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Maria glanced quickly to the side at Natasha, who was walking with her, their hands interlocked. Natasha was walking purposefully, but as soon as the doors were opened for them and they entered the room, her expression softened somewhat, and she relaxed and laughed on Maria’s arm. The casino was lively and bustling, and with Maria in a short red dress, and Natasha in an even shorter and tighter black one, they both complimented each other and blended in perfectly. There was nothing to make either of them wary tonight, all they had to do was make first contact with a relative of a mark, beginning the long process of earning their trust and entering their circle. They did not have comms on them, and only minimal weapons strapped to them, however Maria was certain Natasha had more that she wouldn’t even tell Maria of.
Maria and Natasha had worked together before, yes, but Maria these days preferred a less active role, and was a very effective commander too, so no one did complain. Natasha was easily the best agent, her skillset was a seemingly never ending list and she had never failed a mission. Not that Maria would mind if she had, she didn’t have to be perfect. But it just so happened that so far, Natasha had been.
And sometimes, Maria did have to admit, that worried her. To act so perfect all the time, be so efficient constantly, that must take a toll on a person’s mentality. She had only ever seen Natasha in a professional capacity, it was true, and she wondered how Natasha coped at home. Maria also tried to stop herself from worrying; in such a dangerous line of work, separating emotions from colleagues and missions was imperative to prevent a complete mental breakdown, however when it came to Natasha, she was struggling with that. All it was was worry. But that was already too much.
The reason Maria had been called in to be in the field for this mission? Quite frankly, it disgusted her. More than the blood, more than the wounds she had hastily bandaged, more than any gore a mission could throw at her. Their target had a thing for lesbians. So sending in a pair of supposed ‘lesbians’ was the quickest way to fastrack his trust. He would be much more inclined to talk to them than anyone else.
Of course Natasha had not even batted an eyelid when told of the mission, (again, Maria worried how much worse she must have done before for this not to bother her), and Maria had volunteered herself as the perfect partner for it before she even realised what she was persuading others to let her do. She said she and Natasha knew each other well enough that the chemistry would not be too forced, and that she was not bothered about the intimacy. She and Natasha got on well on missions, and were almost always on the same page. They both would be able to act it well and not let their emotions get in the way, Maria had argued.
And so it was agreed on.
And now there they were, Natasha discreetly whispering in her ear the location of Brad, their friendly target for the night.
‘Shall we get a drink first, babe?’ Maria asked Natasha sweetly, who nodded and wrapped her arm around Maria’s shoulder, placing a soft kiss to her cheek as they made their way over to the bar. Natasha ordered a drink for both her and Maria, cocktails with not too much alcohol so they were not compromised in any way.
They stayed there for 10 minutes first, close to each other, chatting casually and inserting themselves into the background of the casino. They would not be noticed by anyone they didn’t want to notice them, and they could certainly grab the attention of who they needed too.
‘No vodka?’ Maria teased as she took a sip of her cocktail, resting her hand on Natasha’s thigh, only just above her knee though.
‘Vodka is for when I’m home alone.’ Natasha said teasingly, and surely she knew exactly what she was doing to Maria, who already worried about her. ‘Plus, I’m not Russian tonight.’ Natasha whispered in her ear as she leaned closer to her, so only Maria could hear that comment.
Maria smiled and giggled as if she had said something funny, and even managed to make herself blush. Natasha was surprisingly impressed (not that she had underestimated Maria, no, but seeing her do it there and then, gave her an insight into what it might be to look at herself, and oh no, she wasn’t going there tonight, that was definitely a train of thought for when she was home alone with a bottle of vodka to burn away her sorrows).
‘Yes, you’re my sweet American darling.’ Maria said slightly sarcastically, but only noticeable to Natasha, who to Maria’s surprise, leaned in so their faces were close again.
‘He’s watching.’ Natasha purred to her, and it definitely did not fit the message, but somehow they were both pleased that they had managed to get the guy to perv on them so soon.
And also both disgusted once again.
Maria got the message however and slid in her stool closer to Natasha, moving her hand slightly up her thigh. They had planned to go and play a game against him, before slipping into casual and flirtatious conversation with him, but they could easily adapt their plans to this, that he was already watching them.
Natasha responded to Maria by wrapping her arm around her closer, whilst Maria moved her hand slightly higher on Natasha’s thigh.
Natasha blushed this time, and they carried on talking quietly, about nothing in particular, only keeping up the appearance.
‘Let’s go play blackjack.’ Natasha suggested suddenly, having discreetly kept an eye on Brad and noticing his attention slightly divert from them to the new game of blackjack being set up.
