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“I don’t know how to thank you, Dean. And you too, of course, Sam… I would’ve been dead if it weren’t for you.”
The woman said, twirling a streak of blonde hair around her finger, her eyes fixed unflinchingly on Dean. What was her name again? Dean swore she had told him… Vanya…? Valerie…? Vanessa…? Right, Vanessa.
“It’s not a problem, ma’am. It’s our job to protect you.”
Dean replied with a proud grin, ignoring the hungry looks she was passing him. He turned around, glancing at his brother and Cas. They were both conversing about something deeply, but Dean caught Cas’s eye and smiled at him softly. Cas waved back at him awkwardly, still smiling a little. Sam looked at him as well, and before Dean knew it, Sam was next to him.
Dean turned back to the woman, who stepped closer to him.
“Guys, I’m having a barbecue tonight… And I’d really appreciate if both of my heroes were there too…”
She trailed off, eyeing both Sam and Dean.
Sam was the first to speak up.
“Well, Cas helped us too. He’s the one who found the case, who led us to you and helped you…”
All three of them glanced behind at Castiel, who had seated himself in the car already, eyes closed and head leaning back on the seat. Sam and Vanessa turned to face each other, but not Dean… He watched Cas for a few more minutes. It hadn’t been much time since Cas had turned human, so he was adapting pretty well. In one of their late-night movie sessions, Dean had questioned him about how he managed it so well. His answer had touched a chord somewhere deep in Dean’s heart.
‘I became human the moment I realized I was in love with you.’
Dean still thought about it at nights, when he hadn’t been able to sleep, and nightmares haunted him. Those words, those few words gave him comfort more than any whiskey or rum could. Just the quiet, firm way they had been said, the pain in Cas’s voice… Dean couldn’t bear it; he couldn’t bear to know that he was the reason Cas was no longer an angel. All the times Cas had sacrificed himself, his family, his mission for Dean, they were no common feats. Dean couldn’t even begin to think of sacrificing his brother for anything, and to know that that was exactly the type of thing Cas had done. All for Dean.
“Oh well, he’s invited too, I guess.”
Vanessa scoffed, rolling her eyes, which made Dean grimace.
“He better be.”
Dean muttered under his breath.
“Wai- Invited for what?”
Sam asked, cutting their conversation.
“Oh, I’m having a barbecue tonight, and I wanted to invite you. All of you.”
She grinned at Sam, obviously forced, but Sam managed to flash her a smile.
“We’ll be there. Can’t resist some good meat.”
Dean smiled, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
“Neither can I.”
Vanessa winked, moving into Dean space. Dean was caught off guard and he stuttered, visibly flustered. Sam just cleared his throat and pressed his lips together.
“Okay then, we should get going.”
He broke off the awkward silence that ensued and gave Dean an unimpressed glare.
Dean just gave her an emotionless smile, and she bit her lip, trying to be seductive. Dean just raised his eyebrows and turned around, walking towards the car. Castiel opened his eyes at the rustle outside the window, and glanced at Dean, giving him a tired smile. Dean rested his arms on the window panel, leaning down to gaze at Cas.
“Hey…”
Cas gazed up with the same fondness, a weary smile plastered to his face.
“Hey…”
Sam opened the door to the passenger seat, but halted, waiting for Dean.
Vanessa made her way towards Dean, standing a little too closer than Dean liked. Something about the bitter way she glanced at Cas made his gut churn.
“So, I’ll see you guys, right?”
“Of course.”
Dean nodded, stepping back, but his back hit the car so he stood there awkwardly, trying to escape her space.
“Great. And thanks again, darlin’.”
She smirked, leaning forward to kiss Dean on the cheek.
Wide-eyed and dumbstruck, Dean was glued to the place, unable to move, even when she stepped back and smiled at him.
“Oh. Alright…”
Dean dared to glance back at Cas, who looked just as surprised as Dean did. A little offended, dare he say.
Vanessa just chuckled, throwing a fly kiss to Sam and a forced smile at Cas before rolling her eyes and walking away.
“Okay. That was weird.”
Dean stated, before opening the car door and hopping in. Sam snickered.
“Guess she’s really into you, huh.”
