Chapter Text
My day progressed normally as it always had. I stumbled into class about five minutes early, and held my breath as the air grew stale with warm bodies. We were students, packed like sardines in a cramped lecture hall. Attendance was at a high, the highest it had ever bee. It was nice to see everyone making conversation over prepared notes. But my focus was elsewhere.
On my way to class, a few words dripped off my tongue, slowly like honey. I repeated them over and over until my hands could reach for pen and paper.
“Bored beauty, eyes rolled to the moon.” I muttered, scratching them into my notebook, “all your lovers swept beneath the rug, standing two figures of sleep unafraid…”
A large figure suddenly plopped in the seat beside me and grunted loudly. The very sound made me jolt, I stashed my notebook out of sight.
It was my friend, Sean Nicholas. The messenger bag across his shoulder was carelessly thrown onto the floor at our feet. He stretched back in the seat beside me, rubbing his eyes.
“Hey you.” I said, “What happened?”
“I literally just woke up ten minutes ago.” Sean groaned. A part of his dark brown hair stuck up in a coarse cowlick, “...Wasn’t class supposed to be canceled today?”
I shook my head no and bit back a laugh, “Nope. That’s Friday.”
Sean shook his head and fixed his hair, “What day is it again?”
“Tuesday.”
“Son of a bitch.” he muttered.
I laughed slightly, looking up at my friend.
He was a handsome young man, a broad build with soft brown eyes and a wicked grin, like a darker Marlon Brando.
“You need a planner.” I insisted, “When’s your birthday? It'll be your present from me.”
“Bri, don’t waste your money.” he begged, “I would throw it away… And make a trashcan fire with it.” His large arms were covered by a grey sweatshirt- the only jewelry he wore were two iron rings on both hands.
“Stubborn…” I pulled a chocolate from my backpack and placed it in his palm, “This isn’t cold brew, but you need a kick.”
“Thanks…” he said in a flat tone, plucking the chocolate from its wrapping into his mouth, “What were you writing there, by the way?”
“Why do you want to know?” I asked, crossing my arms, “I never get to see your works. Why do you want to see mine so badly?”
He would not look me in the eye, “You’ve seen my works…”
“There’s a difference between seeing a work and reading it in my hands, feeling it!” I teased.
He shrugged, “You’re just old fashioned. And I’m too broke to get it printed.”
“Not broke!” I corrected, “Just lazy.”
He scoffed under his breath, “At least I FINISH my works. What, you’ve told me three ideas this week and how many have you started?”
I seethed and quickly swept my notebook into my backpack, “Welp…”
“Exactly.” Sean argued, “Don’t start with me.”
“I can’t help it.” I beamed, “You seem so fun to bother.”
“I never said you were bothering me.”
Our conversation pulled to a pause when my phone began buzzing. I pulled it from my pocket and began smiling at Milo’s message.
“Still on for tonight? I know a good place where we can meet. ;)”
Sean rolled his eyes, “What does this fool have to say for himself this time?”
“Be nice.” I said, “And Milo is still on for our date tonight. He said he knows a place.”
“What a classic line.” Sean said sarcastically, “Let me guess, the dumpster behind McDonald's?”
I jabbed him playfully with my elbow, “Don’t be so rude! In fact… I’m going to ask him…” I spoke aloud while typing my response, “Yes, I am! Where were you thinking?”
I sent the message and we both waited for a response.
“Look, I know you don’t like him.”
“You’re correct.” Sean quipped, “When did you pick up on that?”
I ignored the venom in his comment, “This isn’t anything crazy. We aren't getting married tomorrow or something. This is just us testing the waters.”
Sean leaned back with his arms behind his neck, “And how do you think these waters will be?”
“Not too choppy.” I pondered, “I have a good feeling.”
I took a sip of water from the canteen in my purse, wishing for something stronger. It was all a lie. He didn’t need to know. It was something I wanted for a long time. I dreamt about begging for a second chance, but I’d never tell him that.
Sean shook his head as if he knew, “You don’t sound very sure of yourself.”
“Oh, could you not criticize me for once?” I begged, tilting my head, “I know you’re jealous.”
He crossed his arms and held back a smile, “Jealous!?”
“What’s your girl’s input on this?” I asked, “You haven’t talked about her in awhile.”
“She’s good, I guess.” he said, “Nice…”
“Just good?” I asked, “Sean, I could say that this piece of chocolate is good. And I could say that you’re nice.”
“That second one would be a very poor observation…”
“Not my point.” I said sternly, “Did something happen? You know I can help… Sort of.”
“It’s stupid.” He said, “It’s just-”
The sudden rapping of a michrophone echoed through our lecture hall, followed by a resounding, “Good afternoon, class.”
Sean shrugged and put a finger to his lips. I laid back in my seat and pouted, reverting back to my notes.
~
“So, where are you off to?” Sean asked as we left class.
“Milo suggested the Garlic Rose for dinner.” I beamed, “Tonight at seven.”
“That’s nice.” He said, fumbling with his earbuds, “Any ideas on what you’re going to wear?”
I stopped in my tracks at the realization. I had no idea.
“Oh man…” I seethed, “I don’t know.”
“I don’t mind helping.” Sean suggested.
