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Enta couldn’t stand Tooi for a lot of reasons,
Many rational, very reasonable reasons indeed. For one, there was no way you could trust someone like that. He was a criminal. He had killed a guy. He was selling weed, breaking into cars, being a terrible influence for Kazuki, threatening people with that stupid ruler; he had KILLED a guy and-
And he knew nothing about Kazuki, knew nothing about him, knew nothing about anything and nowhewasintheirlivesandwouldn’tleave and he was annoying annoying and annoying-
He was just…. Annoying.
Also, hum
There was also that thing, but that had nothing -nothing - absolutely nothing to do with anything else.
It had nothing to do with anything at all, but it was still a thing;
There was also the fact that Tooi knew.
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It was impossible to forgive him for knowing
It’s not as if he cared too much about it but it was a still a little irritating anyway. There was a lot of irritating things about Tooi and he should go away, go away; there was no way that this could happen. That someone could know and then look at him knowingly, just knowingly; Just being there, breathing the same air while knowing.
It was disgusting. it was all disgusting and gross and annoying and unnecessary and uhhhhhfhfhfaaaA
…It was weird.
It was weird, talking to Tooi like that. It was weird being with the two of them, suddenly hyperaware that Tooi knew what each furtive glance to Kazuki meant, it was weird and
He would know the secret meaning of every single one of his words wouldn’t him? Wouldn’t him? Wouldntndhimdasd himdd asd woldasldasd SDLKASDJAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Gross. Gross, How annoying and gross gross gross. How dared him? And all the while Kazuki was caring SO much about him and that was a lot he had going for him it was annoying it was
(AND DIDN’T YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT ENDING ALL OF THAT AND LETTING SOMEONE KNOW BEFORE? Maybe there was something okay in your mutual understanding that he knew but was not going to talk about it it might be okay that he looked at you and knew that much it might be okay but weird weird gross gross pathetic pathetic pathetic PATHETIC I don’t want to think about it okay I really don’t I don’t want to think about it just aksldjasedmd,xmx,zz,xmcxzc,xncalaaaa just aklsdjasdajsd)
No one was supposed to know. Not now, not ever, probably. Some things were to be taken to the grave. Probably. And not… Not…
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It felt good lying to Tooi. He had no business knowing anything about him, so lying was nice and cathartic and it felt like justice. It was good almost believing in what was said, it was GREAT almost believing it was real but knowing it was not inside his head, GREAT being the only one to know this time. Tooi had no business knowing anything about him or his honesty- and he didn’t , he never did, because he didn’t understand or or-
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Enta wasn’t thinking. He didn’t want to, his eyes were burning with revenge and his stomach was turning; his head was lit with all sorts of strange waves as he trashed that stupid, special, special place, that was meant to be his and kabuki’s only.
Now, that felt good, it felt good ah yes HE LAUGHS
BECAUSE TOOI KNEW NOTHING ABOUT THEM HE KNEW NOTHING HE REALLY DIDN’T AND HE THOUGHT HE KNEW HE THOUGH HE COULD KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT KAZUKI AND SO MUCH ABOUT HIM WHEN HE KNEW NOTHING HE WAS JUST-
JUST-
Oh god his stomach was aching…he couldn’t bear that anymore.
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It had been a long time, too long of a time that he had been living on those peaks of blissful, euphoric sweetness that felt like drowning in a sea of roses, whenever Kazuki so much smiled at him- and that ugly ugly ugly strangling agony, whenever he didn’t.
It would be nice if that could all just stop.
It would also be nice if he could talk about the fun crush he had on a boy, like his sister did.
There were lots of things that would be nice, including Kazuki saying nice things to him like he used to. There were lots of things that would be indeed very nice.
And anger was also nice sometimes. He kept betting everything he had on the hope of seeing him smile, and sometimes, maybe, maybe, maybe it was good to let those burning feelings he didn’t know what to do with turn into something else.
But anger was not always great, and he seemed to be always a bit too angry lately. At Tooi. It was definitely Too.
Just like he had to throw himself at that fight with those boys, he had to do something or he would end up crazy. It was not unfair at all, not anything at all not not not not – not-
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Enta couldn’t stand Tooi for a lot of reasons. And he had no idea what these were; he couldn’t care less. These reasons could go to hell for all he cared,
As long as he didn’t have to think about them. He didn’t want to think at all.