Sam commented, which made Dean’s chest ache. He sighed and started fixing the rear-view mirror, trying to glimpse at Cas. Cas was sitting with his elbow on the window panel and cheek resting on his fist. He looked annoyed, and for a second, he caught Dean’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. Dean couldn’t really decipher the look in his eyes, but he seemed evidently irritated. It made Dean’s heart drop, and he sent Castiel an apologetic look, but Cas just looked away.
Dean breathed out, and started the car, pulling her onto the main road.
“So, Vanessa’s having a barbecue at seven. We’re invited.”
Sam stated, once again breaking the thick silence between them.
Usually, Dean didn’t mind the silence, but this time, there was something different lingering in the air, which Dean did not like.
“Oh, goody.”
Cas said sarcastically and yawned. Dean tried to look away, but Cas looked adorable, like a cat.
“It’ll be a nice break, yeah?”
Sam said, trying to ease the tension in the air.
“Hmm…”
Castiel looked away, staring out the window. Throughout their short ride back to the motel, Dean glanced at Cas occasionally. He seemed obviously a little annoyed at the little scene that had taken place sometime before. Dean assured himself it was nothing… Right?
They pulled up into the motel’s driveway, parking Baby and then making their way to their motel room. They had rented two rooms. Dean ended up losing their coin toss and staying in the other room with Cas. As if he would mind.
They dragged their grouchy, tired selves to their rooms, and as soon as Dean closed the door behind him, he plopped himself on the bed.
“Dean, don’t do that, you’re all smelly and gross and we’re going to be sleeping there.” Cas nudged him on the leg, and dashed towards the closet, looking for a fresh pair of clothes.
“Hmm…”
Dean mumbled, already feeling sleepy. But he shook that thought out and pushed himself off the bed, undressing himself one clothing article at a time.
Then, a naughty idea struck him and he smirked.
“Hey, wanna shower with me?”
Castiel looked up at him, then back down to his shoes that he was trying to untie.
“No… I don’t really feel like it… You can go first if you want…”
He shrugged and suddenly, Dean felt a little stranger. He walked over to Cas, pants unzipped and shirt already off.
Cas looked up at him, and Dean pressed a hand down to his cheek.
“Cas, hey, baby?”
He urged, until Cas finally gave in, standing up straight, still about an inch smaller to Dean. Dean gripped his waist and leaned down to kiss his forehead.
Cas naturally gave in to the touch, one hand settling on Dean’s shoulder and one on his hip.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Cas replied, looking away from Dean. Okay, that’s not good. Dean touched Cas’s chin, tilting it towards himself, compelling Cas to look into his eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
He asked, a little more firmly now.
Cas sighed, squirming out of Dean’s hold.
“Nothing. I’m just a little tired.”
He shrugged, undressing as Dean stood by, just watching him.
“Okay then.”
Dean shrugged, shaking his head hopelessly. Cas was now searching for towels in the closet when Dean realized the silence was turning too painful.
“It was kind of Vanessa to invite us, wasn’t it?”
Dean said, trying to ease out the silence. Castiel just glanced at him bitterly.
“Totally.”
He answered sarcastically, not even trying to sound grateful.
“Okay, wait, what the fuck is your problem, man?”
Dean finally erupted, getting off the bed and facing Cas as he walked into the bathroom, slamming the bathroom door close loudly.
“Nothing. I’m absolutely perfect.”
Cas retorted from inside the bathroom. Dean walked towards the closed door.
“Really? Cause it sounds like something’s really got your fucking panties in a twist. So, what the hell is your problem? You were alright before!”
Dean was about to knock on the door when Cas opened the door, suddenly really close to his face. Even though Dean had been even up close to him, touched him, felt him against his own skin, the sudden closeness sparked something inside him.
Dean’s eyes traveled over Cas’s eyes and lips, and gosh, he just wanted to slam Cas down on the bed and make him scream right now. He looked so mouth-watering. Dean licked his suddenly dry lips and Cas’s eyes followed the motion.
“I don’t want to go to the barbecue.”
Cas said, trying to escape, but Dean’s clutched onto Cas’s hips.
“Hey, hey, is this about Vanessa?”
Dean asked, stepping closer, slowly backing them both into the bathroom. When Cas didn’t reply, he assumed that was the case.
“Cas, baby, you think I care about her? Besides, old ladies are always giving me kisses on the cheek. I’m irresistible.”