“You? Fashion advice?” I teased, eyeing the worn sweatshirt over his shoulders.
“I grew up in a household with three older sisters. I know a few things about hair and makeup… And clothes.”
“Oh!” I beamed, “Well… If you wouldn’t mind. I could send pictures.”
He shook his head, “I’d have to see it in person. Sorry, it’s better for me that way.”
The request didn’t register as odd to me. I was more excited to hear his input.
“What time, again?”
“Seven!”
“Okay… Go ahead and get ready, I’ll swing around by six. Apartment 251B right?” Sean asked, slipping on his helmet.
“Yep!” I nodded, “Let me know when you’re on your way.”
“Alright.” Sean smirked slightly and mounted his bike, “See ya.”
~
Most of my time was spent making my apartment spotless- Sean could have cared less, but I would feel bad having guests when things are dirty. And I couldn’t shove everything in my closet this time. I muttered fragments of words for the poem I started earlier, but my mind was clouded as I took a brisk shower. My mouth was focused on the music playing from my vanity speaker, and My hands on the perfect flick of liner.
“Who are you getting all pretty for?” Amy, my roommate asked, leaning against the doorframe in her sweats.
“Milo.” I chirped.
Amy let out a small sound of disgust, “I can’t believe you're going out with him after all the shit he’s pulled.”
I sighed and smiled slightly, “It wasn’t all just him, remember? I had my own problems too, you know… We’ve both changed through the year we were apart.”
“You have.” Amy said, “Women always do, but guys don’t.”
I ignored her comment, “By the way, Sean is coming down.”
She brightened, “Sean?! Oh man… Why don’t you go for him?”
“He’s got a girl!” I laughed.
“That hasn’t stopped anyone before. If it did, I’d be out of the job.” She stood in the sink beside me and pulled her messy hair into a bun.
I laughed, “He’s off limits to you too!”
She clicked her tongue, “Whatever. Why is he coming over?”
“He wanted to help me out with my date tonight,” I explained, “Since you’re going to be in an exam… Which starts in less than twenty minutes. You should head out.”
The doorbell suddenly buzzed. My eyes widened- I wrapped the silk robe round my chest, and ran a hand around the curlers in my head.
“Shit!” I seethed, “Go answer the door! He can’t see me like this!”
“Girl, I got you.” Amy said aesthetically, “I’m gonna go flirt.”
“Don’t you dare!” I yelled from the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
As I began stumbling into some clothes, I heard the door open.
“Hey!” Amy beamed, “You must be Sean. I’m Amy.”
“Amy, the infamous roommate.” Sean said, “I’ve heard stories. It's nice to meet you.”
She laughed coyly, “All good things, I hope?”
“You could say that. The definition of good is subjective.” Sean suggested, “Is Briana here? Or did she leave without me?”
“Oh yeah, she’s finishing up. Why don’t you come in and sit a while? We have iced tea-”
I stumbled out of the bathroom in a cloud of hairspray and breathlessness.
“Hey!” I coughed, “Sorry about that.”
Sean’s expression read of relief. He quickly excused himself onto his feet, “I’ll be good without tea for now. I can’t be here long.”
“Oh yeah, me either!” Amy beamed, throwing her backpack over her shoulder, “I have a test to go to. There’s food if you want some.”
“Thank you, Amy.” I said in a strained tune, “But we aren't hungry.”
“O-kay…” Amy mused, opening the door, “Condoms are on the top shelf in the hallway!”
My eyes widened. I felt heat tinge in my cheeks. Before I could say anything more, she had shut the door and left.
Sean laughed softly, “She’s funny. I like her.”
I huffed and stormed into my room, “At least you’re entertained…”
“Indeed.” Sean observed, slowly walking behind me down the hallway, “You clean up pretty nice.”
“Thank you, we only had one bottle of Dr. Bronner’s left.” I smiled, wafting about the faint scent of roses in the house.
“I meant you, Bri.” Sean chuckled, “The clean house is a plus.”
My shoulders tensed, “I… I knew that.”
We walked into my bedroom- I was proud, being a tall girl in such a small room- decorated in vintage shades, with a petite chandelier hanging overhead.
“Hm.” He huffed, “What do you got?” Sean asked, motioning to my closet.
“So, here’s a few ideas of mine- Oh, do you want something?” I offered, “Before we get into it?”
“Later, this is more important.”
His tone had changed from earlier. He seemed a bit calmer, and kept his silver tongue under wraps. Sean leaned back on my bed, legs spread apart slightly. The mattress creaked beneath him. Before my mind could shift to dirtier thoughts, I quickly dug in my closet to pull a few samples.
The first- A pink dress with three quarter length sleeves, with a knee length skirt and an a-line silhouette.
“No.” he immediately quipped. Perhaps I spoke too soon.
“What?!” I laughed, “You’ve barely seen it!” I held the dress against my figure and spun across my rug, “Don’t you like it?”
“If it was Easter Sunday, maybe.” Sean uttered, “But it’s too mature for tonight. Next!”
His words cut like a gavel against wood. I sighed and quickly pulled my second choice- A simple, u-neck blue paisley thing with lace crochet trim.
Sean scrunched his nose slightly, “I’ve seen you wear this before. Don’t be wrong…. It looks good.”
