Chapter Text
Ooh, you're searching for something I know won't make you happy
Ooh, you're thirsting for something I know won't make you happy
Ooh, you did it all again, you broke another skin
Its hard to believe this time, hard to believe
That my heart, my heart's an open door
You got all you came for, baby
So weary
Someone to love is bigger than your pride's worth
It's bigger than the pain you got for it hurts
And out runs all of the sadness
It's terrifying, life, through the darkness
And I'd do it all again, I'd do it all again
I'd do it all again, I'd do it all again
You try sometimes but it won't stop
You got my heart and my heads lost, ooh
I've been burning down these candles for love, for love
So weary
Someone to love is bigger than your pride
Ooh, someone to love, mm, someone to love
Someone to love
Ooh, you're searching for something I know, won't make you happy
Ooh
I’d Do It All Again
-Corinne Bailey Rae
It was the perfect day for a climb. He tucked his head in the crease of his shoulder to wipe the beads of sweat that threatened to blind him to the views. Majestic was too simple of a word to describe the way the first light hit the stacks of porous rock. The bands of amber rising to the east and traversing across the rust and gold colored canyons at a honeyed pace. The shadows forced to fade back into the crevices of the shorn walls.
The shallow and deep textures of the rough hewn mountains had become an unearned playground for those who dared to scale the jutted curves of Vaes Dothrak. Surely he could stop for a minute in admiration of the beauty surrounding him.
“Tired already, Mr. World Champion?”
He glanced down at her with a smirk and a witty reply ready but he stilled at the sight of sheen on her forehead glistening under the sun’s rays, her silver spun hair pulled in a ponytail with curly wisps stuck against her temples. The edges of her piercing blue green eyes creased as her smile dimmed the beauty of the landscape. Whatever retort he had for her died on his tongue.
“You keep staring at me like that Jon Snow and we’ll never make it to the top.”
“Oh we’ll make it,” he said shaking himself from the haze of her. He released a carabiner from his rack, secured it in the crack above him and checked the tautness of his rope. “And the first thing I’ll do when we get to the top is pull you into my arms and christen every single flat surface I can find. They’re gonna have to rename this mountain after us.”
“Just the flat surfaces?”
He smiled to himself. Insatiable.
“Hey, come on. I’m right here.” Rhaegar’s annoyed voice echoed from above them.
“Rhaegar, you know you didn’t have to lead with us. You could have ascended this bad boy with Garlan and Loras.” Dany laughed out.
“And miss the last opportunity to climb with my little sis and the best climber Westeros has ever seen?”
Jon couldn’t help the flush that graced his cheeks.
“Rhae...” she started. He could feel her tighten her rope as she unhooked his last crab.
“Plus, you know what’s worse than having to hear about my sister’s sex life? Risking my life with those two idiots.” Rhaegar tipped his head up towards Garlan and Loras who’d already started the third pitch. “The stunts I’ve seen them do...I’ve seen guys free climb with more restraint.”
“That’s Dornish training for you, always living life on the edge.” Jon squinted his eyes towards the two Tyrell brothers who were barely two specks darting upwards. He might be the current world champion in lead climbing but those two had ranked in the top ten for speed climbing five years running. While Oberyn Martell taught them to climb with speed and agility, Rhaegar taught Jon efficiency and performance, or as Rhaegar calls it respect for the mountain, respect for the climb .
He jammed his rubber tipped foot into a crack and lifted himself into the jug above the crab he just placed. He clipped the rope into the hangar of the bolt just above him.
“Well Rhae, it’s not like we’re going into northern exile. Just...a change of scenery.” Jon knew it wasn’t that simple but he couldn’t say ‘oh, by the way I’ve learned everything I can from you about southern climbing. I’m getting a new mentor in the north who can train me on all the things you can’t just in time for the Olympics’. He exhaled deeply. Rhaegar had made Jon who he was and though it didn’t feel right to just leave he had to move on, they had to move on.
“Why would you guys want to move from Dragonstone? You’ll just be farther away, which means less time for training and you’ll have to fly back and forth...”
“Rhae, stop. We love you big brother, but we’ve talked about this. We’ve made our decision. It’s done.”
Jon grimaced at the familiar clipped tone. Being on the receiving end when Dany shut a conversation down was like being TKO’d in a boxing ring, it knocked the wind out of you and left you dazed. He didn’t like to see her take that attitude with Rhaegar, the only blood relative she had left, but a little pride blossomed in his heart to know that she stood up for him.
The silence stretched on for about ten minutes before Rhaegar updated their status.
“We’re about thirty feet from the next belay point. You guys good?”
Jon could feel the burn in his shoulders, the incline on this pitch didn’t help. They had already completed two pitches and they had two to go to reach the top. He could use the rest before continuing on but one doesn’t become world champion by complaining.
“Yeah. I’m good. Babe, you good for another thirty?”
He looked down at her and saw a look of pure horror. Eyes bulged, brow furrowed with deep cut lines, and mouth contorted in shock. He turned to look up but it was too late. Two bodies passed him in quick succession, he barely registered the shriek that followed into the nothing below them. Loras. Garlan.
Looking back up he saw their rope catch Rhaegar. Time stopped as Rhae floated in the air above him. His arms flailing, body suspended in the air as he hurtled towards him. Jon braced his fingers in the groove of the wall and hugged himself close hoping that he could hold the weight but his body was ripped away immediately as Rhaegar made direct contact with him. His bolt slipped easily from the wall and in seconds he was freefalling as his body twisted in the air.