Dean smiled goofily, but it didn’t work and Cas continued to stare at him grumpily. And fuck, he looked adorable even when he was angry.
“Old ladies don’t look at you like they want to tear your clothes off. Their kisses are pure and… and thankful.”
He frowned.
Cas’s hand settled onto Dean’s shoulder and Dean backed them up until Cas’s back hit the cold shower wall. Dean watched him gasp slightly.
“It was nothing, sweetheart. I swear.”
Dean assured him and Cas studied him carefully, trying to convince himself that Dean was telling the truth.
“Okay?”
Dean asked him again, a slight smirk playing at his lips.
“Hmm.”
Cas rolled his eyes, a small smile on his lips. Dean smiled at him, hands trailing up Cas’s back, feeling his body relax in his arms.
“Now, we’re gonna shower.”
Dean said, grinning playfully, and before Cas could question him, Dean flipped the shower on.
“Dean!”
Cas shrieked, shivering under the sudden shower of cold water. Dean, that bastard, just laughed.
“You’re an idiot, you know?”
Cas said, but Dean just smiled at him shamelessly, pressing his wet chest against Castiel’s, closing off the distance between them. Cas’s hands drifted up to clutch onto Dean’s wet hair, as Dean savored the feel of Cas’s lips on his.
“What if Sam needs us?”
Castiel said after pulling back.
“Well, we’ll just have to make some excuse up.”
Dean tried to ignore the little sliver of pain that reflected in Cas’s eyes.
An hour. They'd taken an hour to shower. Much of it hadn't really been showering, though.
Cas glanced at the clock in the motel room. Almost six thirty p.m. Dean had somehow managed to convince him to come, even though Cas didn't seem to like this Vanessa much. They were getting dressed, putting on some casual clothes for the barbecue.
Cas sat down on the bed, thighs aching slightly because of what they had done in the shower. There was a loud knock on their door, and then Sam's voice came.
"You guys ready?"
"Give us some minutes."
Dean yelled out to him, and then the sound of Sam's retreating footsteps was all they could hear.
Cas sighed. It had been weeks since Dean and Cas had drunkenly confessed their love, absolutely terrified to have woken up naked and tangled together on Dean's bed. They had started sorting it out, but in Cas's opinion, Dean seemed much more scared than he should've been. They had talked about it, promised they'd find a good time to tell Sam. Dean barely ever glanced at Cas when they were in public. Never held his hand, never kissed him softly on the cheek as other couples did, fuck that, he didn't even spare him a glance when they were hunting. And it hurt Cas. It hurt Cas a lot, that they had to hide their love from Sam, Sam of all people.
Sure, when they were alone, Dean did everything to keep Cas happy. He'd shower him with compliments or smother him with kisses or snuggle with him in bed after they had mind-blowing sex. Sex so good, Cas hadn't been able to walk straight or even sit down for a day after. He knew he was being selfish, but it had been more than three weeks and some human part of him wasn't satisfied enough.
"What about Sam?"
Cas asked mindlessly.
"What?"
Dean looked up at him from where he was putting on his shirt.
"When are you gonna tell Sam? About us?"
Castiel said quietly. He knew he was touching a sensitive subject, but he couldn't refrain himself.
Dean just sighed.
"Cas I already told you. It's gonna take me some time before I tell Sam. Besides, didn't we decide that we'd discuss it later?"
"How much later?"
Cas retorted instantly.
"Cas-"
"It's been three weeks, Dean, or maybe even more. And I'm tired of hiding things from Sam. We know he's open-minded and accepting so what's the problem?"
Cas argued, pulling his pants up.
"Okay, woah, where's this coming from? Right now?"
Dean turned to face Cas, his expressions defensive, as he buttoned his shirt.
"It's been on my mind for quite some time, I just..."
Cas trailed off. It was true. Cas had been thinking about it for a long time. Hearing Dean tell him he would like to be with him, not just as a friend, but as a lover had been one of Castiel's best moments of his entire long, long life. (Second best being when he rescued Dean from hell.)
"Look Cas, I know it's hard, but maybe wait some more time?"
Dean shrugged, glancing at himself in the mirror before turning back to Cas.
"Sure, so I can see more girls like Vanessa cozy up to you. Right."
