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“John, there’s something I should say. I meant to say always and I never have... And since it’s unlikely we‘ll ever meet again I might as well say it now. Since we met for the first time I knew it was meant to happen, if you understand.“
“No I don’t,“ John replied, getting a little bit confused.
“Hold on, you will in a minute.“ Sherlock’s voice was trembling as he was trying to find the right words.
“I have never even imagined that I could meet someone like you, John. Someone so brave, kind, loyal and trustworthy. You know, it’s pretty ridiculous but sometimes I’ve thought that I do not have a heart, because I felt empty inside. Of course, solving crimes was something to look up to, but... something was still missing. And as it later turned out, that missing piece was...you. You, John Watson, you have proved to me, that I do have a heart, because suddenly, it was beating. And with every beat it reminded me that you were around. When we were laughing, chasing criminals or just being silly together back in our home at Baker Street, I finally felt not empty, but filled with joy,happiness and...something that people apparently call love.“
Sherlock gave John a small glance, but John’s face wasn’t very telling. In fact, there was everything from surprise and shock to disbelief and remorse. Sherlock quickly looked away so he could finish his speech without bursting into tears.
“Yes John, I myself can’t believe this, but it is true and I mean it. Every single word. Without you I am falling down again, I am dying whenever you are not around and do believe me when I say that I need you. I need you and I... love you. But it’s too late. I wish you could forgive me for not telling you sooner and trust me when I say that I want to beat myself for not doing so. So... there. All I can hope for now is that you’ll be happy. And as I am leaving you forever and I am certainly not the best thing that have ever happened to you... I know you’ll be happy. Cause you’ll be without me. You’ll be safe.“
Sherlock turned around as fast as possible, getting on the plane. He’s already regretted everything he said, because in the last moment, in the moment he left John there standing completely frozen, he just wanted to wrap his arms around John‘s body, feel the warmth of it, stop the time and stay like that for eternity. But that wasn’t the option. Everything was gone now. John was right, the game was over for Sherlock. Or so he thought.
“So, what did he say?“ Mary asked but John wasn’t in the condition to respond. Sherlock’s words were echoing in his head, there was nothing else. That bastard loved him and he confessed it in the worst moment possible.
Mary reached for John’s hand but the man ignored her as he looked up to the sky, taking long steps, it was almost as he tried to catch the plane.
Meanwhile, Mycroft recieved rather a shocking call. When he told John and Mary about it, only one of them was listening. The fact that Moriarty was alive was nothing in compare to what Sherlock just said.
The detective was staring out of the window, watching John following the plane and that was the moment he couldn’t hold tears any longer.
“Forgive me,“ he whispered.
It was all very bittersweet. Sherlock had to be honest with himself, he wouldn’t tell John he loves him under any other circumstances. This was the right time, because they won’t see each other ever again and Sherlock won’t have to see John’s face after what he just told him. It would be a real pain. Sherlock would just have to fight every desire to touch or maybe even kiss John whenever they’d be together. It was better like this... but then Mycroft ruined it.
The plane was landing. John was desperately trying to keep calm, but there was that feeling which have just spreaded all over his body. It was relief? Maybe. But in the first place, it was the same thing that Sherlock have claimed he feels. Love.
While John was so close to have a heart attack, Sherlock considered few ways of how to kill himself, none of them would work though. Jumping out of the plane would probably be too much for John and Sherlock certainly didn’t want to hurt him any more, so he just had to face him. Face John and their feelings.
So the door have opened. John approached the plane as quickly as possibble. Just as Sherlock took a final step, there was a minimal space between them. And then silence. Long, painful silence.
Sherlock couldn’t bring himself to look John in the eyes. He turned all red and suddenly felt so embarassed and exposed as never before. Single tear has rolled down his cheek and that was it, John had to break the silence.
“You are such an idiot, Sherlock Holmes.“ Then he just wraped his tiny body all around Sherlock’s in a tight embrace. Their hearts suddenly synchronized, beating as one, but in the same time, they both felt like dying was the best that could happen because everyone was staring at them and they stayed like that for far too long.
“I am so sorry, John.“
“Yeah, I know, I forgive you.“
“But what now?“ Sherlock asked, his voice broken. “I won’t be able to...“
“Don’t worry,“ John replied with a soft voice. “No one will know. And no one will take it away from us. Not in a million years.“
Sherlock took an eye on Mary, who looked not only genuinely shocked, but from what Sherlock could deduce, also a little bit jealous, even though she tried her best to hide it. She would probably shoot Sherlock again right there. And Sherlock knew it. He closed his eyes and enjoyed every second he could spent in John’s arms.
“John, I promise you I’ll find a way for us,“ he said quietly so only John would hear him. Then he broke the hug because holding on any longer would most likely end up really embarassing. When Sherlock pulled away, their faces were just inches apart and if Mycroft didn’t interupt and ruin everything again, Sherlock would definitely go for the kiss.
“So it seems you can’t just leave us, right?“ John cleared his throat as he moved next to Mary who was smiling now, but her eyes were telling the truth. Sherlock was well aware of that truth. And he was ready to face it.