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“It’s your choice, Mingyu. The door’s wide open.”
Wonwoo was heaving, one hand still clutching on a ceramic. He looks at it and puts it down on the now empty counter. As to why he was holding it, he doesn’t even remember.
Water seeps into his socks and it was enough for the fog on Wonwoo’s head to clear. The coldness brings him back to their home. Back into their kitchen. And for a moment, everything was red - bright blazing red before his eyes - closing up on him from all directions. It was fire. It felt like fire. It was hot. His body burned in what felt like a mix of anger, of frustration, of a disappointment he couldn't pinpoint. It flushes him and there was nothing else he could see but the flames.
He shifts his weight in an attempt to break free. The wet fabric of his socks sticks against his skin, squishing away the water as he presses the balls of his feet on the hard tile. He hears a sigh. One that sounded like it was already too damn tired. And that was all it took for everything to turn cold. It was like water splashed on him the second time around and draining the crimson away. The icy sensation seeps through his clothes and deep into his bones. It extinguishes the fire and with it, the haze that’s been clouding his vision.
Wonwoo then sees the damage - wherein the floor is wet, broken dishes lying around scattered and the cabinets are flung bare. He stares at the mess. He stares at the embers of their rage. It’s the most chaotic he’s seen their kitchen. He racks his brains out but finds himself with no recollection of how it transpired. It’s the most chaotic they’ve ever been for all the years they’ve known each other. And it shocks Wonwoo. It shocks his whole system that it has left him frozen on the spot.
But he sees Mingyu. He sees him move from the spot on the stairs through his periphery. Wonwoo forces himself to keep his eyes on the floor. If this was it, he thinks, he couldn’t bear to see him go. Not like this. Not ever. God, how did they even got into this fucking mess?
He tries to recall what transpired that evening. Tracing back from the moment he pulled up on their garage until the first utensil went flying out of his hand and onto the floor, he thinks hard.
Was it something he said?
Was it the small frown Mingyu already had when he sat down for dinner?
Or was it in the way the other has done a monologue throughout the whole meal?
Did he answer back? What did he forget this time?
But of course, at the back of his mind, he knew. No matter how much he convinces himself, Wonwoo knew deep inside what it was. One cannot simply turn a blind eye on the huge elephant in the room finally blowing its trunk. It’s the same one staring right at him for the past year and a half. The one he always chose to brush aside and ignore. It’s not that he doesn’t want to deal with it at all. But somehow, it’s always been easier to just box up the discussion temporarily and keep it in the closet with a promise of return.
In hindsight, never was it his intention to lose time for Mingyu… for them. It was a mixture of good opportunity and bad time management which eventually snowballed into disappointments and pained longing hearts. He knew the whispered apologies, gifts and rare trips temporarily brought them peace. But bribery (or whatever you might want to call it, as Mingyu has stated) could only work for so long. And perhaps that was it. Boiling down to two hearts that are desperately yelling for the other to hear; for they have unawarely drifted away.
The sound of shuffling was loud and clear against the sound of water running down the sink. Why aren’t you coming over? I don’t want you to go. Please don’t go. He whispers to himself like a prayer. He grips on hope that this time, like all other instances, Mingyu would cross their distance and meet him halfway.
His earlier statement wasn’t a form of challenge nor was it a resignation for their relationship to end. It was Wonwoo’s invitation. He’s always had unconventional ways of portraying his emotions and intentions. And this time, the question was his move towards the middle of the battlefield. A clear indication of his willingness to keep what they have and work for it. So he asked and placed himself out there with open arms, but still giving Mingyu his freedom to decide.
The answer comes in the form of the thud of the door. And Wonwoo could feel his heart sinking down…down…down…plunging into the pool of water by his feet. The broken pitcher mocking him from the side. Wonwoo slumps down and starts to pick up the broken shards of glass.
Wonwoo wonders if his heart looks the same as the pieces of glass on the floor or if its pieces are suspended in his ribcage like particles of dust in the air. And in an instant, he suddenly feels numb. It was as if he was knocked off his body and only the sound of the running tap is keeping him to his senses. He’s heard of getting your soul crushed and being gripped by the uncontrollable force of anguish. But no one warned him of the calm before the storm, the lightness and nothingness. It was as if everything has ceased to exist.
A shard cuts his hand but he doesn’t feel it. He watches as his blood trickles down, splattering on the floor and dispersing, much like what everything has felt. He should really clean the cut and put some bandages but he’s just there kneeling on the floor. He watches as his blood form a bullet and drops. One, two, three...He waits for the tears to come but they don’t. His whole being sobs but his body says stoic and his eyes too dry. Seconds pass but Wonwoo feels like it’s been an eternity.
“And I’m the clumsy one, huh?”