Cas chided. In all honesty, he didn't know why he said that. Maybe it’s a human thing, having a reaction to everything. He felt... He felt strangely envious of Vanessa. A woman he had never seen before, never thought of before, and there she was, making his blood boil.
"You're still stuck on that? I told you I don't care about her."
Dean argued back, now walking over to Cas, but Cas moved away, sitting down on the edge of the sofa. He didn't know how to explain it. One moment he was alright, the other, he was overcome with a deep urge to cry. But men don't cry, his mind supplied. What bullshit. His lips quivered and he bit down on it to refrain himself from a whimper stuck in his throat.
"It’s not just her... Dean I-"
Gone. His voice had vanished and he didn't know how. He wanted to explain to Dean, he could frame the words in his mind but he couldn't say it out loud. What the hell? Is this normal?
"Cas hey, baby... look at me..."
Dean crouched down in front of Cas, hands fitting over his cheeks perfectly as he looked up at Cas, eyes full of concern. Cas took a deep breath, trying desperately to not look at Dean. He found it easier to say what was on his mind when he wasn't looking at Dean.
"I don't want to force you to tell your brother, Dean, I just wish I didn't have to be so secretive about everything... I can't even hold your hand without thinking, 'oh wait, what if Sam sees us'... It hurts me..."
Dean remained silent for what seemed like a few seconds, just studying Cas's face, before he managed to speak.
"Cas, I-"
But Cas didn't want his sympathy, he wanted answers. He shook his head to clear his mind, then pushed Dean away to get off the bed.
"It makes me feel like maybe I'm not worth it... I mean, if you're clearly so scared of telling your brother or even others about us, when they're all so accepting, then it means something's wrong with me, isn't it?"
Cas started, walking over to look for a shirt to wear. But the truth was, he couldn't face Dean. He couldn't face Dean because what if it was true? What if Dean was embarrassed by Cas? I mean, who would want a broken, pathetic, miserable disaster of an angel? Or did it have something to do with being a human?
"Cas, you're overreacting-"
Dean's voice chimed up behind him. Overreacting? Dean thinks he's overreacting? Wow. Just amazing. Cas let out an emotionless, hysterical laugh, before turning around to glare at Dean.
"I'm overreacting? No Dean, If I wanted to overreact, I would've gone off and told Sam about us without caring for you. Or maybe I would've made a scene when Vanessa kissed you!"
Cas yelled, clenching his fists and scowling at Dean.
"It was just a goddamn kiss on the cheek, Castiel, it didn't mean anything, not anything at all!"
Dean yelled back, voice raised and incredulous. He turned away from Cas, mumbling something inaudible. Cas watched as he reached down in his duffle to find something.
"It's not just about her-"
Cas started, but Dean cut him off instantly. glancing back to glare at him.
"You're the one who-?!"
Castiel didn't let him finish before continuing his own argument.
"It's about how you're so scared of being tied to someone for such a long time... All you've ever done is slept with girls for a night, leave them and then forget they exist and drive off! But it's different with me, isn't it? Because this time you can't just leave or drive off, but you've gotta face me everywhere, and it bothers you, doesn't it?"
Castiel yelled, and he didn't know why his eyes were blurring until a small tear ran down his face.
"It's not just today, Dean. It's not j-just today-"
His voice broke, and he sniffed, swiping his thumb over his cheek to wipe away his tear.
Cas's head hurt. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to fight or yell or cry. He didn't... He didn't want to do this.
"Maybe this is a bad idea, Dean."
Castiel said. So softly that Dean almost missed it.
"What?"
Dean's voice was hoarse, and Cas could tell he hadn't wanted their evening to go like this. Neither of them had.
"Us."
Cas started. He rubbed his palms over his face and then continued.
"Maybe we shouldn't have been so drunk that night. Maybe we shouldn't have slept together. Maybe we can't handle this. This... this relationship..."
Dean remained silent for a few seconds. Then he scoffed.
"So what? You just, want to break up? Call this off?"
He asked almost mockingly.
"I don't want to..."
Cas gulped, swallowing down the lump in his throat.
"But you know it's too much for us to handle Dean... We've gotta maybe, take a step back, let things just be for some time."
"What the fuck, Cas?"
Dean laughed cynically, trying to hide the anger in his voice.
Cas opened his mouth but found he had nothing to say. So, he remained absolutely silent.
