Chapter Text
Lana Del Rey is wearing a Native feathered war bonnet and swinging on a swing on the front porch of her (and her bf’s) modest, but pleasant home in Hollywood
The bf pulls up in his Pontiac Aztek, and honks at the neighbor boys dicking off with squirt guns in the drive way
The bf gets out of the car. It is Roy from Super Smash Bros.
Roy: ’get outta my sight you little assholes,’ Roy breaks their water guns
Roy: ’hey babe, why are you still swinging? crack open a Steveweiser for your hunk will ya?’
Roy walks in, takes off his boots, and throws the boots near their dog (Odie). He purposely misses the dog, but wants to terrorize the dog
Odie runs away as Lana Del Rey fetches a Bud Light Lime from the fridge. She didn’t have the heart to tell Roy that Bud Light Lime is a disgrace to the Steveweiser name
Roy: ’Guess what I have babe?’ Lana Del Rey brings him the Bud Light Lime
Roy pulls a copy of Super Smash Bros Brawl out of his purse
Roy: ’Now is my second big shot at fame! Super Smash Bros Brawl will catapult me into my career as a great American actor!’ Roy puts the game into his Wii
Lana Del Rey is petting Odie’s belly and saying ‘who’s a good boy?’
Roy picks up his orange Gamecube controller, takes a sip of Bud Light Lime, and rubs his hands together
Roy: ’Oh boy, here we go’ Roy boots up to the main screen
Roy: ‘Hmm… not a starting character. Not surprised, guess I’ll just have to unlock myself’
Lana Del Rey makes a Hungry Man All Day Breakfast for Roy, while he plays Subspace Emissary
Lana Del Rey makes a Hungry Man Jumbo Rigatoni with meat sauce for herself, and feeds the leftovers to Odie
Hours later, after Survivor, Lana Del Rey peaks her head out of the bedroom in her nightgown
Lana Del Rey: ‘You coming to bed dear?’ She removes her sleeping cap
Roy: ’I can’t sleep until I unlock myself’
Roy takes the final nail-in-the-coffin sip of the same Bud Light Lime he started hours ago
Lana Del Ray lays in bed, stroking Odie’s head. She can’t sleep so she turns on reruns of Cheers
On the tv, Woody says ‘Hey Mr Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?’ and Norm says, ‘Yeah, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.’ Lana Del Rey finds that funny
It is now 3:30 AM. Lana Del Rey hears a loud thud against the wall. Roy wails
Lana Del Rey: ’What’s wrong dear?’ Lana Del Rey peeks into the living room
Roy: ’I’m not in this dag blasted game. I’m so mad, I could be really mean right now’
Roy walks over to Lana Del Rey. He closes one eye and shakes his fist at her
Roy: ’Why I oughta take my masculine rage out on you and the dog’
to be continued…