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It was kind of an unspoken rule they all abided without a second thought. Most everything in the garden was flagged with an unproclaimed do-not-touch sign, written in red CyberLife Sans. This included the grass, the rocks, the trees, the lighting fixtures, the marble pillars, the glowing handprint framed by a reticulated arch, and most importantly, the many species of perfectly-recreated flora calling their mind palace home.
The koi had livened it up, like the white doves who preceded them. The water was not off limits as far as what could be touched. The pity was in how inaccessible it typically was.
Connor pushing him off the bridge might have come across as bullying. Clambering back up onto it, left alone to his thoughts once again, no one was there to watch the mockery of trying to simultaneously wring his hair, sleeves, and jacket out. He could take a moment on the pond’s island to attempt tidying up.
That much was fine. If there was any picking-on he had to suffer today, at least it was limited to Nick’s own headspace.
Wiping his face one more time with a half-hearted swipe - what would it really do? He was soaked everywhere - Nick let out another sniffle. How was this fair? What had he done to provoke such a reaction from Connor?
And why didn't Amanda - step in, or something? Even if she didn't know what Connor was going to do, she could have shown up after the fact… but she didn't. And she wasn't here now.
That wasn't fair. All of it. Even if he wouldn't have really expected her to truly step in, it would have been nice for their handler to at least make an appearance, and tell them to stop. To at least make a mention that this wasn't his fault, declare that Connor was in the wrong.
Taking a step forward, toward the rose trellis, Nick eyed them a second longer, an ugly comparison forming in the meantime, before gritting his teeth together with more agitation. None of this was fair, nothing that was happening to him. Maybe that was a childish way of thinking - well, Nick knew it was - but it didn't stop him from feeling it.
Giving into the impulse, his hand went out, and plucked one of the roses from the trellis. The stem stretched and tore with a sharp rustle. Without thinking about it, he mashed the unopened bulb in his hands, ripping the petals off as he did so, before discarding the bare stem on the ground, kicking it away with one foot.
It didn't exactly make Nick feel better - but it did redirect some of the feelings of helplessness and distress away from him. So when he grabbed another rose, he didn't have any qualms about doing the same to it.
Instead of immediately smashing it, though, he picked the petals off individually, watching them hit the floor as he did so. They looked like drops of blood pattered against a pristine white space. In a mean, vindictive way, it almost felt good to ruin them, after watching Amanda care for them nearly every time he saw her in the garden.
If only she applied the same thoughtful diligence to tending to the three of them -
She didn’t sweep in like a raging storm. Her only chastising was announced by a few light footsteps and her regal, ever-composed voice asking, “Nicholas. What do you think you’re doing?”
Freezing what he was doing, Nick immediately regretted his action. Tearing up roses? Did he think he wouldn't get caught for that?
Turning around a bit, the second half-bare rose still in his hand, he tilted his head down with some shame. "I'm… I… I shouldn't. I'm sorry."
Hovering at his elbow, Amanda only raised an eyebrow. Her hands, once clasped before her, unfolded. She raised one, palm out, in silent invitation. The cubic-patterned shawl hanging off her elbow, instead of its usual aquamarine blue, was a deep scarlet. It contrasted with her white attire just as vividly as the petals on the floor between their feet.
Giving him only a moment to contemplate the meaning, she twitched her fingertips back toward herself.
Give it here.
Shuffling closer, Nick reached out to her waiting hand and dropped the maimed rose there, wrapping his arms around himself once his hands were free. "I'm sorry… I know I shouldn't have. I’m sorry, Amanda."
Rolling the bent stem into the crook of her thumb, Amanda turned it over to inspect the damage to its crown. Her raised eyebrow dropped into place beside its twin.
Her arm-shawl rippled with blue-white lines, brightening from red to an amberish orange.
“I take it Connor upset you again?”
He nodded, before sniffling. She could probably tell he was still wet, not having been able to get every last inch of himself dry so quickly. His damp clothes were evidence enough, if not the puddles left across the bridge. "He pushed me into the water…"
That wasn’t merely an upset. That was spite in action.
Setting the plucked rose down atop the pedestal, right beside the pruning shears, Amanda surprised him. Delicately she pulled back one jacket lapel, looking at the soaked-through shirt underneath. She paused, then her fingertips traced upward, tugging gently at the knot of his semi-loose tie.
“You ought to open your collar, then. Ventilate a bit.”
"Oh-kay," Nick managed to get out, almost too surprised to say anything else, simply standing there to let her continue what she was doing. It definitely wasn't what he expected from her - a stern, uncompromising lecture, yes. This? Never. "I can… do that."
“I’m sure he had his reasons, behaving how he did.” Reaching up, she swept a few dangling strands of hair out of his eyes. “If only to a point. I can’t condone his mistreatment any more than I can you for damaging my trellis. You’ve both erred, within reason.”
Forgiveness. That was even more unexpected than her touch. She was flat out admitting it was okay to be equal parts belittling and vengeful.
