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I need you (more than the dead)

Summary:

Sometimes you need to let go of the love you want and take the one you need.

Because sometimes you don't get to decide which one you'll end up getting.

Work Text:

Bang.

One Shot.

I drop to my knees. I don't know what to do. Should I scream? Yell? Cry? Or do all of them at once?

Not that doing any of those things will help. Not like it'll bring him back.

Back to me.

My eyes slowly rise.

I look at the body. The dead body. Unmoving eyes. Pale skin. Grey lips.

Dead.

Final.

Never to wake up and...smile at me...kiss me good morning...assure me of the brightness of the future at my lowest.

Bright future...

Not anymore. Not without you.

"Akari."

My eyes move from the corpse to the man with the gun. The gun that killed him.

"You killed him," I say and my voice wavers and catches on a sob.

"He was already dead" Hirato says without emotion.

"I could've saved him. I coul-"

"Don't" he cuts me off harshly. "The only thing you could've done was be bitten."

Hirato's voice wavers on the last word. The first sign of emotion he's deigned to show throughout this situation.

"It would've been better. I would've prefer...preferred to have been..." my voice cuts off here with another sob. A painful ache in my chest as the shock wears off and the heart-wrenching reality hits me full force.

I can see the logic behind what Hirato did. Behind what he had to do. But it doesn't make it any less painful.

The brain and heart don't always see eye to eye and more often than not when it comes to love.

"I'm sorry" Hirato says and he does sound sincere and pained to see me in this state.

May not feel bad for pulling the trigger but definitely for how the result of it has effected me.

"He was my husband" I whisper brokenly.

"I'm sorry" Hirato repeats. "But I still need you."

And isn't that just selfish of him?

Deciding that he needs me, more than I need my husband.