Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

       Lelouch never did understand why people were so fascinated with snow. It was cold, inconvenient, and soaked your clothes if one stood out in it for too long.

      He huffed at his own thoughts and brought his black coat closer to his body as he felt a shiver rake through his body. The whole castle garden was coated in a thick layer of white, making the entire area look exactly the same. Even the roof of the buildings surrounding the hidden garden were caked in the cold substance and Lelouch found himself once more cursing the time of the year. He longed for the return of summer so that he could at least see any other color than white. Snow had so many drawbacks.

     But, as he stood there, watching Nunnally gaze with wonder at the snowflakes fluttering down to land on her brown hair and outstretched hands, he was willing to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t so bad after all.

      A small smile had just begun to quirk the corners of his lips at the new, less cynical perspective of snow when the hard sensation of something slamming into his back caused him to stumble forward and fall into a small pile of snow.

     Just like that, he was back to hating the damned substance.

     “Hey! What the heck was that?!” He squawked with all the grace a ten-year-old drenched with snow could muster as he glared in the direction that the attack had come from, “Darn it Suzaku, that’s not funny!”

     The uncontrollable laughter stemming from the brown haired boy feet from where Lelouch had previously been standing very obviously begged to differ.

     “You were zoning out too much again, Lelouch,” Suzaku managed to get out in between giggles, “It’s not my fault you’re too weak to handle a little snowball to the back.”
     Lelouch huffed at the insult and was about to return it when the soft sound of Nunnally’s giggles tore his gaze from his friend to his sister. She was watching the two boys with a fond smile and a tilted head, her purple eyes nearly glowing with the happiness she seemed to be experiencing. That glee was enough to melt the scowl from his face and, instead, caused a matching smile to twitch at the corner of his mouth.

     He never could stay mad at Suzaku for long, especially when it was obvious that Nunnally was enjoying herself so much.

     “Oh yeah?” Lelouch finally retorted as he lifted himself from the blanket of snow, the faint pink light emanating from his right eye strategically shielded by his black hair, “Then let’s see how you’ll like a taste of your own medicine.”

     With the confidence only a ten year old could pull off, Suzaku crossed his arms and lifted his head up in challenge as he smirked at the thin Lelouch, “Oh please, like you’re strong enough to – Oof!”
     Without any warning, Suzaku found himself buried under the layers of snow that had once resided on the roof right beyond where he was standing. There were several disgruntled grunts that escaped from the white pile before Suzaku managed to pry himself from the avalanche. His green eyes shone with a mixture of irritation and amusement as he playfully glared at the grinning dark haired boy with the now unveiled glowing pink eye.

     “Hey! You used your eye magic! No fair!”

     “It’s not my fault you aren’t special enough to have a magic eye of your own.”

     “That’s not the point!”

     The return of Nunnally’s giggles and a warm presence at Lelouch’s side brought his attention back to his little sister, who smiled up at him and gently swatted the side of his arm,

     “Father told you not to use that, remember?” Despite her reprimand, her tone was gentle and her grin bright, “He doesn’t know that Suzaku knows about your eye and he won’t be happy if he finds out.”

      Lelouch flicked his hand dismissively at his sister’s good-natured warning, his smile growing wider as he felt Suzaku come to stand on his other side,

     “What father doesn’t know won’t hurt him. I don’t know why I can’t use my power anyway; it’s not like it could hurt anyone.”

     “Well I beg to differ.” Suzaku countered as he dealt a soft jab to the other boy’s side, “But I guess you would have to rely on it instead of actual physical force, scrawny arms.”
     “Hey! My arms are not scrawny!”

     “Oh come on, you’re about as strong as Nunnally – oh, no offense Nunnally!”

     “None taken, Suzaku.” She smiled, “You know he’s right, brother. You really should exercise more.”
     “Not you too!”

     Laughter erupted once more from Suzaku and Nunnally as Lelouch pretended to pout, but even his stubbornness couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. Despite how much he would claim otherwise, he loved these days – when Suzaku’s father came over to discuss business with his father and Suzaku was able to spend time playing with him and Nunnally.

     His gaze drifted to the sky as he lapsed back into thought, the idle chatter of Suzaku and Nunnally becoming a faint buzzing in the background. The amount of times that Suzaku’s father stopped by had been decreasing lately, and every time he left he always seemed so angry. Lelouch couldn’t imagine what it was that he and the king were discussing that could so often diverge into argument, but he hoped they would work it out soon. The last thing he wanted was for Suzaku’s father – and by extension Suzaku – to stop coming to the castle all together. He was the only non-related kid Lelouch’s age that he was able to hang out with and, as much as he adored Nunnally and his cousins, they just didn’t get him as well as Suzaku seemed to.

     “It feels like it’s getting even colder.” Nunnally’s statement managed to catch Lelouch’s attention and he turned just in time to watch her walk towards the door that led inside, “I’m going to go grab another coat. Don’t kill each other while I’m gone!”

     Another smile was directed towards the boys before Nunnally disappeared inside and Lelouch snickered with a roll of his eyes. Like they were that primitive.

     “Hey Lelouch?”
     “Hm?” He glanced towards his friend with a raised brow, taken aback by the sudden hesitance tainting Suzaku’s tone, “What is it?”

     The smile that seemed to be almost permanently etched onto Suzaku’s face was replaced by a frown and his brows were furrowed with what seemed to be concern as he stared at the snow. His right foot was listlessly drawing lines into the white piles and Lelouch got the impression that his friend was about to bring up a topic that neither of them were going to like.