Wasn’t that just the opposite of what CyberLife wanted, blind and emotionless obedience?
"Oh, um - okay. I am… sorry. I shouldn't have destroyed them. I was just mad." Leaning just a bit closer, into the touch, Nick apologized again. If she was going to allow him that much, the least he could do was be genuinely contrite. "Even if Connor did - what he did."
Amanda smiled at that, only a quick momentary upturn of the corners of her mouth. It faded only as she refocused on her new task, brushing hair aside, smoothing away the last of the moisture from his skin. Her hand was soft, yet firm, wicking the water away like a ready-made sponge.
He couldn’t remember her ever fussing over Connor this much.
“You’ll both be over it soon enough. What’s one more little disagreement?”
"I guess so, yes," Nick admitted, willing to agree with almost anything that Amanda would say at the moment. It felt nice, to not be chastised and sent on his way, instead being looked after by her. It wasn’t their norm by any means, but he couldn’t find the want to argue. "It's done with."
Saying exactly what she wanted to hear, Amanda smiled again. This curve lasted longer, broadening to the extent her eyes showed just the slightest upturn as well. She stopped brushing to cup his cheek in the palm of her hand.
“I suppose it was only a matter of time before one of you ended up there, in the pond. But I would have thought it’d be Dennis.”
Now there was an even odder admission. Their second was the most impeccable of them. Why would he ever wind up taking a splash?
"Dennis? Why - him?" Not trying to even stop himself, he turned his face into her touch, watching her through half-lidded eyes.
“If he had any inkling as to what Connor was about to do, via the uplink, he would have intervened, gotten you out of the way.” Musing out loud, perhaps more than she intended, Amanda’s expression solidified. The smile faded. “But expecting such subtle perceptiveness on his part is unreasonable of me. The uplink isn’t so finessed, you can only detect the strongest of the signals shared along it.”
Like noticing the brush of a feather versus the stab of a knife, one sensation was not strong enough to detect versus the other. And if all Connor’s supposed-disdain was feigned and not real tangible fury, Dennis wouldn’t have a hint what was about to happen.
"So… Connor maybe wasn't - really mad?" Trying to understand what that meant, Nick crinkled his face with confusion. "Or, it wasn't strong enough? Or Dennis would've come."
Honestly, it was irritating to think the whole affair might have somehow been staged. But if the end result was only a quiet moment of theorizing with their handler, it could have been worse.
“You’ve always been so quick to assume he finds your company unwelcome.” Using the pad of her thumb, Amanda stroked his cheek, gently flattening the new line the grimace formed. “It’s not that you are or aren’t a burden, Nicholas. You’re just another aspect of the program, a variable intended to measure your partners’ responses against. And the same applies to them.”
"I just - he pushed me in. I didn't know that was just… that it wasn't him being mad at me." Nick admitted, shrugging as he did so. "It seemed real to me, and sometimes it feels like… I'm not supposed to be a part of it. Since they're better than me at all… this."
“Has it ever occurred to you ‘this’ arrangement is intended as such?” Reverting back to her questions, Amanda took her hand away, only to tug at his forgotten tie. The water soaked into the fabric rendered the knot harder to undo. “That it’s not about how much better you are?”
"But - what? No, I never thought of that." Taking a moment to think that through, Nick still couldn't make sense of the questions, and their implications. Why wouldn't they want him to be as good as Dennis and Connor? "But why, then? Why would they want me to be… this way?"
Dennis might have tried to explain. Connor would only spare him a wary figure-it-out glance.
With neither of them presently available, Amanda offered her best non-answer: “What role does a variable in an experiment play, Nicholas?”
"I don't - I know, but that doesn't answer the question." Trying not to seem frustrated, Nick shook his head, before changing his tactic to doing what she said before. His hands went for his tie as well, struggling to undo the wet fabric. "I'm sorry. I don't - understand. They want me to be different… to see what happens? For Dennis and Connor?"
“It’s more economic than you realize.” Turning her attention to the trellis, despite it being no worse for wear, missing only two specimens, Amanda’s arm-shawl faded another few shades. The orange turned to lemon-yellow. “For a budget that’s already run into the hundred-thousands, CyberLife hopes to greenlight you three for field tests by the summertime. You provide some example of the - unpredictable people deviants may be drawn to. Not all of those who own an android would ever be able to see the instabilities as they begin to manifest.”
Going quiet again for a moment, thinking her words through, Nick finally managed to undo his tie, stuffing it into his pocket, before rubbing his wet neck with his other hand. "I don't - so I'm meant to just - give them an idea of what they would act like? That's my… purpose?"
“There are worse positions to be in.” Seeking out the broken tendrils, Amanda unwound and snipped them from the overarching network of vines. “Better to be seen as a leaf versus a thorn, isn’t it?”
Leaves, insofar as plants went, were good. Broad, sun-catching surfaces aided in the process of photosynthesis.
Thorns were bothersome, meant to keep the plant from being nibbled at by hungry animals. It was a benign means of defense, but effective nonetheless.
