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Lloyd’s pretty sure that asking Zelos to go with him on the rides at Altamira wasn’t even close to subtle, but Zelos manages to be so far in the pits of his own denial that he finds itself in him to make a snide comment about how Lloyd was supposed to be asking a girl to go with him. (Even though like, come on, Zelos. You can pretend you’re as straight as a board if you’d like, but that doesn’t mean everyone else is. Lloyd’s not dumb.) The rides are fun, at least, even if Zelos is dense as a brick, and Lloyd gets too distracted by how much fun he’s having to try and find an excuse to hold Zelos’ hand.
What’s less fun is the entirely-too-large suite he gets shoved in for the night. Sure, it was free, but, come on. It’s way too big for just one person and he doesn’t understand the rules saying it could only be just him in here. (He’s absolutely gonna lodge a complaint to Regal, later.) Lloyd’s thinking about bending those rules a little, going to find Colette or Genis, because he wants to complain to someone other than himself about how dense Zelos is, and because honestly he’s come to hate being alone alone, so company would be nice. Maybe he should gather his courage and just go get Zelos and bring him back here but that’s gonna be significantly weirder than simply asking Zelos to go on some rides at an amusement park with him. So…
It doesn’t matter, because there’s a knock on his door. Three knocks, actually, precisely loud enough to be heard without being loud enough to disturb anyone else, perfectly timed so that the pauses between knocks are uniform. Only Zelos knocks like that.
“Yeah, it’s open!” Lloyd calls, frantically trying to gather some composure because again. Zelos? Now? When they’re going to have this entirely-too-fancy suite all to themselves? Probably none of what Lloyd would like to happen is going to actually happen, but he’s spent a non-zero amount of time thinking about it now, so it takes some effort to shove it out of his mind. Thankfully everyone knows he’s kind of inherently restless and he’s generally known for fidgeting, so the only sign for how hard his heart is pounding is the way his knee bounces against the couch he’s sitting on (there are couches in this suite! Couches!) and that’s probably not going to tell Zelos anything. Hopefully.
Zelos lets himself in, and he spends a minute examining the scenery, letting out a low whistle. He spends none of this time looking at Lloyd, which gives Lloyd an extra minute to compose himself. It’s hard, though. Zelos is beautiful, red locks of hair thrown perfectly over his shoulder, every movement he makes carefully calculated for show, and it’s a nice show he’s putting on. Lloyd finds himself smiling, body twisted so he can better see Zelos, legs pulled up onto the couch so he can lean his side against the back more comfortably.
“Honestly.” Zelos lets out a little laugh and shakes his head, moving a hand to push hair out of his face even though there wasn’t any hair in his face. “Room like this, and you didn’t even think to invite a lady along? You’re hopeless!”
Lloyd rolls his eyes, though he can’t stop smiling. “You think?” he asks, casual, because even if this a load of bullshit, he’s used to this from Zelos, and like. Zelos did come all the way here, without being asked, so Lloyd kind of doubts he really only showed up to call Lloyd hopeless in the art of romance. It’s only a matter of figuring out how to play this in a way that isn’t going to scare Zelos off.
“Oh, I know,” Zelos insists. He puts his hands on his hips, his expression carefully painted like Lloyd is a problem he’s going to solve. Lloyd doesn’t mind that kind of focus on him, actually. “Look,” Zelos continues. “This is obviously a cry for help.”
Lloyd bites down laughter. He doesn’t believe that, and honestly he doesn’t think Zelos does either, but. Fuck it, alright. He wanted to spend the night with Zelos, anyway, and if Zelos is too stubborn to pull his head out of the pits of his own denial, then maybe Lloyd’s just going to need to play a little dumb.
He shrugs and scratches at his cheek, trying to look sheepish.
“Yeah, I guess I am pretty bad at flirting,” he says.
“Bad?” Zelos laughs. “Honey, you’re horrendous!”
(How long ago, did Zelos start calling him honey? How had Zelos started, and not...?)
Play dumb, Lloyd. Play dumb.
“Could you teach me?” he asks, and he shoots for over-eager, as eager as he can possibly make it sound. If he plays smooth Zelos will definitely pick up on what he’s doing.
