Chapter Text
Panda didn't know what was wrong with him. Okay. Maybe that was a question he was always asking himself, but this time he was sure he wasn't exaggerating. He found himself changed after the whole Bubble incident. He wasn't sure in what way. Personal growth, sure, but that wasn't the whole scope of it. There was something else.
That something else might have something to do with why he was laying in bed, eyes wide awake in the early morning, thinking about...Panda bit his lip as if it would keep the name in his thoughts quiet. Unfortunately, the brain didn't work like that. The action just made the name louder in his head.
Charlie.
Why would he be thinking about Charlie right now? Nothing even prompted it. He had merely been going through his phone after waking up prematurely, as per usual. Normally, he'd end up scrolling for a few minutes and fall back asleep. He was tired after all. That didn't seem to matter to his brain, though. It started off as having those weird 2 am thoughts, one of them reminding him of Charlie somehow. Don't ask him. He couldn't explain it, either. He'd wondered if Charlie had been awake, too and what he was doing right this moment. It was really stupid, but ever since what had happened at that lake, he couldn't stop thinking about him. Even when he didn't want to. Panda always went over the reasoning in his head. It wasn't weird to think about your friends, he told himself. He always felt relief whenever he did this, but he probably shouldn't have to have this conversation with himself so frequently.
Panda rolled over and glanced down at his phone laying on his pillow, almost deciding that he would just be awake now.
He whittled his time away scrolling and liking every other post that caught his eye. If he was up, he might as well keep himself occupied doing something that wouldn't wake his brothers. He wouldn't want to have to explain himself. Panda cringed. That made it seem more than ever that something weird was going on with him.
He did his best to distract his brain but when something was at the forefront of your mind, it stuck out like a glowing neon sign. For a moment, he just let it happen. It was going to anyway…
He thought about Charlie and what he might be doing.. Most likely sleeping, like he should be. He had been to his 'house' once or twice, so he was certain the sasquatch did sleep from time to time. Though, there was still an air of mystery about him. Even while being his 'so called' best bud, he felt like there were still things about Charlie that he didn't know. What did he do when he wasn't around him and his bros? Panda always imagined something gross, which, he'll admit was a little mean but also mostly accurate. He was much less civilized than the bears. Or perhaps, he was just that in tune with nature. He had to admire something about that. Panda knew he could barely manage a full 24 hours out in the 'wild' wild, whereas Charlie, well, that had been his home for who knows how long..? Panda didn't spend too much time speculating.
He stared down at his phone and released a sigh, suddenly wishing Charlie had a phone. He laughed at the silly thought. Charlie? With a phone? That was the most ridiculous thing he'd come up with. He imagined the second he got one, he'd accidentally flash the camera and chuck it out the closest window. He laughed a little more because the scene he painted was just so Charlie. He was so cute.
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What...?
Panda's eyes were wide and frozen and he felt that since he couldn't see it, he definitely wasn't blushing just now. Why would he? He just had a completely normal thought just now... Charlie was cute. Yeah. See? He thought it again. There was nothing unusual about calling Charlie cute. It wasn't like cute cute. Panda found lots of things cute. His eyes went shifty as he attempted to make a mental list of everything he ever found adorable...Adorable?! That was a new adjective! He didn't think Charlie was adorable. No. No. That was something he reserved for...Miki-chan! And...and...those girls on his dating apps.....and cat videos. Well, cat videos was a little safe, so that sort of calmed him down.
That was it. Charlie was cute like a cat....Soft and fluffy. He actually had a face that sort of resembled one when he would smile--- that tiny nose and squinty eyes. His grin could put out the sun. Panda rolled onto his back, covering his face with his paws and kicking his feet, "Nonononononono...!" He shouldn't be having these thoughts, Not about Charlie. How did he make his brain shut up? It alarmed him. These were the sorts of things he thought when he was crushing on someone. Was he that tired? He had to be if he was even considering Charlie falling into that category. He grabbed his pillow from beneath his head and buried his face into it. He could feel the heat in his cheeks and wanted to blame the pillow. He lowered it to reveal insecure eyes.
Panda knew something had changed between them. He knew he looked at him differently than before. To be honest, there had been something there for a while. He never thought about it before but maybe that was why he was always so quick to push him away... Panda was not used to being anyone's first choice, whether that be friends or otherwise... Being someone's number one scared him in ways he couldn't describe. Panda had never been able to live up to anyone's standards. He was not half the bear that Charlie thought he was…
Panda was softly stroking the pillow now, unsure of what this mental conversation was adding up to. He wasn't admitting to anything, other than the fact that their relationship had definitely shifted. After he risked his life to save him, he realized just how long he had been inside a bubble and that was long before he was actually physically inside one.. Perhaps, popping that metaphorically bubble had opened him up to the feelings he'd been repressing...But what even were those feelings...?
Panda rolled up in his purple blankets like a burrito of comfort and security, still holding tightly to his pillow. He begged himself to go to sleep so he could hopefully forget all of this contemplation. It didn't work. So, despite everything he said before and at the risk of waking someone up, he left his room. He tripped before realizing he should probably find his spare glasses first. Contacts could wait til later, just in case he did nod off.
He went to the kitchen, where he had to be extra quiet not to stir his younger brother. Instead of going to the fridge, he searched the cabinets for some snacks. Food did wonders to comfort him, whether he were upset or trying to solve a really huge problem. Right now, it seemed to be a little of both. He settled onto the couch with a few bags of chips and a box of pocky. He put up his feet. Panda decided on watching something. It should be okay as long as he kept the volume low and if it was something he'd seen before, he'd know most of the words anyway. Panda was one of those binge watchers as well as obsessive rewatchers. This made the task less difficult.
He drowned out his inner voice with K-dramas and anime. It seemed to work well enough, though the more romantic scenes made his skip a few more beats than usual. He was sure that was only because he hadn't seen them in a while. No other reason.
Debatable, he knew deep down inside, but he wasn't thinking about that right now.
Panda did wind up falling back asleep, face down onto a chip bag he'd been eating from.
Truth be told, he had been tired, but when your mind decides to bombard you with ridiculous scenarios, its not hard to see why you might have some difficulty…
Unfortunately, when you're having "bizarre" things going through your mind, sometimes they make it into your dreams...However, when he was asleep, those things weren't nearly as strange and awkward as he convinced himself while awake. They were….comforting. And as reality faded away and he slipped into dreamland, he ran into the arms of that comfort and found Charlie on the other end...