“But…?”
“It’s not an evening look.” Sean grunted, “Mind if I take a peek?”
A small pit of frustration grew within me. I stepped back and motioned him to my closet, “Go ahead, Maybe you’ll find something.”
Sean brushed past me and began digging in my closet, a small grin across his lips.
“What is it?” I asked.
“You’re getting salty with me because you know I’m right.” Sean said, pushing a few hangers out of his way.
“Yes…. And?”
“I’m sure Milo could care less about what you’re wearing.” he sighed, “He’s a man with taste to some extent. He found you. But other than that… I don't respect him.”
“He’s a writer too, you know,” I added, “If things work out, perhaps you can be editing buddies.”
Sean laughed, “I could wipe my ass with his works with one swipe, and it still wouldn’t be enough.”
I pursed my lips together and looked down at the floor, “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
He stepped back a moment, “Bri… Look at me.”
I looked up half heartedly, but nothing could mask my irritation.
“I know how much it hurt when he walked out.” Sean said, “I used to be like you.”
“Then you became the world’s only living heart donor.” I said.
He chuckled, “Okay… That was a good one. But… Not my point.” Sean crossed his arms and leaned forward, with a stern look in his eye, “You’ve got a lot to give. Just remember… If it works out or not, you don’t owe him a damn thing.”
It was the most sincere sentence that he had ever said to me. I looked up at him, my vision growing glassy at the edges. A small smile grew across my lips.
“Here comes your two favorite words again,” I said, “You’re right.”
Sean smiled down at me. It was a rare thing- at first a smirk, but his lip curled higher into a genuine smile down upon me. And for a moment, it appeared that the only living heart donor had something beating within his chest.
“Good. It rolls off the tongue sweeter when someone else says it.” Sean said, pulling a dress from the back of my closet- it was one I hadn’t worn in a long time- a violet, silky off the shoulder dress- fitted at the waist, with a sweetheart neckline and a satin belt.
“This is the one.” Sean insisted, placing the hanger in my hands, “It’s not too formal, but not too day-time either.”
My cheeks grew hot, “I haven’t worn this in a long time. What if it doesn’t fit?”
“Then go try it on.” Sean said, “Just for good measure.”
“I trust you, Sean Nicholas.” I crooned, stumbling behind my ivory divider screen. Behind the screen, I quickly stripped into my skin.
Sean quickly turned his head and began to leave the room.
“Where are you going?” I inquired.
“Getting some iced tea. We’re friends, but not that close yet…”
“What do you mean?” I asked, “Come on back in, you can’t see how I look in here.”
“I just did.” Sean uttered, hurrying into the kitchen.
I cringed and covered my mouth, screaming internally. Sean dug in my cupboards for a glass, as I shimmeyed into the dress he found. I stepped out from behind the screen and struggled with the zipper at the small of my waist.
Sean stood leaning against the kitchen counter with a glass of iced tea in hand. He took a sip and immediately met me gaze when I entered the living room.
The dress still fit my figure- soft against my skin, tighter around the bust than I would’ve preferred. But As I stared in the reflection of a mirror across the way, I knew he had made the right choice. I smiled softly at my friend and did a twirl with bare feet.
“Well... ?”I asked, “How is it?”
Sean looked at me as if he was dumbfounded by his own work. He hand braced against the countertop behind him. A certain gleam in his eyes simmered and made them wider, looking me up and down in awe. He let out a small huff of breath, followed by a smile.
“Perfect.” he said, clearing his throat, “Purple really suits you.”
“Thank you!” I giggled, “I didn’t get the rest of my zipper… Would you mind?”
He set down the glass and walked up behind me, “Of course. I may be an asshole sometimes, but I am still a gentleman.”
I turned so my back could face him, and held onto the front of my dress. Sean walked up behind me, quieter than the dead. His large hands started on nimble work- one palm placed on the small of my waist- the other gently pulling the zipper upwards, slowly between nimble fingers, until the zipper was raised all the way. His touch was warm, yet the sensation made me shiver slightly. He then sealed with a clasp, like a good night’s kiss, and pulled away.
“And those are the shoes you’re wearing?” He asked, looking down at my kitten heels.
“Yes.” I said, “I wouldn’t have thought of this before… Do I look okay? I thought I saw lipstick in my-”
“What did I say earlier?” Sean asked me sternly, crossing his arms, “You’re not leaving this apartment until you believe it.”
I furrowed my brows and grabbed my purse from the couch, “Keeping me trapped in my own apartment? Really, who are you?” I joked, heading to the door.
Sean slammed his back against the door, with a sound that echoed like a pile of bricks.
“Hey!” I fussed, “Let me through!”
Sean chortled and scrunched his nose softly as he laughed, “No! Not until you say it.”
I clicked my tongue, “Please! I’m going to be late.”
Sean cupped his hand to his ear, “Say it, I’m all ears…”
I exhaled loudly, “I look perfect.”
“You didn’t mean it.” Sean teased, “Now you’re just saying it. Own it.”
I swallowed hard, “I’m… Perfect.”
“Again.”
“I’m perfect!” I said shrilly, “Come on, Sean…”
“I still don’t one hundred percent believe you.” Sean reluctantly moved away from the door, “But it is getting late… We’re talking about this later though.”