There’s a split second where Zelos’ mask goes slack, giving way to what might be genuine panic before Zelos catches himself again and forces a laugh. Lloyd feels a little bad, now, but can’t really back out because Zelos is pressing on ahead with a confident: “Oh of course I can, I know all there is to know about the art of romance! And I would hate to leave you completely hopeless, so consider this a favor.”
“A favor?” Lloyd laughs. “Come on, Zelos, you could at least talk like we’re friends.”
Zelos shakes his head and wags his finger, eyes burning. “Ah, but we are not friends, right now,” he counters. “Right now? We are but master and pupil, and I’m about to give you the most important lesson of your life.”
Lloyd laughs, delighted, because this is stupid, but he’s fond, and if this is how Zelos wants to make this situation a little more comfortable for himself, then by all means. And if he didn’t love Zelos’ need for dramatics, could he really say he loved Zelos at all?
“Alright,” Lloyd says. “Bring it on!”
Zelos flashes a grin that Lloyd thinks is more genuine than fake, moving to join Lloyd on the couch. Lloyd doesn’t move, feet underneath him and arm slung over the back of the couch, because sitting like this means he’s facing Zelos. Zelos sits with a posture-perfect straight back, anyway, even as he folds one leg under him and sits kind of sideways so he’s facing Lloyd as well. Zelos still looks perfect and beautiful enough to make Lloyd’s chest clench, and before Lloyd’s really thinking about it—
“Can’t say I remember the last time I was this excited to study,” he says.
Which, goddess, that’s stupid. No one says things like that? But Zelos looks incredibly fond so Lloyd ends up counting it a victory, even as he laughs at his own embarrassment.
Zelos sends him a smirk which does something entirely unfair to Lloyd’s heart. “Try and hold onto some of that enthusiasm,” he says, “because I think tonight might just be an all-nighter,” and that’s not fair, either.
Lloyd keeps a stupid grin fixed on his face even as his mind slowly lights itself on fire in his gay panic, and he’s grateful the lamps in here provide this weird ambient light that will definitely hide how hard he’s blushing, right now. Stop saying things so thoughtlessly, Zelos! You’re going to kill him! Also Lloyd stop thinking about Zelos’ stupid smirk and actually listen to what he’s saying as he dives headfirst into giving this “lesson” of his, because—you’re here, you might as well pay attention.
Not that Lloyd cares that much about learning how to flirt (and some of Zelos’ advice is objectively dumb, because even if insincerity might be good at getting you dates that’s kind of a shitty way to start building an actual relationship, plus half of this stuff probably only works if you’re Tethe’alla’s Chosen,) but he likes listening to Zelos talk, and he likes the way Zelos’ hands move when he’s not thinking too much about it, the way they gesture through the air as if he’s painting a picture to match his words. He likes Zelos’ laugh and he likes Zelos’ excitement, he likes how Zelos listens to his questions and actually tries to answer them and he likes how despite everything Zelos does not spend much time at all making fun of Lloyd for “not knowing” these sorts of things.
Most importantly, Lloyd is learning a lot. About Zelos. About what he likes, how he thinks, what makes him tick. There’s some kind of quiet joy Lloyd finds, in picking out things that are obviously more what Zelos is into than actual general advice, a quiet joy in finding these things and filing them away to use against Zelos later.
“You think you got all that?” Zelos asks, finally, like he’s wrapping up. They’ve probably been talking for hours, now, but Lloyd doesn’t even feel tired, fueled entirely by his delight to spend so much time talking to someone he loves as much as he does, fueled by the constant and exclusive attention Zelos is dishing out just for him, and…
“Yeah, think so!” Lloyd answers, though it’s kind of hard to talk with his heart in his throat and Zelos’ eyes on him, because—
He’s pretty sure there’s Something, in the way Zelos is looking at him right now. And if there’s not something there, then there’s been something in Zelos’ relaxed laughter all night, in the way he kept tripping over his words every time he gave an example by actually flirting with Lloyd, and…
Lloyd really can’t help it if he wants to act on that Something, can he?
“But, uh,” Lloyd continues, swallowing hard. “You know, there’s one more thing it might be kind of nice if you could help me out with…?” He’s not sure if it’d be better or worse if he sounds hopeful so he lands somewhere in the middle, which is probably more genuine, this cautious hope and burning nervousness.
“What is it, honey?” Zelos asks and goddess, he can’t just call Lloyd honey when Lloyd’s thinking about what he’s thinking about!
