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If you ask Hyunjin what got him into photography, you will most likely receive a shy smile and dreamy eyes looking somewhere far. He will stay quiet for awhile, weighing the question in his head, still having that mysterious smile playing on his lips. If you are lucky enough, he will answer you with three words:
- My first love.
Then you might start wonder, who is that person who inspired the world’s best photographer to be who he is today? Well, sit down, grab a cup of warm tea and listen to the story about an ordinary boy who inspired, and still inspires, Hyunjin.
They met when they were 7. It was the first day of school and both of them were unbelievably nervous. And that is understandable, they finally stepped into more serious part of their lives. They will start working on their dreams, they will learn, they will make mistakes, but in the end, isn’t it all worth it? They clicked quickly, as most of the 7 years old do, when they don’t have that different views on the world. They started they friendship just like every normal children do: they played with each other in school, shared lunches, copied homework and because they were neighbors, they walked to school and from school together. Their parents were incredibly happy that their children finally found friends. You see, Hyunjin was a shy child and for him, finding someone who would understand him, was the greatest blessing.
When they were 10, they were inseparable. They did everything together, they even started to dress in the similar way when they were outside school. I wish i was joking when i told you this, but usually the teachers thought they were brothers. But Hyunjin never understood why they thought so, because he had plump lips and his friend has cute cheeks that puffed up when he ate. Only when Hyunjin turned 20, he finally understood that the reason why teachers called them brothers was not because of their looks, but because they radiated similar energy, because their souls were connected.
Hyunjin got his first camera on his 12 birthday. At first, he was confused what to do with it, but then he looked thought the lens and understood, that this is the only way he will make people see the world as he does. For Hyunjin, the world was something magical, something so wonderful and beautiful. He found beauty in every corner of it and in every human being he met. Hyunjin showed him his camera two days later, after he came back from his trip to his grandparents. They went to explore the nearest park, the park where they made the most memories, and Hyunjin snapped pictures of him and beautiful flowers that just started to bloom.
When Hyunjin was 15 he started to question himself, just like the most teenagers. He was unsure about his future, about his looks, about absolutely anything. But what confused him the most, and what stressed him out and made his insomnia even worse, were his growing feeling for him. Hyunjin knew that he didn’t like girls in that way, he discovered that when he was 13 and his classmate, Yeri was her name, kissed him. So the fact that he was probably gay, wasn’t a surprise to him, but he never thought that his first actual crush would be on his best friend. The worst part obviously was that he was 100%, no even 10000% sure, that he didn't like him back. (spoiler, he was wrong)
When Hyunjin was 17, he got his first job. And now you might think about a fancy job, but no he worked in McDonalds. But he was fine with it, because he needed money to buy himself a new camera and billions of little things for it. He worked too, but not in McDonalds but in animal shelter. And he loved his job, but the two boys never had time to see each other. Well they saw each other at school and they still walked there together, but school is school and spending time with your best friend (in Hyunjin’s situation) crush, is a completely different thing. But they managed and their bond became only stronger.
For Hyunjin the next year was the hardest. He felt depressed, exhausted. Even his photography became dark and gloomy. He didn’t take photos of bright flowers, or amusement parks or little kids who were running around and having big smiles on their faces. He now preferred “dark aesthetic” more. He noticed the change too. He noticed how Hyunjin’s dark brown eyes didn’t sparkle they way they used to, he noticed how Hyunjin's body became thinner, how it was hard for Hyunjin to get up from bed every morning. Hyunjin skipped classes, his grades dropped. Hyunjin was a mess and he decided to heal him. He took him out in the middle of the night. They went in the park, where he had decorated the trees with fairy lights and where on the ground was a big basket full of food, pillows and a blanket for them to sit on. Hyunjin never felt that loved and he broke down in tears. He comforted him and they spent a whole night talking, dreaming, ranting and eating delicious food.
After that, Hyunjin slowly but surely, regained his old self.
It was his 19th birthday when Hyunjin understood what he wants to do in life. He was dancing around the house, smiling happily, not noticing anything around him. It was like he was in his own bubble and nothing could make him sad or upset. Hyunjin decided to take a picture of him and when he saw the outcome, he realized that this is it. This is what he wants the world to see. He remembered how he has similar thought when he was younger, but now he was sure, he will become a photographer, because people need to know how breathtaking and captivating the world is. By the way Hyunjin still has the photo of him. He keeps it on the shelf, along with other many photos of him that he also took without him looking. Simply because Hyunjin was sure that people look the most beautiful when they are not posing for camera and faking smiles.
Hyunjin is known for taking the best candid photos and no wonder, since he always practiced taking them on his best friend. He found him the most gorgeous when he was working on music, or when he was looking at the stars, or when he was showing Hyunjin the video game he got. His eyes would light up and the happiness would just bubble inside of him. Even after finally getting a job as a photographer and working with tons of models, Hyunjin never saw a person prettier than he was.
A week after his birthday, Hyunjin confessed his love to him. It happened accidentally. They were again sitting in the park, this time on the swings, as their talked about the future, the starts above them and everything that came on their minds. The moon was up that night and its beams played so softly on his face, making his eyes shine and lips glow, that Hyunjin just whispered “i love you” out of awe.
And he whispered “i love you” back and their lips connected in a soft kiss that made Hyunjin melt and his heart beat faster.
They were 21 when they ran away from Korea and settled in New York. Hyunjin found a good job as a photographer pretty quickly, and soon his phone was always ringing, everyone asking for him to take photos of them. He met 2 people and they started to work on music together, making music for other artists.
Life was perfect at that moment. They woke up everyday in each other’s arms, they made breakfast or went for a brunch to their favorite coffee place, kissed each other before going to work and came back home, knowing that they’ll get to spend the evening cuddling and watching kdramas, which ones Hyunjin adored.
On one of those nights, when Hyunjin couldn’t sleep, he stood on their balcony and thanked the universe over and over again for making his dreams come true.
But life can’t be always perfect.
Hyunjin was 23 when he found out about his disease.
And he was 24 when he lost him.
Only 24, when the love of his life, when the person who motivated him, when he, his angel, his sun and moon and all the stars, left him.
Hyunjin was 24 and a half when he pulled himself together. His last promise to him was that he will never stop doing what he loves and he will continue to show people the beauty of the world. Hyunjin never broke promises, especially the ones he made for him, and he never broke this one too. Hyunjin continued to do photography, even thought everything about it reminded him about his lover. Slowly, he got used to the cold bed, to quiet house. He had his friends by his side and somehow, it helped. He knew he wasn’t alone and he knew there would be people to comfort him and hug him when it got too much again, when the pain in his heart increased again. Hyunjin knew that he will always be with him, he will always be alive inside his photographs he took, inside his heart.
After a lot of time, Hyunjin could laugh again, he could go a few days without feeling the pain. He was feeling alive again.
You might ask me, or Hyunjin himself, who was that guy? Who was that person who inspired him, who taught him love? I once asked Hyunjin that question after he told me the whole story. He looked at the starts that were shining above our heads and he smiled. Softly, but so purely, with so much love that my own heart stopped. His eyes filled with tears and they ran down his cheeks slowly. He turned his head back and that when i understood that he wasn’t crying because of sadness, but because he felt happy, he was grateful.
- Han Jisung, - the name flew off his lips as he smiled again, - his name was Han Jisung.