"So, great, you just want to end this?"
Dean asked, a little more threatening, however.
Silence.
"Fine. Now you're just being an asshole."
Dean shrugged, shaking his head hopelessly and moving away to spray some cologne on himself.
"I'm being an asshole? For what? Telling you how I feel?"
Cas retorted back. Dean paid him no attention, which did offend Cas and then, he let it all out.
"Fine, go screw Vanessa then. It's easier since you don't have to worry about her feelings, isn't it?"
Cas frowned, not even caring one bit about what spewed out of his mouth.
"You know what, with the way you're treating me, maybe I will. Maybe I will go fuck Vanessa. At least I won't have to keep hearing her complain!"
Dean roared, and Cas flinched. Before he could say anything, Dean left the room, slamming the door shut, making Cas flinch again.
Helpless and hopeless, he sat down on the edge of the bed, eyes staring at nothing, mind wondering about everything. Love sure is a risky game.
“Hey D- Where’s Cas?”
Sam looked over behind Dean, only to look down at Dean again, with a puzzled confusion.
“Dolling himself up.”
Dean huffed, shaking his head and brushing past Sam to get into the driver’s seat. Sam just looked uncertain but waited outside anyway.
Dean felt horrible. If there was a word even horrible than horrible, that’s probably how horrible Dean was feeling. He knew Cas was right… not completely no, but yes, partially. He knew Sam would accept him. But somehow, he just couldn’t… There would be questions and doubts and obviously some homophobic asshole hunters. But that didn’t bother Dean. He would pay them no mind.
What did, in fact, scare him was the fact that he’d never done this before. What if he screwed up? What if, let’s say, he couldn’t carry their relationship? Already Cas thought he wasn’t worth it, which was entirely false because Cas was worth Heaven, Hell, Purgatory and anything and everything beyond. And now to know Cas wanted to end it… Go back to how they were… It was too much. Dean fucked up. Damnit, he fucked up.
A loud slam of the door snapped Dean out of his trance and he realized Sam and Cas had joined him inside the car.
“So, let’s go.”
Sam stated, before relaxing in his seat. Dean glanced at Cas in the rear-view mirror, but Cas was busy looking out the window. Dean could clearly see the watery reflection of his eyes in the mirror. He exhaled silently, not wanting to draw Sam’s attention.
“So, guys, I’m glad we have a little break, yeah? Be nice to have some good food before we leave tomorrow.”
Sam said, striking up a conversation.
“Yeah…”
Dean trailed off, mindlessly replying to Sam.
“Cas? Whaddya think?”
Sam glanced back.
“S’good.”
Cas gulped.
Sam looked suspiciously between Cas and Dean before speaking up again.
“What’s going on with the two of you?”
Dean scoffed, shrugging with one shoulder.
“What? Nothing.”
“Yeah, absolutely nothing.”
Cas huffed carelessly.
“Okay, something is definitely up, so what is it?”
“Nothing!”
“I said nothing!”
Cas and Dean both yelled out, irritated.
“Alright!”
Sam huffed, holding his hands up defensively.
“Music?”
He asked, not waiting for a response before turning the radio dial up.
There was some static before it caught onto an old pop station, filling the car with soft tunes. Before the song could end, they had reached Vanessa’s house. The house was lit up with lanterns and there was distinct chatter coming from the backyard. Dean pulled up in front of her house and stopped the car. All three of them got out, and Dean studied the surroundings.
They made their way towards the backyard, just as Vanessa bumped into them.
“Hey, guys! You’re here!”
She squealed before crashing against Dean’s chest.
“Uh yeah-”
Dean hissed, before pushing her off with a fake smile.
A tall, well-built man appeared behind her, and Dean studied his face- sharp brown eyes, sharp jawline, soft stubble, and an athletic body. He had a drink in his hand and he turned to Cas.
“Who’s this pretty man?”
He asked in a deep, almost sultry voice.
Woah, woah, woah. That’s Dean’s territory- Or is it? Dean watched him alertly as he moved closer to Cas, offering his hand to shake.
“I’m Castiel.”
Cas replied with a soft smile, taking the man’s hand.
“Guys, this is my brother, Nicholas. We just call him Nico.”
Vanessa gazed up fondly at her brother, who was now smiling at Cas. And what the hell, Cas wasn’t even trying to move away? What the heck?
