Chapter Text
Even the Alpha Can't Do Everything alone.
Chapter: 1 Stiles finds out.
//Third p.o.v//
Not many people knew how Derek hale felt. They saw him as grumpy, but they wouldn't see the overwhelming sadness behind his eyes. He felt hopeless, alone, worthless and pathetic. He has been this way since he found out about the fire, hell he has been this way since Paige died.
He felt like everything was his fault. He needed a distraction from everything he was going through. He needed all the emotional pain to go away, to hurt like he hurt others. To punish himself.
He started cutting not long after the death of his first love, but it didn't really feel like anything because of his powers. It would hurt a bit but heal in seconds. When he turned into an alpha everything changed. A cut from and alfa doesn't heal fast. It just heals like normal people would heal. Everyday Derek would go to his old destroyed house and sit there thinking, crying and hating himself. The voices would become too loud and he would unsheathed his claws and tear his arm open.
//Stiles P.O.V//
Scott ran towards Stiles. "Sorry that I'm-" "Late? Again... Seriously what is it with you werewolves? All those super powers and still never on time." I laughed. "all you werewolves?" Scott questioned while jumped into the jeep. "Yep, Derek is also late. We were supposed to meet at my house at 9pm it's almost 10pm now." I started the car and drove away.
"Uhm stiles where were we going again?" I sighed "does anybody listen to a word I say? We were going to the hospital. There was a body found with claw marks all over it. But now you are going to the hospital to take picture of the body and my going to pick up Mr. hale." I stopped the jeep before the hospital. "The body is in the morgue. If you can find it take a picture of the damage and try to pick up a smell from the werewolf that did this." Scott stepped out of the car. "And who put you in charge?" he chuckled "well you could've voted. But you were too late." Scott ran towards the hospital as I drove away to Derek's old house.
//Derek's p.o.v//
I fell to the ground. I was exhausted. While I was searching in the woods a hunter hit my with one of his arrows. I pulled out the arrow and watched my leg heal. I sighed. After almost all my family died I had to do everything around here. Protect the other werewolves from the hunters. Protect my uncle and my sister. Protect Scott and his pack. Manage everything on my own.
I've failed my mother. I've failed Faith. I've failed my sister. I've failed my pack. I've failed everyone. I'm not a good enough alpha. Not a good enough friend. I'm not good enough...
I put my claws on my arm and broke a bit of skin. I pushed my claws deeper in my flesh and ripped the skin apart. I could finally breath again. As I watched the blood flow I didn't focus on anything. Not on the emotional pain, not on my mistakes. I didn't feel my anxiety. I could relax.
I closed my eyes and laid back against the wall. I began to feel dizzy, did I hit a vein? I don't really care if I did. Who would miss me I suddenly heard a faint voice
" What...The...Frick Derek. Derek please stay with me." Oh its Stiles. Oh my god. It's Stiles. It is Stiles. He can't see me like this. I panicked. What would Stiles think. He would hate me. he would find me pathetic. I scraped my throat "go away" I hissed. I felt the dizziness go away and felt a bit more okay now. I could think again. I don't want to think about everything just yet.
"Derek? Who did this to you?" Stiles asked and tried to look me in the eye. "shouldn't it have been healed by now?" he asked. I said nothing. I just kept staring at the ground below me. Stiles began to ramble. "The only times I've seen werewolves heal so slow is when they were attacked by alphas… but there aren't any alphas here right now, except for you maybe. And what alpha would only cut there. It doesn't make sense. Wait, unless..." Suddenly he stopped talking and looked at me with sadness behind his eyes.
He grabbed my arm, I winched at the sudden contact. He looked at my hand. My claws were still bloody and he knew. "Stiles, I-it's not what it looks like." I paused "Derek, you did this to yourself. How can you hurt yourself like that?" he was still holding my hand and I had tears in my eyes. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't fucking cry. Don't be weak.
"I-I deserve it." I almost whispered. "NO. No, you don't. You absolutely don't. You're amazing. You always help everyone, you are kind and you are thoughtful. You don't deserve this. People care about you as much as you care about them" I began to cry. Stiles tried to hug me but I pulled away. "What would you know about me. about this?! Just go away." I snapped. He wouldn't understand me. No one does.
Stiles sat down before me. He sighed and pulled up his sleeve. His arm was full of scars that were completely healed and some angry red scars that were fresh. "I would know everything about this. About how it 'helps'. But it doesn't really help. It makes you feel distant from everyone. It makes you even more disappointed. It makes you feel better in the moment and makes everything worse after that."
I was speechless. "Come on stand up, sour wolf" I stood up and followed Stiles to his jeep. "I can't bring you to the hospital but I can bring the hospital to you." He smiled as he grabbed a first aid kit. We went back inside and he sat me down onto my bed. "Why are you so kind to me. I'm always so mean and distant. And I don't deserve your help or your kindness. I don't understand… I don't underst-"
he grabbed my arm and disinfected it. I winced. Then he bandaged it. "You are so very kind to me. You help my every day trying not to hurt myself. You can make me smile without trying. You deserve more than you think" Stiles said. "Thank you." I said softly.
I took a deep breath. Then I yawned, after this emotional roller-coaster I am too tired to do anything. "You should try to take some rest. You've lost a lot of blood. Also you went through a lot today." He said while I laid down on my bed. He stood up. He was about to leave. I need him, I cannot be alone right now. "please don't leave me yet" I said almost too soft to be heard. "What? I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you" I grabbed his arm and pulled him into my bed. "Please stay with me just for a while." He smiled softly.
"Of course, Derek."