     “What do you think our fathers have been talking about? My father has been really uptight lately, and I think it’s because of what he’s doing with your dad.”

     Lelouch frowned and bit the corner of his lip before he nodded slightly. So the other boy had noticed the tension growing between their fathers as well.

      “I think so. Father has always been distant, but he has been even more so lately, and he seems to become upset whenever I mention your family name.”
      Suzaku flinched at the confirmation and sighed, as though he had expected Lelouch’s answer. He must have been waiting until they were alone before he brought that subject up, and Lelouch was glad for that. Nunnally was still young and innocent, she didn’t need to be worried about grown up stuff just yet. That burden should be left to the two elder boys.

      “I’m not sure my father will let me come here much longer.” Suzaku admitted, causing Lelouch’s breath to catch and he whipped his head to look at the boy that seemed intent on avoiding his gaze, “It took a lot of pleading just to get him to let me come here today and I thought I heard him talking about some kind of rebellion… I’m not-… Lelouch, your eye…!”
     The sound of a branch snapping and slamming onto the ground several feet from them caused both boys to jump and Lelouch reflexively raised a hand to cover his right eye. The familiar burning of his power caused his eye to water and, with horror, he realized that his brief emotional spike had caused his powers to activate.

     That’s not good.

    “I don’t… That’s never….”

     An ear-piercing, feminine scream emanating from the castle brought both boy’s attentions from Lelouch’s eye to the doors that Nunnally had gone through. The sound of a scuffle quickly followed and, with a shared frantic look between them, Lelouch and Suzaku both bolted inside, Lelouch’s eye still unknowingly blazing pink.

      As the door slide shut behind him the haunting echo of gunshots pierced the quiet winter air, followed shortly by the collapsing of the roof and several loud screams.

Seven years later

      By all rational accounts, the wooden door standing before her wasn’t especially intimidating. It was just plain and dark brown, clean from the hard work of the castle maids and incredibly smooth. Yet, staring it down, Nunnally still found it to be one of most anxiety producing parts of the castle.

     Though, if she was being realistic, she supposed it wasn’t the door itself that made her anxious, but rather who and what was always holed up right behind it.

      The door led to the one and only room of Lelouch Vi Brittania, the crown prince of their small kingdom of Brittania, and the brother that seemed to despise her. It was this very room that Lelouch almost never seemed to vacate, and where she was never allowed to enter.

     Nunnally could feel her hands lose circulation as she gripped the armrests of her wheelchair tighter, her purple eyes staring cautiously at the wooden door, as though afraid it might jump out and bite her.

     It’s okay, I can do this, she reassured herself, her lips tightening into a firm line as she took a deep breath and, carefully, pried one hand from her wheelchair, He’s my brother, this should be easy.

     Yet her stomach still felt like it held bricks as she hesitantly knocked on the forbidden door, her breath catching in her throat as she waited for some type of response. She knew her brother was in there – he never was anywhere else if he didn’t have to be- and she hoped he would answer.

     Several moments of absolute silence lapsed throughout the spotless white hallway as Nunnally waited, her small hand hesitating only inches in front of the wood as she debated knocking again.

     “Lelouch…? It’s me, Nunnally.” She opted to say instead, her hand retracting to wrap around her other one for comfort, “I know you’re in there, big brother…”
     There was the faint sound of scuffling beyond the closed door before an equally hesitant voice responded,

      “Nunnally? Is there something wrong? Did father want something?”

      Nunnally sucked in a breath at the response, though there was no relief. Instead she only felt her dread increase and she lowered her gaze to stare at her pink dress as she wondered how she should respond.

      I shouldn’t be this nervous to speak to my own brother.

     “N-no…” She silently berated herself for her stuttering and her hands clenched together tighter, “I just-… I wanted to see if you wanted to play… Chess, I mean, I remember how much you loved it when we were younger…”

      She felt what minimal confidence she had fade the longer she spoke and, with a grimace, she was reminded of all the years that she had spent sitting outside this very door, praying that her brother would finally say yes. That he would go back to being the boy she remembered him being seven years ago, before she was an idiot and got herself injured beyond repair. Back when Suzaku was still alive.

      “Chess…” The voice behind the door was muffled, but sounded closer and, despite herself, Nunnally felt hope flutter in her chest. Would this finally be the day that her brother said yes? “… No… I’m sorry Nunnally, but I… I’m busy.”

      Tears prickled and burned her eyes as she nodded even though he knew he couldn’t see her, “R-Right… Of course, I should have known, with your coming of age ceremony tomorrow and all…” She gulped and clenched the fabric of her dress tighter between her fingers as she felt her tears finally slip past her eyes and stain the light pink fabric.

     “Yes…” Lelouch’s voice sounded different this time, thick with an emotion Nunnally couldn’t place, “I will… See you tomorrow…”

     “Alright, big brother….”

    With a dejected sigh and a steady stream of tears, Nunnally slowly wheeled herself away from the door that she had spoken to for so many years now. So consumed with her sadness, she didn’t hear the soft thud of something leaning against the other side of the door, nor did she catch the choked voice of a grieving brother,

     “Forgive me, Nunnally…”

Chapter Text

     Ever since Lelouch could remember, he had dreaded this day. It was the 5^th of December, the 18^th birthday of Lelouch Vi Britannia and, as a result, was his coming of age ceremony.

     The celebration itself was pointless – it wasn’t as though it was a coronation or a raise in his rank. His father was, unfortunately, very much alive and kicking and didn’t appear to be inclined to change that anytime soon. That made the day and the party entirely useless, whereas, if his father had been dead rather than his mother, it would have been the day that he accepted the throne.

