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It had been a week since that first night had happened and I still remember ever detail of it.
Even now, I'm still not sure whether or not I'm in love with Yusuke. And as far as I know, he's not sure either.
All I know is that I definitely feel something for him, which is odd coming from me, because I don't usually express my feelings.
But for him, it's no problem.
I woke up this morning laying next to him, feeling his chest pushing against my back from his breathing, and his arms wrapped around me.
I got up gently, so I didn't wake him up, and cleaned myself up. I got dressed and left without another word.
As of now, I was sitting on a tree branch in the park watching Yukina and Kuwabara have a picnic.
Although the idiot annoys the hell out of me, he makes her happy, so I'll let it go.
Even though I'm staring at them, all I can think of is Yusuke. About how he and I seemed to connect that night, a week ago.
"Yukina, would you like some more to drink?" Kuwabara asked.
"Sure. Thank you so much." Yukina answered as she giggled.
"This is starting to make me sick…" I said as I got up and left.
Later on the we were all sitting in Yusuke's living room waiting for Botan to arrive with another mission for us.
No one knew about me and Yusuke yet, and we wanted it kept that way. At least, for now anyway.
He was sitting on one side of the room and I was on the other. It was killing me to look at him sitting there next to Kurama, talking, knowing I couldn't hold on to what was mine.
Wait a minute! What was I thinking? Was I being jealous?
"Hey Kurama, I have a question for you." Yusuke asked him.
"Sure. What is it Yusuke?" Kurama answered.
I wanted to know what they were talking about.
"Have you ever felt like you were…how do I put this? Have you ever thought you were in love with someone?" he asked, sounding nervous.
"Possibly. It's hard to say, because there is no definite words as to what love is." Kurama replied to him. "Now I have a question for you Yusuke, if you don't mind answering?"
"No I don't mind, go ahead and ask away."
"Who is it exactly that you think your in love with because then…"
Did Yusuke's eyes just go wide! What did Kurama just tell him! I had no more time to find out though because just then Botan showed up. Boy did she always have bad timing or what?
"Hello, everyone!" she said sounding as perky as ever. Which was annoying as hell normally but was even worse now. What the hell had Kurama said to him?
"Here's your next mission." she said as she pushed the video into the VCR. It started to play and Koenma's annoying little head popped onto the screen.
I was unable to keep focused on the screen. What the goddamned hell had he said! I was definitely going to have to ask him later...
LATER (AFTER THE MISSION WAS OVER)
"Yusuke, I need to ask you something." I said when we were in his room that night.
"Sure. What is it?"
"This may seem like I'm prying, but what were you and Kurama talking about earlier?"
He started to get undressed and ready for bed. Again, I was loosing my focus...Damn that ass of his...
"Well, actually, we were talking about you." He crawled into bed and motioned for me to come over. I started to undress as I walked over.
"What did you say?" I crawled into bed with him.
"I just asked him if he knew what love was like."
"And?"
"And that was it."
"Are you sure?" I glared at him wondering if that really was it...If that was it, then what shocked him so much?
"Hiei, you sound like your jealous. And yes, that was it." I turned away from him in the bed and he put his arms around me.
"I am not jealous. I'm just curious."
"Okay then. Well, anyway, I just wanted you to know that I love you."
I blushed a little as he said it. It wasn't as if I'd never heard anyone say it…On the contrary I'd heard it many times…but it was the first that anyone had said it too me since the incident…
I laid there feeling his warm stomach against my back as he nuzzled my neck.
"Yusuke..."
"Yes Hiei?"
"I love you too." That was the last thing that was said before we both fell asleep, and all thoughts of Kurama had vanished from my mind.
-x-
"Yusuke…?" I stared ahead at the sight I saw. I couldn't believe it.
"Hiei, I'm sorry." he said as he removed his lips and his gaze from the redhead. "I'm in love with Kurama. What we had was good, but its just not the same as what I feel for Kurama."
Kurama looked at me with pain in his eyes. He could see that this really hurt me. He then smirked and I knew he was enjoying my pain.
