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“Look out!” That was the last word Nico heard before the bomb hit.
White mist.
Poisonous gas had him started coughing. Fuck. Footsteps mixed with people screaming around him. He pulled up his T shirt to cover his eyes. He couldn’t stop the tear due to the pain. Or it might be the chemical's doing. He didn’t know anymore. Nico wanted to scream, all the tear gas he took in forced choke him again, then again. I’m suffocating.
So he turned back. Turned away from the police, giving up the line they had pushed forward within barricades. He turned back and ran. He could hear many people running at the same direction as he did, hear the shouts from the back—the front now—calling them to retreat. Most were spoken in Cantonese, but there was one which stood out from the rest. Taiwanese accent Mandarin. Right, he’s in Hong Kong now, not Taiwan. He wondered whether that girl had taken the same flight with him. Had she filled her luggage with bottles of normal saline, tapes and sanitary masks like he did? He’s an idiot. Bringing a whole box of masks, not wearing one himself.
Bump. He didn’t know who he had collided into or what he had tripped over. The only thing he knew that was he must keep going. Whistles from the cops were closing in. No one knew if he was going to be stepped over, be beaten or be arrested right on spot. His nerves were tense like frail glass, ready to break at any moment.
“Let's go.” Someone took his hand. He let himself be led running, trusting the person to take him to a safe place. Nico dared not to open his eyes. Breathing didn’t feel so painful now, but his eyes still felt like being pierced by thousands of tiny needles. He couldn’t open his eyes to see who was leading him. There’s nothing left to do then holding the hand tightly.
They climbed over barricades—thank gods they didn’t have spikes on them—and stepped onto the asphalt. Nico thought he might have a bruise on his left leg. He didn’t calculate the distance right. They started walking briskly. The other person’s breathing sounds more steadier than his. So did his heart beats. The burning pain in Nico’s throat morphed into a rubbing sensation. “Water.” He choked.
“We’re almost there.”
Nico sat down on the pave way. He didn’t hear the closing of zipper with buzzing of frantic conversations flowing around. The person handed him a water bottle, then washed his eyes with normal saline carefully. Nico still felt really uncomfortable. At least the desire to scream had gone away. He blinked and blinked, trying to make out the what’s happening in front of him.
Most people had retreated back behind the barricades. A bottle of normal saline was passed around. Someone must had fallen and scrapped their knees, and was cleaning the wound. These were within his vision’s peripheral. He now took attention of what’s right in front.
The first thing he noticed was the bright blue eyes, and the lopsided smile. The dirty blond hair surrounding the man’s face had no similarity with angel’s halo, correspondent rather to the sweet and juicy mango he liked.
“So,” His boyfriend asked. “does the tear gas taste good?”
Nico smacked Will's head. “You jerk.” He croaked. “You absolute jerk.”
They had met in another protest.
Five years ago, conflict broke out in the Legislature of Taiwan. Back then Nico was a sophomore studying art. He wasn’t born in this island, but had met the best and the worst people here. It was his home. He got roped in a group of indignant students by his friend and together they went. No one had informed their family (in the end their parents found out on tv). Nico only told his half-sister with the promise that she would not tell their parents. They were lack of essential material. Back then, most of the people were new to this, with no guidelines reminding you that normal saline would prove useful in many ways. One of them got a huge bruise colliding with a barricade. Another was hit by a baton and broke his bone. As for Nico, he had a shower with his future boyfriend.
After the Legislature had been deemed well occupied, the leader organized plans for occupying Executive Yuan. Nico joined the group. Will signed up as medic (the blue dye on his hair hadn’t faded completely, resulting in a bizarre blue-black gradient). Nico knew nothing of Will expect that he’s Hongkonger, studying in med school in Taiwan, and wore a pride badge on his backpack. Either he’s an ally or he’s not straight. Nico had hoped it was the latter. Anyway, Will packed his first-aid kit. Nico packed drinking water and some food. Off they went.
It turned out to be chaos. People came and went in flock. Later Nico and Will would learn that those who had retreated received a fake news that the focus of police had returned to the Legislature during the occupation of Executive Yuan. Hadn't joined the meeting in National Taiwan University therefore not knowing all this, they stayed, not realising the water canon was just arriving.
To tell the truth, Nico could have avoid being hit by the water canon if he had followed Will to leave. But, he wasn’t the one that would abandoned his comrades, the fight had just tuned into another level. In the end they both were soaked and bruised. Will lost his first-aid kit somewhere but they couldn’t go back to retrieve it. Nico was extremely annoyed rather than hurt by the pain. “Dogs of the government!” He shouted in anger. Will ended his train of swearing with a sloppy kiss. Their mouth tasted like calcium with hard water that hadn’t dried up on their shirts. It tasted better than his first kiss, or the kiss he had when he first had sex. From then on they had been together. No distance or language barrier (it’s small but it’s there) had stopped them from knowing each other. Their love thrived as time went by.
So did the monster they were battling. It grew.
The odd thing was, Nico spent days contemplating before flying to his boyfriend. Most of the time he acted before thinking. Since he had started working, he wasn’t as reckless as before. What a thing this capitalized society done to you. Nevertheless, it’s a job he liked, therefore a responsibility he willingly took.