     Instead, all he was going to get was a headache from the chatter of high class morons who were too big for their britches, both literally and figuratively

     It had been years since they held any type of large gathering, and Lelouch felt his nerves stand on edge as he stared into the mirror in his room. It was silver rimmed, small - only round enough to show his face - and was the only object hanging on the otherwise dull white walls.

     He despised that mirror, almost as much as he hated the person reflected in it, and, before Lelouch could stop himself, he noticed the Geass in his eye begin to glow. It always did in response to an emotional reaction and Lelouch didn’t even flinch when he heard his pillow collide with the floor. There was a reason he never kept anything breakable around. That is, save for the mirror.

     It was there to serve as a reminder of what Lelouch was capable of – to always remind him how dangerous his Geass could be. It never let him forget the worst day of his life.

     The subtle knock on his door brought the prince back to the present and, with one more swift glance in the mirror to ensure that his Geass had disappeared along with his spike of anxiety, he answered, “Yes?”

     “The preparations for your celebration are nearly completed,” Sayoko, their maid and Nunnally’s personal servant informed him, “Your father wishes for you to come downstairs soon.”

     Lelouch snickered at the command, but nodded nonetheless, “Alright, I will. Thank you, Sayoko.”

    Although he couldn’t see it, he was sure that the maid had offered a nod of her own before he heard her soft footsteps disappear down the hallway. His father didn’t actually care if he attended the party before he was actually needed, he just wanted him there to keep up appearances. It wouldn’t do to allow their guests to think that the Crown prince was neglectful of his duties.

     Unconsciously, his eyes drifted from the door back to the mirror and he felt his lips pull up into a grimace as he caught sight of the large white hat propped onto his head. It matched the white and gold dress uniform he was assigned to wear and, if he was honest, wouldn’t have been all that bad of a look if he didn’t already have such a prejudice against the color white.

     It was the color of the snow he hated and symbolized the purity he hadn’t had since he was a boy. Before his Geass had killed Suzaku and crippled Nunnally.

     His breath caught in his throat at the reminder and he forced himself to look away, a hand raising to ghost over his throat as the memory of that day flashed through his mind. He couldn’t dwell on it, not today, and especially not now.

     His eyes fluttered shut as he struggled to control his breathing, though he could still feel the tingling of his Geass in his eye. If he wasn’t careful he was going to make a mess before he even mustered up the courage to leave his room.

     He just had to get out there, make small talk, avoid Nunnally and the rest of their family, and then run back to his room without incident. He could do this – he had to do this.

     It was for the best that Nunnally was kept away from him – she didn’t remember what really happened, she had been too young and it had been too scarring, and a selfish part of him hoped she never did. He didn’t want her to know just how big of a monster her brother was.

     Well, he thought with a bittersweet smile, here goes nothing.

------------

     Ever since Nunnally could remember, she had been waiting for this day. It was her big brother’s 18^th birthday and, as a result, called for a celebration. A huge, crowded party that Nunnally could barely contain her eagerness for. It had been years since she had last interacted with someone besides her father, brother, and their servants, and she was planning on making the most of it.

     For a reason that was never actually explained to her, both her father and her brother vehemently refused to hold any kind of celebration in their castle. However, this was one special occasion that everyone knew they couldn’t sweep under the rug – it was the day that Lelouch could legally accept the throne. He wouldn’t be, of course, their father would never give it up, but the mere fact that he could made it a momentous occasion.

     Purple eyes nearly sparkled with joy as Nunnally stared at herself in the mirror, her beaming smile radiant. The light pink eyeshadow and blush she wore complimented her pink gown nicely and even her wheelchair was adorned with pink fabric and roses. She finally felt like the princess she always wished she wasn’t.

     A soft knock on the door and Sayoko’s quiet voice notified her that it was time for her to go downstairs and, with a giggle fit for her age, Nunnally wasted no time wheeling herself to the door. The day she had been waiting for had finally arrived.

     I hope you have fun too, big brother. You deserve it.

------------

      In theory Lelouch was aware that their ballroom had the capability to hold hundreds of people, had seen it nearly reach capacity when he was younger and celebrated life, yet he still found himself completely shocked as he entered the ballroom. He was later than his father wanted, the stern look thrown his direction from the man proof of that, and a part of him wished that he hadn’t decided to come down at all. He didn’t care about images nearly as much as his father did, and it would serve the old man right to look like his control was slipping.

      It’s not even like he cares about his people, Lelouch thought scathingly, his eye flickering pink as he briefly locked gazes with his father, You may try to keep me in the dark, but I’ve read the reports, father. You’re bleeding these people dry to fund your own obsessions, aren’t you?

     His father, oblivious to Lelouch’s thoughts, merely rolled his eyes at him before turning away and Lelouch found himself gritting his teeth in frustration. How dare he treat his own son as though he was inferior!

     The table beside him rumbled slightly as his anger grew and he found himself having to take several long, deep breaths before he calmed down enough for the table to still once more. Luckily it didn’t seem as though anyone around noticed the vibrations or, if they did, they seemed to merely equate it to being caused by the hustle and bustle in the room. He was safe, so far.

     “It’s so weird seeing this room so busy, don’t you think?” A feminine voice inquired from behind him and Lelouch nearly jumped in surprise as he whirled around to regard Nunnally. How much of that did she see?

      “… Yes, it is.” He conceded quietly, his posture straightening and eyes flickering momentarily to the ground, “It’s been a long time since it’s been this… Lively.”
     “It really has. Too long. Rooms this large are meant to be enjoyed, don’t you think? Especially with those that you love.”

