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If ever Hinata has to name one thing he absolutely liked about Kageyama (not that he’ll admit it out loud anyway), it will be the fact that the other boy looks at him. He doesn’t just peek at him for a second (although sometimes Hinata catches him doing so and his heart does this weird flippity flips), he doesn’t just spare him a glance, he looks at him. Kageyama looks at him and sees him.
Hinata can see Kageyama looking at him. He can see the way his eyes fill up with oranges and ambers and that sight fills Hinata’s heart with navy blues and a bit of black and pouts. This doesn’t happen often, but Hinata doesn’t complain. Instead, he makes each step of his faster, each jump higher, each spike stronger.
(Kageyama watches him, sees him, and takes into account each and every move of his.)
Kageyama makes him glow.
(and Hinata’s oranges and ambers shine even brighter with Kageyama’s navy blues and blacks)
While the whole ‘oddball quick strike’ process is enough to make him feel elated, the results that it bring is on another level of exhilaration. The sound of the ball hitting the floor, the squeaks of his shoes as he lands, the look that he and Kageyama give each other, the smiles and the loud “Alright!”s, they make him feel alive.
(and Kageyama looks looks at him and Hinata feels like he’s already on top of the world)
There was one time when Kageyama actually ruffled his hair in glee. Hinata froze for a couple of seconds before looking up at Kageyama, sounding his confusion with a “Bwuuh?” that made Kageyama retract his hand as if he’d been burnt (by oranges and ambers and actual sunshine) and jump a few steps away. He excused himself (“W-well, that’s all for today. Bye.”) and ran out of the gym (but not before turning around and saying “Go home already, Idiot. It’s already dark.”).
Hinata can still remember how Kageyama’s face seemed to explode with warmth and how it reached the tips of his ears.
(He can also recall the very long trek home as he kept on repeating the phrase “Kageyama is a jerk” as a pathetic attempt to convince himself that his heart most certainly did not do the weird flippity flip thing again and for the same person, too.)
(He had a dream about Kageyama the Jerk that night and he knew that he was doomed.)
Hinata hopes to see Kageyama like that again. He probably will today, but the redness of his face will not be because of embarrassment, but of anger.
They have a match today, a very important one. If they win today, they’ll be going to the Nationals. Hinata is jolted awake by his mother’s screaming, and he tries to block out her shrill “You’re late!”s by burying his face even deeper in his pillow.
He has set his alarm for 5:30am today. He’s checked it not only twice, but thrice before going to sleep. He’s positive that his mother simply got the time wrong as he sleepily opened his eyes to check the clock on his bedside table.
‘It’s probably around 4am-‘ The red digits that read 6am glare at him and it takes Hinata a while before everything falls into place and the morning slaps him in the face as he quickly sits up and hops out of his bed.
Breakfast consists of burnt toast, a glass of milk, multiple curses (“Shouyou!”) and panicked “I’m late I’m late!”s.
He bolts out the door and unlocks his bicycle as fast he can. He shouts a rushed “I’m leaving now!” before pedaling like a madman to the venue.
Hinata has just turned a corner when he hears a weird sound from his bike, causing him to skid to a stop. He gets off of it and squats to check the damage. He groans in frustration when he realizes that one of his tires was flat. Luck just isn't on his side today.
He leaves his bike on the side of the street and resorts to running when he heard that the bus is going to be late. He runs and runs and runs.
(It feels wrong when he’s running without Kageyama, when there’s no one huffing and puffing beside him. It feels wrong when he thinks that the only reason why he’s running alone is because he’s running to Kageyama. Hinata doesn’t know why, it just does.)
It is 6:40am and he’s only a couple of minutes away from his destination when his phone rings. He prepares himself for the incoming insults (He’s not sure if he can still call them that, since it’s different when Kageyama calls him names.) because he knows that it’s Kageyama who’s calling.
(“What the fuck is that?” “I assigned your number a different ringtone so I’ll know that it’s you!”)
“Oi! Hinata!”
He is already shouting back apologies the moment he heard Kageyama’s voice. “I’M SORRY I COULDN’T SLEEP YOU SEE AND I—"
“Where the hell are you, dumbass?!”
(Hinata can see him pouting and his eyebrows scrunching up)
“I’M ALMOST THERE ALR—" He almost runs into another rushing student who’s probably late to school. “Ah, I’m sorry! Excuse me!”
There’s a sigh from the other line, followed by a question (“Are you actually running here?”) and the usual “Idiot”. Hinata is smiling before he even knows it.