Lloyd tries not to squirm and tries not to sound too eager, because if Zelos figures out how much Lloyd genuinely wants this he might just say no. Lloyd hates to lie just to get what he wants, but. But.
“Well,” Lloyd says. “It’s just. I’ve never kissed anyone before.”
This is a lie.
He’s kissed Genis before, a few times when they were a little younger and a lot more curious. He’s kissed Colette before, too, just once. (She’d told him she wanted to try, before she turned sixteen. Hindsight tells him she probably wanted to try once before she gave herself up to die, but now isn’t the time to dwell on that.)
Of course, Lloyd probably isn’t very good at kissing, so at least saying he needs practice isn’t itself a lie.
Zelos laughs, and Lloyd can’t tell if it’s startled or if it’s just surprised. He sends Lloyd a look that’s hopelessly fond, sighing and shaking his head. “See, I knew you were totally useless!” he says. And then—it seems there’s a moment when what exactly Lloyd’s asking for hits him, because his grin falls a few inches, and he raises his eyebrows at Lloyd before he asks, cautious: “What, you want me to… teach you?”
It takes all of Lloyd’s willpower to not just scream yes, yes, yes please.
But Zelos looks a little… uncomfortable.
“I mean,” Lloyd says. “Not if you don’t want to.”
Zelos is silent for a moment, mouth working as he thinks it over. Finally, eyes narrowed, he shrugs. “Well… I suppose I couldn’t really call this a comprehensive lesson in the art of romance if I didn’t go over it…” he says, slowly.
“Seriously, Zelos,” Lloyd interjects, scowling just a little. Zelos deflecting is infuriating, especially when it makes it impossible to tell what he actually thinks—which is the point, Lloyd knows, but he needs to know what Zelos really thinks right now. “If it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to.”
“But you want to,” Zelos asks, and Lloyd chokes on his pounding heart.
He has half a mind to say who DOESN’T want to kiss Zelos Wilder, but even if that feeds Zelos’ insatiable ego it’s probably going to hurt Lloyd’s chances, especially if Zelos gets to thinking Lloyd only likes him because he’s the Chosen which Lloyd couldn’t honestly give less of a shit about. So, beet red, Lloyd just kind of laughs and:
“I mean, yeah.”
Because he can at least be honest about that, and he wants it so bad it’s killing him.
Zelos raises his eyebrows and smirks a little, smug in a way that will destroy Lloyd if he keeps it up. “Like I said,” Zelos says, all confidence. “It’d be pretty remiss of me if I left this out of the lesson,” and Lloyd’s pretty sure he wouldn’t be trying so hard to come up with an excuse to kiss Lloyd if he didn’t actually want to, so Lloyd thinks this counts as another score for him?
Actually Lloyd isn’t thinking about much of anything other than the hammering of his heart and the fact Zelos is closing the distance between them, sliding along the couch until he and Lloyd are just inches apart. Lloyd’s sitting cross-legged and sideways on the couch, completely facing Zelos, and Zelos has one leg folded under him and the other dangling off the couch. His knee brushes against Lloyd’s as he settles within kissing distance. He licks his lips, and Lloyd forgets to breathe. Goddess, fuck, this is happening.
“No need to be nervous, honey,” Zelos whispers, and it’s gotta be an act, a mask he’s used for a million dates before Lloyd, but Lloyd eats it up nonetheless, especially as Zelos presses a hand to the back of Lloyd’s neck, the other hand resting on Lloyd’s knee. Lloyd isn’t sure what to do with his hands, a thousand things he wants to do but too nervous to act on them, so he just folds them together and shoves them in his lap. They’re close enough that he can count the freckles on Zelos’ nose, can see the faint pink of a blush that’s painted on Zelos’ cheeks. “Just… follow my lead,” Zelos says, gentle, and Lloyd closes his eyes.
Again, he’s got an idea of what he needs to do, but instead he doesn’t move until Zelos moves him, in part to sell the lie, in part because he wants to see what Zelos wants out of him. Zelos guides Lloyd to tilt his head and there’s a brief, incredible moment where all Lloyd really is aware of is Zelos’ breath on his mouth, and then Zelos’ lips meet his. Lloyd wants to laugh with his delight, but he holds it in, barely, and settles for leaning forward into Zelos’ space.
