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The kitchen was basically in the same state Olivia had left it in. Dirty but not dreadful. The sink was filled with dishes, but the surfaces were still clear, and it seemed as if all of the rubbish had made it into the bin while she was gone. Setting the takeout on the bar top, she regarded the clothes scattered in heaps around the large, open room with curiosity.
It had been a tremendous relief when Saeyoung messaged, asking her to come back and bring something to eat for the three of them, but now that she was there… Silence lingered like her eyes on the bandages wrapped around Saeran’s wrists, but then they gravitated back to the bruises on Saeyoung’s neck, and she finally broke it.
“Glad to see you two are still alive,” she said flatly. Then felt a pang of guilt when Saeran winced as if she had struck him.
Since Olivia had been one of the few people Saeran would tolerate once lucid, she had spent several days in the hospital with him. Not speaking but just existing in the same space. There had been times when he seemed to swell, to assume a stature that had nothing to do with his size but more with exuding an aura of determination as if telling himself he would survive this too. But then there were other times, like now, where he seemed to shrink in front of her eyes, reverting back to the abused, frightened little boy Saeyoung had left behind.
Despite everything he might have done, she had decided Saeran was not an inherently malicious person. So when his warning surfaced from the depths of her memory — he’ll leave you too — Olivia realized that her composure was barely skin deep and she was not remotely in control of her emotions.
“Try to stay that way,” Olivia added, lifting her keys from the countertop.
“Livy...”
She found Saeyoung’s eyes with her own, found them hopeful and pleading, but Olivia was more rattled than she had ever thought possible. Shaking her head, she raised her hand in denial and then left through the door she had entered. When he did not follow after her, Olivia felt like she could breathe a little easier; even more so when she left the garage and the sports cars standing sentinel behind and the bitterly cold air infiltrated her lungs.
A chirp as Olivia unlocked her vehicle, and she was halfway to it when the door behind her flew open, slamming against the outside wall.
“Olivia— wait!”
Her stride faltered, but not wanting to do this right here, right now, or at all really, continued on. Too much shit had happened, too many lives had been irreparably damaged, and too many people had almost died. Including her. Fuck, V was still unconscious, barely hanging on as it was.
It was all too much.
“Please, don’t leave like this,” he said.
She rounded on him when his hand grazed hers. “I could say the same to you!” Olivia realized she was shouting and lowered her voice. “I’ve lost enough, Saeyoung. I don’t want to lose anymore.”
Something in his expression broke, then he slowly shook his head. “You won’t.”
“How can you look at me right now and say that?” Olivia demanded, eyes stinging as she fought back the tears that threatened to come.
“Because it’s over,” Saeyoung said.
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. I promise you that. And I know you’ve been worried and scared and trying to keep it all in for my benefit. I could sense it, and I should have addressed it but I… I didn’t. Please, don’t go; just… come here.” He reached out, but she turned aside instead of rushing into his arms like she wanted.
Olivia stared at a fixed point in the sky. Thin clouds were blotting out strips of stars, and the wind that was moving them along could flay skin. She pulled her jacket tighter around herself and struggled to collect her thoughts. She knew she was being unfair. The situation was beyond all rhyme or reason and entirely out of his control. Had been that way for probably his whole life. But after three days of radio silence from him, in which Olivia could do nothing but sit and think at V’s bedside because that was all the help Jumin would allow of her, everything had finally caught up with her.
“Talk to me,” Saeyoung said, inserting himself between her and the car; persistent as always. “Let’s talk about how we can get through this… and just everything. Of course, I’ve felt the same way, but I want to be the only one who feels this.”
He was standing so close Olivia had to look up to meet his gaze. “But you’re not, are you?”
His lips quirked into something that wasn’t quite a smile, and she looked away again because the pain in his eyes physically hurt. Olivia had no right to be upset. He was not in the wrong here. He was the one who had tried to warn her, not the one who had refused to listen.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “This is my problem, not yours.”
“No, Olivia,” he said, touching her cheek. She shut her eyes against the feel of his skin on hers, but couldn’t bring herself to pull away. Not again.
“It isn’t. I told you I didn’t want to involve someone I love in something so dangerous, but even now I can’t bring myself to regret it; I only regret that I keep hurting you.”