“I’m not an idiot! You are!”
It is 6:50am and Hinata’s just a street away when Kageyama tells him to “Hurry up, idiot Hinata”, when he does hurry up because he wants to see navy blues and blacks and he wants Kageyama to see him today as well.
“DAMN IT KAGEYAMA, YOU—"
Hinata sees navy blues and blacks but he doesn’t see the car.
Hinata hears the "Hinata Hinata oi you idiot Hinata are you okay Hinata Hinata Hinata"s and he wants to say that he’s okay and that he’s not an idiot, Kageyama is because he sounds so desperate, goddamnit.
Hinata starts to feel the pain when navy blues and blacks are replaced by reds and whites and “Hinata!”s are replaced by blaring sirens and chatters.
Hinata stops feeling the pain (and his arm and his legs) ten minutes later.
He doesn’t know how or when he arrived at the hospital, being unconscious does that, he supposes. He feels like he’s in a room, and he thinks he hears his mom. He thinks he hears his teammates too.
‘Why are they here? How about the match?’
He thinks that everyone’s here. He thinks that they might be outside. He thinks that they should leave.
(The strongest decoy has let them down, do they hate him now?)
‘This is so unfair,’ he thinks. They have worked hard to come this far and this happens. This is so unfair. ‘I am so unfair.’
(Will Kageyama even look at him after all this?)
It has already been hours when Hinata stops thinking and starts to feel again and he wishes that he didn’t because it did not feel good at all.
One of Hinata’s good qualities is him being able to try really really hard. So he tries. He tries and tries and tries and he starts thinking of navy blues and blacks and pouts again and he tries.
(‘Look at me)
The last sound he hears is not his mother’s “Shouyou!”, but the sound of the door being slammed open and footsteps that he knows too well.
(one last time.’)
He tries to open his eyes and they agree to cooperate this time. Hinata sees navy blues fill up with oranges and ambers, and he thinks that ‘it’s okay now’. He lets go.
(but he doesn’t let go of the navy blues and blacks)
Hinata has never been to a funeral before. He never thought that the first one he’ll attend will be his own. He’s pleased that there are a lot of people present. He sees his relatives, old friends, and his teammates. Hinata is sitting next to his mother when Kageyama arrives. He hops out of his chair and practically skips all the way to the back and stops right in front of him.
Waiting for Kageyama to look down at him is useless, Hinata knows, but this doesn’t stop him from standing on his tip toes and leaning in dangerously close to Kageyama’s face. He waits.
Hinata waits. He passes the time by admiring the orange watch on Kageyama’s wrist (it was very noticeable in the sea of black and white) and memorizing the way Kageyama’s lips unconsciously seem to form a pout. He passes the time with Kageyama, as usual.
He is still waiting even though the funeral is over.
(waiting for oranges and ambers to wash into navy blues)
It takes three years for him to finally accept that all his waiting is in vain.
During those three long years, Hinata remained beside Kageyama. He went home from time to time to visit his family, of course.
‘I am so unfair.’
He’s there when Kageyama’s at home, skipping volleyball practice. He sees the dark circles under Kageyama’s eyes and he knows the cause (him). He’s there when Kageyama starts trashing around in bed, making him fall off the edge but he knows that Kageyama can’t see him so it’s okay. He’s there when Kageyama starts having nightmares and he’s the one who wakes him up and rubs soothing circles on his back when he brokenly whispers “Hinata” over and over again.
(Hinata is not sure whether he is thankful that Kageyama can’t see him or not, especially when he too is whispering his own mantra of “I’m sorry, Kageyama”.)
Hinata is there and he tries tries tries but he almost gives up when he hears “He’s not here anymore” come from Kageyama’s trembling lips.
Hinata sees the car this time.
He sees the car and he sees Kageyama and he sees the little kid and he runs.
(He forgets that ‘he’s not here anymore’.)
He tries calling out to him, he shouts “KAGEYAMA!” and he tries.
(When is he going to learn?)
Kageyama Tobio is already twenty years old when he finally looks at Hinata again.
(and navy blues are filled with oranges and ambers and a bit of red)
Hinata stands between Suga and Daichi a few days later and he has to admit, he never thought that the second funeral he’ll be attending would be Kageyama’s.
He wonders if Kageyama got to attend his own funeral too.
(‘Look at me one more time.’)
(Once more?)
(‘Once more.’)
