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“Hobi hyung?”
“Mmmh? Taehyung?”
“Yeah…”
“What’s wrong?”
“I had a nightmare…”
“Oh...it’s okay, come here, it’s fine.”
Hoseok lifts the bed covers with an eye still closed, he can hear the rustle of Taehyung’s feet on his brand new bed sheets, sliding in his rumpled pajamas, shuddering when he lays down on the warm space Hoseok left for him
“Why me this time?”
He refers to why is Hoseok the one being awakened when its usually Jimin who is Taheyung’s comfort in moments of hardship
“I dreamt you left us.”
Hoseok sighs.
“I will not. I promised, and I always keep my promises Taehyung.”
“But in the dream you refused to explain! If you go, you need to explain hyung, I can´t-”
He chokes on a sob, Hoseok turns around to hug him tight, Taehyung is quite bigger than he used to be and it’s awkward to try to fit him on his chest like Hoseok could do back in their early debut days.
“Its okay, I promise I’m here till the end Taehyung, its fine.”
As he hugs Taehyung, the younger man starts to move to hug him back, an arm under Hoseok’s side, strong grip that ends with Hoseok half on top of Taehyung
“Uhm...this is...new, I guess?”
“Are you uncomfortable?”
“Not exactly I mean...it’s just a bit new.” he tries to relax, Taehyung puts both of his hands on the small of Hoseok’s back, sighs against his hair.
“You always smell so nice, hyung.” he says, a calmer voice though still rough from his crying.
“Thank you Tae, let’s sleep now, okay?”
“Okay.”
*
Every member of the group is dear to Hoseok in different ways. Each of them is special and unique, and Hoseok knows he’s more than lucky to have been put in a band with them, and that they all stayed together for this long.
But Taehyung, he loves Taehyung for he was always different. Always closer to the stars than the earth under his feet, always thinking beyond, finding beauty and art on the corner of the street. He loves Taehyung because Taehyung looks at Hoseok as if he is special, as if he is something worth admiring, and perhaps Hoseok wasn’t used to feel that way.
Now, he is looked at like that quite often.
In the eyes of fans, he can see real love, honest admiration, and he always goes back to Taehyung’s sweet young eyes the first time he saw Hoseok perform. Hypnotized, getting teased for it afterwards, he refused to hide his feelings and came up to Hoseok with a shy smile but millions of words of praise. He kept looking at Hoseok as if he held the Universe inside his body.
Taehyung is getting his makeup done, he’s frowning and the makeup artists is pleading for him to stop. But Taehyung continues, there’s tears in his eyes, and Hoseok wishes Jimin could step up and solve it. Because Jimin has the magic touch to calm him down, one that Hoseok is actually jealous of, knowing well that what he shares with Taehyung might never compare to what he and Jimin do. But Jimin is busy with his hair and playing with Jungkook. So it’s Hoseok the one who needs to face the problem.
“Taehyung?” he calls, his voice as gentle as he can make it. Taehyung lifts his eyes, fat tears rolls down his face. The lady gasps, Hoseok goes closer, thankful for the space the staff provides them as they scramble away from the situation.
“Sorry, I’m just sad.”
“It’s okay, we got some time. Why are you sad, Tae?”
“You don’t seem to...get it. And I can’t say it. I want to, but I can’t.” he says, looking straight down, frown so deep on his handsome face Hoseok fears it will stay there afterwards.
“Sorry, I don’t understand-”
“And that’s the problem, hyung.” he stands, storming away from the dressing room, Jimin calls after him but is made to stay on his chair. Hoseok is surprised, the hand who was touching Taehyung’s neck still warm.
*
He can notice it. The distance. This invisible wall that appeared all of a sudden between Taehyung and himself.
The frustration clouds Hoseok’s mind, as he tries to engage the younger man in conversation, in games, even in work, and receives nothing. Not even a stare. Taehyung keeps his eyes low, clinging more than ever to Jimin, making the best of the few months they have on their country to meet with all his friends and make new ones, virtually nuling Hoseok’s chances to approach him.
Two months go through that way. Then rehearsals start.
And there Hoseok is, biting his tongue not to yell at Jungkook for missing his queue for the fifth time in a row, or to drag Namjoon to his right position.
“This is bad, the energy is not connecting guys, we need to focus!” they know, they all do, every new album has more and more expectations, and yeah they do try to live in the moment. But the worries are still there.
Jungkook pants, leans on Jimin before Seokjin hands him a water bottle and has to receive Jungkook’s entire weight on his arms when their youngest member literally drops himself over Seokjin.
Jin catches him. Jungkook chuckles, drags his sweaty face on Seokjin’s neck, prompting a groan and a chorus of ‘gross, disgusting’ around the practice room.
