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“Don’t forgo your promise. It is time.” Brienne read the raven delivered message over and over, hoping the message would alter or she would be able to find a different meaning in the words. It did no good. Promises, oaths, and vows were all things she took very seriously, she’d give her life willingly if it meant upholding one; which made the fact she was prepared to soon break one to the man she loved dearly; her father.
Brienne knew she was fortunate to have a father who saw his daughter as what she desired to be rather then what society imagined for her. He allowed her to train, he allowed her to leave home, he allowed her freedom. Though he had attempted three occasions to find her a match he never blamed her there failures. The fact did remain Brienne was his only child and the only one who could continue on the name; to Selwyn that was the most important thing. Brienne’s memories flash back to her goodbye walk to the vessel to take her to the Stormlands, away from Tarth and her father.
“I need you to be safe.” He had said to her.
“Of course.”
“It will not be the same without you my love.”
“I know.” She had not trusted herself to say more then two words at a time.
“Brienne I need you to make me a promise.” It was then she realized he had stopped walking, she retreated a few feet to return to his side.
“Yes father?” He took that opportunity to take a deep breath before locking his eyes deeply into her own. Brienne’s heart had begun to pound.
“You may leave, you may show all of Westeros the unstoppable force you are. In fact I want you to change the world.’ He paused once again before reaching to take ahold of her hands ‘But my love at some point when you are still of age I need you to marry produce an heir. Ten years should be enough time.” She stared at him in disbelief and feeling torn. Angry he was suggesting such a thing and understanding of why he’d make such a request.
“I promise.” It had been a promise she had intended to keep even though it felt like a knife in her chest.
Ten years and three months plus had went by. That promise was dead to her. No man would love her; not enough to marry. More then that being a wife and mother was not of an interest to her. And now being in the Kingsguard no matter her feelings upon either aspect Brienne couldn’t have them even if she wanted.
Father will understand. Everything comes to an end, even families. She keeps telling herself staring at the scroll. And it’s not enough he had never had the opportunity to marry once more and sire another child.
“He can’t have any more.” Brienne jerks around, hand on Oathkeeper as a reflux at the unexpected voice in the room.
“Your Grace.” She bows slightly at Bran.
“Your father is unable to have more children.” He repeats, she doesn’t want to know how he knew this or how he knew where her thoughts had been at.
“That happens sometimes.”
“Yes it does.” The Kings voice becomes softer and sadder for a moment and Brienne recalls the revelation Sansa had made about her brother.
“I’m sorry about...” She stops short unable and unwilling to say it; no matter what though he was already aware of her intentions of comfort and sympathy.
“You need to keep your promise to him.”
“I do not your Grace. My promise to you supersedes all others.”
“He has found you a match.” Great. Brienne rolls her eyes. No doubt this one would be the worst and most desperate suitors her father presented to her.
“I won’t be so quick to judgement Ser Brienne. You shall return to Tarth and either keep that promise or forsake it. I do think either way your father misses you?” Brienne sighs and nods.
“And I him.” Over ten years was far too long and the guilt of never having an opportunity to visit home always weighed at her heart. Even though it would end in breaking her father’s heart when she’d leave undoubtedly still unmarried. Brienne looks at the young king as he stares back almost clawing into her soul; the idea he already knew what was to happen and all decisions made always left her uneasy, more so when it involved herself. She stops herself from asking details. Had her father actually found a kind decent man who would allow her to live life as she wanted? She didn’t need green sight to answer that one.
“You will begin your journey tomorrow at day break. Ser Adrian will step in as Lord Commander while you are away.”
“Aye good choice.”
“Yes.” With that the maneuvers his chair and leaves Brienne alone once more with the note.
If Pod insisted on his own to occupy Brienne on her journey or if Bran assigned him the task she could not say or did she asked, but she as always was grateful for his company; though she felt as if she was being rather inconsiderate and distant towards the young knight. Her mind these last few days had become a jumble of memories of home (good and bad) and anticipation of what or rather who was waiting for her. After a simple hmm, right, sure to everything Pod asked of her on the first day during the trip he had given up and simply enjoyed the ride towards a favorable destination and not towards some battle or seeking out someone whom didn’t want to be found. And the weather had been nothing short of a blessing.
“Ser...it’s beautiful.” Brienne turns slightly and gives a half smile watching Pod’s eyes go wide as he stares across the water at slowly approaching island. Apart of her knew all these islands looked similar, but this one, Tarth; shinned brighter and more beautiful then the rest. A tinge of pride not felt in years burned in her chest.