(Idiot. I’ll do it as many times as you want.)
Hinata Shouyou is fifteen years old and he is having a bad day.
He’s been missing his shots and the captain is getting pissed with him. Now he just missed a pass.’ Oh shit,’ he thinks as he sees the ball hit someone on the back of their head.
His poor victim is really tall, he realizes as he runs towards them. He stops a couple of meters away from him (Hinata thinks that he’s seen him before), and repeatedly bows down, a string of apologies already spilling out from his mouth. Hinata doesn’t stop until he hears an “it’s okay”.
He stands up straight and opens his mouth to apologize once more when he sees navy blue and black (and is that a pout?) and everything he wanted to say goes flying out the window.
“I’m…” He tries not to look at him. “Really sorry! They keep on telling me that I suck and all but I just… Ah. I’m Hinata Shouyou by the way!”
(navy blues and blacks)
Hinata doesn’t expect the boy to reply, but he introduces himself as “Kageyama Tobio” and Hinata is thankful that one of his senpai called out to him because he suddenly feels dizzy.
He quickly apologizes again, says goodbye, and starts running when he hears a “Wait!” and he immediately stops.
“You…” Kageyama looks at the ground. “You must have a specialty of some sort right? If they still keep you in the club even though you’re bad at it…?”
“I can jump really high, you know!” Hinata replies with a huge smile.
He returns to the court and spends the rest of the day making his shots and walks home wondering if he and Kageyama are in the same year.
(wondering about navy blues and blacks)
It turns out that they are, and their classrooms are just beside each other. Hinata spends his lunch break with Kageyama. Most of the time, he visits him in his classroom. There are times when he manages to convince Kageyama to visit him though.
Hinata feels good when he’s with his new friend. He can go on and on about random things and Kageyama just stares at him, listening (unlike his seatmate, Tsukishima). He’s happy when he’s with him.
(and his heart feels like it’s going to jump out of his chest)
And he feels his heart breaking when Kageyama refused to even look at him for two days.
On the third day, Hinata decides to confront Kageyama about the whole ignoring thing. He is not sure if he’s done anything to offend him, but it won’t hurt to ask.
That morning, he stops by a convenience store to buy some meat buns that he knows Kageyama likes so they can share during lunch. He is already thinking of the faces of Kageyama’s classmates when he barges in their room with a loud “Kageyaaaamaaaaaa” and Kageyama’s face when he calls him an “Idiot” and how he’ll retort with “Dumbass” and Kageyama’s navy blues and blacks.
Hinata hears the screaming but he doesn’t see the car.
(but he sees the navy blues and blacks)
Hinata Shouyou is seventeen years old and he just aced his quiz in Mathematics.
He runs all the way home and pushes the test paper into his twenty-five-year-old tutor’s face. “YOU PROMISED!”
Navy blue eyes scan the paper and smirks. “Yeah, yeah. My treat.”
“Alright! Thank you, Kageyama-sensei!” Hinata says as they walk out of the house.
His companion makes a face of disgust. “Don’t call me that.”
“Eeh, but you’re my teacher!”
“Stop it, you idiot.”
“Heh. I aced my exam, I’m not an idiot!” Hinata is proud of his accomplishment.
“You aced your quiz, just your Math quiz. Don’t act all cocky now.”
“HEY—"
He is just about to cross the street when Kageyama roughly pulls him back to the sidewalk and points at the pedestrian crossing light. Red. Oh.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Hinata has never heard Kageyama so angry before. He has shouted at him for failing tests before, but he has never been this furious.
“I-I’m sorry.”
“ARE YOU NOT USING THAT HEAD OF YOURS?” Kageyama grabs him by his collar and suddenly their faces are too close. “WHAT IF THERE WAS A CAR? WHAT IF YOU DIED?”
Hinata stares at navy blues. He sees himself in them and he sees oranges and ambers dancing in them and he starts to feel happy for some unknown reason but the feeling stops when he sees fear.
“I’m sorry.” He means it even more this time.
They stare at each other until Kageyama looks away. Hinata is considering cancelling their little ice cream trip when Kageyama turns to him and says “Sorry.”, promising to buy him not just one, but two popsicles as an apology. He smiles in reply.
(Kageyama’s gaze stays on him until they reach the convenience store and Hinata enjoys the thought of him occupying Kageyama’s mind.)
(Somewhere in his mind, Hinata wonders if Kageyama has ever lost someone due to an accident.)
Hinata laughs bitterly as he crumples down to the ground.