     Lelouch flinched, Nunnally’s words cutting like accusations, though he knew she didn’t mean anything by them. She was kind, almost to a fault, and Lelouch wanted nothing more than to give her everything she wanted. Even if he hated parties he wanted to throw her one every night, if only to see that smile on her face. That innocent, genuine smile that made his heart skip a beat. He would do whatever it took to keep her safe and to protect that smile, even if that meant protecting her from himself.

     “I suppose you’re right,” He mused, a smile of his own tugging at the corner of his lips as he finally allowed himself to relax a little, “Although I do think that I could have gone without witnessing Jeremiah’s dance moves.”

     He tilted his head just to the right of where they were standing and his smile turned into a smirk as Nunnally followed the gesture and broke into giggles. Jeremiah, their mother’s old knight and their current head of security was currently performing an impressive imitation of a headless chicken as he attempted to follow the rhythm of the music. His movements were enthusiastic, albeit spastic and incredibly out of tune, but he seemed to be enjoying himself nonetheless. For a moment Lelouch almost envied that carelessness.

     “Well, he certainly looks like he’s having fun. Why don’t you go show him how it’s done, big brother?”

     The question and teasing look sent his way was enough to elicit a chuckle out of the prince, his eyebrows raising as he waved a hand in objection, “I’m afraid dancing is not my strong suit. I might actually make him look like a professional.”
     Nunnally laughed again at his joke and Lelouch couldn’t help the fond smile that replaced his smirk as he peered down at his sister. He hadn’t seen her this happy in years, and he blamed himself for that. If he hadn’t been born cursed as he was, maybe he could have made Nunnally so much happier over the past few years. She would have been able to run freely, with Suzaku by her side…

     “Big brother… Is something wrong…?”

     Lelouch blinked at the question before he realized that he had allowed his melancholy thoughts to bring a frown to his face and, just like that, Lelouch felt the temporary joy from the party dissipate.

     “N-No, of course not, Nunnally. I just remembered the last time you and Euphemia tried to get me to dance. I think I stepped on both of your feet enough to leave bruises.”

     “That’s true.” Nunnally nodded with a smile, although it looked more strained than it had moments before, “Euphemia never did give up on you though, did she? She was convinced that she would make you a pro. Oh, she should be arriving soon too, right? Cornelia and Schnitzel both; it’ll be so nice to see our cousins again!”
    Nice wouldn’t be how Lelouch would describe their reunion with their cousins, but he couldn’t bring himself to burst Nunnally’s bubble as she begin to chatter on about how eager she was to see Euphemia in particular. She and their youngest cousin had always gotten along the best and, for whatever reason, they both had always adored being around him. He had enjoyed their presence when he was younger and his Geass was less temperamental, but now there were too many complications.

     When a hush fell over the crowd both Nunnally and Lelouch broke their conversation to instead regard the cause of the disturbance. From the doorway leading from the outside of the castle to the ballroom came four older, but familiar forms, and Lelouch immediately understood what was going on.

     “They’re here. I have to go now, Nunnally.” He really didn’t want to leave his sister alone, but the glare he was receiving from his father’s position on the throne told him that he was already running behind, “I’ll see you after.”
     “Alright, big brother. I’ll give our cousins your love for you.”

     Lelouch’s smile was pained as he walked towards the center of the room, “Thank you, Nunnally.”

----------

     The ceremony wound up being just as boring as Lelouch had predicted it would be. For almost twenty minutes he stood beside his father’s throne as an official went through the same ridiculous speech that was present at every prince and or princess’s coming of age ceremony. It was composed of a series of lies recounting how wonderful the Kingdom of Britannia was and how, when Lelouch took the throne, he was destined to be just as great as his father, the current king.

     I’m nothing like him, he thought bitterly as he stared resolutely ahead, I will never be like him.

     He barely acknowledged the order to pick up the sword presented to him before he calmly gripped it’s handle with both hands and held it with the tip facing down. It was overly ornate, with tan wings that fanned out just below the handle to connect to a pink and green bejeweled middle. It was far heavier than an efficient sword have been and Lelouch knew it was more a mark of royalty than anything else. He had to swear his honor on this sword and blandly recited the lines he had rehearsed,

     “I, Lelouch Vi Britannia, do swear to rule as is fit for an heir of Britannia. I pledge to devout my loyalty and life to serving the needs of the kingdom.”

    What utter nonsense…

     By the time the speaking portion of the ceremony was over, Lelouch could feel his nerves reaching their limits. Having spent the last seven, nearly eight, years in self-imposed solitude he was unaccustomed to the weight of so many stares on him. Everyone watching were nobles or royalty from neighboring kingdoms and he hated the lot of them. They were all self-interested idiots who turned a blind eye to the needs of their people in favor of living in luxury. They were embarrassments and, more than a few times, Lelouch found himself having to calm himself down when he felt his eye beginning to burn. After spending all this time hiding his curse there was no way he could allow himself to slip up now.

     The last step came and with narrowed eyes he held the tip of the sword to the ground before he knelt before both it and his father on the throne in a show of feigned respect. For a moment, as the official continued to speak, Lelouch met his father’s gaze with a defiant one of his own and the man had the audacity to smirk at him.

    I hate him… I loathe him…!

    The sword still clasped between his hands began to vibrate dangerously and, with more force than necessary, Lelouch shoved the weapon back to the official before he sped away from the throne and down the red carpet path meant for him, ignoring the responding applause.