This makes Zelos back off. “Hey, no need to be so eager,” Zelos scolds, sounding breathless. When Lloyd opens his eyes, Zelos looks more flustered than upset. That’s good. Lloyd wants to see him even more flustered than this.
“Why not?” Lloyd asks.
“Just—” Zelos begins, but can’t seem to find a reason. “Pay attention,” he says instead, and leans in to kiss Lloyd again.
Lloyd tries to pay attention, really, tries to memorize the way Zelos deepens the kiss so he can get a knack for it, but it’s so hard to think around the fact that he’s kissing Zelos. He still doesn’t know what to do with his hands, and is too distracted by the way Zelos’ fingers dig into his scalp to really figure it out, too distracted by the way Zelos pulls his bottom lip into his mouth. Lloyd whines, unable to help it. This isn’t fair. Especially because he can feel Zelos smirk against his mouth.
(The fact this is somewhat dishonest—the act, and the reasons for it—tickles the back of Lloyd’s mind, but. He can’t really bring himself to want to trade this, even though he knows he should. They’re both enjoying it, anyway.)
Zelos breaks the kiss off, and Lloyd gasps for air, because it hadn’t occurred to him he needed to breathe until he could again. Zelos laughs at him, and that’s not fair, but Lloyd can’t bring himself to mind.
“Getting the hang of it?” Zelos asks. They’re still close enough Lloyd can feel Zelos’ breath on his face. It’s intoxicating.
“Think so,” Lloyd says, though he doesn’t want to stop. So: “What, uh. What should I do with my hands?”
Zelos laughs again, but it doesn’t sound mean, exactly, it sounds like he’s having a good time. “Here, like this,” he says. He takes Lloyd’s hands and guides them, and Lloyd is extra careful to pay attention, because if Zelos is about to show him where he likes being touched, Lloyd better damn well pay attention. Needless to say, he’s caught somewhere between surprise and disappointment when Zelos just leads Lloyd’s hands to his hips.
“You sure?” Lloyd asks.
“Pretty standard place to put ‘em,” Zelos answers, nonchalant. “Though if your partner’s got hair to play with, that’s not a bad thing to try, either. Some people don’t like it, but…”
Oh. Oh. “Can I play with your hair?” Lloyd asks, eager. Then he processes the other thing Zelos said. “Unless… you don’t like that?”
Zelos shrugs, slowly. “I mean, I don’t hate it,” he says in a way that makes Lloyd rather certain he actually does like it but isn’t willing to admit it.
It takes everything Lloyd has to keep himself from grinning. “Can we try?”
“Well, that’s the point of this, isn’t it?” Zelos answers.
He’s barely finished saying it before Lloyd closes the distance between them and kisses him again. Lloyd’s gotten the hang of how their lips fit together by now, but still lets Zelos lead there, focusing instead on burying his hands in all of Zelos’ hair and running gentle fingers through it. He doesn’t understand how anyone actually has the brainspace to do stuff like this while also being kissed, because being kissed is very distracting. You know what’s also very distracting? The pressure of Zelos’ hand against the back of his neck, and the way Zelos wraps an arm around Lloyd’s waist, trying to pull them closer—
“Lloyd your knees are in the way,” Zelos complains, sounding kind of petulant. Lloyd raises his eyebrows, screaming internally with delight because that sure doesn’t sound like something one would say if they’re not enjoying this kiss as much as Lloyd is. Zelos seems to realize this the same moment Lloyd does and hastily tacks on: “You can’t just- you can’t do that, it’s bad manners and it makes kissing difficult.”
Lloyd thinks he should probably ask Zelos what Zelos thinks he should do, then, but he’s already formulated a plan and rarely goes back on those or thinks them through once he has them, so instead what Lloyd does is say:
“Can I try something, then?”
Zelos hesitates, face red and watching Lloyd skeptically, but:
“Yeah, sure.”
So Lloyd climbs into Zelos’ lap, bracketing Zelos’ hips with his knees, effectively pinning Zelos to the couch.
“Goddess,” Zelos gasps, startled.
“Sorry?” Lloyd begins, but Zelos doesn’t let him finish.
“You positive you haven’t done this before?” Zelos demands.
Lloyd swallows, his mouth kind of dry. “Positive,” he insists, because. He hasn’t. Not like this. Now that he’s done the deed his mind is screaming about how he’s done it, and he realizes that this was probably way too forward, but he really very much does not want to move, so he asks, cautious: “Is this alright?”