He should really learn how to listen to his elders.
"Don’t go out at night, it’s dangerous, especially for an idiot like you.”
The sweet taste of strawberry and cola from that afternoon is replaced by the metallic taste of blood and navy blues are replaced by reds.
(Somewhere in his mind, Hinata wonders if Kageyama has ever lost someone due to an accident, and he apologizes because if he hasn’t, well he has now.)
(‘Once more!’)
(Obviously.)
Hinata Shouyou is eighteen years old and is the boyfriend of eighteen-year-old Kageyama Tobio.
Today is their anniversary. They’ve been together for three long years. Three long years of bad insults, fights, kisses, hugs, making-ups, and feeling alive.
Today, Hinata is happy because Kageyama agreed to watch a movie with him. His happiness is short-lived when he sees that the snack bar doesn’t have his favorite chips in stock. No. This won’t do. He looks up at Kageyama and says that he’ll go run to the convenience store nearby that he knows always has his chips in stock. He sees the look on Kageyama’s face and assures him that he’ll be back before the movie starts (he knows that his boyfriend is only here because of him, what a sweetheart).
Kageyama holds up a hand to stop Hinata’s rambling. He tells him that he’ll go, and Hinata should just go inside and save them seats. Hinata tries to reason with him, but Kageyama doesn’t budge.
Hinata reluctantly goes inside. Kageyama has always been so overprotective.
A couple of minutes after sitting down, Hinata smells something burning.
(‘Three years aren’t enough!’)
(Well, duh.)
(‘Once more!’)
Hinata Shouyou is twenty-three years old and is on the way to work when the train starts shaking and the lights go on and off and he hears screeches.
(and sees red)
He remembers ambulances and whites and navy blues.
(‘Once more!’)
(…)
Hinata Shouyou is thirty-nine when he sees navy blues and blacks and a gun.
He runs.
“WATCH OUT!”
(he sees navy blues and blacks and his own red)
(‘Once mo—")
(I KNOW, IDIOT!)
Hinata Shouyou is six years old when he meets seven-year-old Kageyama Tobio, their new neighbor.
He excitedly introduces himself because he finally has a friend and he wants to show him his toys and his collection and he wonders if he likes sports—
but Tobio runs away the moment Hinata says his name.
(Hinata really likes the color of Tobio’s eyes, they were pretty)
His mother wakes him up in the middle of the night and she looks so scared and she tells him to hide, hide in his closet and to not go out until she comes back for him, and Hinata asks for his dad but his mom has already ran down the stairs.
Hinata is starting to get bored because this game of hide and seek is not fun (but he wonders if he can get Tobio to play with him next time) and reaches for the closet’s handle but someone else opens it before him.
There is a stranger on the other side of the door and he sees navy blues (like Tobio’s, he thinks) but these ones are cold.
(they were not pretty at all)
(‘Once more!’)
(‘Once more!’)
(‘Hey! Once more!’)
Hinata Shouyou is seventeen years old and is working part-time at a convenience store.
Today, a black haired customer walks in, and immediately runs out when he sees him.
It is almost closing time when another customer whose face is covered, walks in, and immediately points a gun at him.
(‘ONCE MORE!’)
(‘HEY! ONCE MORE!’)
(‘KAGEYAMA!’)
(No.)
(‘What?’)
(No more.)
Hinata Shouyou is eighteen years old when he decides to confess to eighteen-year-old Kageyama Tobio.
He is rejected and he is hurt because the navy blues that he loves so much didn’t even look at him that time.
He doesn’t feel any regret when he pushes a little girl out of harm’s way, taking the blow himself.
(‘Kageyama. Once more.’)
(‘Once. More.’)
Hinata Shouyou is twenty years old when he decides to confess to twenty-two-year-old Kageyama Tobio.
He sees it. He sees how Kageyama looks away. He doesn’t like it.
“Why do you do that to yourself?” He asks.
He has surprised Kageyama, it seems.
He gets another question as a reply.
“…Do what?”
“THAT!” Hinata points at him. “Ever since we’ve met, you’ve been acting like it’s the last time you ever get to see me and you’re trying to say goodbye!”
(He hears him saying goodbye when Kageyama looks away. He hears him saying goodbye when Kageyama leaves him behind. He hears him saying goodbye when Kageyama settles for an “Mhhmm..” when Hinata calls him an idiot instead of fighting back. He hears him saying goodbye when he doesn’t see oranges and ambers in his navy blues.)
