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He watches them as they bicker, it becomes obvious when Sakura grows tired of the endless argument because in one moment both Sasuke and Naruto are standing on the shore line and the next they are in the river. Beside him Yamato-taichou sighs. “How Kakashi manages to live with them I will never know.” Sai hums quietly, if they bicker like this all the time then he could see how that may be inconvenient.
Sakura stomps over and sits across from them with a huff while starting to sort through the mission details for the fifth time, up until now the boys have interrupted her each time.
This is Sai’s first actual mission with all Team Kakashi at once, and he is no less confused about their bonds now then he was on the first mission he was a member of the team. The one where they had been sent to rescue the Uchiha who in Sai’s opinion seemed to have the situation somewhat under control and was more annoyed that they were wasting village resources chasing him then dealing with bigger problems, problems like the Akatsuki.
They claim to be a family, but from what Sai has read families don’t often scream and swear at one another, or punch each other, or throw one another into the nearest pond when angered, the list goes on. Idly he wonders if he has just been using the wrong source material, a very high possibility seeing as there have been many books that Sakura or Yamato-taichou have taken from him with a frown or a snicker. Still no matter from what angle he looks at it these three and their sensei should not mesh the way they do, their personalities clash, their attitudes don't match up and their ideals and dreams couldn’t be more different. Then there is the bickering and competitiveness, the insults, and he really doesn’t know where to begin when it comes to the “pranks” they pull on one another.
So he attempts to break it down into something that he understands, because for whatever reason he knows that he will not be satisfied until he understands (Yamato-taicho calls this curiosity). At first he attempts to compare them to the seasons, but that doesn’t quite work, because both Sasuke and Kakashi would be winter. So he tries again, the next thing he tries is the elements, the issue there is that their elemental affinity doesn’t match up to their personality. He finally finds something through Konohamaru, a strange genin who follows Naruto like he hung the sun in the sky.
The how isn’t particularly important or interesting, the thing that matters is that paint ended up everywhere. What really caught Sai’s attention though was the neon pink splattered across Sakura’s throat and up one half of her face.
Sakura is pink. It's probably the most obvious because of her hair but personally he doesn’t think that the soft bubblegum pink of her hair is fitting. Sakura’s brand of pink is something that doesn’t exist yet. Brighter, a little louder, a lot more fierce than the light gentle shade of her hair. Sakura’s color is a lot more like the signs made of lights in some of the towns he has passed through, confident, vibrant and impossible to miss.
It also has a softer side, pale and delicate, not unlike the petals on the cherry blossoms that bloom in the spring. Although much like the flowers in question this softer more feminine side of her doesn’t last for long. But that doesn’t make it any less incredible to look at when it does happen. If there is a shade in between that bright fierce neon and the soft delicate pastel, that shade would be Sakura, he tries to blend it at least ten times, but his paint always comes out too bold or pale.
Sasuke is the next one that he can decide on. It happens when he recalls how they first met, the bright red of the sharingan taking in the ‘rescue’ team, the stain of color across the Uchiha’s hands, a crimson that you see often as a shinobi, the shade of red that wells up where skin has been split open.
It makes sense really, red can be a sweet color, passion, love, heat. In this instance it’s not, not completely. Here, or anywhere really, that Uchiha Sasuke is involved red is danger, it’s intensity, power, violence. That is of course not to say Sasuke doesn’t have passion, drive, desire, or love, he does just not in the way that everyone thinks. But at the root of it all is the violent red, the red that cut him so deep that there was nothing but blood, and now it’s almost all that the last Uchiha knows.
Still Sai knows that the sweeter side of red is present within Sasuke too, he has seen it, watched him put himself in danger for his team, stand for what he believes is right, seen the fondness in his eyes and the small upturn of his lips. Even once Sai determines the color and shade, he still struggles to understand the other, he hopes to learn more about him as they continue to work on the same team, he hopes to somehow come to understand Sasuke. Because as of now he only can say one thing for sure, with Sasuke context means everything.
He must admit it takes him a while to see past the orange Naruto wears to actually determine a color for him. So he studies Naruto a little closer he finds the boy bright, almost obnoxiously so, warm, determined, hopeful. He seems to brighten anyone's mood by just showing up, he can change the entire course of a battle with his compassion alone. It’s fascinating.
Naruto is like the rays of sunlight that spill through the trees in the afternoon. Or perhaps more like daffodils that bloom early in the spring, that the Yamanaka grow in their shop year round because they signify friendship.
Naruto is yellow, it’s not quite as offensive as the bright orange he wears as much as he can, but the color can still annoy some people, but this yellow is more commonly loved, sure you might not like it at first but the warmth it radiates is enough to pull anyone in. After all who doesn’t like the sun?
