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Joana had never been one to hide her feelings, she had said it more times that she could count - "I'm like this, intense". The fact that she had BPD didn't help her either, with being impulsive and all. But the one thing she didn't rush into, was openly showing her relationship with Cris… at least, not in school, where the younger girl had already had her shit time with everyone wondering if she was a lesbian. She could easily ignore nasty remarks, she always had done it, but the "new girl in town" knew that her girlfriend, under that mask of me la suda, que se jodan and me chupa un huevo, was yet affected from mean comments, so Joana tried her best to protect her. But this had not been enough, and Joana couldn't avoid smiling sadly, while she was sitting with Cris and their respective parents in the Principal's office.
1. Patience and ready answers
When school starts once again, in September, Joana and Cris agree in not making a show of their relationship. Everyone knew at school, but they think it would be better if the lowest number of people could see them exchanging hugs and kisses. The only ones who have ever seen them kissing were their friends and Cris' brother Dani. This isn't enough to make some people shut their mouth, but Cris and Jaona try to ignore them, exchanging glances and not-too-innocent messages on Whatsapp.
"That dickhead of Joaquìn doesn't know what a good fuck is. Hell, I bet you're better using your hands than him using his cock. And you have CLAWS instead of nails." - Cris blushes while reading Joana's message on the screen of her mobile phone. The same Joana, who is sitting right next to her, during literature class. Who is smirking watching at her girlfriend's reaction. Who drops a pen to the floor, on purpose… who bows under the desk to take it… and fucking strokes Cris' calf in doing so. She comes up to her place slowly, passing her digits like feathers over Cris' thigh. Cris thinks that now her face is on fire, with no doubts, and Joana just stays there, writing down on the notebook as nothing has happened. She loves the way her girlfriend can make her feel, but she also hates it! She takes one moment to calm down and then writes on her own notebook to show Joana: "Third floor, corridor on the right. Bathroom out of order. RIGHT NOW."
Cara de culo - she thinks, looking at Joana's gloating expression when she nods.
When the bell rings, the same Joaquìn, who Joana called a dick in her message, goes to their desk - "Joana, girl, if you had done that move to me, you would have known what a man is" - he says, folding his arms and puffing out his chest.
Joana nods to Cris, the signal for her to go to the bathroom, and then stares Joaquìn in the eyes, approaching him - "Joaquìn, am I right?"
"You can call me Jo, luv. And so can the blonde."
Joana can feel the heat rising to her chest. Oh oh, wrong move, dude.
"Ok, Jo. Listen to me. I would like to know what a real man is…"
"Yeah?"
"Oh yeah, babe… It's just that… I can't see no one here" - she rapidly knees him in the balls, making it look like an incident - "Shit, I'm sorry Jo, I was just lifting the bag on my knee, I'm sorry, are you ok?" - then, she lowers to his - now really low - level, and whispers to his hear - "Now, if you excuse me, I have someone I'd like to kiss in a really unmanly way. Bye."
And she goes to Cris, happy that Pedro has already gone away. Her girlfriend is waiting for her, and who is she to make her crave?
This time, she doesn't think people won't notice their relationship: the muffled moans coming from the stall, where they are kissing until they lose their breath, and the hickeys on both girls' neck are too much to hide. But right now, the two girls don't think about it, as they are in their own bubble of love and blissful post-makeout happiness.
…
2. Friends
Thursday is the only day the two squads (the girls and the boys) share the same break in the timetable, so they hang out in the courtyard, having lunch outside while they still can. The situation between Eva and Jorge is still a bit tense, but Joana thinks that this isn't totally strange (for what Cris has told her), while Cris' previous flirt, Hugo, seems to be interested in Viri. So, Joana doesn't want to rip his head off. At least, not too much. The guy seems fine, funny and also nice if you are into the guy-from-the-next-door type, and he doesn't create any embarrassing moments, so she thinks that she doesn't completely dislike him.
It's an unknown voice, who takes Joana out of her reverie…
"Now Hugo hits on the second choice… how pathetic…"
Jorge readily turns his head to the guy who has spoken - "What the fuck are you saying, gilipollas?"
Viri is now bright red, so that Cris detaches her hand from Joana's to comfort her, but this is a gesture that doesn't pass unnoticed to the dickhead, who continues - "I'm just saying that maybe he wasn't capable to show her some action and she decided to take it from a girl. I mean, after that maricòn of Lucas, she followed his example and chose pussy over your dick."
Joana's knuckles are white, for how much she's tightening her right fist, while Hugo answers - "Stop it, Carlos. Even if it was like this, you couldn't be the one to show her. 10 centimeters are not enough. Oh, right, you said it was because of the cold water in the gym showers, am I wrong?"
