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The sun was starting to set, illuminating everything in a rich orange glow. The skyline was beautiful - repairs on Earth had been swift, everyone’s energy bolstered by their unexpected victory against the reapers. If she hadn’t been fighting for so many years, Dany might have believed it to all be one long, hellish nightmare. Sometimes she really did find herself hoping none of the last few years had been real. Other times, she was grateful for where they had led her. Even if her destination had been slightly more domestic than she’d counted on.
The apartment Liara and Dany had purchased together felt strange and foreign still, less modern than anything either of them had lived in before. There would be time to upgrade though, as tech became easier to come by. What really mattered was that this place was secure. Even if no one but the Normandy crew knew Liara’s true identity, Dany would never stop worrying her wife was seconds from a disaster.
Especially since Liara seemed to spend every waking second attached to her laptop. Dany checked the time on her omni tool and cursed.
“Liara!” she called. “You know I scheduled this dinner as a break for you, right? Don’t make me come up there!”
“Have you always been so patient, Shepard, or has our sudden lack of enemies to shoot been getting to you?” quipped Liara in return, closer than Dany had been expecting. She turned to see Liara walking briskly down the stairs toward her purse, all dolled up in a cheerful yellow sundress. A wave of anxiety flooded through her at the sight of the dress, which seemed overly festive compared to Dany’s casualwear - had she forgotten an anniversary? An asari holiday maybe?
“You look nice,” she said, trying not to give her nervousness away. “What’s the occasion?”
Liara faltered in her search for her keycard. “No occasion,” she said. “Just felt like getting dressed up, I suppose.” She stared blankly down at her purse for a long moment before finally reaching in and plucking the keycard out of its hiding place. Dany studied her, concerned, and reached for their jackets.
“You ready?”
The restaurant was crowded when they arrived, but Dany had called and reserved ahead of time, so the host led them straight past the line at the entrance to a table overlooking the beach. Liara seemed pleased that Dany had been able to find a sushi restaurant -- they hadn’t had sushi since before the disastrous Citadel incident a few years back that no one had forgiven Dany for yet -- and relaxed a bit once they were seated. She stared out the window with a peaceful expression and Dany felt some of her own tension fade away. They sat in companionable silence watching the waves slowly roll in.
“Dany, do you remember the afternoons we spent on the Presidium during the war?”
Dany turned to meet Liara’s gaze and smiled. “Of course. I could almost forget the Reapers breathing down my neck when I was talking with you.”
“Do you remember what we talked about?”
“I’m a little rusty on the details by now,” Dany admitted. “But I haven’t forgotten too much. Your childhood, I remember you telling me about that. About how your mother would take you to digsites, how her favorite color was-”
“Yellow,” they said at once.
Dany paused, glancing toward Liara’s dress and remembering how she’d seemed more solemn than usual this week, but had kept insisting there was nothing wrong. Guilt poured through Dany and she had to fight to keep it from showing -- first she killed her wife’s indoctrinated mother, then she didn't pay enough attention to notice something was clearly wrong, and now she couldn't even be counted on to recall important details of Liara’s life. Liara might have forgiven her for Noveria, but that didn’t make it any easier for Dany to forgive herself. Learning about indoctrination and how it worked had only made things harder. Perhaps if she’d known more, Benezia could have been helped, and Liara wouldn’t be looking so quiet and sad in such a happy dress.
“Is it her birthday or...?” Dany trailed off, not wanting to bring up any more grief than she already had.
“Birthday,” Liara said. “The first since the Reaper threat was eliminated… I suppose I haven’t allowed myself time to miss her.”
Dany fiddled with her chopsticks absentmindedly, thinking back over the last few days. Liara hadn’t been smiling nearly as much as usual, now that she thought about it, but they’d both been so preoccupied assisting with the rebuilding that it hadn’t garnered Dany’s attention. She cleared her throat. “Liara, I’m sorry. This must be difficult for you.”
“Please, Dany. It’s been years. It is a little difficult, yes, but I don’t need you to worry about me. I’ll be fine. I think I just… I just need to talk about it.”
“Anything in particular you wanted to say?”
Liara didn’t answer, glancing back out the window. “On second thought, perhaps it would be better to discuss this at home,” she said, blinking quickly. “I don’t want to spoil dinner.”
Silence settled over them as they continued eating, broken only by their halfhearted attempts at small talk, which petered out before they could find anything worth discussing. How a lack of words could even occur between them after all they’d been through together was entirely beyond Dany. It was so strange to see Liara at such a loss. The entire war she’d been calm and collected about Benezia’s death -- Dany should’ve realized sooner that Liara had just been bottling her feelings up. Irritability surged through Dany without warning and she set her chopsticks down. She was not going to sit here while Liara had an emotional crisis in the middle of the first sushi place to open near them after the war, damn it.