Kakashi is harder to determine, Sai hasn’t gotten to work with him much seeing as he just got off medical leave but he has spent a surprising amount of time with the man because of his new teammates. It isn’t uncommon for team Kakashi to get dragged out to Ichiraku’s or to have lunch or dinner at the Hatake compound. At first Sai was a bit weary around the former Anbu, Danzou had thoroughly warned him how easily the Copy nin can get under someone's skin, how big of a threat he was.
He will admit that he can see how this genius could be a threat, Kakashi is a mystery to him, and almost everyone else, but he can draw you in just as quickly as Naruto can, something about the jonin is captivating. In a way it reminds Sai of the ocean, on the surface it looks calm and gentle, but underneath that there is a darkness. No matter how deep you go you are never guaranteed to reach the bottom, and every answer you get only brings more questions.
Kakashi is shrouded in mystery but for whatever reason it is almost impossible not to trust him, it probably comes from his loyalty to his team despite the rumors and nicknames that echo in other villages. Sai thinks Kakashi is a dark blue, like the deeper waters of the ocean, fascinating to some, and the base of nightmares for others.
It takes a while for him to decide he needs to pick a color for Yamato-taichou, at first he had assumed he was also a new addition to the team the same way that Sai himself was but the little nods and smirks that Sasuke gives him is enough to prove that there is more there even if not everyone on the team knows about it. Not to mention the special tone he uses when talking with Kakashi, how no matter how far the jonin pushes the Anbu Yamato never loses his temper. Then there is the touching thing, Kakashi uses practically any excuse to touch the man. Sai isn’t quite sure what to make of that.
Either way Yamato is orange, not the bright orange Naruto wears but a softer one. He thinks of all of the gentle flowers which sprout from the Mokuton when the man gets carried away or when he is flustered, the gentle orange and gold petals.
Yamato is cheerful, but not annoyingly so, and he brings balance to the team, his creative mind is endless. Yes, Yamato-taichou is definitely orange.
“Ready to go Sai?” Sakura is looking down at him expectantly and he looks up at her as she offers a hand down to him. He hesitates a lot less than he had the first time and lets her pull him up.
“Hmm? Right, of course.”
“Kakashi-sensei says that there is a waterfall up ahead and we are going to stop near there for the night.” She smiles and he glances past her to see that their captain has indeed returned from where he had vanished to while they took a short break. He gives a nod and they are on their way again.
They are walking, they’re already a few days ahead of schedule and should be back in Konoha by the end of the week all going well. He falls in line next to Sakura just behind Naruto and Sasuke while Kakashi and Yamato are just far enough behind them that he can’t quite make out their conversation even if he can hear the soft murmurs and chuckles. That softness is soon overtaken by the squabbling of the boys in front of him.
“I hope you know that you are going to have to pay for a new shirt if this one is ruined.” Naruto stops and flails.
“Me?! But Sakura threw us in the river! Why am I being punished Teme?” Naruto whines.
He can’t see it but he can hear the Uchiha roll his eyes, “because Sakura only tossed us in the river because you were yelling Dobe.”
“What-”
Sakura doesn’t let Naruto finish because she takes two steps forward and places a hand on each of their shoulders. “I could find another river,” she says with that overly joyful tones that she uses right before someone gets punched through a wall.
Both of them fall silent with a grumble. The rest of their trip is calm, even when Naruto and Sasuke start debating the differences in jutsus and the possible outcomes from their last fight, both convinced that they would be able to best the other, still their voices never raise higher than what would be deemed an acceptable inside voice for fear of angering Sakura.
This is it. This is the kind of thing that confuses him, because this is not something that happens during Root missions. This is something he still can’t understand, all of these colors, each bold and loud in their own ways should clash but instead they fall in line with one another as though they might actually work when blended properly together. It’s so different from the blank canvas he is used to.
He loses himself in his mind again, he doesn’t realize that Naruto and Sasuke have stopped until he almost walks into the blond. He looks up to see them staring out in awe, Sakura follows their line of sight and lets out a soft, “oh, wow.”
He turns his head and catches sight of what they do; the sky.
The sun is slowly sinking behind the mountains and the remnants of the light has painted the sky with different colors. He takes in the pale yellow of the sun from where it is partially obscured, the soft oranges and golds that halo around it before they become dark reds and bright pinks, which blur into deep purples and finally fade to blues as the night sky swallows the remainder of the day. He looks at the shades spread across the sky and starts to understand, the way that they blend together, the way they fade seamlessly into one another. For the first time he thinks maybe he gets it, sees how such vibrant and bright colors can make something beautiful.
They stand there and watch the sunset. He feels something tug uncomfortably at his chest when if completely disappears, when the colors fade into a blue so dark it may as well be black. They end up camping there that night, in the middle of a clearing, simply because Sakura claims she wants to see the sunrise in the morning.
Long after the others (except Kakashi who is on watch) have fallen asleep Sai lays awake. If they can fit so smoothly together where does he fit? A sharp pain runs through his chest, and leaves a dull ache in its wake. He rolls over again and looks at Sakura, who had laid her bed roll between his and Naruto’s. He wonders what feeling this is, she would know, she always knows, he rolls back over.
