Work Text:
Gordie knew that if anyone found out, they’d be dead. He knew what they were doing was wrong. Two boys kissing? Quite the scandal. A scandal his parents could never recover from. An act that would drag their family name through the mud, staining his parents' reputation and ensuring he’d be a social outcast. Despite all of that he still found himself on his bed, tongue shoved down his best friends throat, hands entangled in his hair as the birds outside his window sang a happy tune.
His parents were (luckily for them) out of town. It had become a normal occurrence for them to leave town, and Gordie couldn’t blame them. Castle Rock sucked. Anyone who ever entered it would gladly exit as soon as they passed the giant green sign that welcomed them in. At times he wished that he too left town as often as they did, maybe then none of this would’ve happened in the first place. It was, after all, his parents' absence that had been the catalyst for what had happened.
Gordie had known for a while that they were visiting his Aunt Shannon after the passing of her husband. His mother had wanted him to come with them to the funeral, but his father insisted that it was a bad idea because Gordie had school and should not miss it. He’d wanted to protest, but the more he thought about it, not having to spend time at his aunt Shannon's house actually seemed like a blessing rather than a curse.
Inviting Chris over had been the natural response to the news, a normal occurrence lately that benefited both boys in different ways. Chris avoided beatings from his father and brother, whilst Gordie didn’t have to be all alone in his big house. He’d never admit to it, but he was terrified of his house at night. He was rather squeamish once the sun went down, so much so that any little sound would keep him on the edge of his seat. Chris was a great distraction for that.
That night specifically it was nearing midnight and the two of them were watching a film neither knew the name of about some killer hunting people, or something. Neither really cared what the movie was actually about, people were being stabbed, and that was apparently enough to entertain them for a night. Along with the film Gordie had popped popcorn that by now had been scattered all over the floor in a way Gordie knew his mother would beat him for.
“Hey, you wanna hear a crazy idea?” Chris had barely spoken all evening, Gordie being the one standing for a running commentary on the film (“Don’t go in there you fool”), Chris enjoying this part more than the actual movie.
“What?” Gordie took his head off the couch edge and sat up straight looking directly at Chris.
“Nah, forget it.” It was a very weak attempt at eluding the situation, but Gordie was not going to let it slip away that easily.
“No, tell me.”
“It’s stupid” Chris didn’t think it was. Only a little.
“Ah, c’mon man, nothing you say can ever be stupid” that was bullshit and they both knew it. Chris still appreciated his best friends attempt to lie.
“Would you believe me if I told you I don’t remember?”
“Only if you wanted me to”
“Hey Gordo”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t remember” Gordie knew very well that Chris did indeed remember what he was going to say. One part of him had curiosity gnawing at him, begging him to keep pushing Chris for an answer. The better (and wiser) part of him just smiled at his best friend who smiled back with a smile that conveyed anything but the expression of joy.
The entire rest of the film Chris had sneaked glances at his lankier friend. Or at least he thought he was sneaky. If Gordie wasn't so oblivious or Chris was just a little more self-aware, maybe the scene that was unfolding on a couch in the middle of a living room in the little town called Castle Rock wouldn’t have been so extremely painful to view.
* * *
By 1 am Chris couldn’t take it anymore.
“Hey, Gordo?” They’d moved upstairs by now, ready to go to bed. Sleep in both their eyes.
“Yeah” The word was mixed with a yawn.
“I remember” The other boy's eyes widened, he seemed to be a little more awake now.
“Oh really? What?” And that’s when Chris went for it. He pulled the shorter boy closer by grabbing his shirt, connecting their lips together.
Gordie remembers being caught off guard, not responding. He remembers feeling Chris’s uncertainty through the kiss, how Chris had started to pull away, and how that had made him respond to it. How at the time he’d told himself he’d done it for Chris. Done it to make him feel better. It only took around six more times for him to admit to himself that it actually wasn’t. That it was actually happening because he, Gordie Lachance, liked to kiss boys. Or at least this one specific boy.
It wasn’t necessarily love. They weren’t hopelessly devoted to each other. Nor were they official, both hooking up with girls on the side in a faint attempt to hold on to some of their straightness. Chris would never admit it, but he hated it. Not the fact that Gordie was kissing girls, that much he’d counted with. More the thought that he too had to do it. He knew if he didn’t, people would be suspicious. Start ridiculous rumors bending on the already messed up truth.
Chris would never tell Gordie, but having a girlfriend revolted him. Not because he found the female gender to be in any way ugly in terms of appearance. Simply because he’d never felt the connection all the girls so famously talked about like there was nothing greater. Not with a single girl… but with Gordie? Something was different.
Chris pulled away as Gordie whined. It wasn’t until now that Chris had realized how cold Gordie's room actually was. Winters in Castle Rock was nothing to play with.
“Why’d you stop?” Gordie asked, sounding like a five-year-old making it extremely hard for Chris to keep a straight face.
“Gordo, I don’t mean to sound like a girl, or maybe I do... But… what the hell are we doing?”
“Alas Chambers. A Curse, not very ladylike of you.” Gordie teased.
“I’m serious!” Chris said, only allowing himself to smile for a split second before turning back to total seriousness. “What is it we’re doing?”
“Making out. Until you so rudely interrupted it.” Gordie started leaning in but Chris pushed him away. A part of him had to restrain himself from punching the other boy. Couldn’t Gordie tell this was serious?
“Lachance I am this close to punching you!” Chris held up his hand, showing his thumb and pointer finger almost touching.
Gordie grabbed Chris’s hand, bringing it down to his lap. Chris took this as an opportunity to take a deep breath, calming himself down a bit in the process. His temper wasn’t usually so out of control, in fact, he was usually known as a calm and peaceful person. Apparently, Gordie seemed to have that effect on him. Good to know.
“Honestly Chambers, I don’t know what this” he lifted their hands that were now intertwined, to face level, “is. All I know is... You’re my best friend. And if “talking” about it will mess that up, then for the love of God, I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Why would it have to ruin things?” Chris wasn’t dumb.
“Don’t be foolish.” He wasn’t. “You know it will.” He did know.
Chris didn’t want to know though. For once he wished he was oblivious. Maybe that would’ve hurt less than knowing this would never work out. He let go of Gordie's hands.
“I should probably head home.” Typical Chris fashion, running away as soon as things got messy.
“It’s in the middle of the night” Godie tried to argue, but Chris had already stopped listening. He didn’t care that it was the middle of the night or the fact that sneaking into his own house this late at night would end with a beating he would not soon forget. All that he cared about was to leave Gordie’s room right this instance, because in no shape or form could he bear another second of his best friends stupid boring white walls, ugly grey bedspread nor the matching curtains that were clearly chosen by Mrs. LaChance. But most importantly…
Chris couldn’t bear to look at Gordie’s face anymore. To be in his presence. He knew that if he did not leave now, everything would return to the way it was. Secret make-out sessions every now and then once Gordie’s parents decided to leave town, or if they were feeling rather risky, on the days when they were simply out doing whatever it was parents seemed to be doing once they left the house that didn’t include working.
So Chris left.