“From the top!”
Taehyung drags his feet, and he looks a bit too pale for Hoseok’s liking.
The music starts, they move in synch, every step is loud in Hoseok’s ears, nobody is getting it right, not even Jimin, their choreographer calls for a stop.
Hoseok has five seconds to cross the distance to catch Taehyung when he trips over Jimin’s loose shoelace.
“Taehyung!” he yelps, and they end up sprawled on the floor together. Hoseok’s back hurts, his side hurts, where Taehyung pressed his entire hand when he was falling.
“Sorry! Hyung I’m so sorry, oh my god-”
“It’s fine, you okay?”
“Yeah my knee hurts a bit but its fine, your back, are you-”
“I’m good. Help me get up.” he smiles, Taehyung blushes, a deeper shade of red colouring his cheeks. He’s gained some weight and his face is rounder, cuter, softer, but still so handsome. When he helps Hoseok up, that’s when he realizes that Taehyung is taller and he looks down to connect eyes with him. He’s broader, Hoseok comes to crash a bit on his chest, and he finds that sensation a bit odd.
He’s not used to being the one on that side, he guesses.
“C’mon, get it together everyone!”
Later at night, he checks on his side, and he’s got a bruise on it, Taehyung’s palm imprinted on his body.
*
It’s a lazy afternoon, those that are to be treasured before comeback starts. They still have to practice, but everyone already knows the choreography and the things they need to say, there’s only stage outfits to try and go over the script for the next filming run episode.
He’s tired, but Hoseok already knows how to live with exhaustion weighing heavy on his body.
Taehyung is the only one inside the dorm at the moment, he’s showering, probably to go out with his friends. The thought makes Hoseok’s stomach feel a bit upset.
After the fall on the practice room, a week ago, everything remained the same.
Hoseok’s tolerance for the situation is thinning more and more with every passing second. He keeps thinking on his actions, on what exactly he is not understanding, and why Taehyung’s eyes burn when he remembers them.
He keeps watching a drama on TV when Taehyung reappears behind him. Hoseok turns to look at him, watching his newly dyed blond hair be blown away from his face, his profile sharp as he rushes to the door.
“Taehyung?” the younger man stops, when he looks at Hoseok, the spark is there.
“Yes hyung?”
“Stay safe.” Taehyung clicks his tongue, nods, and leaves.
Hoseok, on his part, stays on the couch thinking about Taehyung. He’s not the kind to dwell too much on things that seem beyond his control, but for his group mate, he can’t help but stay hung up on the same circle of thoughts.
“Forgot the wallet!” Taehyung yells, coming back inside. “Shit!”
“Hey, you okay?”
He’s not okay, he’s on the floor cursing while hugging his knee.
“Tae, you slipped?”
“Yeah, these damn floors…” he complains, standing up with flushed cheeks.
“I like your tie.” Hoseok says. The comment comes out of the blue, it makes Taehyung turn his head to the side a bit.
“Thanks.”
They look at each other, Hoseok feels his heart rate increase beat by beat, the atmosphere changes, he takes deep breaths, anticipating.
When Taehyung moves forward and kisses him, Hoseok is expecting it. He reciprocates, his arms twining around Taehyung’s neck to tug him closer.
The kiss is passionate, Taehyung grips onto Hoseok’s hips, brings him closer and makes a sound deep in his throat that sends a shiver down the older man’s spine. His hand finds Taehyung’s hair to hold and tug, they split apart for a second.
Taehyung’s eyes hold fire, and Hoseok feels entirely ready to be consumed by that flame.
“Tae…”
“Hobi hyung…”
Hoseok is the one to surge closer and kiss Taehyung this time, they move, walking as good as they can while still kissing.
It’s later while on the bed, when Hoseok’s hand go over Taehyung’s beautiful skin, that he comes to understand that Taehyung’s eyes on him were a reason for him to move further, were a source of strength, and that the distance was too painful for him to bare.
“Hyung? Why are you crying?”
“I think I’m in love with you.” Taehyung opens his eyes in shock, but immediately sits up puts a hand on Hoseok’s face.
“I love you too. Always did.”
“Tae...don’t go out today.” Taehyung smiles, he shakes his head.
“Don’t worry, I’m staying right here.”
Hoseok believes the tables have turned, when he sighs contentedly while laying on Taehyung’s naked chest, smiling and satisfied, it is him the one who has always been scared of Taehyung leaving, because without the steady and wholehearted trust he has in Hoseok, and the way his eyes always make Hoseok feel like he holds the Universe inside his own body, he would be lost.
“You finally got it, hyung.”
“I believe so, yeah.”