“It’ll certainly be very effective against whoever you try it on,” is Zelos’ answer, and Lloyd grins, because that sounds like it’s very effective against Zelos.
Still.
“You want me to stop?” Lloyd asks, just to be sure.
“Nah by all means continue whatever the hell this is you wanted to try,” Zelos says, urgent in a way that makes Lloyd forget how to breathe. “Can’t tell you if it’s any good if you don’t do it.”
Honestly Lloyd hadn’t thought far past pinning Zelos to the couch like this, but he supposes all that’s left to do is kiss Zelos again, huh? So he does. The angle’s different, so it takes him a moment to navigate that, and his hands are mostly preoccupied with holding his weight against the couch. Zelos’ arms wrap around his back though and pull him closer, closer, maddeningly closer, and it’s so good and perfect and—
Lloyd cannot pretend this is just for practice, anymore.
“Zelos,” he whispers.
“You’re incredible, hun,” Zelos laughs before Lloyd can say anymore, the laughter light and soft against Lloyd’s mouth. It makes Lloyd’s chest tighten, and he steals another brief kiss from Zelos’ mouth, unable to help himself. “So much better than I thought you’d be,” Zelos adds, when Lloyd breaks off again. He sounds so content, Lloyd doesn’t know what to do with it.
“Guess I had a good teacher,” Lloyd says before he can stop himself. The little moan Zelos makes in response is well worth it. But. “I’ve uh… got something I need to admit to you, though.”
“What?” Zelos asks.
There’s a flash of what might be panic in his tone. It makes Lloyd’s stomach flip-flop either way, but he’s already started playing his cards, so he might as well lay them all out.
“Come on, Zelos,” Lloyd says. He wants to keep Zelos distracted by kissing him again, but that feels mean, so he just sits there and smiles down at the boy he loves so much. “You really, really think I asked you to come on the rides with me just ‘cuz I’m dumb? I know what a date is, Zelos.”
“Oh, goddess.”
Zelos looks like he might be sick, so Lloyd backs off. He climbs off of Zelos so he isn’t pinning him anymore, even though he doesn’t want to move, even though all he wants to do is keep kissing Zelos. But they’re long past the point where they can keep pretending, so Lloyd sits down on the couch beside Zelos again and waits for Zelos to hastily construct himself a mask. Exasperation strikes in his gut when Zelos finally sits up straighter and glares at him with something Lloyd knows he’s supposed to read as offended, but Zelos is way too vulnerable right now to hide the panic threaded behind it.
He wishes Zelos would stop burying himself in denial.
“Lloyd, honey,” Zelos says. “I’m flattered, really. But I just don’t swing that way!”
“Uh-huh,” Lloyd responds, not believing it an inch.
“Guys don’t bring me any pleasure,” Zelos insists, and Lloyd rolls his eyes.
“Oh, don’t even try!” Lloyd spits. Zelos is trying to paint a mask of oh this is a simple misunderstanding and oh I’m sorry I have to let you down easy but it’s real ineffective when the taste of Zelos’ joy still sits in Lloyd’s mouth. “You really gonna tell me you let me kiss you like that and that you didn’t enjoy it? Because it seemed like you were enjoying it a lot.”
Zelos squeaks. He opens his mouth, closes it again.
“I, I really don’t—” he stammers.
But Lloyd’s not having any of it.
“You just call anyone ‘honey’, then, regardless of whether or not you’re into them?” he demands.
“It- It rolls of the tongue!”
Lloyd rolls his eyes again. This is so dumb. Zelos is so dumb! He kind of wishes he hadn’t said anything, so they could just go back to kissing because that was so nice, that was so perfect, but—Lloyd’s tired of this charade. And it’s too late, now, anyway. He’ll just have to deal.
(Besides, if this works out like he wants it to, there will be a lot of excuses for him to kiss Zelos, later.)
“So last week, when you told me that you digged me,” Lloyd begins.
“I did not,” Zelos protests.
“You called me stubborn and hotheaded and then said—” Lloyd takes a deep breath and continues in his best imitation of Zelos’ voice and cadence, something easy because of how deeply it’s been burned into his mind; “‘But I guess that’s what I dig about you’.” He pokes Zelos in the chest, scowling. “Your words. Exactly.”
