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“How did it go?” Zero asked taking off his glasses and getting up from the desk to greet the man who just entered.
“As expected”. Seigi dropped his case on the floor and removed his jacket and tie before sitting down on the bed. Zero sat down next to him quietly, leaning in to study his expression.
“This suit, this hair, all of this - it’s not me.”
“You look great,” Zero said. “It’s going to be fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“Easy for you to say,” the man snapped. “With your fancy degree any company would want you. Me, I’m nobody.”
Zero turned away but didn’t get up. Seigi sighed raking a hand through his hair and effectively ruining his neat hairdo.
“Sorry, it’s not your fault. I’m just so sick of it. At least in gangs people are honest.”
“It’s fine. I know this is hard for you. But I’m sure you’ll find something that suits you. I just wish you realized you are so much better than you think.”
Zero’s hand found Seigi’s on the bed and squeezed it. Seigi just shook his head but his lips turned up in a smile.
“It’s ok. I’ll find a job soon. Someone has to pay the bills until you win a Nobel Prize or something.”
Seigi looked around taking in the small single room apartment.
“I get it, you want to be Robin Hood, but there’s no need to live like a student. You risked your life for this, you deserve something better.”
Zero looked at him with a soft smile that Seigi almost hated.
“I won’t do that. Once you take some money you get used to it and want just a little more. It turns into a habit and the money controls you. I’m fine the way I am. I have everything I need.”
“Fine, but at least stop dressing up like an old man. You embarrass me.”
Zero’s smile broadened.
“Sorry.”
“What are you working on?” Seigi asked noting the pile of papers on the floor. “Tell me it’s not something risky again.”
“It’s nothing like that. Sorry for making you worried.”
“Who’s worried?” Seigi snorted. “I just don’t want to be stuck with you and your idiot friends again.”
Zero moved closer and gave Seigi a silent look he knew too well. It was as if he could see right through him, deeper than anyone ever looked, perhaps even himself. If scared him a little but excited him even more.
Seigi didn’t think it would last. They had the chemistry, that much was undeniable. They were drawn to each other like opposite sides of a magnet. Seigi would never forget the day the game ended and how they ended up at his tent, days of frustration and longing unleashed on each other. He told the others they fought to explain the ripped clothing and bruises but it didn’t end there as their encounters continued.
Seigi always pushed away everyone that cared about him. He could remember the sad and angry faces of his past lovers, shouting at him, claiming he didn’t care about them. Oh, he did care. Perhaps he cared too much. But words were never his strong point and they always seemed to fail him in the most crucial moments. So he waited for Zero to leave too. He anticipated the day when the man would realize he was wasting his time. But a year had passed and he was still here.
Emotions threatening to overwhelm him, Seigi closed the distance capturing Zeros’ lips in a kiss. They both knew it was a way to avoid the conversation rather than passion, but Zero let him, kissing him back with just as much force. Zero’s hands were working on freeing Seigi from the uncomfortable vest and shirt. There was no need for words or complicated feelings. Seigi let his hands and lips speak a different language. Unlike words, this was something he had confidence in.
Seigi was grateful for the silence that came after sex. He would probably never say a word again if he could help it. He knew it wouldn’t last long though. Right now, lying next to him Zero looked perfectly peaceful but Seigi knew he never got distracted.
“What?” he asked a little weary before the man even said a word.
“I really admire you, you know. It’s much harder to go against expectations of others and yourself. Many people want to be good but keep doing bad things. You wanted to be bad but instead always end up doing the right thing.” Zero wasn’t smiling this time.
“Oh, shut up.” Seigi snapped but he was too sated so it came out weaker than he intended. “You’re too nice for your own good. Always see the good in people.”
“You could have joined Zaizen group like Yuki but you didn’t,” Zero argued.
“They tried to kill us all. They can go to hell with their money and social security.”
Seigi didn’t want to even think about the game and everything that had happened then. It made him sick thinking that Zero could have died there and even sicker that it could have been his fault. He had almost killed him twice. He could not even begin to comprehend how the man was able to forgive him for what he had done. He told it to Zero once but the man just gave him one of his unbearably soft smiles and assured him it didn’t matter since Seigi saved him twice soon after so they were even. But how could it not matter?
Sure, there was no way to change the past so if he had to work at a shitty 9 to 5 job until retirement to make up for it, he would do it. Zero was the anchor that kept him at bay, made him want to try harder. And it wasn’t just him. He changed everyone he met. Even his yakuza brother was now trying to set up an honest business, something that amazed him even if he would never admit it.
Still, Seigi kept a gun in a box under the bed. Brilliant logic and inspiring speeches cannot save you from a bullet. With how many Zero already pissed off with his noble efforts, it was only a matter of time before one of them came for him. And if that day came, Seigi would be ready.
Seigi was so lost in his thoughts, he was startled when Zero stretched his hand cupping the side of his face.
“Hey. Come back.” His expression was so soft Seigi had to wonder if he deserved it but then he knew was too selfish to let go one of the few good things in his life.
“What are you thinking?” Zero asked.
“That you’re the most foolish genius in the world and someone needs to keep an eye on you.”
“I love you too,” Zero replied turning to lie on his back and closing his eyes.