I smiled at him slightly, “Thank you, Sam…”
“For what?”
“For helping me.”
“I was just a catalyst,” Sean humbled, putting on his coat, “You’re the one helping yourself.”
And just like that, he had left without a trace. We went our separate ways and i headed downtown, to meet Weston at last.
~
The Garlic Rose was a handsome, open air restaurant on the corner of Mission and Orange Street. The sun had just set- and a few waiters hurried around heat lamps in the front patio to keep their patrons warm. A soft breeze had started, sending my hair past my shoulders as I strutted down the boulevard. My ensemble had caught the eyes of a few strangers- some married men, so I had walked quickly.
And as I neared the entrance, my smile grew at a familiar guest. Milo knelt forward, with his elbows on the table. His eyes were focused on the menu placed in his palms. His brows furrowed in deep concentration, and I watched the gears turn in his head. As I walked forward, my thoughts only resorted to violence aimed at his barber- who had sheathed his long, curly dark locks too shirt against his large head. His brows were bushy and unkempt, beneath a pair of blue eyes, heavily lined with dark circles. The lenses of his thick glasses had mostly concealed shades of violet and grey. His face was still handsome- but it was not the boy I knew so well. The boy I had once met, with blemish scars on his cheeks and a goofy smile was far gone from me. A tired young man had taken his place- a stranger I had yet to meet. I saw it in the shadow on his jawline, in the crevices of his ironed dress shirt… And in the antsy fingertips that tugged at his collar. His free hand drummed against the tabletop, with fingernails picked to the nub, beside an empty bread bowl. It was a nasty habit he’s had, and it was the only thing that had not changed. I remembered kissing his coarse knuckles like a king, but now I saw only a hand.
“You didn't save me any bread.” I teased, taking the seat opposite to him.
Milo’s face immediately brightened at the sight of me, “Hi!” His voice was deep and content, as if he woke from a dream to see it had come true.
I smiled back, his happiness was contagious, “Hi, How are you?”
“I’m good!” Milo beamed, “May I just start by saying that you look… Amazing.”
I shrugged my shoulders, “Thank you, I’ve been told I clean up nicely.”
“No kidding!” Milo mused, “You cut your hair. And that dress looks perfect on you.”
I kept a smile and fumbled with a napkin in my lap- everything that he said had felt like some strange dream.
“Thank you. You look good too.” I said softly.
Milo thumped his elbow onto the table, wobbling the half finished wine glass beside him. He quickly caught it, “Shit!”
“Dear God, he started drinking already?” I thought to myself. A few people eyed him around us, which made me stifle my laugh.
“My bad…” he cleared his throat, “I hope you don’t mind. Just a little cap for me tonight. Would you care for a glass?”
I shook my head, “Ask me again next year.”
“Right!” he clicked his tongue, “I must have forgotten. Sorry, but don’t fret. We could do shots later…”
I laughed, “And have you around when I’m drunk? I don’t think so.”
“Come on, we aren't strangers.” Milo joked, “Doesn’t it sound like a grand time?”
“Grand wouldn’t be the best word.” I had imagined Sean’s voice in the back of my mind in response. I cupped a hand over my mouth.
Milo furrowed his brows, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing!” I chirped, “What’s on the menu tonight?”
He slid a menu over to me, “A lot of shit I can’t afford. Can we split the check?”
I opened it, “Of course, I was thinking the same thing.”
“Awesome.” Milo sighed in relief, “Now… What have you been up to at school?”
I scanned over the menu and began telling him a tall tale, “Well… It’s definitely different from community college. I’m glad I went though. It was a stepping stone to university level work. I’m surrounded by deadlines, but it’s because we’re on a quarter system.”
“I see…” Milo replied, “What classes do you have this semester?”
His reply deflated form the happy expression earlier. He did not look me in the eye- his attention was rather centered on the wine swirling in his glass.
“I’m talking about three classes this semester.” I said, scanning the pasta dishes, “Spanish three, political science, and intro to alternative criti-”
“Intro to what?” Milo barked.
I swallowed, “It’s an English class.”
“Ah. Sorry.” Milo sniffed, “Go on.”
My brow raised slightly, “I”m going to take intro to Shakespeare by this fall, if all goes well with credits.”
“Shakespeare is a little overrated, isn’t he?” Milo asked in a cocky tone.
I pursed my lips, “He’s one of my favorite writers.”
Milo sipped his wine, “What about other writers? Haven’t you studied anyone else other than him?”
His attitude grew a tad snarky for my liking, “Of course. We studied John Milton, Christopher Marlowe, Ben Jonson… I already knew their works even before attending university. Maybe if you paid attention in the classes we had together, you would know those names too.”
Milo grew puzzled at my sudden bite, “I see how it is. It always feels like his characters are too flawed to function.”
“Shakespeare is one of my inspirations.” I reminded him again, “He doesn’t give us the endings we desire, did you ever wonder that? Have you ever read Othello?”
“I’ve looked it up on spark notes.” Milo said flatly, “Why?”
“Hamlet understands the concept of a tragedy.” I began, sipping from the water glass a waiter had generously poured for me as we spoke, “He only assumes he knows everything. And Hamlet is so blinded by his own assumptions, he kills the wrong man, which resulting in a domino effect of deaths sparing Horatio. He knows his flaws, but it's impossible for him to avoid them. He’s a hero in the wrong story.”
