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Life as a trainee was never easy. For Hwang Hyunjin, it meant being streetcasted into one of the top three entertainment companies in South Korea for his good looks when he was taking his mom somewhere nice, learning how to rap, finding a passion for dancing which he thought he hated, and being invited to join 8 other trainees to form ‘the Male Project Team’. Stray Kids - as they would call themselves later in the future - were an uncertainty at first, but through the debut showcase and the efforts of his teammates, they were given a chance to debut over the much more tightly-knitted female team. Their happiness and his relief was short-lived, however, as people could still be crossed out of the team should they not live up to the company’s expectations.
His heart sank when he was one of the first three trainees at the brink of elimination. Maybe he needed more time. Maybe being an idol was a mistake? Chan hyung had trained for 7 years and he was still in the hellhole, after all.
He felt small underneath the empty stage but took deep breaths and swung his arms and legs around in an attempt to loosen up. Chan and Seungmin looked just as tense as him; was it the nervousness of going first? Their concerns for him and the promise to debut as nine? Or were they worried that they could end up in the same place as him if they slip up and didn’t do well? (there was no way that they wouldn’t do well; Chan was a genius all-rounder while Seungmin sang live like he’d had CDs for breakfast since kindergarten. Hyunjin was embarrassed that he went as low as to wish for someone to be in his shoes to understand the loud pounding in his chest and the adrenaline coursing through his veins.)
“Hyunjin,” a firm hand on his shoulder snapped him back to reality. Seungmin was right in front of him; right, they were going on stage any second now.
“Yes?”, he gulped.
“...Let’s do well, you have to stay with us.” The shorter boy pulled him into a hug to his surprise and Chan joined them just seconds after, patting them both on the back while repeatedly saying ‘everything will be okay, hyung will make sure no one is left behind’. His knees felt weak; he wished he could hug them back and told them that he was thankful for their support and guidance no matter what the result would be but there was not even enough time for that as he saw the staff signalled for them to come up.
Good news: he did not mess up his rap, while Chan and Seungmin were both their usual amazing selves. Hyunjin still had a chance to stay in the group. Worse news: Minho of the other team did not make the cut. The promise was already broken and it was only their first mission so far.
Sometimes when he practiced alone in the dimly-lit studio, he would think about his own lacking and the potentially inevitable elimination of himself. There were times when he would force himself to dance while his minds were fogged and his eyes teary, when he’d snap out of negativity to go back to reality and focus on improving his skills instead, or in other times he would try to keep his cool and make jokes when other members joined him in practice. Once in a blue moon, he would also see Kim Seungmin in an oversized t-shirt and shorts or joggers come over to ask him for help with the dance moves or to give him constructive feedback, all of which would involve, or end with, soft, smaller hands brushing over his and holding them tight, thumbs ups, words of encouragement, or a reassuring hug.
“Chan hyung said that he would bring Minho hyung back, so don’t you dare leave us too.” The shorter boy would say with his chin propped on top of Hyunjin’s shoulder when he wrapped him in his arms.
.
.
“You know, when you say and do things like that it’s really hard for me to not want to kiss you right now.”
...Was what he wanted to say but did not come out of his mouth, so he just laughed and assured Seungmin that he would work his ass off to debut with them, with him.
///
Hyunjin wanted to stay back at the dance studio despite Minho’s nagging to just come back to their dorm and rest, notes of their ideas for the new choreography and pens sprawled across the floor. After he said that he would clean and organize all the mess by himself afterwards since he wanted to dance a bit more at the studio anyway, Minho gave him a pack of Pepero and told him not to overwork before leaving him alone. He sat with his back pressed against the mirror, took a deep breath then texted Seungmin to ask if he was still in the company building.
The door clicked open. Seungmin looked at the mess that Hyunjin promised Minho to clean on the floor and cocked his head with his brows slightly furrowed as he walked towards his groupmate, settling himself down in front of the other.
“You wanted me to sing to see if the choreography fits the lyrics and allow for enough breathing time, but you haven’t even organised your notes yet?” He snatched the Pepero pack, ripped it open, took a stick out and started munching on it. Hyunjin simply looked at him with an unreadable expression, which confused him even more.
“What are you making that face for? Hwang Hyunjin, let’s start so we can go home and sleep early.” He took the other’s hands and dragged his friend with him as he stood up. Seungmin was going to let them go and turn around to sort the notes, but Hyunjin was still holding onto him, laughing for God-knows-what reason with his dimples showing and his eyes glistening.
“Seungmin. Seungminnie. Kim DdaengDdaeng. Actually, I just called you here to do this.”
“‘This’? What the hell is ‘thi-’”
Hyunjin’s soft, plump lips softly brushed against his and he immediately turned bright red. As he stood frozen, staring at his groupmate with wide eyes, Hyunjin was already pulling him closer with one arm wrapped around his waist and the other on his back into a full embrace, his fast breath warming up the shorter’s forehead. Hyunjin went for a kiss again, this time with his eyes closed, head tilted and Seungmin let his vision go dark and his mind go blank as well. He parted his lips slightly as Hyunjin caressed his lower lip with his tongue, going in deeper, leaving him breathless. When Seungmin was aware of the situation again, he turned his head and pushed Hyunjin away, panting, locking eyes before shying away to the ground instead, waiting for an explanation.
“First of all, I’m sorry, but this is what I’ve always wanted to do.” He licked lips slightly while running fingers through his hair, smiling softly. “It’s just that… I’m just very thankful for all the time you’ve been by my side, and as I spend more days with you I realized that I want us to have something more special than just really close friends in an idol group. For all the good and the bad and what is yet to come, you know what I mean, right?”
Seungmin was even more flushed now. He covered half of his face with his hand, stood there for awhile then cleared his throat and looked straight at Hyunjin.
“...There’s a better time and place to do this, you know.”
Hyunjin blinked as he got a peck on the cheek.
“I’m proud of how far you’ve come, I love you too.”