The deep voice breaks his thoughts. Is it really Mingyu? Perhaps he’s starting to hear voices and Wonwoo really really just wants to cry. He’s barely gotten himself together and off the floor yet his brain is already playing tricks on him. He wonders if he’s really gone insane over a short period of time. He weighs in the possibility and decides that yes, perhaps, he has indeed lost his circles.
He makes a move to grab the kitchen towel on the far corner to wrap around his hand. But a hand stops him and vaguely, he hears a soft “let me.” Eyes wide and mouth gaping, he watches as Mingyu appears and maneuvers over the broken glass and utensils. He grabs the towel and their first aid kit which has found its way under the sink. Wonwoo keeps his eyes on him, following his every move. He forces himself to keep his eyes open, barely blinking, in fear that in a split second Mingyu would be gone.
Wonwoo, being engulfed by his hope, wishes that this is not a dream nor a hallucination. And that what he sees in front of him is real. That the love of his life is still here, with him. For him, for them.
Mingyu crouches down and lays the supplies on the dry spot near them. He turns to Wonwoo and makes a move to grab his hand but stops short. “May I?” Mingyu peeks through his bangs and holds out a hand. He waits till Wonwoo places his hand on top of his before inspecting the cut.
“So what happened to grace and coordination huh?”
Wonwoo doesn't answer. He just watches Mingyu as he gently cleans the cut and pats some ointment on it. Mingyu shakes his head while bandaging the hand and chuckles lightly. It’s warm and comforting. It’s the same one he does whenever he catches Wonwoo doing weird random things, obviously too endeared to mind the absurdity. It’s the same one he does when he tries to hide his embarrassment or whenever he tries to downplay the butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Wonwoo’s heart constricts and he thinks he’s going to cry.
Mingyu smiles, pleased with his work. He gently pats the injured hand twice, as if it would ensure the bandage stays in place.
“That should be-” The smile slips off, a look of worry flashes and he ends up with a frown. “Hey.” He says gently, bringing his hands up and cupping Wonwoo’s face.
"You're here. You're real." Wonwoo mutters, inaudible if one wasn't so near. He almost couldn't believe it. It really is real and his heart swells knowing that Mingyu has chosen to meet him halfway. He chose to stay.
“Oh baby,” Mingyu swipes his thumbs along Wonwoo’s cheeks, wiping away the tears. The gesture was the last straw and Wonwoo almost doubles over, sobbing harder than he’s ever had in his whole life.
It bubbles up and he could feel it crackle all over his body. He heaves out a heavy breath and Mingyu pulls him into his arms. He cries it all out. Mumbling out apologies to I thought you're leaving me for good and till I love you thank you for staying - all in a swirl of words and sobs.
Patting and soothing Wonwoo, Mingyu diligently whispers back reassurance, his own share of apologies and, proclamations of his love. He holds him as tight as he possibly can until exhaustion and relief finally washes over the both of them. The dull hum of reunited hearts at peace lulling them to sleep.
-
The sun's already high up when they finally woke up. Both of their bodies sore from their awkward position. They fell asleep slumped on the floor by the kitchen sink, one of the cabinet's handles even digging on Mingyu's side.
"Ow ow ow!!" Wonwoo quickly pulls his injured hand and falls back on Mingyu making the other hit his head. "Shit. Sorry, love, are you okay?"
"I, yeah yeah, I'm okay." Mingyu shakes his head once for good measure. He pulls Wonwoo's hand and examines it. After making sure it hadn't reopened, he kisses it and makes a move to stand up.
"So…"
"Hmm.." Wonwoo shuffles forward and hugs him.
"We've got a lot of cleaning to do." Mingyu muses, scanning their kitchen and living room in awe.
"Mhm, well we can finally get that tableware set you've been eyeing for months now." Wonwoo mumbles, a little wary but a tad bit hopeful.
And Mingyu looks down at him, nestled warmly in his arms, "The ones you said that were too obnoxious?"
He's teasing now and Wonwoo pouts despite feeling his heart swell and his eyes water from relief.
"I'm kidding. I'd love that. Thank you. You'll come with me, right?" It was Mingyu's turn to be apprehensive.
This is it. The first one out of the field and it shall set what's bound to come.
"Of course." Wonwoo doesn't miss a beat. Mingyu breaks out into a smile. One that he hasn't done for the longest time. One that's so big it fully shows his canines. And Wonwoo's so captivated, so warm and soft he couldn't help but mimic the grin plastered on his lover's face.
He's been given another chance and this time he'll make sure he does it right.
-
"Hey, Won?" Mingyu mumbles, fumbling with the keys in one hand as he tries to open their front door.
"Yeah?"
"I got the electric pink colored plates by the way."