      With a nod from the emperor the music returned and the party restarted, with the guests even more enthused than before. Chatter and laughter mixed with the orchestra created a buzz and, despite the fact that Lelouch knew he was now expected to fraternize with their guests, he left the room. He could feel his Geass burning with his increasing frustration and he needed time to cool down before he could trust himself around those irritating nobles.

     Damn him, damn them all! I’ll sooner destroy this Britannia than continue to rule it as my father has!

----------- 

     “Cousin Euphemia!”

     “Cousin Nunnally!”

     Nearly throwing herself completely onto Nunnally’s lap, Euphemia gathered the slighter girl into a tight hug, “It’s been too long! I’ve been trying to convince Cornelia to allow me to visit you two for ages but I’m afraid she’s just too stubborn. How are you?”

     “I’m even better now that the rest of my family is here. Was it a long trip?”

     The Kingdom of Pendragon was just Southeast of their kingdom but, in the snowy weather that December brought, their two-day long boat ride could easily turn into four or more.

     “Heavens, yes. For a moment there I almost thought Cornelia was going to tear the captain’s head off.” Euphemia giggled, finally releasing her cousin so that she could face her as she spoke, “But we managed to make it in time – there was no way we could miss Lelouch’s coming of age ceremony. It’s the first time your father has allowed any kind of celebration, after all. You know, I think the last time we had any sort of party here it was right before your acci-…” Her face suddenly turning pale, Euphemia swallowed the rest of her sentence, her gaze that had unconsciously drifted to Nunnally’s wheelchair awkwardly drifting to the floor instead, “I mean…”

    “It’s alright, Euphemia, I know. We haven’t had a party since I fell from that tree and fractured my spine… I think… I think that’s why Lelouch doesn’t want to talk to me anymore…”

     “He doesn’t want to… What are you talking about, Nunnally? Lelouch loves you – he always has. I remember how protective he used to be of you.”

     Nunnally frowned at the attempt to cheer her up and Euphemia furrowed her eyebrows at the reaction. A range of emotions seemed to cross her face, but the only one Nunnally could place was confusion. Euphemia had visited her only once since the accident, shortly after it, so it was understandable that she wouldn’t be aware of the change in her and her brother’s relationship. Nunnally never could bring himself to tell Euphemia her worries in the letters they exchanged, but now that she was present, she couldn’t help herself.

     “Things… Are different now…” She admitted, already moving her wheelchair backwards, “I want to talk but… Not here. Why don’t we get some fresh air?”
      With a hesitant nod, Euphemia followed her cousin.

--------

     Euphemia wasn’t surprised that it was the garden that Nunnally had led her to. It had been Marianne’s pride and joy and, as a result, had been well-loved by both her children. Even Cornelia, Clovis, and her always adored stopping by the garden when they visited. It had always been so beautiful, flourishing with all kinds of flowers. Even covered in a thick layer of snow it looked stunning; like a winter wonderland from the stories.

     “Big brother and I used to play out here all the time when were younger.” Nunnally began, stopping just outside of the door to avoid getting her wheels caught in the snow, “Even when it was snowing like this. He’d complain about it, but I think he secretly liked it.”

     Euphemia nodded slowly at the information, her own memories of playing with Lelouch and Nunnally as children backing that up.

     “I remember that.” She smiled, standing right beside Nunnally as she peered out at the snow, “We really antagonized him out here, didn’t we? Remember when we tried to make him choose which of us was going to marry him? He turned so red trying to choose!”
     They both broke into laughter at the reminder of a tomato faced Lelouch staring blankly at the two determined young girls. It had been a warm spring day in the garden when the two girls had gotten into an argument over who was going to have the honor of marrying Lelouch when they got older. They had even interrupted the game Lelouch and Suzaku were playing to demand that he make the decision right then and there. They had really idolized him.

     “And then, remember how Suzaku tried to break up the argument by saying that it was going to be him instead? I think Lelouch really wanted to bury his head in the sand then.” Euphemia added, her eyes watering from the strength of her laughter as the image of a young Suzaku popped into her mind. He had seemed so eager and sure of himself when he made the announcement to the two girls, and Lelouch had been too flabbergasted to do anything more than blush and make weird noises. The argument had spiraled from there, only to be calmed when dinner was announced and their silly fight was forgotten in favor of food.

     “Those days were so fun…”

      Euphemia’s laughter subsided at Nunnally’s softer tone and, when she turned to look at her cousin, she was shocked to find her crying.

     “I wish I wasn’t so stupid! Brother always warned me not to climb that tree on my own, but I didn’t listen… I wanted – I wanted to prove that I could do things on my own.” Nunnally’s tears only increased as she spoke and Euphemia dropped to her knees, gathering her in her arms, “I- I think that’s why he doesn’t play with me anymore. I- I ruined everything by getting hurt! They were so preoccupied with me that no one noticed that Suzaku’s father was missing until it was too late. They-They found him and Suzaku dead in their house. They were killed and everyone was too busy worrying about me…!”
      Euphemia’s arms tightened around Nunnally as the brown haired girl’s tears turned into sobs and, despite herself, Euphemia could feel a few tears of her own slip down her cheeks. She had also grown to love Suzaku as a brother when they were younger, and was absolutely devastated to learn of his death. Even so, she never blamed Nunnally for his death, nor did anyone else. She was certain the same could be said for Lelouch.

     “You couldn’t have known, Nunnally. No one could have. Even if you hadn’t gotten hurt that day I don’t think anyone would have noticed until it was too late. It was a peaceful time, a betrayal like that hadn’t been on anyone’s minds. I’m sure Lelouch doesn’t blame you for that.”