Milo leaned back in his chair with a hardened expression, “Then what story does he belong in?”
“Othello.” I insisted.
“Why Othello?”
“Hamlet would have sat back and grown immune to Iago’s tendencies.” I spoke, “While Othello would have murdered Claudius earlier. There would be no stories if it was perfect.”
Milo grew silent and began bouncing his leg beneath the table. He knew I was correct, and was too scared to admit it.
“Hello!” A young waitress approached us, “Are we still deciding on what we’d like to eat?”
“Yes.” Milo answered coarsely.
“Actually, I’m ready to order. My friend may need a few more minutes.” I said, ignoring his attitude, “Can I get your chicken piccata, please?”
The waitress quickly scribbled my order onto her notepad, “Okay! Anything else?”
“Well… For an appetizer to help my friend, could you please bring some more bread, and the calamari?”
“Absolutely!” The waitress grinned down at me, “I’ll take care of that for you right now. Sir, whenever you’re ready, just flag me down. In case you can’t find me, my name is Lucy.” She was petite girl with long black hair tucked into a low bun, with flushed cheeks. It was a face I would recall almost immediately.
Milo was staring out into the distance with his hand resting against his chin, off in a trance.
“Thank you.” I spoke for him and ushered him away.
He then snapped back to a happier expression, “Sorry, I kinda spaced out when you mentioned it.”
My irritation grew a bit more, “Too bad. I had something good going on there.”
“Would you repeat it?”
“I shouldn’t have to.” I snapped, sipping my water again.
An older man two tables across let out a bray of laughter at my response, with a smirk of approval. Milo ignored him completely.
Our dinner continued with tense, small talk. Thankfully my meal was perfect, Milo had to send his back twice. Not because it was undercooked, or the fact that it wasn’t desirable… It wasn’t what he wanted, or needed in that hour. Our poor waitress asked him multiple times if she could get him anything else, and with each attempt he refused her immediately. He was not much a man of taste whatsoever. I eyed the plate of linguine alle vongole being whisked away- it was sand that he had tasted, and made him fully lose his appetite. I felt guilty eating in front of him. Milo poured hi third glass of wine.
“I’m sorry about your dinner.” I said.
“It’s whatever.” Milo uttered, “Figures. Doesn’t it?” He downed the glass like it was water.
“Haven’t you had enough to drink already?” I asked, “We can get more bread-”
“Why do you care so much about why I drink?” he stammered. I leaned back in chair in shock.
“Okay, I get you’re upset, but don’t take it out on me.” I spoke, “I’m trying to make this a good night.”
Milo muttered, “I’ve been putting in some effort too, Briana. I’ve tried to be a better person than I was.”
Anger brewed beneath my skin. I clenched my jaw, “I don’t see it.”
Milo froze me out with bitter silence.
“Milo?!” A shrill voice echoed from behind us. I jumped and turned over my shoulder.
A girl with stringy blonde hair and acrylics stormed through the venue with three waiters following behind her.
Weston jumped, “Stevie?”
“You son of a bitch!” she yelled, throwing hot coffee into his lap.
I stumbled back from my chair to escape the splash.
Milo let out a loud cry, “What the fuck?!”
“Who is SHE?” Stevie demanded, motioning to me. Her eyes never left his face, “You said you were going to be in San Diego tonight!”
“I was, but my plans got canceled!” He lied.
“Bullshit, bullshit!” Stevie screamed, looking at me, “Who the fuck are you?”
“Who are you?” I replied with the same amount of weariness.
“I asked you first!”
“I’m Briana, I’m his ex.” I said, “He has never mentioned you- Milo, is this your girlfriend?”
Stevie threw her empty coffee cup onto the floor, “Not anymore. I spent too much time standing in your shadow.”
She stormed out, leaving us both dumb founded. Many of the customers around us cheered her on, like a hero. And to a degree, she was a hero in my eyes too. But I was too upset to say anything more.
“Are you alright?” Lucy calmly asked me.
“Excuse me.” was my only response. I ran into the bathroom without ever looking back.
I slammed the bathroom door behind me and braced myself against the vanity, exhaling as I leaned forward. There was much more i wanted to say to him. This evening made me feel horrible. I did not belong with someone so incompetent- he was not the same man i knew once, long ago. I teared up and looked in my reflection.
Perfect would not be the word i would use for myself. Desirable, definitely. But far from perfect. The curls in my dark hair began to bend at the root, making a small bout of frizz. My makeup caked in my smile lines, and beneath my eyes. No amount of concealer could cover up beneath my eyes. A small slip of lipstick crept onto my front teeth. My eyes grew glassy, and my lungs let out a low cry of disappointment. My appetite was gone- I pulled my phone from my purse and dialed the only person i want to see right now.
“What’s up?” Sean asked.
“Sean…” I began sobbing, “Everything went to shit… I-”
His tone grew serious, “Are you hurt? Physically?”
“No.” I began breathing faster, “Milo played me, he had a girlfriend and she showed up with him. He lied to me again… Please get me out of here… I don’t have a ride.”
