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It was a Friday night and the local bar was very overcrowded. A tall and lanky man in a long brown overcoat could be seen balancing on a bar stool in the corner of the bar, staring blankly off into space. He seemed to be alone. This man was known by a select few as the Doctor. The reason the Doctor was hanging around this particular bar on this particular night was not important. What was important was whatever the hell was about to happen.
At the entrance, a bell chimed as the front door was opened to admit another man. The Doctor recognized him immediately as the Master, fellow Timelord but also his foe. The Doctor subtly observed the newcomer from his seat at the bar as he walked in. The Master’s features were twisted into a slight sneer, as if he knew something that everyone else didn’t. There was something off about him; he was holding his hand against his thigh as if concealing something.
All of a sudden, the record in the juke box changed from some popular pop song into a much older, but still awesome song. The synthesizer’s beat started up and everyone in the bar stilled for a moment as the rhythm washed over their souls-
-Sometimes I feel I’ve got to-
Out of the blue, two gunshots sounded off, cutting off all noise in the bar besides the music. It seemed the Doctor’s suspicions had proven correct; the Master was aiming a pistol upwards at the ceiling, having fired off a couple of warning shots. Everyone in the bar had stopped whatever they were doing by now and were starting at the new guy in various stages of shock. The music continued on, unbothered by the rudeness of the stranger.
-Run away, I’ve got to-
Until it was abruptly interrupted again. How rude. The newcomer had leveled his gun at the man sitting by the bar and fired the gun two more times. Impressively, all four gunshots had been exactly in time with the song playing. It was almost as if the newcomer planned this. Maybe he had. He did have an extreme passion for dramatics. Fortunately, as these thoughts were racing through the Doctor’s head, he was in the process of diving behind the bar counter to avoid the bullets that would’ve surely hit both of his hearts if he hadn’t moved.
-Get away, from the pain you drive into the heart of me-
Having recovered from his dive, the Doctor peeked blearily over the counter.
Bar patrons were scattered to and fro, hiding behind the bar counter and various tables, but most of them were rushing for the door. The Doctor’s view of the Master was obstructed for a few moments by the crowd. A moment later he could vaguely make out the shape of the Master struggling to get through the hoard of people. The Doctor ducked down below the counter again and crawled left a few feet to where to the taps were located.
-The love we share, seems to go nowhere. Now I’ve lost my light, for I toss and turn, I can’t sleep at night-
The lights in the bar suddenly turned off, leaving the bar in semi-darkness. Apparently, the Master had found the light switches and hoped to disorient his enemy. The Doctor rolled his eyes, annoyed.
“I think you’re taking this song a little bit too literally,” He yelled to his silent adversary. Come to think of it, all he could hear was the pulsing beat of the song playing on the juke box. All of the bar patrons must’ve made it out. However, the Master was suspiciously quiet. That was strange. Usually “Master” and “quiet” were the most conflicting words in the entire history of words. What was that little bugger up to? He’d find out soon enough. For now, he continued crawling.
-Once I ran to you. (I ran) Now I run from you-
The Doctor finally reached the beer taps with no more interruptions from the Master. He cautiously raised his head to see over the counter once more. His adversary was nowhere in sight. He hummed and lowered himself behind the counter, arming himself with one of the available beer taps.
-This tainted love you’ve given; I give you all a boy can give you-
The Doctor’s incredibly sharp ears picked up a sudden creak of the floorboards to the right of him, directly on the other side of the counter. Target locked. Fast reflexes allowed the Doctor to swivel around and up to aim the beer tap at his opponent, who stood up in sync with him and was about to attack. He pulled the valve on the tap, firing copious amounts of alcohol directly into the Master’s face, causing some of the liquid to get into his eyes. The Master gasped, his eyes irritated, tears running down his face as he desperately tried to get the stinging substance out of his eyes.
-Take my tears and that’s not nearly all, tainted love, oh, tainted love-
The Master finally managed to find some stray napkins on the counter, wildly swiping at his face with them to wipe away the beer and tears. He could barely see with the amount of irritation in his eyes. He huffed; there was only one thing he could do. The Master located the exit, the big red “Exit” sign aiding his failing vision, and darted towards it.
“This isn’t the last you’ve seen of me, Doctor!” He howled in the direction of the counter. “I’ll be back eventually!”
The Doctor looked at the Master seriously. “Oh yeah? Well, I’ve got all the time in the universe!” He chanted triumphantly.
The Master looked angry at that very well constructed and successful comeback, disappointed that he hadn’t been able to come up with one. He settled for retreating from the bar, set on returning sometime in the near future.
The Doctor stood alone in the now empty bar. All of the patrons had long since fled, leaving chaos in their wake. Tables and chairs were upturned and scattered everywhere. The jukebox, completely undamaged in the chaos, was spitting out the last fading lines of Tainted Love. The Doctor sighed, turning around and strolling up to the counter. He reached into his pocket and left a good tip on the bar, enough to pay for the current state of the business. Well. At least now he had a good story to tell Martha next time he saw her.