“These are the guys who saved me from the weird entity in my house, Nico. I literally owe my life to them.”
Vanessa sighed. Nico focused on Dean and Sam and smiled at them.
“Thank you so much, gentlemen, for saving my sister’s life. I can’t thank you enough.”
He said, kind of extra if you ask Dean. Nico clasped Sam’s hand to shake, before leaving it and turning to Cas again.
“And you… Would you like to have a drink with me?”
Cas hesitated for a moment, before breaking into a smile.
“Please, lead the way then.”
Nico smiled victoriously and tilted his head towards the corner.
Dean watched as both Nico and Cas disappeared behind the corner, already conversing with each other.
“So, guys, the barbecue’s this way.”
Vanessa smiled, twirling her hair around her finger and starting to walk ahead. Dean and Sam just shrugged, following her obediently. Still, as they walked behind Vanessa, listening to her gossip vividly, Dean’s eyes wandered over to where Cas was sitting with Nicholas. Dean watched as Cas laughed, and Nico leaned closer to him.
Oh my god. Is he really going to lose Cas?
--------------------
“This one time, we had to take down a wendigo, hah, that was awesome, man!”
Dean laughed, swirling his drink (it came with a little umbrella and it was green. Oh god yes) on his hand before sipping at it. Its lemony flavor tickled Dean’s tongue and he loved the taste.
“Oh my god, what’s a wendigo?”
Vanessa asked, leaning closer with interest. Her florally perfume filled Dean’s nose and he had to grimace a little.
“Okay, so a wendigo is like this monster that preys on humans, mostly in the forest places. Feeds once in a lot of years. Sam was like a baby, well, not exactly a baby, but he was what, twenty-two? Twenty-four? Yeah…”
Dean explained, making it sound like it was the easiest thing he’d done.
“Oh my god, you’re so brave, Dean… I can’t believe I can’t just keep you around… There’s a vampire in the suburbs? Oh, Dean’s on it! Besides, there are so many things I could do with you…”
Vanessa trailed off, biting her lip suggestively.
“Oh, uh, uhm-”
Before Dean could express his discomfort, something pushed against his back, spilling the drink all over his thigh and shirt.
“Fuck!”
He cursed, shooting up and turning around to meet face to face with Nicholas. God, it just had to be this bitch, didn’t it?
“Oh my god, Nico!? Look what you did!”
Vanessa shot up, reaching over to wipe off the stain on his shirt, in the process, drifting her hands close to some very erm, inappropriate places.
Dean pulled away instantly, not wanting to allow her to touch him anymore and gulped. Surely if Nico was here, Cas had to be somewhere around. But Dean didn’t care, he just tried to dry off the wetness.
“Hey, uhm, can you just uh, show me to the kitchen?”
Dean asked.
“Of course.”
Vanessa started walking ahead and Dean followed her into the kitchen.
He noticed how quiet it was in there, completely detached from the chatter going on outside. The lights were dim and muffled music could be heard distinctly. Dean dashed over to the sink, splashing some water over his shirt and pants, trying helplessly to rinse away the green stain from his maroon Henley.
Vanessa just waited next to him, silent but eager, until she spoke up.
“Hey, Dean?”
“Yeah?”
He said, not looking up from her.
“Uhm… Could you stay the night? I mean, I’m going to be alone, and I’d love the company…”
“What am I going to do, staying here alone while my friends drive off?”
Dean scoffed, using his napkin to dry the fabric.
“I’m sure we could find something to do…”
Vanessa said coyly, making Dean glance up.
“Vanessa look, I’m going to be real with you, I’m not interested-”
“Don’t jump to conclusions, maybe you’ll end up liking it, Deano.”
Vanessa was now absurdly stepping into Dean’s space, and Dean was trapped, pressed back against the counter as she peered into his eyes lasciviously, slipping her arms slowly over his shoulder.
No. No. No. No. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Absolutely, completely, totally wrong.
“Uhm-”
The padding of footsteps caught their attention and in came-
Dean was royally, epically fucked.
“Cas.”
Dean gulped. Cas studied the scene and Dean realized Vanessa’s hands were still over his neck. Fuck, shit no, no, no, no.
He pushed her away faster than anything and she gasped. Dean stepped forward towards Cas, but he only took a step back, holding his palm up to stop him.