All the guys laugh and Carlos blushes from rage - "You looser, you couldn't score with the easiest girl in all school, how can you speak?"
Hugo is on his feet in the same moment as Joana - "Just leave her and Viri alone, you bastard. You have nothing to do in our business".
"Ooooh, I'm shitting my pants…"
Hugo's next answer is cut out from Joana's fist, suddenly on Carlos' nose.
If people asked Joana what followed, maybe she couldn't answer them. She just remembers that Hugo and the guys have pulled her away from poor Carlos' bleeding face and Cris trying to calm her, while she was shouting - "Tell her those things again and I will end you. You heard? I'll cut your micro-penis and I will feed it to you… Just leave me, I'll send him to the hospital!"
The next thing she can remember well, are Cris' hands on her cheeks, soothing her, the girl she loves whispering soft nothings to her.
Please, Jo, stay calm.
I swear I don't care.
I love you.
Please don't make things worse.
They'll call us with our parents to the Principal's Office. Just, don't worry, okay? We'll tell them that he attacked us and called us names.
Please, Jo. Help me.
And now, in the Principal Office, with all of their friends defending them, saying that Carlos had called them by very derogative terms, and that they had at first tried to chase him away by fair means, and that the fault was to give to all of them, she understands that she and Cris are not alone against the fucking homophobes…
....
3. Love and support
Joana and Cris are on the rooftop, laying on a pouf that the taller girl had given her girlfriend for the New Year Eve, that Cris had organized there.
"So we can make out comfortably at midnight" - she had said smirking when the blonde had blushed unwrapping the big box.
"I'm so sorry, Cris. I fucked up with you all guys. And now we are grounded for life, and we almost got suspended from school. And this is all for my fucking impulses."
"Ehi, Jo. Stop blaming yourself. That dickhead has called Viri a second choice, he has offended Hugo and Lucas and practically called me a whore. And more… that punch turned me on a little, you know?" - she says, wiggling her eyebrows.
Joana smiles sadly, but she's serious again the next moment - "I'm serious Cris. I wasn't exaggerating when I said that I'm a fucking Kinder Surprise. It's ok with the minute by minute thing, when I'm with you every minute is the fucking best of my life. But then, when we're with other people, like that bastard, I become a ticking bomb. And I will end giving you nothing but problems."
"What do you mean? Joana Bianchi Acosta, I've already told you. You turned me upside down, I feel I'm a better person since I'm with you. And problems? Yes, we'll have. A lot. But we will overcome them because we love each other. Am I making myself clear, my dear condeza? Nothing will ever be beyond our control. Ok?" - the blonde rests her forehead over the brunette's - "We're stronger than all that."
Joana sighs - "Cris… You know why I came here with the year already started?"
"No."
"I don't know if I should tell you. I don't want you to look at me differently."
"Jo, I've said you 84 millions of times" - with this, the brunette smiles lightly - "If you don't want to tell things to me, for fear, you're wrong. Because I never will run away. Remember?"
Joana sighs and rests her head on the pouf, with Cris leaning over her shoulder, stroking her purple locks - "Remember when I told you about my first relationship with a girl?" - she feels Cris nodding - "Well, I already told you it was intense. But I didn't tell you why we broke up. We were in the school canteen one day and I felt like this need for us to stop hiding. I felt like she was ashamed by me. We started fighting, right there, and I think everyone had understood by then. So they started bullying us, way harder than Carlos today. And I went out of my head, I started punching some guy, I don't even remember their name. They suspended me and send me to the school counselor, who noticed something wasn't right. So he recommended my parents to have me seen by a specialist, and they diagnosed me with BPD. They started treating me there, but then my doctor said that in Madrid there was this new, up-to-date, renowned center with the best specialists… So we took everything, my parents left all their friends, their family, their whole lives in Buenos Aires, and we came here. So, I basically screwed their lives, you know."
Cris doesn't need to feel one of Joana's tears on her cheek, to know that she's crying, so she sits up and takes the brunette's face between her hands - "Shh, honey, that's not real. They love you more than you can ever imagine. More than me and you could ever love someone. I know they do. You're their daughter, they'd do everything for you. Just like my family would do for me. Just like every other family. And now you have also me. As long as you want me, I'll be by your side. I love you, Joana, never forget it. My little frog eyes will always look over you."
Joana laughs between her tears and kisses Cris - "I love you, my little frog."
While they hug, stronger than ever, Joana thinks that if she has Cris next to her, nothing will bring her down, not her disease, nor the biggest army of homophobic shits.