“It certainly is.” She then takes notice of a small gathering of people on the shoreline; nothing out of the ordinary Tarth after all did have a nice fishing industry with vessels and those in charge of said vessels coming in at all hours. What was unusual was the older man (Gods had he truly aged that much?) with pure white hair and simple beard standing slightly by himself staring at the boat; as if trying to stare at Brienne. Tears, a rare expression of emotion threatens to fall.
“Father.” She whispers.
A feast that evening was held in her honor, something in which made Brienne quite uncomfortable with but her insistence that it be canceled or at least the cause of celebration altered fell on deaf ears. The worse part was hearing the generosity from those of her past who still remained on the island and thought prior to her departure she to be a vile, unintelligent, and ugly woman. Now it was almost a hero worship, she wasn’t worthy nor did she appreciate it. Still she forced a smile and answered questions in fewest words as possible. Her father’s smile allowed her to know he was taking great proud in this.
“The way they speak you’d think you killed the Night King, Daenerys, and Ja...’ Pod stops suddenly his eyes wide in horror. ‘I’m so sorry Ser! Too much drink I suppose?” Brienne puts her hand atop of his, smiling, a sad weak smile, but one nonetheless.
“It’s okay. Ser Jaime will always be apart of my history. I’d like to think some of my best parts. I mean he brought me to you. For that I’m incredibly grateful. I have made peace with his death. I have.” Podrick watches her for a moment trying to determine if she spoke the truth. When it came to things like this it took Brienne a long time (if at all) to reveal how she truly felt. Burying down, avoiding at all costs of anything emotional was her mindset. A fact Podrick accepted with little question. There was a peace in her eyes though. It was about time.
“Brienne my dear may we speak?’ Selwyn Tarth approaches the table meeting his daughter's eyes. ‘I hate to pull you away but I need my sleep soon.” There is a heaviness in his tone, she suspects her father had not stayed up this late in quite some time.
“Father we can talk in the morning.” She offers. He shakes his head.
“Now would be best.” He turns and walks away. With a nod to Podrick Brienne turns and follows her father out the hall, down the corridor, into one of the studies. Memories flash back to lessons and angry tutors who never had the patience to help a little girl who struggled time to time with the material.
“I know you are angry with me.’ She goes to protest but stops when he places a finger in her face. A gesture if almost anyone else she would bend it so far back it surely would have snapped. Instead she just stares at it, then focuses on his face; she can not recall a time in which he appeared this serious. 'As I said I am not a fool Brienne. You are furious at me for making you return to this shitty pla..."
"Father. I do not find Tarth shitty. I do not regret returning to visit. I wish I had done it far sooner." She stresses every word in hopes he would believe the sincerity she is telling him; his expression does not indicate either way.
"Be that as it may; besides that you are angry I have made you withhold your promise. Perhaps you were hoping I'd pass before that day came?" Selwyn spoke the second half softer, not so soft that Brienne couldn't hear. She selects not to acknowledge it. Because in her heart the thought had past her mind time to time.
"I'm not angry father. I do understand your reasonings. But father this life of being a highborn lady, producing children just for the sake of continuing on a family is..."
"Do you think that's all you are to me? To your mother?"
"Pardon?"
"Do you think we only had our children simply to carry on our name? That we did not love you? And when your brother and sisters died we grieved not one tear?" His words felt a slap to Brienne.
"Forgive me father. That is not what I meant. Having a family is a beautiful and a blessing. I acknowledge that is. And for a time I thought it was a life for me but alas the Seven did not have that path craved out for me." Selwyn reaches over and gently caresses his daughter's cheek. She really missed his touch.
"I want you to be happy."
"I am happy." A quiet fills the room as he takes a few steps from her until he is looking out the window, only able to see his reflection in the dark. Brienne begins to surmise the conversation has come to a completion and is about to call out a farewell.
"You spoke highly of him in your letters." Her heart surprises her by starting to pound. There was only one him in which she discussed with her father; at least in any way which would be interpreted as highly. She kept certain feelings and details to herself though.
"Yes. Ser Jaime was a good man. I'm honored to have known him."
"I suspect if he were alive still your feelings on this subject would be vastly different?" Her skin grows red with angry. How dare he ask that?!
"Ser Jaime and I were friends. Nothing more." The memories of that month with him in Winterfell race through her memories, the good, the amazing, and one of the worst in her life. Her father would not know of any of this; he actually seemed to respect the deceased Lannister there was no need to alter that.
"Right..." There is a hint of something in his words that Brienne can't read, nor can she fully see his face to decipher his face.
"Father it is getting late and after that bounding of food I'm rea..."