Zelos scoots away from the poke and from Lloyd, until he’s in the opposite corner of the couch. His eyes dart like he’s looking for a way out, and Lloyd regrets that, but he…
He just wants Zelos to be honest.
“I- I didn’t mean it like,” Zelos begins.
“Zelos,” Lloyd interrupts.
Zelos shuts his mouth. Pouts at Lloyd.
“I like girls,” he says, like that’s the end of the argument. Except—
“Doesn’t mean you can’t also like boys,” Lloyd argues, and Zelos glares, because Lloyd is right and they both know that, but clearly Zelos doesn’t like it.
“Shut up,” he grumbles.
Lloyd considers Zelos for a moment, trying to dissect the problem as well as he can. He’s pretty sure Zelos is just protesting because saying he doesn’t like boys is the easy excuse, and not because it’s the truth. That’s Zelos’ you’re-right-but-you-didn’t-have-to-say-it scowl, which gives Lloyd some hope, as well as some relief. If Zelos actually wasn’t into boys it really would have been the end of this.
But if that’s not the problem, then what is?
“Is it me?” Lloyd asks, cautious, probing.
Zelos huffs, busying himself with fixing his slightly-disheveled hair (don’t think about how you did that to him, Lloyd, now isn’t the time to think about that, but holy fuck YOU did that, Lloyd) rather than looking at Lloyd. “It’s a little bit everything about you,” he admits, mumbling so Lloyd almost doesn’t make it out.
“Aha!” Lloyd says, before he can stop himself.
Zelos shoots him a glare like murder. “That wasn’t a compliment.”
Lloyd grins, though, because they’re getting somewhere, and so he doesn’t really think about the next thing he says and does, he just leans back a little and smirks, proud. “I think it was,” he argues.
It was clearly the wrong thing to say.
“Lloyd honestly could you shut your fucking mouth,” Zelos spits, and he pushes himself up so he’s no longer sitting on the couch. He storms off—not out of the room, thankfully. The panic that grabbed Lloyd by the throat abates, but only a little, because Zelos paces the center of the room now, fists clenched and shoulders tight and, okay, okay. Maybe that was too far.
“Sorry,” Lloyd says, much quieter.
Zelos just keeps pacing for a moment, fingers twitching as his hands move but he’s- he’s clearly too upset to figure out what kind of image he wants to paint with his posture. Finally he gives up and leaves his arms at his sides, fists clenched, and he stops pacing and turns on Lloyd.
“I can’t believe you tricked me!” Zelos snaps.
Lloyd reels a little bit. He catches himself on the back of the couch, sits on his knees so he can better watch Zelos, mind spinning even as dread builds in his stomach. “Is… is that what you’re mad about?” he asks. He feels like shit.
(For someone who silently criticized Zelos’ tendency to use insincerity to get him dates, Lloyd sure just did the same, huh?)
“Yes!” Zelos says, face all scrunched up in his anger, and Lloyd backs down.
“Sorry,” Lloyd says again. “I just…” He flexes his fingers against the back of the couch, trying to find words. “I did want to spend time with you, though,” he argues, softly. “That wasn’t a trick. Neither was… um… wanting to kiss you.” He’s blushing as he says it, but he might as well put that on the table, too, he figures.
Zelos’ anger softens, a little, but he’s still glaring at Lloyd as he counters: “Sure, but you could have asked me outright!”
“You would have turned me down on the spot,” Lloyd protests.
“So??” Zelos’ body is still tight with his tension and his anger, clenching his fists like he doesn’t know what to do with himself, and it makes Lloyd feel really, really bad. “You’re supposed to respect people’s boundaries!!”
“Well, duh,” Lloyd says. “But I’m tired of you lying? I’m pretty sure you’re into me but you’re in denial so bad—”
“Fuck off!” Zelos spits.
Lloyd flinches, but sets his jaw. They’ve gotten this far.
“Look, Zelos,” he says. “If you tell me honestly that you aren’t into me then I’ll leave you alone. But you can’t lie, and don’t think I don’t know when you’re lying, because I do!” He gets all tight smiles and neutral masks when he’s lying, every part of his expression calculated, and it’s hard to notice when you don’t know him well but it’s been months now and Lloyd’s gotten to know him pretty well. “All I really want is some honesty from you. It’s not fair to either of us if you keep lying.”