“How are things going?” he typed to Will every day, then twice a day. The answer was always the same. Government had no intention of stepping back, all the smaller protests didn’t work, and police officer had started randomly stopping young people outside of metor station, afraid that they would join the demonstration. It was getting worse.
“Go.” His half-sister told him when he talked to her about everything. Alice was in her last year of college, possessing a certain amount of clarity (read: freedom) he didn’t have. “I’ll cover for you from mom and dad. You better come back to us in one piece.”
Even his boss let him take the leave after a long lecture. “Do your best to protest and do your best to love. Only love can bring us the fire needed to overcome a harsh winter like this.” Nico was left dumbstruck. He never expected sappy words coming from his boss, not to say they were delivered to him.
When he informed Will he was going, his boyfriend only asked whether he had applied for visa. “Done ages ago.” He had longed to see he place Will grew up, and things had come to this point where it seemed no or never. He was anxious the whole flight. He craved to see his boyfriend, but dreaded what’s coming up ahead.
He witnessed how wrong things had gone right after landing. “Don’t say a word. Let me handle this.” Frank then approached the police officer in Hong Kong uniform walking up to them. After some exchange, the police officer turned away and left. “China had secretly sent their men here disguised as local police.” Frank said, picking up his suitcase. “They are here to take care of Hongkonger and foreigner, not main lander like me. Be careful.”
They never need to deal with military forces from CCP before. Nico felt dizzy when he started walking. The world might have forgotten what happened on 4 June thirty years ago. He didn’t. Gun shots. Bleeding. People crushed by tank alive. I will not let it be Will. He repeated it in his head over and over again. I will not let it be Will.
But honestly, he couldn’t even promise that it wouldn’t be him.
By the end of the day, Nico finally did the first thing that could be counted as romantic after landing. He and Will took a long walk back home, hand in hand.
It wasn’t full moon yet, but the light and the breeze were nice. Scents of different cursine mixing in the air weakened. Nico appreciated that. He wanted to savour Will’s smell as much as possible. The ghost of tear gas still clung on them since they hadn’t changed their clothes, but the heat, the fertile black soil, the damped flower scent were becoming more prominent every second.
“I can’t believe they attacked journalist.” Will was rubbing circles on the back of Nico’s hand. “and the medical stall.”
Nico kept silent. He could recall the scene clearly: doctors dragging the patients they’re treating into the temporary medical stand he and Will was staying, then collapsed on the ground for the tear-gas they were breathing.
“They even shot rubber bullets. Now that’s kind of impressive, isn’t it?” He could hear Will’s voice wavered a little. “Rubber bullets and pepper gas, aiming right at the eyes.”
“Not to say that they’re using all these on people who aren’t armed at all. It has been more violent back when the first time we met. What do people have now? Bricks? We hadn’t done anything but standing like a tree before they set the bomb.”
“I think they’re not waiting for a reason to attack anymore. They are afraid of us, don’t you see?”
Will’s face broke into a brilliant smile. Nico didn’t tell him he could see the tears shinning in his eyes. “The battle hasn’t ended yet. We’ll be the winner.”
“We are the winner.” Nico corrected him, lacing their finger together more tightly until he could feel Will’s pulse just holding his hand. “We’re still standing. We’re still here to fight. We are the winner.” He kissed Will gently on his cheek.
They didn’t say a word on the rest of the way back.
The first phone call he received after landing in Taiwan was from his sister. “How’re things going? Will’s good?”
His boyfriend was good. Things were okay, if you counted that no one had died yet. The demonstration seemed to work. At least they stopped the Hong Kong Legislature from holding a meeting.
“I wish I could be there.” Alice sighed. “It’s good that you’re having your own job, you know? I couldn’t buy an airplane ticket without mom noticing.”
“I’m glad you weren’t there.” Nico told her bluntly. “Staying calm in chaos, bracing yourself for being beaten and knowing where to run when needed aren’t easy. I was scared myself even with what I’ve gone through. There’s no leader or information center like five years ago. I saw so many kids dived into the action without a healthy fear of gun and bullet and bomb. God, we are made of flesh. We could have been killed.”
After finishing the call, he dialed Reyna’s number. She listened silently.
“You know, by now I have known more feminist than fujoshi. That’s to say, I’ve met more people who realize heterosexual marriage is worse than a slavery contract for women than those who haven't waken up from their dreams.” He could hear Reyna shifted on the other side, probably pushing away a book. “However, if it’s needed, I am willing to fake marrying Will for you. He can have an ID here three years after marriage. It provides no political asylum, but that’s the best I can do for you with this shity law of same sex marriage blocking you two from marrying each other.”
“Wow, that’s, quite novel.” Nico tried to laugh, but it came out more like a choke. “Thanks, Reyna.”
“We’re on the same ground. We are fighting this patriarchal, heteronormative world.” Then Nico started sobbing. He didn’t plan to let the tears fall but they did. It’s such a long battle, hard to see light. It’s falling, pulling yourself up and falling. Some had left in despair. Those who remained greeted their teeth and stood their ground.
“Wipe your eyes. Like what you’ve said, we are the winners. Do not give up.”
“Yeah.” He let out a shuddering laugh. “We are.”