"A few months ago. Four to be exact a solider appeared on the island. Not that uncommon as you know, they get lost, need a break from whatever assignment they are on, and we allow them that relaxation for a few days and then they are on their way again.' Brienne nods, Tarth seemed for many a perfect place to vacation, but few cared to call it home. 'This man was different though. After the usual amount of time in which others would depart he still remained. He spoke of fighting in both the battle with the Night King; I still don't fully understand all that..."
"I don't either, Father. And I was there." She tells him with a soft smile.
"And for that I'm grateful. He also shared the fact he was present for the turmoil in which took place at Kings Landing. Never giving much details on either; his scars speak enough though."
"Understandable."
"Being the Evenstar I like to know my people, make them feel at peace."
"You have always been quite at that." She suspects that would be something she'd fail at it and end up turning people away by her lack of true social graces.
"Thank you my dear. I quickly stuck up a friendship of sorts with this solider."
"That's kind of you father." Her mind is quickly beginning to suspect where this conversation is slowly leading to.
"He is a very kind and decent solider. Good looking too."
"Father..." There it was. Bran had said her father had found her match, but it wasn't until this moment the prophecy arose into reality.
"Of good standing too." Selwyn ignores his daughter's protest.
"I'm sure he is as wonderful as you say. But father I'm not..."
"I told him about you. Your grand adventures. How you were the first female to become a knight. Have you told you how immensely proud that made me?"
"Yes you have. I know this is hard for you..."
"He loved hearing those stories, holding onto my every word. At first I assumed he was being polite and listening to an old man ramble on. It was more then that Brienne. He really seems to care for you."
"I'm sure he does. You likely told him I was the most beautiful woman in all the Six Kingdoms plus the North. And not only that but if got me he'd get all this!" She gestures dramatically around her.
"So what if I did? I like him. I have a feeling about him."
"You're a fool." It was a rare occurrence in which she would speak in such a frank fashion to him.
"I am only thinking of what is best for you!"
"No, you're thinking of what is best for Tarth!" She is nearly shouting refusing to swallow down her emotions for one more second.
"Brienne I promise that is not the case. I do love you. And I only want you happy. Anything that occurs will be a bonus from the Seven. Which is why when he asked me for his bles..."
"Wait? What?!"
"What?"
"He was the one whom brought up marrying me?" Brienne tries not to laugh.
"Yes he did. He sai..."
"You really are a fool father. He is taking advantage of you. Of all of us." Selwyn has stepped away from the window and back within arm reach of his daughter. The look he is giving shudders her more then any wight ever had; for a second she is certain he is about to slap her.
"Be that has it may I agreed and made me that promise before you left. I damn well expect you to keep it!" It might as well have been slap. Before she can respond he quickly departed the study in a fit of anger.
The next morning after a fairly unsatisfactory amount of sleep Brienne finds Pod having breakfast with a group who seemed to be near his own age. Laughing and having a joyful time; it seized for the knight when he spots his dear friend and quickly departs from their table.
"You did not need to leave on my account Pod."
"I am aware, I wanted to. Is everything good?" The corners of her mouth turn up. Dear Podrick was always way too pure and kind for this world.
"I honestly can not say. The conversation I had with my father...it was a draining one that is for sure."
"Is it true? About...?" Brienne nods.
"Yes he has apparently found the ideal man. Though I'm not sure if he's ideal for myself or for him."
"I don't follow Ser..." She chuckles. Before providing to him an edited variation the previous nights events. Watching Pod's face change and alter the longer she spoke was entertaining.
"Wow."
"Yeah. You're telling me. Oh Podrick what am I supposed to do?" He shrugs, seemingly deep in thought.
"Perhaps and hear me out...perhaps your father is right and this solider is a decent man deserving of you?" Brienne rolls her eyes.
"That's not possible. Things like that don't happen for anyone. Especially not for me!" She feels a tinge of guilt for snapping at him. He doesn't seem to notice or care.
"You weren't suppose to become a knight. You weren't suppose to become a lead commander of the Kingsguard. Yet you did. So why not this too?" Tears fill her vision and rather risk him seeing them she quickly departs, nearly running from the hall. She finds herself in the gardens, near the training yard where she seemed hours with father. No one wanted to train a girl in the art and the few in which had tired of the task quickly; telling father she was far too aggressive. Even now Brienne did not comprehend how that was something to be thought as negative.
She takes a seat on a stone bench, the same one in which she had the foggiest memories of her mother braiding her hair; at times she wonders if every memory of her mom is simply a dream breaking into the real world. Her mother was a topic she hardly approached even within the silence in her heart. There was no point in holding onto the past and those of it. She had a chest of dead written on that heart that forged her until the person she is. Still despite herself times like this in this place Brienne wishes she had more time with her. Wonders how different life for all of them would be different if she hadn't caught that fever; would she side with father on this? Or would she understand her daughter to be destined for another life?