Zelos is not carefully perfected masks, right now. He’s scowling like he swallowed something sour, fists still clenched at his sides. He glares at Lloyd. Turns his head away. Turns back. Away again. Other than that startled expression he made when Lloyd pinned him to the couch, it’s the most genuine expression Lloyd has seen on Zelos all night. It’s more beautiful than any one of Zelos’ masks.
“Okay,” Zelos says finally. He gets stuck, there, for a moment. He huffs. “Okay, okay. Maybe I’m into you? But this still makes me… really uncomfortable.”
Well it’s not a confession of love but it’s still enough to make Lloyd feel like he’s walking on the moon, right now. He grins, slowly, trying to hold it in. There’s a problem here to solve, still, because he doesn’t want Zelos to be uncomfortable, and if he can help Zelos figure out why…
“’Cuz I’m a guy?” Lloyd guesses.
Zelos rolls his eyes, crosses his arms over his chest. “No, no, I already had that crisis with Sheena.”
“…What.”
“I mean, I-” Zelos swallows. “I already accepted I’m into guys, too. Me and Sheena talked about that already.” (What he DOESN’T say is that he had this crisis precisely because of Lloyd fucking Irving, grinning dopily and halfway draped over the back of the couch as he is right now.) “So. That’s- that’s fine. That’s not a big deal.”
Lloyd nods. He’d figured that. “Just an excuse to get me off your case, huh?”
“Read me like an open book.”
Well, Lloyd’s glad that’s not on the table as an issue. Still leaves figuring out what the real issue is, though.
“Then, what’s…?” he asks, cautiously.
Zelos scowls and fixes his hair again, even though it looks fine. Then again, Lloyd’s probably biased. Even when Zelos has the worst bedhead, he still thinks Zelos’ hair looks perfect. It’s Zelos’, of course it’s perfect! Anyway, Zelos makes like he’s trying to get it back in place even though he’d fixed it two minutes ago, but clearly he likes the distraction it provides, so Lloyd doesn’t say anything about it. Lloyd bounces, a little, impatient (as he always is) but biting his tongue so Zelos has room to think.
“It’s just,” Zelos grumbles, finally. He’s still scowling at his hair instead of Lloyd, one strand held in front of his face as he runs fingers through it. “It’s not like I’ve been in a serious relationship, before.” He scowls one last time at his hair, then tosses it all over his shoulder in a fluid motion, hand coming to rest on his hip. The tilt of his lips could be read as cocky, if he wasn’t otherwise so clearly uncomfortable. “As good as I am at getting girls, I’m not exactly very good at keeping them. I’ve never wanted to keep them.” His hand falls away from his hip, other hand coming up to hug his shoulder. “So that’s, uh. That’s weird, I guess.”
Lloyd frowns, but more with the effort of understanding than anything else. “Wanting to… keep me?” he asks.
Zelos recoils, a little. “Oh, goddess, don’t say it like that.”
Lloyd raises his eyebrows.
“How… should I say it?”
“Never mind, there’s no way to say it that’s not gonna make me feel like a turd, so, whatever,” Zelos snaps. The narrowing of his eyes isn’t as sharp as it could be, though, which means his frustration is mostly surface level. That’s a relief. “Yeah, alright, I’m scared of having an actual real relationship, congrats Lloyd, you’ve made me lay my heart on the fucking ground for you.”
Lloyd scratches at his cheek, laughing. “I mean, it’s not like I exactly know how a real relationship works, either,” he argues gently, hoping it might bring Zelos some peace. “I’ve never dated before.”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t—” Zelos begins, then shuts his mouth.
“Doesn’t what?”
Zelos squirms and doesn’t answer.
“Come on,” Lloyd prods. “You already told me you were scared.”
Zelos sends him an absolutely withering look, which Lloyd shouldn’t find cute because Zelos’ misery isn’t cute, but the way he’s pouting like something as simple as talking about his emotions is going to kill him is endearing.
“Yeah and I wish I hadn’t!!” Zelos whines.
Lloyd smiles as gently as he can. “Zelos…”
“Let me be emotionally stunted in peace, you bastard!”
That gets a laugh out of Lloyd.
“Okay, okay, fine!” he relents. “But… listen. We can try and figure this out together?”