The first drop of moisture slid down her cheek. “Then please stop trying to leave me,” she whispered so softly that she wasn’t sure if he was supposed to hear it or not. Another tear slipped out of her eye to join the first, tracing a wet trail down her cheek before it was gently brushed away.
“Livy... I could say the same to you,” he replied, equally quiet.
She breathed a sound of amusement that he echoed, because despite it all, despite the mess of it all, Olivia loved him, and his inappropriately timed quips. She let Saeyoung gather her in his arms then because she was tired, so tired and she had missed him, missed this. Slowly, all the disappointment and sadness and crushing fear welled up inside her dissipated, and finally, she could draw a full breath.
“Hey. It’s—”
The voice came from behind her and unsure of what was appropriate, Olivia spun out of Saeyoung’s arms, almost tripping over her own two feet in the process.
“Whoa, easy now.” Saeyoung grabbed onto her to keep her upright as Saeran held up his hands, a universal sign for peace or I have no weapon.
“Uh… I’m sorry,” he said, lowering his arms to fidget with the cuff of the long-sleeved shirt he was now wearing. “I didn’t mean to startle you, but it’s cold out here and—”
“It feels awfully warm and fuzzy to me,” Saeyoung interrupted, grinning at her.
“Idiot,” Saeran said with a sigh, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. Then he dug something out of his pants pocket and tossed it carelessly at his twin. “Just ask her and get her back inside before she freezes to death.”
Blushing slightly, Saeyoung crammed the projectile into the pocket of his hoodie. “What about me?”
Saeran made a face. “What about you?”
“I think he likes you more than me,” Saeyoung told her, pouting.
It was cold, and Saeran was thinking about her well-being. “Right about now, I think I like him more than I like you too,” she replied, and Saeran half-smiled, his golden eyes kind and calm.
“But he tried to kill me!”
Taking a few steps backward, Saeran shrugged one shoulder. “You let me.”
Saeyoung barked out a laugh. “That is… not helping, brother.”
“I have no interest in helping you,” he said. “Just her.” Then he disappeared back inside.
For a few seconds, Olivia stared after him, thinking back on the exchange, about what it really meant. As was Saeyoung’s way, everything he said was full of purpose, and it seemed Saeran also possessed this deflective idiosyncrasy; so similar and yet different. The next thing she knew, Saeyoung’s hand was on her face, thumb pressing gently to the corner of her mouth, and he said: “Marry me.”
Taken off guard, she shot him a bemused smirk, and his cheeks darkened. The ring glinted innocently in the low light, but she couldn’t pull her gaze away from his eyes, more serious and more open than she was used to.
“We said we would start a family once Saeran was here, and he’s here. Plus, it’s not like we’ve been careful exactly; you could already have a little astronaut on board, and there’s an order to things. So marry me. Even if you do like Saeran more, we’re sort of like a package deal so he’ll still be around,” Saeyoung said, gesturing vaguely. “Just you’ll be my kitty and—”
Since he wasn’t letting her get a single word in, Olivia kissed him. It had only been a few days since she last felt his mouth against hers, and for a minute, she wondered how she had lived without it. Saeyoung knew exactly how to slide his tongue against hers, just when to break away to nibble at her bottom lip, but most importantly this was familiar, what he knew and understood, an answer in itself.
He chuckled a little against her mouth, pulling away slightly to look her in the eye, one hand still cupped around her face. “That’s a yes,” he said, grinning despite the tears in his eyes.
“It is,” she told him, and he laughed aloud this time although the sound was more than a little watery.
The metal was heavy on her finger, and she could feel her heart aching, but for once, it was a good ache. Before Saeyoung, every time she had pictured her future, it wasn’t unpleasant, just strangely cold and empty. Her parents had given Olivia and her brother a good childhood, the sort everyone should have; they even instilled upon her a great sense of family that she had forgotten about until he reminded her how important it was.
Thinking back on what he had suggested, Olivia murmured: “We’re going to be a family.”
Saeyoung shook his head slightly, and the smile tugging at his lips turned into something soft and incredulous as he looked at her. She loved his eyes on her. He had been right, he couldn’t prevent her from getting hurt, but he could watch over her and being seen in this way was enough, made it all worth it.