, I promise that I’ll always be here for you, whenever you need me.”
Taehyung looks at Jimin, really looks at him, and sees nothing but sincerity in his eyes. Everything he says, is a truth. Jimin really is willing to throw it all away, if Taehyung so much says so.
He considers it. Tries to imagine his life without BTS, without ARMY, without his brothers that aren’t from blood, but he’s formed an even stronger bond with over the years. He tries to imagine it, but the picture just feels so wrong – a life devoid of music, passion, meaning.
He shakes his head, “No, no, I don’t want to leave.”
Jimin nods, “Then I promise you to stay, to be by your side no matter what.”
And with that, Jimin hugs him, a bone tight hug that’s seemingly overflowing with emotion. With fondness, friendship, and something else. Taehyung wraps his arms around Jimin and lets himself be taken care of for once by his most important person.
Because Taehyung has a reason for staying and that reason is Jimin.
Yes, he’s loved Jimin since the moment he’s met him.
But that moment, at dawn at 4 o’clock in the morning in the cool autumn air and the birds starting to chirp their morning song, Taehyung realizes that he’s also in love with Jimin.
And maybe, just maybe, Jimin is in love with him too.