Chapter Text
You’d think that being something akin to the living aspect of light would probably make you one of the best people to ask about the nature of light, but Kairi was just as confused about it as anyone else. The light is forgiving, but it had an illogical and unstoppable hatred for darkness. It was, before anything else, an attribute, an emblem and a clan. Light wasn’t good, it was natural.
It was light that took away Sora.
When she was feeling lonely on nights and Riku had shut her off, she would use a little bit of her power to create an illusion of his face, to see if she could fall asleep a little easier. Any little thing to put a smile on her face again. And it was one of those nights. With her eyes long-adjusted to the dark and aided by the open curtains which led to a moonless view of the seas of destiny islands, she could see the outline of Riku’s white shirt against his back. The bed felt really big recently, ever since Sora’s sprawling body wasn’t there to link Riku’s stiff pose, even in sleep he was still on forme, with Kairi’s curled body. But Sora was gone, and the space felt so big as Riku slept. Away from her. Missing him.
Everyone was missing him. She reached her hands towards the illusion’s, trying to interlace her fingers with his. They fell right through. Kairi rubbed her face on the pillow and turned around. Curling up tightly and falling asleep.
Because of her late night, Riku getting up didn’t stir Kairi, so light was the first thing to assault her senses. After smelling something burning, Kairi managed to coordinate herself enough to stumble downstairs to see Riku in front of the hob with a couple of rashers of curled up bacon in the frying pan, blackening quickly. Riku just stood, staring in the vague direction of nowhere.
“Hey! Riku!” Kairi slurred as she entered the kitchen. Riku blinked rapidly, waking from his daydream. “You’re gonna wake the entire house with the smell! I’m not personally responsible for anything a sleep-deprived Axel will do to you,”
“Ah… sorry,” Riku started, taking the frying pan off the heat.
“Don’t be sorry, silly!” She said cheerily as she tenderly held his cheeks, tilting his head down so she could kiss his forehead. Riku reached his arm around her and hugged her close, too close, it wasn’t a good daydream.
“How’d you sleep?” Riku asked.
“I’ve had better but it was alright!” Kairi responded with a smile, tilting her head into his side.
“Any dreams?”
“Some… but you get used to them, yeah?” Riku laughed.
“Yeah,” Kairi wasn’t convinced by his agreement, but she slipped under his arm and walked around the kitchen.
“Any plans?” she said perched on the table.
“Yeah I’m working with Terra and Aqua today, we’re going to assist Master Yen Sid,” he explained. Both of them stopped mentioning the search for Sora a long while ago.
“Ah…” Kairi said, feeling herself get pushed to the side again. Riku left the frying pan and went over to the kitchen table, pulling her into a proper, more tender hug.
“I’ll try and make it back for the afternoon,” Kairi continued to look more patiently, “I’ll be back by 3 absolute latest.”
She grinned her fiendish grin. smiling into Riku’s shirt, “alright then! I’m taking your word for it!”
Kairi always noticed Ventus before he noticed her, after being placed in a coma for years he had such a wonder of the world around him. At that moment he was examining a bit of rotting bark, pulling at the moss and testing the consistency of the bark at different points.
“Hey!! Ventus!” Kairi called, “Wakey wakey!!” Ventus’ head sprang up as he saw her, dropping the bark and walking to meet her, the two briefly hugging as a greeting.
“No luck in persuading Yen Sid then?” Kairi asked as the two began to walk. Ventus shook his head.
“No, he told me to trust him, when I asked for advice on what exactly to do, he waxed mumbo-jumbo about how the light has no definition and how I should guide you on the right path yada yada” Ventus explained to Kairi’s amusement. Yen Sid appointed Ventus as Kairi’s mentor, as both of them had hearts of pure light but Kairi, who was heavily involved in Xehanort’s plan needed to learn to master the light in hers like Ventus learned to do under the training of his master. But neither of them found the sessions useful outside of an excuse to talk about their issues… well, Kairi supposed it was more of her issues.
“There’s not much more I can tell you without doing the work for you, I’ve told you about Master Eraqus and everything, god… looking at the three old masters, I really scored it lucky, not getting the vague Yen Sid or the…”
“...Evil… Xehanort?” Kairi finished.
“Evil is a strong word,” Ventus said behind a smile
“I know,” Kairi grinned.
“So…” Ventus stopped walking sat on a bench a looked up at Kairi, “whats up?”
“Nothing much! How-” Kairi started
“Thats a lie” Ventus cut through, looking at her with his childish grin.
“H-huh?”
“You know as well as me, the more full of light you are, the more sensitive to darkness. Noone is immune to darkness, we just can’t let it infect us, I can see it on your clothes.” Ventus explained,
“it’s Riku” Kairi was so close to saying, “He’s so obsessed with finding Sora, I haven’t seen him for years, the only time we meet up is when we’re preparing to fight the darkness again, I miss him and him and Sora constantly leaving is having a lasting impact on me. I feel like a spare tyre, I don’t feel complete without Sora and I’m jealous of him because of it. It feels like he’s the only reason Riku and I are together and now he’s gone and I’m scared. I can’t connect with people like I used to anymore because what if I end up being another damsel in distress? I know I’ve been cold but… I… I just want to love them.”
