Chapter Text
Location: Under the pillow - Alex’s bedroom, Washington D.C.
I. The Morning
Alex,
I know I said that your body comes back to me in dreams, but that doesn’t begin to encapsulate the truth. I see you in the day when we are apart, your warm arms around me as you hold me from behind – heat of your back pressing against mine as we’ve just crawled from bed. And I am so insistent to begin the day, though I’d rather do nothing than turn and bring my lips to your neck, hear your laughter in my ear – warmth of your breath making me feel fire across my skin. (I am insistent, for I know that if we do not part, I will never find myself away from you. I will relent. Again and again. As you pull me back with excuses that continue to grow in their frailty, until you are finally making us late with the excuse that you are kissing me just to kiss me. (This is my favorite excuse.) I will give in to you, and you will take. I want nothing more than to give.)
You are the rising sun, bringing light to my life – the star rising in the East. I never want to leave your side, for I never wish to see you set. If you were to disappear, it would all be cold, and I would no longer burn with a purpose beyond myself. I love what I do, who I have become, but I love you more. This is a perilous attitude to hold, I know – a dreadful position, even – but I don’t care, for in the morning when I wake up with you holding me I am whole. Warm arms and a small smile, with the most putrid morning breath across my face that does not even begin to faze me, all equate to a world where I am happy. Do not tell me I can live without you; this, I know. I do not wish to, and there is no time I am more acutely aware of this than the morning. (Today, I woke up in your arms. I am writing this before my flight, and this is my apology for the increasingly messy scrawl. However, I am not sorry for letting you know I feel the warmth leaving my body, ice freezing my bones at the thought of being far from you, though I know I will return to you. We have infinite time together, but it could never be enough.)
I could see an infinity of sunrises with you, Alex. They would never be enough.
Yours, with no manner of dignity,
H