"This can't be real…" I whispered. "It has to be a dream…" I shook my head in disbelief. Although I was good at hiding my feelings my voice betrayed me and quivered.
"Ah, poor Hiei…" Kurama mocked. "You have no caring emotions so how could you ever love Yusuke?" he said which was a direct lie, because he knew I was in pain so I must have some caring feelings, or else it wouldn't hurt. "Especially after what you let happen to me."
I couldn't believe this. It had to be a dream! It just had to be!
"Yusuke, this can't be true!"
"Oh it is very much real. Goodbye now Hiei." He reached down and grabbed Kurama's hand. "My gorgeous prince, let's leave now…" was all he said as he walked away.
I woke with a start in a cold sweat. I stirred Yusuke as I sat up. "I knew it was a dream…"
"What dream?" Yusuke asked sleepily as he sat up. He yawned and looked at his clock. It was a little before 8 AM.
"I dreamt you left me for Kurama. Silly, huh?"
"Yeah, a little." he sounded a little nervous, but I thought it might have had to do with his mother possibly making an unannounced pop in seeing if he was going to school today. He had actually made a habit of going and now she had started to check if he was going. She was in disbelief that he was behaving and staying out of trouble. Unfortunately, as of now, she didn't know about me and Yusuke and he didn't want her to walk in and find us in bed together. He didn't think it would go over too well with her.
"I should probably get going." I said as I got up and got dressed.
"Are you sure?"
"Would you rather have your mother walk in with me here?"
"Your right." he said and nodded. He walked over with me to the window.
"I'll see you after school then?"
I smiled and nodded. "Of course you will." How could I ever think he would leave me for anyone? He leaned over and kissed me goodbye before I hopped out the window.
Yusuke stopped on his way home from school to make a quick phone call. He picked up the phone and dialed the number.
"Hello?"
"Yusuke?"
"Yeah. Can I ask you something?"
"Of course you can. What is it?"
"Last night, Hiei had a dream. His dream was that I left him for you."
"Ok. Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know for sure, but before we went to bed last night he asked about what you said to me. I didn't tell him, but…maybe that was it…"
"How does his dream make you feel?"
"After what you said yesterday, it kind of scares me. I mean it scares me that he thinks that I would leave him just like that…Especially considering that he's never really been able to trust anyone his whole life except you, and then with what you did to him. I mean I know you regret it, but it just makes me think a little more about our relationship."
"That would make sense. Do you think he really believes that you would leave him?"
"I don't really know…I don't think so, but I can't be sure."
"I've known Hiei for a long time and I know him very well and I know that if he does finally trust someone again he's not just going to let them go, but he will be wary that they could betray him, just as I did."
"Are you sure?" Yusuke knew he loved Hiei, but after hearing his dream he wasn't sure if Hiei loved him as much as he thought.
"Yes I am."
"Ok then. Thank you Kurama for the advice."
"Anytime at all Yusuke. *click*"
Yusuke hung up the receiver. "I'll tell him what Kurama said the other day, since he was so curious to know." Yusuke thought to himself as he continued his walk home.
BACK AT YUSUKE'S ROOM
Since Yusuke had started to make school a regular thing, I had started to wait for him outside of his bedroom window. He was running a little bit late today. I saw his bedroom door open and Yusuke walked in a few minutes later.
He walked over to the window and opened it for me. He leaned down and kissed me as I landed on the carpeting.
"Hello." I said when he pulled away. "Is anything wrong?"
"No. Why would there be something wrong?" he asked as he walked over and sat down on his bed. I walked over and sat next to him.
"It's just that you were a little later than normal, so I wanted to know if something was wrong." I said trying not to sound jealous at what he could have been doing. I loved Yusuke, but after all the betrayal I'd had my whole life, and most recently with Kurama, someone I'd loved dearly, I wasn't fully ready to trust anyone, no matter how much I wanted to. That might have been why I had taken so long to tell Yukina that I was her brother…
"I had to make a phone call. Hiei…there's something I need to tell you…"
I held my breath and my heart almost skipped a beat. It was the moment I'd experienced so many times in my life…The moment where the one I loved left…I took a deep breath and steadied myself for whatever it was Yusuke was about say…
-x-
I couldn't go through that yet again, not so soon after Kurama, so I took another deep breath and redirected it.
