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Renjun likes to believe he’s not an idiot, in fact he’s often called the smart person in his friend group. He’s the one with the intuition, the one everyone in his friend group goes to for advice. When it comes to himself though…he’s a bit of a mess, especially when it comes to feelings. It’s ironic that he’s the one that helped so many couples get together when he can’t even get together with the boy that he likes. That aside, he never in his life messed up this bad.
It’s been a busy week for Renjun. He already had two mental breakdowns this past morning and he’s about to have his third one. So many essays, tests, and projects are piling up on him. It’s way too much to handle at a short amount of time. If he was lucky enough he would get four hours of sleep. Renjun wishes that he could’ve picked easier classes, but he knows his overachieving self wouldn't let him.
So, really it was inevitable that he would mess up one way or another. He just wishes the situation was different and didn’t include Mark. Mark a.k.a. his tutor a.k.a. his stupid unrequited crush. Feelings are stupid. Mark is stupid. Renjun looks at the text message for the one hundredth time.
Mark
hey I finished proofreading your essay(?) :) haha good luck!
Renjun wants nothing but for the ground to swallow him whole right now. Attached to the message was not the research paper that Renjun was supposed to give Mark but a whole ass confession. He thanks the heavens that he didn’t address it to Mark or he might’ve actually started to cry.
He knew he shouldn’t have listened to Jeno. When has Jeno ever been right? Why did he call Jeno that night? He should’ve called Jaemin or Donghyuck or literally anyone else. At the time, it seemed like Jeno was right and that it would be a good idea to just write all your feelings out on a document, but now all Renjun can feel is regret. Maybe he should organize his Google Drive one day so that this hopefully doesn’t happen again.
He stares at the text message. Mark doesn’t seem to realize it’s about him even though Renjun was very detailed in his confession letter. Then again Mark has always been oblivious. He even proofread the letter and left comments about how to make his confession letter better. Renjun won't be able to look Mark in the eye in their next tutoring sessions—well, then again, Renjun always had trouble making eye contact with Mark.
…
“Did they read it?”
Renjun stops writing to look up at Mark. They’re in the school library for their weekly tutoring session. It’s not unusual for Mark to try and make conversation here and there. It’s not like Renjun minds either. Mark raises an eyebrow and Renjun remembers that Mark just asked him a question. He nods.
“Oh really?” Mark says a little too loud causing the library lady to glare at them for a bit, like a warning, but Mark chooses to ignore her. He keeps his attention to Renjun and Renjun only.
Renjun nods again, too nervous to say anything.
“What did they say?” Mark asks with too much curiosity.
Renjun wants to scoff. “Why do you care?”
Mark seems to be taken aback. “Because I read the letter?”
“You mean the letter you weren’t supposed to read in the first place?”
It was a lie but Renjun couldn’t take it back now. He wishes he could. He wishes he didn’t have to see Mark looking so hurt for reasons Renjun couldn’t figure out.
Mark deflates. “I thought I was your friend,” he mumbles.
He starts pouting and Renjun wants nothing but to kiss him right there and then. Except Renjun is a coward who would rather shave his whole head than admit his feelings.
“The test was handed back yesterday. Can you look over it for me?”
Mark looks like he wants to talk more, but decides to drop the topic. Renjun spends the rest of the tutoring session contemplating whether changing the topic was what he wanted or not.
…
Renjun thought after that Mark would drop the topic all together, but he was wrong. For every tutoring session, Mark would always ask at least once about it before Renjun would quickly try to change the topic. He should’ve known Mark would pester him about it. He was always stubborn.
“Why do you like the person?” Mark asks.
Renjun sighs. “Does it really matter?”
Mark nods almost too enthusiastically.
“Didn’t I write it down on the letter?”
“Okay but I want to hear it from the source.”
Renjun contemplates for a moment. “No.”
…
It was never Renjun’s plan to fall for Mark. It just sort of happened. There was no set point. Before Renjun knew it, his eyes would just naturally fall on Mark. At first Renjun barely even paid attention to Mark. He knew him as Yukhei’s friend and he wishes it would’ve stayed like that. Then maybe he wouldn’t have to deal with Mark and his stupid cute smile that always makes Renjun’s heart do flips.
Renjun was desperate, though, and desperate times called for desperate measures. He was on the verge of failing english and Renjun had remembered the time Yukhei told him about how Mark had the highest score in his english class last year. Mark was a good tutor, Renjun will give him that. Thanks to Mark he improved a lot and even raised his grade from a D to a B.
He just wishes Mark wasn’t so nice and caring, then maybe he wouldn’t have fallen so hard in the first place. Whenever Renjun was having a bad day during a tutoring session, Mark would always treat Renjun to ice cream. He would always hold Renjun’s hand, listen intently to him, and reassure him. Mark was a good listener and eventually Mark just started to grow on him; it was hard for Mark not to.
Mark was also cute, like really cute. Whenever he smiles Renjun instinctively smiles back without realizing it. Mark sometimes scrunches his nose and Renjun has to hold himself back from cooing at him. He laughs at everything and Renjun finds him so endearing. Mark is the epitome of positivity and goodness and Renjun just can’t help but marvel at his brightness.
He’s super supportive too. He probably believes in Renjun more than Renjun even believes in himself. In short, Mark is really too nice for his own good and Renjun might be a little bit in love with him.
…
Mark has been touchy recently. Not anything too much, but Renjun can’t help but notice the way Mark has been pinching his cheeks more or the way Mark holds his hands more often. It’s not like Renjun’s complaining, but it’s just kind of weird to say the least. Every time Mark gives Renjun an ounce of affection, he would look at Renjun like he’s waiting for his reaction. It’s like he knows the power he holds over Renjun because every time Mark does something Renjun immediately gets flustered.
Renjun hates it. He hates how much he stutters in front of Mark, hates how much his cheeks burn and his heart races whenever they hold hands. Renjun has one weakness and it’s Mark Lee.
“What are you thinking about?” Mark asks him.
They’re in another tutoring session and Renjun can’t just tell Mark he was thinking about him. Except he does because Renjun doesn’t have a brain to mouth filter when it comes to Mark apparently.
Mark tilts his head and smirks. “What about me?”
Renjun wants nothing but to slap (kiss) the smirk off Mark’s face. “I’m thinking about how much I hate you right now.”
Mark laughs. “That’s not what you said in your letter.”
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
“What.”
Mark’s eyes widen and he covers his mouth. “I wasn’t supposed to say that.”
“Mark what do you mean?” Renjun’s heartbeat start to speed up. “You’ve known all along?”
“I-“ Mark stares at the ground. “Yes.”
Renjun wants to cry. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”
“Because.” Mark looks up at Renjun with a glimmer in his eyes. “Because I knew you gave me the wrong document and I just wanted you to admit that it was for me.”
“So what you’re saying is—“
“I like you too, Renjun.”
“O-oh.”
Renjun looks at Mark, like actually looks at him for the first time. Mark was looking back at him with the same intensity and Renjun wonders briefly how blind he was to not have realized that his unrequited love was not so unrequited.
…
Before:
“Jeno can you send my research essay to Mark? I have to do something really quick.” Renjun hands Jeno his phone before running off for a bit.
Jeno briefly looks at the list of documents before sharing the document titled confession to Mark.