I head the loud boom of a door slamming, “Give me five.”
“Okay.” I sniffled, “I’m hiding inside the Garlic Rose.”
“I’ll call you when I’m there.”
“Okay…”
He hung up the phone. I wiped my tears with some bath tissue and took a deep breath.
The door creaked open and I flinched at the sound.
Lucy- our waitress, stood in the doorway, with a look of concern over her delicate face.
“Hey… Are you alright? I saw what happened out there…”
I wiped my eyes, “Yes… I’m so sorry there was such a spectacle…”
“No, no!” Lucy gave me a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry about me. I’m sorry you’re the one going through this.”
I smiled slightly and wiped my eyes. Lucy reached for some tissue on the bathroom counter, “We girls gotta stick together. If you don’t mind, I’m going to stay with you for a few minutes.”
“Did his crazy girlfriend leave?” I asked, my throat croaky.
“Yes, thank goodness.” Lucy sighed, wiping the corners of my eyes, “You look amazing by the way!”
“Thank you.” I laughed halfheartedly, “You don’t need to wash it off… I’ll cry the rest of it away by the time I get home.”
“Do you need a ride?” she offered, “I get off my shift in about ten more minutes.”
“No, it’s alright.” I said, “I called my friend to come pick me up.”
“Good!” Lucy beamed, “I’m going to stay with you until she gets here.”
“My friend is actually a guy.” I explained, “He’s a really good friend of mine. You’ll hear him before you see him.”
“Really?” Lucy was curious, “How come?”
“More than likely he’s on his bike-”
Just like magic, I heard the sound of a guttural motor roar closer, almost rattling the thin walls of this building. For a moment, the sound of his machinery rattled like a war cry in my lungs. A small smile grew across my lips- we both turned our heads.
“That’s his cue.” I observed.
Lucy stood beside me as we walked out of the bathroom together. A few waiters crowded around us, along with nosy customers from earlier.
Milo was standing at the front entrance with a hand running through his hair, speaking with the manager. He saw me coming, and immediately rushed to my side.
“Briana, I’m sorry-”
“I don’t want to hear it.” I growled, “I never want to talk to you again.”
“But-”
“You heard her!” Lucy barked, “Go on and leave her alone. You’ve done enough damage.” She was little, but had a fierce heart.
Milo ignored her, “Briana, please, I can explain.”
“No, you can’t!” I yelled, “All you do is lie to me. How am I supposed to trust you?”
Sean had arrived within what felt like two heart beats. The motor of his bonneville T100 echoed through the streets, jarring a few patrons downtown. Their cries of shock grew louder as his bike rolled onto the pavement from the curb.
“Is that him?” Lucy asked with concern in her voice.
I nodded, running towards him. Sean threw his helmet on the ground and turned off the engine to his bike, almost slamming it onto the pavement. His footsteps thrashed against concrete, and his jaw was clenched tight. A vein in his neck pulsated violently beneath his skin.
Milo froze at the sight of my friend, wide eyed with fear.
I ran in front of Sean and placed my hand on his arm, “Sean… Sean don’t do it-”
“Get out of the way.” he commanded, “You’re not going to like this.”
“Sean-”
He carefully shoved me away. I ran back and stood beside Lucy.
Milo held up his hands in surrender, “Look, man, we can talk-”
Sean’s threw a right hook to Weston’s face.
“No!” I yelled.
“Oh my god!” Lucy yelled.
Milo toppled back, holding onto his left eye.
“Actually, it’s my turn to talk.” Sean growled, “Listen here you son of a bitch… I’ve heard Briana speak about your stupid ass for weeks on end. You think you can just waltz back in after breaking her heart? You’re playing her, and that means you’re playing me too. You already had someone… You are a disgusting human being.”
Weston was breathless, cringing in pain, “I never meant to hurt her…”
I watched the scene through covered eyes beside my new friend.
“That’s where you’re mistaken.” Sean uttered, “Because she’s the best woman you’ll ever have. And you failed to take care of her when she needed you most. If you think you’ll ever find a girl like her in your life, think about this moment. Remember her, in that dress… Because that’s the last time you’ll ever see someone that beautiful… That patient, and that loving. You aren’t worthy.”
There was something poetic in his anger. He meant every word he said, and spoke passionately as he would in times of joy. A small smile grew across my lips.
Sean spat on the floor and stood, “Good talk.”
He then turned to me with that same gleam in his eye, holding out a cleaner hand to mine, “You alright?”
“Yes.” I said softly, taking his hand in mine, “I had someone keeping me company. This is Lucy.” I motioned to her.
Lucy’s brows raised slightly, but she was not afraid, “Hi! I’m glad you came.”
“Thank you for looking after Briana.” He said, pulling some money from his wallet, “You deserve a good tip after putting up with dumb ass back there-”
“That won’t be necessary.” Lucy said, “I’d rather take my payment in knowing when Briana gets home safely.”
“Alright.” He smiled, looking to me, “That’s your cue.”
As we exchanged numbers, the crowd of watching eyes had dissipated. Weston hobbled off, looking back at us three.
“You should probably get going.” Lucy said, “I don’t think the cops will come around, but for safe measure.”
“Thank you so much,” I hugged my new friend one last time, “I’ll shoot you a text.”