     “Then why… Why doesn’t he talk to me anymore? He-He became distant after my accident. He hardly ever leaves his room and will barely even look at me anymore!”

     Euphemia frowned at that information, her eyebrows furrowing in absolute bewilderment. That certainly didn’t sound like the Lelouch she knew, but then, it matched up with the Lelouch that she witnessed in the ceremony that day. He had seemed so distant throughout the entire exchange; as though the whole thing was an inconvenience for him rather than an exciting moment. The Lelouch she knew had looked forward to his coming of age ceremony, yet the one she saw on stage seemed to be unable to care less about it. None of this was adding up.

     Well, it has been over seven years, she thought sardonically, That’s enough time for anything to change…

      “I just wish I knew why…” Nunnally sniffled, her tears decreasing as she seemed to finally get a hold of herself, “Maybe if I knew I could try to fix it… Get it back to how it used to be…”
     Drawing back enough to look Nunnally in the eyes, Euphemia offered her an encouraging smile and gingerly wiped Nunnally’s cheeks with her gloved fingers,

     “Well, the only way to find out is to go in there and ask him.”

     Blinking, Nunnally stared at her as though she had grown a second head,

     “Ask him? I can’t just-….”

     “Of course you can! He’s your brother, and I always think the best way to solve a problem is to talk it out. I’m sure this is all just one large misunderstanding, you’ll see, Nunnally.”
      Nunnally looked unsure, her eyebrows knotting together and gaze drifting to her lap as she seemed to think over Euphemia’s suggestion.

     “I… I guess it won’t hurt… He can’t ignore me here…”

     “Exactly! Now come on, you and Lelouch have some making up to do.”

     With a deliberately large smile, Euphemia wiped her own damp face with the back of her hand before she took the back of Nunnally’s chair and began to wheel her into the ballroom. They would find Lelouch, knock some sense into him, and then they’d be the big happy family they used to be.

     Everything would work out just fine. They’d see.

Chapter Text

     Despite how much he wished otherwise, Lelouch couldn’t stay away from the party forever. It had taken longer than he wanted to admit to calm his Geass down but, when he did, he begrudgingly reentered the ballroom.

     The hatred he had for his father aside, he couldn’t afford to show weakness around the people gathered in that room. Some were the leaders of surrounding Kingdoms and, when he eventually got the title of King, he couldn’t allow them to underestimate him.

     Unfortunately, acting like the prince he was supposed to be led him into countless awkward interactions with others, most prominently ones that mentioned his marriage prospects. It didn’t surprise Lelouch that the noblemen of their kingdom, and even of some other kingdoms, found that day to be an excellent time to bring up the concept of potential wedding arrangements. He was, after all, a full adult now and would no doubt be expected to take a bride soon.

      Knowing his father, the man probably already had a list of prospective spouses for Lelouch, all of which would in some way help the King. Lelouch would have no say in the matter.

      Their Kingdom had grown throughout his father’s reign, yet their sources of income remained stagnant. His father, too hungry for power and more land, had failed to take into account the extra funding that would be required to sustain the land that they had destroyed when taking over surrounding kingdoms. That left the desecrated lands with nowhere to turn and no money to rebuild what had been lost. Their people, Britannian’s not by choice but by force, were suffering due to his own father’s selfishness.

     Lelouch frowned at the thought, his eyes resting lazily on the nobleman chattering away in front of him. He hadn’t a clue what the man was blubbering on about, too lost in his own musings to care, but he figured it had to do with the young girl standing beside him. He probably wanted to tempt the prince with the prospect of taking her as his wife.

     “A handsome young man like yourself certainly must be looking to take a wife,” The man smiled and Lelouch mentally rolled his eyes, “It just so happens that my daughter is your age.”
     The prince raised an eyebrow in feigned interest, his gaze drifting to the aforementioned girl more out of politeness than actual interest. She was attractive, he had to give her father that much, but looked far too passive for his preference. Her blue eyes seemed glued to the floor, her head bowed and hands clasped in front of her light green gown. She looked no different from the other obedient noble girls he had met and he had to bite back the urge to scowl at her.

     “I see, that is quite the coincidence.” He replied dryly, “However, I’m afraid that I am not currently seeking a bride.”

     “Ah, but I implore you to reconsider, My Lord.” The man, Duke Stadtfeld, insisted, “I’m certain you have heard of both the military and political accomplishments of our family, and-…”
     “Duke Stadtfeld.” His tone came out a bit sharper than he had intended, his eyebrow twitching the longer the man continued his tirade, “I do not mean you nor your family any disrespect, however I cannot marry a girl I just met.”

     For a moment the Duke looked prepared to continue to argue, his mouth opening only to close a moment later. He supposed that even fools knew when to bite their tongue.

     “Of course, my apologizes my lord. In that case, I shall leave the two of you to get to know one another.”

     A large smile spilt the Duke’s lips as he swiftly walked away and Lelouch could only blink at his retreating back in astonishment. How on earth could one man be so inept? That was not at all what he had been insinuating.

     “That wasn’t…”

     “Don’t bother,” The girl mumbled, surprising Lelouch by how cold her tone was, “He’s never going to listen.”

     “No, I suppose you’re right. Nobles with bigger egos than IQ’s never do.”

     That comment earned a snicker from the girl and Lelouch couldn’t help but let a smirk flicker across his lips as he regarded the girl again. His gaze caught hers and he was surprised to find a hint of fire in her previously dull eyes. Perhaps there was more to this girl than he had initially thought.