"I think I know what your going to say and I understand." I said and turned towards the window getting ready to leave.
"What am I going to say then?" he sounded really hurt and so I turned back towards him with shock.
"You're going to say that my dream was right and that you love Kurama aren't you? That it's just too hard to love me cause of god knows whatever reasons. Right?"
I had tears in my eyes…these had been the excuses I'd heard before.
"I know how easy it is to love Kurama…I've not only lost more than one lover to him, but I lost him as well cause he found it very difficult to love me back because of what happened." The tears started to flow as the memories of the two of us resurfaced.
For some reason he didn't seem to shocked. Instead he walked over and kissed me.
"That's not what I was going to say at all."
I looked at him in shock and confusion. If that hadn't been it then what was he going to say?
He walked me over to his bed and sat me down. He took my hand and kissed it.
"Hiei, I could never do anything like that to you…I love you way too much to even think of anything like that. Sure I may seem like a tough guy all the time, but when it comes to something like this…I couldn't even pretend to be that guy."
I wiped away my tears feeling more joy than I ever had before at his words.
"So what were you going to say?"
"I was going to say that I asked Kurama what it was like to be in love and he asked me who I felt it about. I told him you, and he said that yes he had and that it was when he was with you. I remembered that time and how both of you were so happy and I realized that I hadn't even needed to ask. What shocked me though was that he said that he still loved you, even after what happened. He said he always regretted letting you go and he told me that I should be lucky that I have your love and possibly your trust."
He kissed me and I leaned into it hard enough that I actually pushed him over on the bed. We continued kissing and in between breaths Yusuke whispered an idea to me.
"I think…we…should tell…my mom." We sat back up as we realized that we should talk over this idea and also because we both needed to get some deeper breaths.
"Do you really think we should?" I questioned with a slight smirk.
It had been his idea not to tell his mom for fear of what her reaction would be. Now he seemed to be completely for it, no ifs, ands or buts about it.
"Yeah I think we should. I mean what's the worse that could happen? She kicks me out? I've pretty much been taking care of myself since I was a kid, I think I'd be ok. I'd probably just move in with Kuwabara and his sis."
"I wouldn't want you living with him…the pain in the ass…anyway though do you think she'd actually do that?"
"Not at all…after having gotten in trouble most of my life, finding out that I finally have something that I can't screw up would make her happy."
I laughed at that. It was very true. "She'd probably be overjoyed to find out that her baby boy was in love."
He laughed at that. "So should we go tell her now?"
"Is she even conscious? I know usually by now she's passed out in front of the TV." That was why I chose to meet him after school for our little rendezvous'. That way there was no chance of her walking in on us, which is what Yusuke didn't want to happen.
"Yeah your right…we could spend our time wisely before we tell her…" He raised his eyebrow and smirked at me and I knew exactly what he meant.
"Of course…"
He leaned over and kissed me and made his way down to my neck. He pulled my shirt of and slowly started to unbutton his own. He kissed his way down my chest and started to pull my pants down. I laid back on the bed as his tongue found my member. He started to lick me and I started to moan lowly. After a few agonizing moments of him slowly getting me hard he swallowed me and sucked harder than he ever had before. Apparently he was in a really, REALLY good mood.
He sucked me harder and harder until I was nearly ready to come. My panting was the signal for him to know when that was. He flipped me over and, after having apparently taken his pants off while sucking on me, he shoved himself in me. It was hard enough that I was pushed even further to the edge but not quite enough that I came.
He stopped and I fell back from the edge.
"Yusuke you are such a tease…"
"Why thank you." he whispered into my ear and then started to push himself in and out of me in a very slow agonizing way. He held his hands firmly around my hips to stop me from trying to push myself against him like he knew I would.
With each slow thrust I came closer and closer to coming. My breath started to shorten and I started panting faster and faster. Yusuke's breathing was actually louder than mine though and it seemed like the first time where he would come before me.