“Okay!”
Sean quickly shook his punching hand, slipping on his helmet with another.
“Would you like ice for that?” Lucy offered.
“Nah,” Sean scoffed, “I’ll be alright. Are you ready, Bri?”
I nodded. Sean tossed me a second helmet and I caught it in my arms.
And soon enough, we left together. I let out a large exhale of relief as Sean pulled away from the curb, and back into traffic. Sean steered his bike into the far right lane before a red light. I furrowed my brows and looked behind us.
“Sean, school is that way.” I said, “Where are we going?”
“Somewhere…” Sean spoke confidently.
“And this somewhere is…?”
“Just shut up and hold on.” Sean said, revving his engine.
The engine snarled beneath me- I quickly wrapped my arms around his middle. A low chuckle rumbled in his lungs.
“Not that tight…” He remarked.
For a quick instance, I saw Milo turn around the corner and watch me with sad eyes. His left eye was bruised already, filled with bitter tears. It took a swift punch to realize the exact pain I felt when he walked out on my life. Now all I felt was freedom. This was the last time I would ever see him, and no feelings lingered.
The light turned green, and Sean’s bike jetted forward through the intersection. I clung tighter to him, bracing my head between his shoulder blades. Sean sniggered and leaned forward, flying down avenues, across freeway bridges, until we were on the outskirts of town, in an old residential. Many of these homes had been here since the 50’s. I recognized it in the golden street lights. It was a quiet night, with a few stars glinting above.
Sean pulled forward into the back lot of a small yellow bungalow- the front yard cloaked mostly concealed by one large eucalyptus tree. I looked around as he parked, shutting off the engine. The night was crisp, and clear. Crickets sang softly in the bushes. I pulled the helmet from my head and ran a hand through my hair. Sean let out a low, shit eating laugh.
“You haven’t been on a bike before, have you?” He asked.
“No.” I shrugged.
“Interesting, we’re going to have a lot of fun together...” He shook his head and unmounted his bike, “Your little friend was right. Cops won’t find us here…. Would you mind staying until sunrise?”
“Of course not.” I shivered slightly from the cold, “What is this place?”
Sean leaned his bike against the house and covered it with a tarp, heading towards the front door.
“This is my aunt’s house. She won’t be back until Sunday, and her door’s always open. And my roommate is being an ass. I couldn’t concentrate with his damn ruckus.” Sean explained. He placed his hands atop the door frame and clicked his tongue, “Only, I left the key back in my dorm… She must’ve hidden it.”
A brassy glint caught the corner of my eye, from a pot of begonias. I plucked it on the earth, “Here!”
“Aha!” he cried, “This is why I keep you around.” He took the key from my hands and opened the door, “After you….”
I stepped inside, as Sean flicked on the lights behind me. The air was stale, and strong with the scent of dried herbs. Each wall was painted a different color, and decorated with several strange paintings. A few I had recognized from my art history classes. I smiled slightly at the scene. Sean coughed and hurried to open a window.
“Dear God, it stinks in here.” he said, “I know this isn’t a five star hotel-”
“It’s perfect.” I insisted, “I’d rather be here with you than with Weston…”
Sean flopped back onto the cough and ran a hand through his hair, “Alright… So what the hell happened?”
“I told you everything.” I said, sitting beside him.
He seethed, “Ninety percent of the time you were crying so much it became inaudible.”
I cringed and leaned forward, “Everything was fine for the first half of the evening… Then for some stupid reason he started acting like a dick. He started pregame drinking before I arrived, and he was tipsy.”
Sean opened his mouth slightly and grumbled, “Sorry, continue.”
“He became very patronizing, and talked down to me like I didn’t know anything. He got pissed when I talked back with more bite. And it got worse. He was being rude to the waitress, and kept sending back his meal.”
He snorted, “Of course, you’re too smart for him now.”
I nodded, “And then towards the end of dinner, he got really bitter. Nothing like he was to me before. I don’t understand… And then his girlfriend showed up, making a big fuss. She was angrier than him than she was with me.”
“So this whole time he’s been playing you.” Sean observed, “You don’t need anymore of that. Did she yell at you?”
“She said she was tired of living in my shadow.” my voice cracked, “And I couldn’t deal. I can’t look him in the eye anymore after that.”
I felt tears coming again- I rolled forward, “If he cared for me so much, and would go back… Just to do ths-”
“Briana…” Sean sighed, “Trying to go back to an ex is like reading the same book and expecting a different ending. He never changed like he claimed too, and people ever do. What changes is how you see them.”
“That’s changed, for sure.” I stared down at the carpet, “I hate him. I never want to see that son of a bitch again.”
My phone began buzzing. We both looked up- Milo was calling- he already had twice before we made it to the house.
“Should I answer it?”
Sean shook his head, “What if I did?”
I had a nasty idea, and smirked, answering the phone on speaker, “What do you want?”
“Briana… Can you let me explain myself? I’m coming clean for you…” Milo’s voice was nasally.
Sean motioned me to act nonchalant.
“Uh… Right now?” I asked, “I’m busy.”
“With what?”
“It’s none of your fucking business.” I said, “You’re the one always lying to me. What room do I have to be honest?”