Maria quickly nodded and finished her drink, then took the hand Natasha offered her and she slipped off her stool. As she slid down, she put her hand gently on Natasha’s ass, not feeling a need for subtlety with this target. He would be too distracted by them to think anything may be not quite right about them.
However, as soon as Maria did, Natasha shot her a look, and it was the last thing Maria had expected. It was dangerous, warning, but also fearful at its core, and Maria returned her look with a questioning one. Maria slid her hand up to Natasha’s hip, keeping the contact, but clearly she had made Natasha uncomfortable. But then, before she knew it, Natasha’s act was back on, and Maria quickly returned hers too.
Inside though, Maria was incredibly confused. It was the first time Maria had ever seen Natasha slip up, and over an action that was, in respect to what she had seen men do to Natasha on other missions, not that bad.
They carried on walking though, not letting it compromise the mission, and too soon they reached the table, and though both women acted the perfect couple, there was a tension growing between them, undetectable to anyone but them.
‘Care for a game, ladies?’ Brad asked, then without waiting for an answer, ‘I’ll deal.’ He smirked at them, and his voice oozed with sleaziness, and it made Maria want to squirm, only after she had punched him.
But of course she did neither of those, and moved her hand to rest on Natasha’s hip. Natasha reciprocated by softly running her hand up Maria’s arm and back down, as the game started. Every time they would let Brad win, allowing him to feel in control, and Maria hid her rage as she could almost feel the misogynistic thoughts radiating off him.
It was when Natasha sat on a stool and they game began to grow more serious, with the stakes growing higher each time, that Maria sat on Natasha’s lap, and she felt her stiffen beneath. Under the ever watchful gaze of Brad, Maria smirked and ground down slightly on Natasha, eliciting the exact reaction she wanted from him, as he stared at them rudely, and pervertedly, but not caring in the slightest.
And Natasha knew why Maria was doing it. She knew what she had to do too, kiss down Maria’s neck, giving Brad the odd seductive glance, and let hers and Maria’s dresses ride up even higher of their thighs.
But for the first time ever, she found herself faltering. She never failed missions, ever. God, she had stripped in clubs to get men to follow her before torturing them for information. She had allowed known sex offenders to feel her up, before leading them to a dark alley and arresting them for SHIELD.
And now, with someone she knew, who had no bad intentions, who was just doing her job, Natasha was frozen. And she knew too exactly why.
She knew Maria would have noticed her odd behaviour, from the glance before, and from the way she did not react now. And suddenly Natasha felt claustrophobic. Like she was trapped under Maria, in some hell far worse than any interrogation cell. A hell where she had to face her one secret, the thing that she had never told anyone. The thing that she was sure would bring her shame.
It was Maria who had asked her before, if she was sure she was okay with those kind of missions. Whilst everyone else just saw her as the perfect agent, Maria had told her that she would always be understood if she had to abandon a mission if she felt uncomfortable. How she would defend her. How she admired her.
So Natasha pulled herself together, and smiled dangerously at Brad.
‘I’m sorry, we have to go now.’ She said to him simply, pushing Maria off her lap, and turning round, almost running in the direction of the toilets.
Maria had never in her life been more confused. She glanced apologetically at Brad, before running after Natasha, abandoning their game and their mission.
As she followed in Natasha’s direction, she tried to think of what she had done to offend Natasha so much. She knew Natasha was gay, so it didn’t make sense that she would be uncomfortable with Maria being another girl. She also had overseen Natasha go on these kind of missions with teammates, so again the fact she already knew Maria couldn’t be what was up.
In a weird way though, another feeling was growing in Maria. One of pride. That Natasha had left because she felt uncomfortable, and not just carried on, which she was more than capable of doing.
When she reached the bathroom and saw the open window, Maria got the clue Natasha had left for her (a bit annoyed it was so high up and so tight), and climbed out of it, landing gracefully onto the street, until one of her heels snapped and she fell over.
But in the dark alley, Maria felt Natasha catch her and hold her up, and even when she was steady she did not let go.
She seemed to be almost hugging Maria, and Maria hugged her back, not entirely sure what was happening.
‘I’m so-’ Natasha started to mumble, not moving, her face buried in Maria’s neck as she pulled them closer.
‘Natasha, I don’t expect any explanation. If anything, I’m proud of you for leaving. Noone will think any less of you.’ Maria interrupted her, assuming that would be her biggest insecurity at that moment.
‘No, I need to explain.’ Natasha said however, surprising Maria, and she finally stepped back from her.