Kageyama’s voice is small. “Maybe it is.”
“What?”
“Maybe it is,” Kageyama repeats. “Maybe it is the last time. You’ll never know for sure.”
“What, and you do?”
“No, I don’t!” He effectively surprises Hinata with his sudden outburst. “And that’s what’s killing me!”
Hinata is silent while Kageyama glares down at him. He hears him mutter a “that’s that” and hears him walking away. No.
“You are an idiot.” He finds himself saying.
Kageyama stops and stomps his way back to Hinata. “What. did. you. say?”
“I said that you’re an idiot.”
“An idio—"
“Yes, an idiot. Bakageyama.” Hinata gives himself a pat on the back for coming up with that name. Tanaka would be proud. “Yeah, that’s a good name. I’ll call you that starting today.” Hinata sees Kageyama ready to retort but doesn't give him a chance.
(He is tired of goodbyes and reds.)
"Let's say that today is the last time. (Is it his imagination, or did Kageyama's glare soften at this?) I also don't know if it is. But I do not want to live the rest of my life saying goodbye. If, today is the last time, you know what would be good Kageyama?" Hinata pauses for a bit, then reaches up to cup Kageyama's cheeks. "If today is the last time, I'd rather we make it a 'hello' we'll never regret instead of a 'goodbye'."
(and Hinata is relieved because he can see oranges and ambers filling up Kageyama’s navy blues and he knows that he’s willing to give it a shot)
The last time comes too soon.
It comes in the form of an incurable sickness, and Hinata is thankful that he still has time left with Kageyama. He has time.
Hinata is thankful that Kageyama chooses to stay with him even though oranges can no longer fill his navy blues, since the only thing left of him are ambers (and even they are dull). Hinata tries and tries and tries. But the end still comes.
“Hello, Kageyama.” Hinata’s voice is so weak and now, now even the ambers are threatening to leave him.
(and there’s nothing left to fill in navy blues)
Hinata wills himself not to cry. He doesn’t want to cry. He doesn’t want to cry even if Kageyama doesn’t reply. It’s okay. It’s okay.
“Hello, Hinata.”
(and Hinata smiles so brightly that for the last time, navy blues fill up not only with ambers but the oranges have also returned and now there is gold and sunshine)
Hinata sees Kageyama at his funeral this time.
(Once more.)
(‘Heh! Of course! I’ll do it as many times as you want!’)
Hinata Shouyou is fifteen years old and is in the Karasuno volleyball club with fifteen-year-old Kageyama Tobio.
If ever Hinata has to name one thing he absolutely liked about Kageyama (not that he’ll admit it out loud anyway), it will be the fact that the other boy looks at him. He doesn’t just peek at him for a second (although sometimes Hinata catches him doing so and his heart does this weird flippity flips), he doesn’t just spare him a glance, he looks at him. Kageyama looks at him and sees him.
Hinata can see Kageyama looking at him. He can see the way his eyes fill up with oranges and ambers and that sight fills Hinata’s heart with navy blues and a bit of black and pouts.
Kageyama makes him glow.
(and Hinata’s oranges and ambers shine even brighter with Kageyama’s navy blues and blacks)
They have a match today, a very important one. If they win today, they’ll be going to the Nationals, and Hinata is pedaling like crazy to the gym (because he’s late he’s late he’s late!). He turns at a corner and his phone rings. It’s Kageyama’s ringtone.
(He knows because he set it, of course, and because he wishes wishes wishes to hear it more often because that means Kageyama’s calling him.)
He is climbing up the steps of the entrance when he hears Kageyama say, “Hello, Hinata.” from the other line.
Hinata sees him in the hallway.
“Hello, Kageyama.”
Kageyama turns and he sees oranges and ambers amidst navy blues and blacks and a relieved smile.
(and Kageyama looks looks at him and Hinata feels like he’s already on top of the world, but that’s not enough because he doesn't want to be there alone)
“Hello.”
“Your smile’s still really scary, you know.”
(‘To the top of the world?’)
(Yeah.)
“You little—"
Hinata Shouyou is fifteen years old and is in the Karasuno volleyball club with fifteen-year-old Kageyama Tobio.
Hinata Shouyou is eighty years old when he whispers ‘hello’ to Kageyama for the last time.
Hinata Shouyou waits and waits and waits until eighty-two-year-old Kageyama Tobio returns his last ‘hello’ and then they are fifteen years old again and are standing on top of the world.