He didn’t know when his eyes had closed but he opened them to muffled sounds. He had a headache and he was sweating profusely. Why was he so hot? He wiped his brow with his hands and winced at the pain. He brought his hands to his eyes and saw blood leaking from each of his digits. A confused look crossed his face as his hearing returned. The shrill sound of Dany screaming filled his ears as he turned to find the direction of her voice.
Seeing her above him red faced, screaming to no end he scrambled to reach for her.
“Dany!”
But the voice that replied wasn’t hers.
“Jon!”
He felt a wave of nausea creep over him as he turned to Rhaegar who was attached to his rope and hanging just below him. His body trembled as he remembered what happened. He stretched his body as far as it could go to reach the wall but he was still a few feet away.
“Hold on baby! We’re gonna be okay. I just need to reach the wall.”
Tears fell from his eyes as Dany continued her blood curdling screams. Wherever she was in her mind she wasn’t here with him now.
“Jon! Listen to me, you’ve got to stop moving.” Rhaegar’s voice was too calm for the situation.
“No, I can’t I gotta reach the wall. Dany needs me. She can’t...Dany, baby, it’s gonna be okay.” He just had to focus on getting to the wall.
“Jon, listen. I know you want to save Dany but there’s too much weight on the rope.” He tried to shut out Rhaegar’s voice. It made him angry. He wasn’t giving him solutions, just telling him things he already knew.
“Look at me, Jonathan.”
In that moment he stopped fidgeting. No one calls him that, not even Dany. The only person who ever called him that was his dad when he was kid. I’m proud of you Jonathan, he would say and he knew it was true because his dad would get down to his level, look him straight in the eyes, put his hand on the back of his head and pull him forward until he was close enough to put a kiss on his forehead. He would pull back and Jon would see a small smile on his face. But then he died and everyone just called him Jon.
His eyes found Rhaegar and a calmness washed over him as he took in Rhaegar’s features. His shoulder length hair was the same golden platinum as Dany’s. His eyes were the same turquoise as hers as well. His stubble had grown out in the last couple of days and the gray hairs that Jon would tease him about lined the hollows of his cheeks making him look older in that moment.
“Dany’s crab is slipping, Jon. It’s slipping.” He slowly looked up and saw Dany’s rope attached to the metal device just within the rocks surface. Sure enough the piece shifted slightly downwards. It could give any minute with the weight of all three of them hanging. “Jon, grab the knife from your rack.”
Without hesitation Jon grabbed the knife and held it up waiting for further instruction. His mind was on autopilot. He’d never fallen on a rock climb, not outside of the gym. But Rhaegar would know what to do. He always knew.
“Okay, listen. You’ve got to cut me loose.” His voice was calm and restrained as if he was reading the instructions to program the remote to the television. Jon’s face scrunched up wondering what madness has come over his mentor. Surely he can’t be serious.
“What? No. I’m not doing that. There’s no way. Rhaegar we don’t have time to joke around. We need to do something. Dany is...” Anger poured over him. He looked up at Dany again who continued to scream, although they came out in short bursts. How dare he ask me to...to do that .
“This is not a joke, Jon. You and I both know it’s not going to hold all of us. But it can hold you two.”
No . “No. I can reach the rock. I know I can. I just need to.” Jon looked back at the mountain. He knew he could reach it if he just had time.
“There is no time, Jon.” He stared at Rhaegar pitifully. How dare he ask this of me.
“Jon?” He hadn’t even noticed that she stopped screaming.
“Dany, baby, it’s going to be okay.” Tears started to flow freely from his eyes because he knew it was not going to be okay and he’d give anything for them all to get through this.
“Jon, look at me.” Rhaegar’s tone lost its calmness and desperation took over. “That’s my sister, your wife. She’ll die if you don’t do it.”
Jon looked back at Dany. Her beautiful eyes, red and blurred. Her cheeks blotchy and swollen. Jon looked back at the knife and then at Rhaegar.
“Jon, no please don’t do it.” Dany’s voiced choked with sorrow. Her breath hitching on every other word. “Jon...no...please...I can do it...I can reach the wall...Please...don’t...I beg you...Not Rhaegar.”
He looked back at Rhaegar. He couldn’t do it. All he saw was his mentor, the person who’s shown him how to be a man for the last ten years. The person who’s given him a family and something to live for. The person with a wife and two kids back on Dragonstone.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” His voice broke through the tears. The carabiner slipped again, pulling them down an inch. Dany yelped at the pull.
“You must. I’m not asking you to do it for me. I’m asking you to do it because of that woman you love. That woman you married. You promised to protect her. You promised to take care of her. And Jon,” Rhaegar’s eyes looked past him at Dany. His eyes twinkled and his lip upturned just a bit, “she’s pregnant. You knocked up my sister. I’m gonna be an uncle and you’re gonna be a dad.”
Jon’s eyebrows popped up as he looked back at Dany, her cries renewed at Rhaegar’s confession.
He turned back to Rhaegar at his voice, calmed once again.
“This is what it means to be a husband, Jon, what it means to be a father. To make the hard decisions. If it was Elia where she’s at and if I was where you are, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” His eyes were honest and imploring. He would do it if he were me. “No one will blame you, Jon. Do it for your family. Just put the knife on the rope and don’t look down. Do it.”
“Jon, no please don’t do it.”
Jon closed his eyes as he whispered I’m sorry. He didn’t know if it was directed to Rhaegar or Dany or himself but it was all he could say before he dragged the sharp edge of the Valyrian Steel knife across the rope in one swipe. He felt the rope slacken and his stomach lurch. He opened his eyes briefly to look at Dany, his Dany, the mother of his child. He saw her limp body dangling in her harness above him. The words I’m sorry slipped from his lips as his body succumbed to the darkness.