“Cas, it’s not what you think, baby, I swear-”
Dean started, but a closer look at Cas’s face showed Dean just exactly how betrayed he looked. Fuck, no, Dean messed up bad. Real bad.
“I just, uhm, wanted to tell you that… that Sam and I are waiting in the car… That is if you plan on coming with us.”
Cas said softly, his words breaking and lips quivering. And just like that, he was gone.
“Cas?! Castiel?! Wait!?”
Dean called out behind him, dashing behind him, but Cas had already walked away.
Dean ran, as fast as he could out through the back yard and towards his car. He called out again when he saw Cas get inside their car, slamming the door shut angrily. Sam was already sitting on the passenger seat, and Dean jogged over to his car, clasping the edge of the window to stable himself, breathing heavily.
“Cas?! Get out of the car!”
Dean banged on the window, ignoring the weird looks Sam was giving him, now visibly worried.
Castiel sat silently, not moving even an inch as he rested his head on his fingers in thought. Dean cursed and knocked on the door again, before yanking it open. He prayed silently for his car, before ducking to look at Cas.
“Castiel? Please, let me explain? It’s not what you think, really, Cas, sweetheart, get out, please-”
Dean pleaded, not caring that his brother was sitting right there, front row seat to this whole new drama that was going on. Damn it, Cas. Please, just get out.
“I know what I saw Dean, and I’m not mad at you. I’m just- I’m just mad at myself for even thinking we could make this work. I mean, why hope? Why think, that… that this-”
“Get out the car, Cas, before I break my back, so please, if you trust me, one last time- I promise-”
Castiel finally glanced at Dean, and Dean noted his bleary eyes and exhausted face. Instinctively, Dean reached out, cupping Cas’s cheek, caressing his thumb over Cas’s cheekbone. Cas huffed, and looked away, clicking the door open and stepping out. Dean thanked god silently, before moving out of the car himself and slamming the door shut.
Dean walked around his car to where Cas was standing with his arms folded against his chest. He glanced at Dean once, before looking away. Dean noticed Sam had rolled his window down and was watching them carefully. But fuck him, right now is not the time to keep thinking about him. He lost Cas once, twice, many times. He won’t lose him again.
“Dean- I’m not mad at-”
Dean pinned Cas hard against the car door, crashing his chest against Cas’s, pressing his lips onto Cas’s, eliciting a surprised moan from him. Gosh, he’s been wanting to do this for so long. Dean felt Cas relax into the kiss, his body melting into Dean’s hands. Dean’s hands wandered over Cas’s waist, Cas’s hands traveling up to Dean’s neck as they continued kissing. Cas tasted like one of those sugary cocktails at the barbecue, and somehow, the feel of Cas’s lips never failed to calm Dean. Every touch with Cas was so delicate, so meaningful, so carefree, it struck Dean, he could never ever give Cas up. And to think of how selfishly he had been acting, hurting Castiel for his own interest, gosh, he was such a dumbass.
Cas moaned, his hand sliding around Dean’s neck as they rocked together, completely engrossed in themselves until Sam cleared his throat. They finally broke apart, breathless, gasping for air, foreheads resting against each other's. Dean watched Cas when he broke into a small, shy chuckle. Dean kissed the corner of Cas’s lips, before squeezing his hand with assurance.
“Cas, I didn’t do anything with her. I know I… I said stuff in the afternoon, but I’d go through hell before I’d ever truly do any of that… I’m sorry, I kept lying, and hiding, even when I knew that it always comes and bites us in the ass. But you know- you know what I want to say to you-”
“Then why can’t you just say it?”
Cas asked hoarsely.
“Cas…”
Castiel watched Dean expectantly for a few seconds, just studying his emotions. How would Dean even explain to Cas why he couldn’t say those… how much it physically ached him to admit that he… that he…
“Just once, Dean? Please? Just to assure myself, that you do-”
Cas’s voice broke, and Dean looked up at him, and a single tear rolled down Cas’s face. It hurt Dean more than any blade could ever. It pierced through his heart, the sudden realization of how much he actually was hurting Cas. Dean thought of nothing except wanting Cas to stop crying, or sobbing or whatever it was. He stroked his thumb gently over Cas’s cheek, wiping away the stray tear.