"Brienne?" Her head snaps up to her father, thrown by the fact she failed to hear him approach.
"Father?" She tries not to come across as annoyed or even pissed, she is aware it was a failure.
"I wanted to apologize for my behavior last evening. My temper at times gets the best of me."
"Of that I can sympathize with. I too took things too far. And I am sorry." The anger dispates as she smiles at him.
"I was wrong to say you had to marry. I do have your best intentions at heart though."
"I know you do. And I wish I could be that daughter who would throw herself around your neck and praise you for hours for finding her a match. But..."
"But it's not you. I always knew that to be true. Still apart of me hoped..."
"I do love you father."
"And I love you Brienne.' He takes a deep breath as he takes a seat beside her. 'Could you do me a favor though?" A hundred if not more things collect in her mind of trying to figure out what favor he possibly could be preparing to ask.
"Yes, I suppose."
"Can you at least meet him?" Her eyes clinch shut. That had been one of things she imagined he'd say.
"I don't know father. It almost seems a shame to ruin the fantasy he has of me with the actual hideous monster I am."
"Brienne! You know I absolutely hate when you speak like that!"
"You're right. I'm sorry. Really though I don't know if I should."
"You should because it's the polite and decent thing to do. I am releasing you from your promise so don't worry about that. Still he deserves the pleasure of meeting you. My beautiful and amazing daughter." For the second time that morning tears attempt to cascade down.
"Fair enough father. Let him know when he has a..."
"He is waiting in the study for you." Selwyn interrupts her.
"Oh. Well I suppose I should not leave him waiting.' She stands up pulling down at her tunic. 'Are you not coming father?" He shakes his head.
"No, I have already meet him." Brienne smirks at his playful quip. Without anything further she departs, in fear if she didn't she would never move. The thought occurs to turn the opposite direction once inside to find Podrick and race to the next vessel leaving for the mainland. She would never forgive herself though.
The door is slightly a jar as she steps in, past the part where she stood just hours ago. She surveys the surroundings, eye brows crinkled in confusion; there was no one here but herself. Had father misunderstood where this solider was to meet her? Had he spied her at some point since her arrival and ...
"Ser Brienne." The voice. That voice was a ghost straight from the deepest chest in her heart. She turns slowly almost as if a force outside of her control is doing the moving for her. A gasp escapes as her knees stumble. He rushes to her side. A ghost. Surely this was ghost.
"Jaime?" It now feels foreign on her tongue.
"Yeah. Hi." Brienne reaches out and touches his face, for being a ghost he was warm and of flesh.
"I don't understand. You're dead." That was a statement of fact in her mind and nothing else.
"I'm sure it may come as a disappointment to many but I am very much alive."
"No. Tyrion saw you. You and Cersei."
"He saw her but not me. For the fragile peace to take place and more importantly stay that way the Kingdoms needed to believe me to have died as well. Look I really don't understand it; just when Bran says something you listen." She shakes her head, scrambling to her feet, with a helping hand from him.
"Bran. Yeah..."
"Gods Brienne I've missed you! These last ten months have been torture for me!" Jaime leans in for a kiss, she jerks away.
"No. No, you don't get to do that! You think I have forgotten or forgive you?!" She pushes him away.
"I'm so sorry. That single handily was the hardest thing I ever done! Do you not think I don't play that morning in my head over and over? That I don't wish I could've told you everything?!"
"Why didn't you?" Her words are soft.
"Because I couldn't lose you.' She looks up at him 'Bran told me if you knew the truth of I was heading for Cersei to in fact not save her, but kill her you'd insist as the noble knight you are to ride along side me. And...you would not have survived. Of that I could not bear." Jaime now as tears watering his face.
"Jaime..." So many things to still question, explanations wanting to be seemed out. Instead all she wanted to do was hold him and be held by him. She steps towards and engulf her arms around him as he follows suit and what feels like hours they just hold each other and cry.
"Oh by the way.' Jaime begins as he pulls away. 'I meant what I said."
"Said about what?"
"When I told the Evenstar I was interested in marrying his daughter." She had almost forgotten about that.
"Did he know who are you?" He nods with a grin.
"I mean come on not many knights are out there missing a hand! Plus your father is a smart man. I made him promise not reveal the truth. But what do you say Brienne Of Tarth will do you me the pleasure of allowing me to be your husband?"
"I never wanted to marry, not since I was a young girl. I never wanted to have children...' His face looks crestfallen and Brienne smiles 'that's until I meet you. Well not when I first meet you..." Jaime bursts out with laughter.
"Understandable. Now though?"
"Gods of course a million times yes." At last their lips meet again and joy she thought destroyed engulfs her.