“It’s…” Kairi kept trailing off.
“Kairi!! Wakey-wakey!” Ventus teased, Kairi replied by sitting down next to Ventus.
“I’m feeling crappy about Sora right now is all, I think a bit of Riku’s darkness is leaking and it rubbed off on me”
Ventus nodded sagely. “Hmm, yeah I’m sure you’ve noticed it, the darkness around his keyblade wrist?” he asked.
“More like his arm now, yeah, like a tattoo,”
“It makes sense,” Ventus started, “Riku’s the type to try and save everyone,”
“Yeah,” Kairi agreed, knowing full well why Riku was the way he was now, “after he woke up from his darkness-nightmare, he tried so, so, so, hard to be a good person, but in that he kind of became a Sora-replica.”
“A lot of people do that, it's easy to get attracted to light,”
“Tell that to the group! No One really likes me here,”
Ventus laughed, “we’re the guardians of light! Our rules are a bit different,”
“Yeah…”
“And Kairi?” He asked, turning to face her, “you’re loved here, and you’re important, Donald and Goofy adore you!” he grinned, but Kairi could only put a smile on back but tried to make it as wide as possible. As awful as it sounds, it wasn’t Donald and Goofy she wanted to be important to.
At the back of her house was a small nursery of plants which Kairi went to when she got stressed. Kairi knew she was wanting to know everything a bit too much but was she in the wrong really? Ever since the fallout of Kingdom Hearts, everyone has been so busy with establishing peace and safety for all of the worlds and the princesses that no one really had time for her. Sure, it made sense, but it also made Kairi very frustrated.
Channelling her light through a plant, as it travelled in liquid form, the skeleton of the leaves appeared in her hand. She just wanted to understand see into everything that was going on. Sitting down hard into a chair in her room, surrounded by all of the plants she cultivated by accident through her curative magic, she allowed herself to breathe out. It sometimes felt like the only place she could fully think about her emotions because if anything leapt out, the plants would take them and grow. It felt like Kairi was much better a server than a demander. She didn’t feel wanted, she didn’t feel needed, and on days where it got worse, she couldn’t help but feel like Sora’s choice was a mistake. She couldn’t tell anyone but Ventus that, though. They all replied the same way, that's the light being warped by exposure to darkness! The bloody light… As if light is perfectly good! It was a power looking so similar to the light she used which made Sora dissolve into particles in her hands. But no one understood it unless they were it, not fully, they could sympathise, but never empathise with the nature of light, but that's natural, Riku would say. Riku. The thought of him made her think of the clock, ticking above her head. Nine o’clock. Riku still wasn’t home.
She decided to get an early night sleep.
There was a creak which woke Kairi up from a light sleep.
“Where the fuck were you?” She asked clearly despite the hushed atmosphere, flipping around and staring Riku directly in the eyes.
“Yen… Yen Sid and Terra,” Riku replied quietly,
“I know as much as that,” Kairi carried on, loud compared to Riku, who was now just sitting on the bed, twisted towards her,
“There was a lead on Sora, it was a good one, we’re getting close.” Riku tried to explain.
“And you didn’t even think of me?” Kairi accused, “have you ever considered… I don’t know… stopping for a couple of days?”
“I have to find him, Kairi, you know I do.” Riku’s voice was low and measured, he was trying to keep her calm, but Kairi was done with his tricks to keep her out of the loop.
“No you don’t.” She replied sharply.
“My heart and Sora’s are bonded, I can find him”
“So can I. I was inside his heart for months Riku.”
“You can’t go.”
“Why not?”
“Because… Because you’re not a keyblade master!”
“Why does that matter?”
“You could die!” Riku cried, getting frustrated.
“So could you!!” Kairi raised her voice.
“Well, I won’t die!”
“How can I know that?? You obviously don’t trust me enough not to die, why should I trust you?!” Kairi cried, knowing full and well she was being irrational, but her anger was building.
“I can’t lose someone else…” Riku’s voice was trembling.
“WELL I’VE GOTTEN USED TO IT!!” Kairi was shouting now, “Let's not beat around the bush here, both Ven and I have both seen the darkness come back and wrap around your keyblade arm. I know you’re struggling with the guilt, but I want you to think for just one second about me in this. I’m so… fucking tired of you two just chucking yourselves away for the sake of other people. Sora is nowhere NEAR a perfect role model! What he did was WRONG, Riku!” Kairi was borderline screaming, her arms shaking and tears streaming down her face. After a pause, Riku leaned forward, but Kairi backed away off the bed. “That’s all you two are good for, aren’t you?” She said, between sobs, “Abandoning me again.” the racing blood was gone, the noise finally out of her head. Riku looked down.
“I have to.” he told her. She looked up, somewhere between fear and disgust but ultimately sadness. She paced towards the door with speed.
“Ka- Kairi! Wait! Kairi where are you going?” Riku leapt over the bed after her, walking quickly to catch up.
“Away.” She said. Summoning her keyblade in one hand as the other had been grabbed by Riku. Before he could even open his mouth to protest, in just the same haunting way Sora did before her eyes, Kairi dissolved into light and slipped through the grip of Riku’s fingers.