“You know what I wish?”
“What’s that?” Liara asked, her interest clearly more polite than it was genuine.
“I wish I could’ve met your mother. Really met her,” Dany clarified. “Like, met at a dinner as uncomfortable as this one and been interrogated about whether or not I was good enough for you, because I get the feeling she would’ve been a hard person to prove that to.”
Liara blinked at her. “Shepard, I appreciate what you’re--”
Dany held up a hand to stop her. “Not done, T’Soni. I wish I’d had the awful experience of putting my foot in my mouth during our conversation, because you know as well as I do that I can’t go more than hour without doing that. Wish I’d had to regain her affection with some big gesture of love for you, like in the movies, so she’d know my intentions were good--”
“Dany, really, I appreciate this but I think you are projecting human culture onto--”
“Liara. I know I’m not making any sense, but I just want you to know that I’m sorry for what happened. And if I had the chance to do everything over… This is the one thing I would’ve tried to do differently.”
Liara reached across the table and took Dany’s hands in her own. “I know. But you don’t need to feel guilty; there was nothing else you could have done.”
“T’Soni, weren’t you listening? I could’ve done dinner and grand gestures.”
“Yes, I heard you. And I must say, I did not figure you for someone who watched romance movies, Dany. I’m surprised.”
Dany shrugged. “Sometimes Donny chose the movies growing up.”
“Of course.”
“You know,” Dany said, watching Liara rub her thumb over Dany’s hand. “Colony kids always wound up having to learn obscure instruments. Maybe my grand gesture could’ve involved a banjo serenade.”
Liara’s eyes widened. “A banjo serenade?”
“Yeah. How do you not already know all this stuff, anyway? What kind of broker are you?”
“The kind who tries not to snoop into her wife’s childhood without reason.”
“I gotta tell ya, you’re missing out.”
“Are you… encouraging me to spy on you?”
“Donny’s instrument was a sousaphone. He named it the Funk Engine.”
“...Noted. I will have to take a closer at your files.”
“Liara!” Dany gasped, yanking her hands back theatrically. “That would be an invasion of my privacy! I would have thought you, of all people, would’ve known better.”
Liara rolled her eyes. “Tell me more about this banjo playing then. You’ve sparked my curiosity.”
Dany gave her a crooked grin and leaned in conspiratorially. “Okay, so here’s how it would have gone. I’d have made some off-color remark about asari culture by accident and Benezia would glower at me from across the table. She stand and deliver an awesome one-liner about how our relationship would disgrace your entire family, and that’s even considering that you’re a quarter krogan--”
“By the goddess, Dany, this is not what I was asking--”
“--and then she’d storm out. Now, you know me, I’m not going down without a fight. Hell, your mother might have given our relationship the kiss of death, but I’ve been with death intimately before and I’m still goin’ strong.”
“Shepard, please--”
“So I’d show up outside your window, banjo in hand, and I’d serenade you with the most romantic song I know. And I’ll be the first to admit that there are not many romantic banjo songs to choose from, so options will be limited here. I’m also not much of a singer, so I’ll probably just hum. Or maybe I’ll bring Wrex with me, and he can handle the singing. He owes me a favor.”
“Shepard.”
“You, of course, will be moved beyond all reason by this incredible display of my adoration for you. But what you wouldn’t have realized is that Benezia would be listening in as well, a single tear in her eye as she realizes that her daughter has, at long last, found the banjo playing superstar she was always meant to be with,” Dany finished, returning her attention to the sushi.
“Shepard, I’m fairly certain that if my mother heard you play banjo, she would have ended up battling you anyway.”
“You’ve never even heard me play!”
“I do not think I need to. You have the finesse of a varren.”
“Wow. Bringing out the big guns against your own wife.”
“Well, someone has to.”
Dany snorted. “Liara, there has never been any shortage of people willing to point heavy weapons at me. You have no excuse.”
Liara laughed, her expression finally not at odds with her cheerful dress, and Dany realized that she had a newfound appreciation for yellow. Maybe Benezia was onto something.
The rest of the evening felt as bright as the color, and when they made it home Dany ordered a bouquet of yellow flowers scheduled to arrive the next day. Liara finally allowed herself to cry when she saw them, and this time the silence between them was not an unbreachable distance. Instead, it was a sanctuary in which they both could heal.