“I love you, Cas.”
Dean whispered quietly, perfectly audible in the dead silence of the night, save for the light chatter coming from the barbecue. Cas looked at Dean like a child had been given a basket of treats. Dean’s pretty sure he’s never seen Cas smile this wide.
“I love you too.”
Cas whispered back just as softly, if not, more eagerly. Dean smiled. What wouldn’t he give to just get a glimpse of that smile? Dean sighed softly, before pulling Cas closer to his chest in a tight hug.
Cas buried his head in Dean’s neck as Dean caressed his head, stroking his hair, before breaking apart to look at Cas.
“I won’t ever hurt you again, Cas. No hiding, no lying, nothing. You mean too much to me.”
Dean repeated what Cas had once said to him. He remembers how relieved, how grateful he had been when he saw Castiel, after days of being in prison.
Cas just smiled and looked away, breaking into a small, coy grin.
Dean turned to Sam, who he knew very well had been watching them all that time.
“So, Sammy? You got anything to say, or are you just gonna- dude, your mouth’s gonna touch the ground, you can shut it-”
Dean snickered, watching Sam shut his mouth instantly and shake his head in confusion.
“Wow, uh- wow, I guess- I mean, I knew you guys were probably banging, but uhm, this is not how I expected y’all to come out…”
Sam said, shrugging, still a little dazed, looking between Cas and Dean.
“Wait, what? You knew we were bang-”
“Dean?!”
Cas cut him off shamefully.
“What am I supposed to say then? Smushing booties?”
“Eugh-”
“Dean!”
Sam fake gagged while Cas rolled his eyes. Dean on the other hand just chuckled, like it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen.
Sam just shook his head incredulously, before speaking up.
“Anyway, heard you guys erm, getting the hots on last night, so I kinda assumed. Walls are thin, ya know. But, I’m happy for y’all. Really.”
“Good. You’re probably gonna have to buy some better headphones now, cause now that we don’t gotta hide anything, we’re gonna be even louder.”
Dean shrugged, and Sam rolled his eyes playfully, while Cas just laughed. The clacking of heels on the pavement caught their attention, and out came Vanessa, Dean's jacket clutched firmly in her hand.
Shit, Dean thought and glanced at Cas, who was looking at her venomously.
"Dean, you forgot your jacket in there..." She trailed off, tilting her head towards the house, then glancing at Cas and Sam.
"Oh uh-"
Before Dean could even speak up, Cas slipped out of Dean's arms and started towards Vanessa with a resolute look in his eyes. Vanessa gave him a once-over, before returning the venomous look. Fuck, what's he gonna say? Dean glanced at Sam with a helpless look, but also a strange urge to know what happened next.
"Vanessa."
Castiel stated, and the fake joy in his voice was too obvious.
"Dean's friend whose name I can't remember."
Vanessa returned the tone of voice Cas had used.
"I'll take that."
Cas opened his palm, and Vanessa frowned.
"It's Dean's."
"And I'm Dean's boyfriend."
Cas retorted, making her eyes widen.
Dean glanced at Cas with a surprised yet proud look in his eyes. Sam just shrugged.
"Wha-? I'm sorry, what?"
Vanessa stuttered, her smug look faltering.
"You heard me? Dean and I are- how do I put it- 'smushing booties'."
Sam just broke into a laugh behind them, while Dean just smiled, still blushing slightly. That's my boy, Dean thought.
"Oh?"
Vanessa glanced back at Dean who just raised his hands defensively and sent her a smug look.
"So, I'll take that. And, oh, Vanessa, have a good night."
Cas fake smiled, before snatching the jacket out of her hands and putting it on himself. He rolled his eyes, and Dean's not gonna lie, but Cas did look really hot in his jacket. The brothers watched as Cas sauntered over to the car, opening the door to the back seat door and stepped in.
"You're gay?"
Vanessa asked, incredulously.
"Bi, sweetheart. And, bye, also, literally."
Dean snickered, before walking around the car to get into the driver's seat.
Sam waved awkwardly to Vanessa before getting into the car. Dean started the engine, glancing at Cas, who was gazing out the window dreamily.
"Babe, not gonna lie, you wearing my jacket makes me wanna do so many things to y-"
"Not now!"
Sam shrieked, covering his ears as Dean chuckled.