     “My name’s Kallen, by the way.” The girl’s posture fully straightened as she offered the prince an amused smile, “You’re not as bad as I thought you’d be.”

     “And you aren’t as boring as I thought you’d be.”

     Kallen seemed to take that as a compliment, her smile almost turning into a smirk before she caught herself. It appeared as though she had an image that she had to maintain around here and Lelouch couldn’t help but emphasize with her.

     “I introduced myself, isn’t it only polite that you do the same?”

     She was pulling his chain; he could tell by the playfulness bringing more life to her eyes as she marginally quirked an eyebrow at him. There was no question who he was, yet the girl seemed intent to pick on him nonetheless. It was the first time in years that someone had spoken to him so casually and, if he was honest, he loved it.

     “Of course, my apologies. My name is Julius Kingsley.” He responded dryly, although the smirk still playing at his lips gave away his amusement and Kallen laughed in return.

     They fell into a brief, but easy conversation after that until Kallen slipped away, whispering that she would leave while her father was distracted. By the time she was gone and he was alone once more he had to admit that he felt much better. She was different than the other girls he had met that day and their light teasing reminded him of his childhood. Maybe the day wouldn’t be so bad after all.

     “Cousin Lelouch!”
     Or maybe he spoke too soon.

     Lelouch had managed to turn around just in time to catch Euphemia, who launched herself into his arms with as much force as she could. He barely kept his footing as his arms tightened around her shoulders to steady her, his eyes wide and mouth slightly parted.

     “…Euphemia…”

     “Oh, it’s so good to see you again, Lelouch!” She continued, apparently immune to her half-brother’s shock as her arms remained tightly wrapped around him, “You’ve gotten so tall! Not to mention quite handsome!”

    He could feel his face heat up at the compliment and he coughed lightly into his hand when she finally unlatched herself enough to see his face. Her smile was dazzling as she beamed up at him and, for a moment, Lelouch was at a loss for words. He had purposely avoided his cousins up until this point, but now was stuck.

     “She was excited to see you.” A small voice piped up from behind Euphemia, and Lelouch tilted his head to find that it was Nunnally.

     “I see, well the honor is all mine.” It was easy to fall back into his princely role, his hand moving to grab Euphemia’s before he brought it to his lips in the customary greeting, “It truly has been too long, Princess Euphemia. You have grown so much, and look just as beautiful as always.”

     For once, Lelouch actually meant the compliments, his smile genuine as he watched Euphemia giggle at his words. Euphemia was always his favorite cousin and he had missed her throughout the years. However, just like with Nunnally, he knew it would be safer for her if she remained around him as little as possible.

     “Why thank you, Lelouch. But, I won’t let you distract me! Nunnally and I came here on a mission!”
     Lelouch gave her a puzzled look at the announcement, his eyebrow raising as she set her hands on her hips in the same stance that always indicated she meant business when they were children. He couldn’t imagine what Nunnally and Euphemia had gotten up to, and just how that would involve him, but he was intrigued enough to play along.

    “Uh oh, you make it sound like I’m in trouble.” He teased, folding his arms across his chest, “So, what is this mission of yours?”

     Euphemia stepped to the side and gestured for Nunnally to wheel her chair beside her. Nunnally followed the silent order, although her actions were much more hesitant than usual. Her eyes refused to meet his and her fingers fidgeted with the fabric of her dress, showing just how uncomfortable she was.

     That was enough to set Lelouch on edge as well, his back stiffening and eyes narrowing marginally. A million thoughts raced through his head and he could feel his heart beat begin to quicken. Did they know about his Geass?

     “Come on Nunnally, go ahead, ask him!”

     Swallowing his nerves, Lelouch forced a smile as he stared down at his sister,

“What’s up, Nunnally? Is there something wrong?”

    Euphemia seemed encouraged by his questions, more so than Nunnally, and she gestured towards him once again. He had no idea what on earth she was trying to indicate, but his concern only grew the longer Nunnally remained quiet.

     “I… I want to know why you avoid me so much…”
     At once, Lelouch felt the breath he had been holding escape, relief flooding his system in a calming wave. They didn’t remember his Geass, then. This he could handle; simple questions that he could easily sweep under the rug. His sister had never been the type to push him to answer when he didn’t want to.

    “What are you talking about, Nunnally?” He feigned a chuckle, “I don’t avoid you. I’ve just been really busy lately with my studies and duties.”

     “You’re lying…” The accusation was uttered so softly that Lelouch almost missed it over the loud chatter of the party around them, “I know you are. Today was the first time that we’ve had an actual conversation in seven years, Lelouch.”

     Lelouch’s whole body froze as Nunnally finally lifted her gaze to meet his and he saw the same anger that was in her tone flash across her eyes. The hands that had previously been fiddling with her dress nervously moved to clench the fabric roughly. He could already tell he was going to have a problem mediating this conversation.

     “Hey, it’s okay Nunnally. I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t lie to you; never to you. Why would I want to avoid you?”

     Create doubt and she’ll back off, he reassured himself as he sent a pained smile his sister’s way, she won’t understand the truth, I’m so sorry Nunnally but I have to lie to you.

     “Please don’t answer my question with another question, Lelouch. You’re avoiding my question because I’m right, aren’t I?”

     Lelouch physically flinched at his sister’s stern tone and, had he not been able to see Nunnally’s body physically shaking in what he could only guess to be fear and anger, he might have gotten angry at her demands. Sometimes he forgot just how smart his sister really was.