“Look-”
Sean leaned in, “Hey there, fuckhead. I hate to ruin your John Green moment, but the bathwater is getting cold, and I’m waiting for Briana to join me.”
Milo went dead silent on the other line.
My jaw dropped to the floor- I pinched his arm, and Sean scrambled back in his seat. He motioned me to go along, wheezing softly.
“... Exactly. You’ve had your chance to be honest. And I don’t want to hear it.” And I hung up.
Just then, Sean did something expected. He threw his head back and let out a roar of laughter. I had never heard such joyous noise, and for an instance it stopped me.
I hit him with a pillow, “BATHWATER?!”
Sean blocked the blow and chuckled loudly, “It worked, didn’t it?!”
“... Yes… But still!” I covered my eyes and groaned, “Oh my God… He sounded pitiful.”
Sean slid my phone forward, “Block him then.”
I looked up at my friend.
“Either do it right now, or don’t.” Sean said, “That’s on you. If you don’t want to hurt anymore, cut it off now. He’s just going to keep calling.”
I stared down at Milo’s contact ID with a series of mixed emotions.
Sean stood and stretched, “I’m going to the bathroom.” He then went into the other room, slamming the door behind him.
The Milo I had known was not the Milo I saw this evening. Our story had ended on a sour note, and there wasn’t any way I could go back and rewrite our troubles. I stared at his contract ID and swallowed. His face evoked no good thoughts, there was no flutter in my chest staring into his big eyes. And with one touch, Milo was removed completely from my life. A weight was pulled from my lungs, and I was able to inhale deeply again. I closed my eyes and let tears fall- not out of sadness, but out of relief. I sent one last message to Lucy and put my phone down.
Sean stepped into the room quietly.
I wiped my face, “I did it.”
“Well… Great,” Sean mused, “But why are you crying?”
“Because I feel like myself again.” I said, looking down.
A small grin etched across his lips, “Come with me. There’s something I want you to see…”
We sat out on the patio- a small, secluded space overgrown with ivy and year old houseplants, proudly displayed on a red brick awning. Sean lit a few candles, because he said the back porch light attracted too many mosquitoes. There was no breeze, but the night was alive with the sounds of crickets and owls down the way. We sat together for silence, in the longest time to listen.
A deep exhale escaped my lung and as carried into the night. Our only source of music were noisy crickets hidden among shadows, and an owl hooting softly down the street. Some seashell wind chimes jingled in the breeze above our heads, clanging together loudly. Flickering tawny candle light cast faint, fussy shadows onto the patio ceiling, surrounding Sam and I.
It felt like I could breathe normally again. I had no fear, or any inhibition to hold me back. I was alone, but not lonely, with my friend to my side…. Who had always been there in my time of need. But was I there for him enough? Random thoughts like this both dazzled and dizzied me. Without thinking, my head fell onto his shoulder as this scene sang me to sleep. My eyelids grew heavy, and soon it grew much darker.
“Tired already?” Sean mused in a low voice.
I snapped awake and lurched forward, “Sorry, I-”
He laughed a bit, “No… Come back, it’s fine. You weren’t bothering me.”
I sat forward looking down to the ground, “But… It isn’t right….”
Sean outstretched his arms and yawned, cracking his neck back into alignment, “What do you mean?”
“You have a girlfriend!” I said, “It isn’t right…”
“We broke up in March.” He said, “Did I not tell you?”
“... No.” I turned to face him.
All I saw was a silhouette- my shadow, traced with an outline of gold, and only a shine in his dark brown eyes. He stared into the candle light with a bleak expression across his broad face.
“Sorry. I thought I did…” Sean gestured to me with an open hand, “Come back…”
I shook my head and swing my legs back onto the furniture, resting my head against the crook of his left shoulder, beneath his armpit.
“You don’t tell me a lot…” I spoke in a soft voice.
“You don’t ask a lot.” He teased,wrapping an arm around me, “You’re always curious.”
“I’m annoying.” I said, looking down at his free hand, “But you put up with me.”
“I’m an open book.” Sean said, “It’s up to you to turn the page.”
It was that biting wit mixed with his smile. Slowly I began to realize who really cared about me anymore. My story with Milo was far over, but now there was another waiting for me all along. I stared down at his hand- rather large, and brute at first glance from punching Milo in the face, with calloused palms from working long hours, long fingers and short fingernails…. Illuminated by candle light, accessorized with one iron ring. I reached out to it and took it in my own, placing the top of his knuckle between my lips.
Sean said nothing and leaned his head against mine. His body felt warm, much warmer than I would’ve thought. The weight pressed against me soothed my tired bones- keeping me in a warm spot for the night.
“Before I fall asleep... “ I whispered, “May I ask you something?”
“Always.”
“I know the way you look at me sometimes… And why you don’t look at me at all.” I said, “I used to think you hated me. But now it feels different… You helped with Milo.”
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” Sean said, “And you thought you deserved to be with Milo again and have a second chance. And I thought you deserved better than me. But you deserve happiness.”
“I am happy.” I said, looking up at him, “I’m here with you. And that’s all I ever want.”
He smiled genuinely down upon me again, and I could’ve sworn the candle light grew brighter. And so, the cynic fell for the romantic, and we sat in silence, two figures of sleep, unafraid.