He did come before me and I knew I would have something to gloat over him for a few days. As his seed filled my insides I came myself and I felt everything of the day go with it…all the fear and confusion of the previous conversation were gone…and I knew that Yusuke would be with me forever.
For some reason I felt like there was more to me than before…almost as if the whole that had been inside me from everyone who'd ever left was gone. Yusuke had taken residence there and I knew everything would be ok from now on.
After we cleaned ourselves up and made ourselves presentable we decided that Yusuke would talk to his mom and I wouldn't say anything.
We walked downstairs and there was Yusuke's mom lying on the floor still asleep.
"Should we wake her up or -" I started to ask, but before I could finish my question Yusuke had already gone over and started to shake her hard to get her to wake up. I just hung my head.
Finally though she woke up and looked at him with a look that could kill.
"What do you want…?" she slurred her words a little and she was a little wobbly as she stood up.
"Mom there's something I have to tell you."
As she walked over to the table she saw me and asked, "What's he doing here?" She seemed pretty cranky, probably because she was just woken up about two hours early from her stupor.
"He's what I need to talk to you about."
Just then the doorbell rang and Yusuke walked over to get it. Yusuke walked back in followed by Kuwabara and Yukina.
Kuwabara saw me and gave me a suspicious look.
"Are we telling them too?" I asked.
"Might as well." Yusuke said.
"Tell us what?" Kuwabara still looked at me a little warily…Apparently he was still a little mad at me for what happened on our last mission, which consisted of me almost letting him fall off a thousand foot tower. I couldn't do that to Yukina though.
"Mom, Kuwabara, Yukina," Yusuke took a deep breath, and while I knew that there wasn't any doubts in his mind about us, this still had to be hard for him. "Hiei and I…we're in love."
And that was when the room went silent. Everyone was in shock for a moment before Kuwabara burst out laughing and Yukina slapped his arm to shut him up.
"That's wonderful you two." Yukina said with a genuine smile. It was odd but nice at the same time to know I had my sister's approval. Kuwabara kept trying to stifle his laughter, but after a moment he seemed to get a hold of himself.
He cleared his throat and said, "Yeah you two…Congratulations." After that he just couldn't keep his laughter in and even when Yukina was glaring at him he still laughed.
Then again, what else can you expect from the group dumbass.
The whole time Yusuke's mom was speechless. But it wasn't in a bad way. After Yusuke said we were together, it took a moment for her to actually hear the words, she was still that out of it.
But once the thought sunk in she just started smiling…and crying…it was kind of annoying. Of course Yusuke didn't do that much to please her and apparently her son finally finding someone to love was something that she'd put on her list of things (which was very short mind you) she wished her son would accomplish before she died.
After Kuwabara finally shut up, Atsuko got up and hugged Yusuke. It was also apparently on the much longer list of things that she was sure he would never do.
After a moment he started to hug her back and all she could do was whisper, "It's finally happened…"
"Alright well I think we'll be leaving now." Yukina said.
"Wait, what did you come here for to begin with?" Yusuke asked past his mom's hair.
"Oh, yeah, that's right." Kuwabara got this look like an idea had just popped into his head and it was the best thing in the world. "We were sent here to…pick up Yusuke to go meet Botan and Koenma for dinner."
Yusuke's mom may have known about us now, but she still didn't know about us going on missions, and that was definitely one thing we knew she wouldn't be ready to hear.
"Ok Mom, listen I have to go. We'll talk about this later, ok?"
She eventually let go and nodded. She reached over and hugged me too. "Thank you so much."
I just thought she was still drunk, but there was real conviction in her voice. It made me feel happy, which was something I wasn't really used to yet.
Two Years Later
I was speechless. I couldn't believe what Yusuke had just said to me.
"So Hiei, will you?"
I looked at the golden band that Yusuke had put on a chain for me to where. He had asked me to marry him and be his forever. I mean I knew that we would be together forever, but I never expected him to ask me.
"Of course I will Yusuke. Why would you even need to ask me that? You know that I would."
"I know, but this makes it seem a little more real to me."
"Yes, of course. Absolutely." He looked into my eyes and I looked into his and we kissed…something that I now knew for absolutely certain, that would never ever end…