Maria leaned down and pulled her shoes off, muttering something about how men didn’t have to deal with high heels on missions, to which Natasha chuckled.
‘What?’ Maria looked at her, feigning offence.
‘Your shoes are ruined.’ Natasha pointed out instead, looking pointedly at the heel that was snapped in half.
‘Well who made me jump out a window in them?’ Maria returned with a smirk.
‘Sorry. I’ll get you some new ones.’ Natasha offered, but her grin showed she did not care.
‘Don’t. Heels are stupid and uncomfy and noone should ever wear them, and it’s unfair that we have to, and kill our feet, only to please men who don’t have to wear dresses that barely cover their ass, and leave them freezing when they go home, trying to navigate streets in heels that you can barely walk in.’ Maria grumbled, growing more passionate as her impromptu speech went on. When she looked at Natasha she did not respond, but only gazed at her, and there was something in that look that seemed misplaced, and Maria could not understand her. ‘What?’ she asked again, feeling scrutinized.
‘Nothing.’ Natasha smiled at her, shaking the look off her face, but at the pointed look Maria gave her she sighed. ‘Fine. You’re cute when you rant.’
Maria just scoffed. ‘You know we don’t have to pretend anymore?’ She asked Natasha, because she didn’t want her to pretend anymore. It hurt a part of her, a part that wanted it to be real. She could handle it being on the job, but she couldn’t handle Natasha teasing her now.
‘I’m not.’ Natasha replied, and there was such sincerity in her voice even though Maria couldn’t believe it, she knew Natasha had meant it.
Maria tilted her head to the side just slightly as she looked back at Natasha, who was looking straight in her eyes, as if she was trying to figure out what she was thinking.
‘We should get back.’ Maria finally said, breaking the silence which was starting to turn tense.
‘Wait.’ Natasha said quickly, grabbing Maria’s arm to stop her from walking off. ‘I need to tell you what happened. Please?’
‘Of course you can, I just don’t want you to feel like you have to.’ Maria smiled at her, in that warm but worried look that she often gave to Natasha.
‘I know I’ve done these missions before and been fine. And I know you’re wondering what was different about this one, and I know you haven’t reached the right conclusion yet.’ Natasha started, and Maria was once again reminded of the skills and capabilities of the woman in front of her, who suddenly seemed so vulnerable. ‘There’s something I need - no, want, to tell you for you to understand this, that I’ve never told anyone. I’m, er, I’m asexual.’ It came out in almost a timid whisper at the end.
Of all the reasons Maria could have guessed, nothing would have ever come close to that.
‘Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, I should never have sent you on these -‘
‘Hey, it’s fine, it’s hardly torture.’ Natasha shrugged, but they both knew she meant it very literally. ‘And I was fine, I promise, with everyone else. Just…’ She trailed off, unable to will herself to say what she wanted to.
Maria looked away from Natasha, tears rushing to fill her eyes. Did Natasha hate her that much?
‘No! No, it’s not like that,’ Natasha realised the conclusion Maria had reached and rushed to take both of Maria’s hands in her own. ‘I, I don’t want to do that with you because I don’t want to ruin it… I like you too much for that, Maria. It felt too real.’
‘What?’ Maria finally looked up at her again, slowly and unsurely.
‘I don’t expect anything from you Maria, I just needed to tell you to let you know I am okay. Seriously.’ Natasha said. Maria had a feeling that Natasha knew she felt the same way too.
Maria couldn’t respond. It was all too much too quick and yet not enough . She was so confused, and had so many questions that she needed answering, yet at the same time, they didn’t seem to matter, when Natasha was right there, and she knew how she felt.
What would she say? ‘I like you too’ seemed childish and stupid, ‘I feel the same way’ felt cliche. Natasha was still holding her hands and she knew Natasha could feel exactly her nervous she was, and therefore how much this mattered too.
‘Thank you for telling me that, Natasha. I never expected anything from you, and it means a lot that you told me you’re ace. I don’t know much and I don’t want to get it wrong, but for now, I would love to try.’ Maria eventually managed to form a coherent thought and it was evidently the right thing to say, as a huge grin broke over Natasha’s face.
‘I’d love that too. Now come on, that dress is barely covering your ass and your heels are broken.’ Natasha joked, before sweeping up Maria into her arms.
‘Stop it!’ Maria squealed, in fits of giggles as Natasha carried her down the street, her grip strong and powerful yet caring.
‘Oh you don’t know what you’re in for.’ Natasha grinned at her once again, and Maria matched the grin back, looking into her eyes with the purest emotion, and feeling the same back.