    “This isn’t the time to discuss this.” He sighed, breaking their eye contact as he turned to walk away, pointedly ignoring the wide eyed look Euphemia was giving them. It seemed like even she hadn’t expected the conversation to turn as heated as it had, “I have to go now, we can finish this discussion later.”

     He felt his eye begin to burn as his Geass threatened to make itself known and Lelouch found himself incapable of calming down. Having the sister he adored furious at him shook his nerves and he felt his heart break. Her fury was justified; it was seven-year’s worth of rage but, damn, did it hurt.

    “No we won’t. After this you’re just going to go back to ignoring me!”

    “Nunnally!” He wheeled around to level her with a firm glare, “I said that this isn’t the time nor the place for…”

     “Why won’t you just tell me, Lelouch?!” Nunnally nearly threw herself off of her chair as she leaned forward, the tears streaming down her face blurring her view of her brother, “Is it because of my legs?! Do you hate me because I’m broken?!”

     Lelouch’s eyes widened and he nearly took a step back in surprise at the questions, shocked that his sister could ever believe that he hated her for that.

     “I could never hate you for that, Nunnally,” After all, I am the reason that you can never run again, “I don’t have time for this, I told you I have to go.”
     “You always say that!” Nunnally protested, her voice beginning to rise as her frustrations made themselves known. Around them people were beginning to stare and Lelouch felt his blood run cold. He had to leave before he did something to muck everything up; before he accidentally hurt someone else with his powers.

     “I’m sorry, Nunnally, but there’s nothing else I have to say.”
     Lelouch moved to step around Nunnally and Euphemia, the latter of whom was glaring at him but thankfully had remained silent, before he felt a grip on his wrist keep him from moving. Raising an eyebrow at the touch, he turned to meet Nunnally’s wet eyes. Her other hand was clenched to the point where her knuckles were white and her body trembled subtly from the force of her sorrow. Lelouch had never hated himself more.

     “I’m not letting you leave until you give me a reason. Tell me what I did wrong!”
     They had the attention of the nobles around them now and Lelouch could feel his heart freeze at the sensation of being watched. He needed to get away right now, back to the safety of his room.

     “Let go of me.” The words were soft but hard, his attention purposefully drifting to the far wall as he felt his right eye begin to burn with the familiar heat of magic, “Damn it, Nunnally!”

     Before Lelouch was aware of what was happening the table before them cluttered with drinks was thrown backwards, the vision in his left eye going pink and his body stilling as he realized what had happened.

     His Geass Activated. He had used his Geass.

     A hand instinctively rose to cover his glowing eye, but the damage had already been done. The attendees all around were staring at him as though he was a freak show; a dangerous monster. Even Nunnally looked terrified when he lowered his right eye to briefly take in her reaction. Her mouth was open slightly and her purple eyes were wider than he had ever seen them as she stared at him as though he was a stranger. To her right Euphemia was no better, her body turned away from him as though she was ready to run at the slightest sign of trouble.

      He had messed up.

      Gulping, Lelouch chanced a glance up towards the throne where his father still sat. His expression was passive, though his eyes gleamed with anger at his mistake.

     “Lelouch...” The cautious murmur of his name jarred his gaze back to his sister. She seemed to have returned from her stupor and, while she appeared to try not to display her fear, he didn’t miss the wince that twisted her lips when she made contact with his still glowing eye, “What did you do…?”
     She reached forward as though to touch him again and he jolted back like he had been slapped, the painting on the wall beside them smashing to the ground as his glowing eye shone brighter.

     “Don’t touch me – It’s not safe.” Feeling remarkably like a deer staring a hunter in the eyes, Lelouch began scanning the area for exits, “I can’t…”
     He shook his head and, in a bout of panic, bolted out of the room.

-------------------------

     “Even after all these years everything still looks the same. I guess some things never change, huh?”

     Behind the black ski mask obscuring his face, the man smiled fondly at the grand castle stretched before him. The wide gates that usually obscured the building from view were standing open proudly, allowing the citizens to stroll idly to and from the grounds. It had been over seven years since the gates were last opened and the man couldn’t help but think that that really was a shame. Once, back when Lady Marianne was still around, the gates were always open. Citizens were able to freely meander around the front of the extravagant castle, and it was also were parties were routinely thrown. Back when the kingdom was happy.

     The only response to his musings was a gruff snort and a shake of the head as his reindeer peered in disinterest at its surroundings. Apparently it wasn’t as inclined to dwell on nostalgia as its owner was.

     “I know, I know, this isn’t the most exciting thing, but I just hoped… That we might be able to catch a glimpse of the prince…”

     Neither the Prince nor the Princess had been seen since the gates had permanently closed and, while the man knew the chance was slim, he couldn’t help but pray that the royals would chance a step outside.

     He wasn’t a greedy man – it wasn’t as though he actually wanted to talk to the royal family. Instead, all he wanted was to see them, just one last time. He wondered what they looked like now; did Lelouch finally grow into his lankiness? Did Nunnally still have that long, beautiful brown hair? They were small questions, but they meant the world to the man in the mask.

     There was another huff next to him before the reindeer nudged the man’s side with his head irritably. They’d been standing there awhile now – much longer than they ought to have, and the masked man sighed to himself. It didn’t seem like any of the royals would be making an outside appearance that day.

     “Alright, alright, we’ll go now. We have a few errands to run before we hand back home anyway.” With one, longing glance cast at the castle, the man raised his hood back up and led his partner away, “Let’s head out, Arthur.”

     So caught up in his thoughts of what could have been, the strange man strode away, unaware of the castle’s doors suddenly being thrown open.