The look Zelos sends him now is like he’s going to die for a completely different reason, cheeks flushed and head tilted like he’s endeared but he hates it. “You’re such a sap,” he complains, and he’s still kind of whining.
“I’m serious though, Zelos!” Lloyd insists, smiling wide and determined. “We can figure it out how this works together, and it’s fine, because like- We’re both figuring it out. And I’m- I really want to try? And figure it out? Because, like…” His face feels so hot, right now, blushing up a storm, but he plows on anyway: “I want you. And I like you. So.” He swallows. Nods. “Yeah. I wanna try.”
Zelos gapes for a second, and then slowly just buries his face in his hands.
When it’s been a few moments and he still hasn’t said anything, Lloyd leans toward him as far as he can without falling over the back of the couch completely.
“You, uh.” He laughs, nervous. “You good, Zelos?”
“Ohhhhh, Lloyd,” Zelos sighs as he lifts his face from his hands, face painted with a show of disappointment along his exasperated defeat. He tuts, just a little, shaking his head. “What did I tell you about being sincere.”
Lloyd scowls. “Your advice is dumb,” he protests, before Zelos can get too far with that. “It’s always better to be sincere! That’s what love is about!”
Zelos stares at him and just slowly exhales, like he can’t believe this is happening. He runs a hand over his face, grumbling.
“Lloyd Irving I fucking hate you.”
“You do not.”
Zelos’ hand rests over his eyes, now, face tilted towards the sky. “It’s just so cute when you do the passionately sincere thing, though, and it’s not fair, and I hate it.”
“Ohhh.” Lloyd grins, cheeky. “You think I’m cute?”
“Yes so shut up and wipe that smug look off your face.”
Zelos is so flustered, and he looks like he hates it, but Lloyd knows Zelos well enough to tell a real threat from an empty one, so he keeps grinning, wide and delighted. Zelos is so cute, anyway, and Lloyd is so happy, because finally they’re getting somewhere. This is the first time Zelos has admitted so openly that he likes Lloyd and Lloyd probably couldn’t be any happier than he currently is. Well, actually, he could probably happier if he was kissing Zelos again, but.
Hmm.
“If you want me to shut up, maybe you should make me,” Lloyd sing-songs, knowing there’s only like one of two ways Zelos could do that, and knowing full well that the somewhat cocky tilt of his head is going to make it real clear which one he’s hoping for. He’d thought Zelos couldn’t get much redder, but Zelos does.
“Ohhhhh, goddess, no, we aren’t doing that,” Zelos protests.
“Aww.” Lloyd pouts, a little. “Why not?”
“Shut up shut up shut up.”
“Zelooooos,” Lloyd whines, but he’s laughing as Zelos groans. Maybe he should be a little nicer, but watching Zelos get so exasperated with him is fun, and Zelos’ blushing cheeks and the way he crinkles up his nose are just so cute, he wants to make Zelos blush even harder.
But there will be time for that later, huh?
So Lloyd gives Zelos a minute to compose himself a little, watching as Zelos fusses with his gloves. When the nervous moments Zelos are making have slowed a little, and he keeps sending glances up at Lloyd, Lloyd takes a deep breath, preparing himself for the most important question of the night.
“So are we doing this?” he asks, slowly, carefully. “We gonna try?”
Zelos takes a deep breath, holds it for a second before he exhales.
“…fuck it,” he says. “Fine. Yes.”
Lloyd grins so wide his face threatens to split, bubbles of joy bursting in his throat. He does a little dance where he sits, fist pumps once. “Hell yeah,” he sings.
“Honey,” Zelos sighs, exasperated.
Lloyd just keeps grinning. “What!! I’m excited, okay!!” he insists. He’s so happy he could fly. Holy shit. This is real this is happening. “I was pretty sure I was never gonna get the chance to ask you out!!” But he did! He did he did and Zelos said yes!!
“You’re so fucking dumb,” Zelos says, with a fond exhale. He crosses the distance between them, putting his hands on the back of the couch on either side of Lloyd, and he bends down to kiss Lloyd. It’s not for long, and they’re not really in a position for it to be great, but the soft little smile he gives Lloyd afterwards—genuine and full of nervous joy—is enough to make Lloyd’s heart melt. One of his hands finds Lloyd’s, and he rubs his thumb over Lloyd’s knuckles. “But… I guess that’s what I dig about you.”