“Something on your mind Sai?” The question is just above a whisper that echoes from the fire. He tenses up unsure how the man had known he was awake, after a moment he pulls himself to a sitting position and looks over at the masked shinobi by the fire.
“Yes, I suppose there is. How did you know?” He doesn’t expect a proper answer, because well, it’s Kakashi and Sai has learned that the man doesn’t like giving straight answers.
So the realistic answer makes him pause even if only slightly. “That makes the ninth time in the last hour you have shifted. Root and Anbu agents aren’t usually restless sleepers,” he says. It’s true, usually shinobi like them are quick to fall asleep (understanding the need to generate as much energy as possible) and light sleepers (never able to let their guard down) although they hardly toss and turn.
There is a moment of silence before Sai gives a quiet “oh, my apologies.” Kakashi shakes his head.
“What’s keeping you up?” It’s genuine sounding enough that Sai finds himself abandoning his spot to sit by the fire.
“What do you call it when you feel a sharp pain followed by a dull ache in your chest? One that won’t leave? I highly doubt I have been poisoned, and the rest of my body seems to be in order.” He figures he may as well be blunt about it. Besides, in the case that something is wrong with him it would be good to know.
Something flashes through Kakashi’s eye for a moment before he leans back and looks up at the sky. “Well, I am not exactly an expert but I would say that feeling is heartache caused by sadness or stress,” he says quietly, “if you ask Sakura she may be able to explain it more thoroughly but the basics are that something is bothering you and it’s putting strain on your body.”
Sai hums quietly. There is silence again and it takes him a moment to realize that the other is probably waiting on him to say something. So he does, because if there is one thing that Yamato has drilled into his head it is that the team can not help with out knowing at least part of the situation. “You all work so well together, I am not sure I am really needed on this team.”
“You feel like you don’t fit in?” Kakashi asks, softer and quieter than everything else. Honestly Sai almost misses the question.
“Yes, I believe that would be one way to phrase it.”
He catches sight of Sakura sitting up and glancing at them and he wonders how much she has heard. Kakashi either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, “That’s a normal feeling when you join a new team, especially when most of the team has been established for a while already. That doesn’t mean you aren’t needed or a good addition to the team, it just means that everyone needs a bit of time to get used to one another again. It gets better, once you form bonds with those people, once you become a part of that team. Trust me, Team Seven hasn’t always been this seamless, it took us a long time to figure out our issues. We’ve been working together for years already and we still don’t have everything sorted out.”
Sai thinks he understands what Kakashi is trying to say, still that feeling hasn’t gone away. “It’s just that you are all so, bold, confident, loud, and I’m… not?” He is confused by his own mind, why something so small as that bothers him so much.
Sakura chuckles, “Thank god for that, I’m not sure what I would do if you were as loud as Naruto, or as much of a dick as Sasuke, And I hate to say it sensei but you’re no saint you know.” She rises to her feet and comes over before she settles next to Sai by the fire after a few moments. Kakashi makes a noise of mock offense and dramatically throws his hand to his chest.
“I see how it is.” He says playing up the hurt in his voice, even Sai can tell he is making a joke. Sakura falls into a fit of giggles.
“Not helping your case Kakashi-sensei,” she mumbles out around half formed laughter. When she finally calms she turns to Sai and tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “Look, I know it may be kind of weird, especially with Naruto and Sasuke, I mean I even feel like I don’t fit with them sometimes, but we want you here Sai. You’re on this team because you’re you not because it’s convenient.” She smiles softly. The tightness in his chest starts to fade.
“Really?”
“Damn right!” Naruto’s voice breaks the soft atmosphere. “You’re on our team now Sai, even if you piss me off sometimes-” Naruto’s shouting is cut off by Sasuke smothering him with a pillow.
“Shut the fuck up idiot I am trying to sleep,” Sasuke hisses.
Yamato chuckles and takes the pillow from Sasuke, “how about we don’t attempt to suffocate our teammates at four thirty in the morning.”
Sai feels bad for waking everyone up. “Don’t worry about it, Dobe has done worse.” He stares at Sasuke blankly for a moment before he realizes he had spoken out loud. He nods halfheartedly as Sasuke goes about packing up his bed roll while claiming he will never get back to sleep. Soon enough the entire group is sitting by the fire and the rest of their things have been packed.
They watch the first rays of sun shine over the trees and paint the sky with pastel shades of pink and orange. Sakura gushes over the colors and view, Sasuke complains about having to be up so early, Naruto is already buzzing with too much energy for five in the morning. Yamato-taichou hums as he checks the clearing for anything that might have been forgotten, and Kakashi mutters something about a camera. Sai just lets the warmth of the sun wash over him, he doesn’t know what he is feeling but he will ask someone once they get moving, he doesn’t want to break the moment.
When he leaves the clearing his chest feels much lighter. The ache isn’t gone, not yet, but he believes that it will go away sooner or later.