"Yes, it's just - I wish I knew sooner." If Nick had been given any real explanation as to the fact that this was his given position in their trine, it was better than being left to twist in the wind, even if it was one he didn't fully understand or was comfortable with. But it was better to know that this was how he was supposed to act, as opposed to constantly feeling like he was failing. "Then I could have understood better, I guess."
“If you understood it would defeat the purpose of Connor and Dennis believing you’re all being held to the same standard. It’s an unenviable position to be in, but for the project’s sake…” Trailing off, shears posed to prune a withered leaf, Amanda seemed to reconsider. “None of us are here to make those determinations. We’re here to fulfill our roles.”
"I guess so. But then…" Taking a step closer to her, almost eager to get full attention back on him, if she would do so, Nick cocked his head to one side. "What about - your role? With the project?"
Snipping the leaf at its base, Amanda inspected it briefly before setting it aside. Her eyes never left the trellis. “My role is my business, I’m afraid. I recall telling you as much the first day we met.”
All three of them may have wondered since the aforementioned day one. Only he had ever dared ask. Neither Connor or Dennis seemed bothered by the lack of full disclosure. It wasn’t their place to ask.
But so long as he asked her alone, maybe she would prove a little more forthcoming?
"I know, I was just… wondering, again." Trying to explain himself, Nick sighed, shaking his head as he did so. Obviously Amanda wasn't going to be any more forthcoming than she already had been - which was a surprising amount, when it came to his role. The only improvement at present was how quickly his saturated clothes were drying out. "I know we were explained to each other, at first, but now - I'm just curious, I guess."
“More so than ever, if I were pressed to say,” Amanda remarked, but without the near-condescension Connor may have delivered such a thought with. “Have you ever wondered why that is? Why you are so given to asking for information, rather than obtain it by force or coercion?”
"No… I don't understand, why would I do that?" Nick pulled his tie out of his pocket, idly running it through his hands as he thought, winding and unwinding it. With Amanda's tendency to answer what he said with questions, the whole conversation felt like a puzzle, to him, and as yet with no definable picture to it. "If you're not going to tell me, you're not going to tell me. Why is that - different? What does it mean?"
Shears raised to prune another leaf, Amanda stopped again to consider before snipping at the trellis. “To pose those questions no one else would dare ask is typically never a comfortable place to be. And you ask more than your share, beyond those one would expect of the average thinking model.”
Of course it seemed like more than his share. Connor or Dennis barely asked anything in comparison.
"I just like to know stuff, if someone is willing to tell me." Nick mumbled, still trying to comprehend just what she was getting at, in regards to him. "Even if it's - uncomfortable, or you won't answer, it's better than not trying. I don't understand, what are you saying, Amanda? Am I not supposed to ask questions?"
In part, she had answered that already. Asking anything and everything his partners did not would set him apart from them. But if he wasn’t supposed to ask, shouldn’t the company be doing more to silence him? Shouldn’t the project handlers?
Shouldn’t Amanda?
After a beat, she seemed to notice their closer proximity. Glancing over her shoulder at him, she put the shears aside. “To ask isn’t wrong. To know the answer in its entirety could be. There are times you’re better off… simply not knowing.”
"So I can ask, but if I don't get the answer, it might be for my own good." Staring down at his tie with some confusion, Nick shrugged again. It didn't make a ton of sense to him, but if Amanda was adamant about it - maybe she was right? But just what was so harmful for him to know? "Okay… I guess I understand."
“I know it’s only a small comfort, either way. But better than none at all.” Amanda’s hands found his as she spoke, gently prying the bunched-up tie out from between his fingers. Letting it unravel, she held both ends, found the center, then flipped it over. Without as much ceremony, she tossed it back to hook over the nape of his neck. “It’s more relevant for you to question than to not, truthfully.”
Hunching over slightly, to accommodate for the height difference, Nick bit his lip as he thought it over. "I guess so. At least… I will have asked. And now I know that it's - it's okay for me to not be as good as Connor and Dennis."
At that some of the archness he first expected to receive resurfaced. Amanda raised an eyebrow at him before switching focus to folding his undone shirt collar up, smoothing it along both edges. The corners framed his jaw like the bits of a bridle. “I never said that, Nicholas. I only expressed the thought that your inquisitiveness isn’t a bad trait.”
"You said I'm - not the same sort of thing, though." Almost pouting, Nick made himself stop. Even if he was meant for a different sort of task, of course, that meant they would hold him to completely different standards. "...Sorry. I'll - keep asking questions, then."
Collar arranged, Amanda crossed both ends of the tie to begin refastening it. Her hands moved with the same measured, controlled intent they did pruning or watering the roses. “And the next time you think to take your frustrations out on your surroundings…?”
"I won't do that… I'm sorry, Amanda. I didn't - I dunno, I'm sorry I wrecked some of your roses." Eyes downcast with some shame, at that reminder Nick did pout, but more so in agreement with the admonishment. He knew better, yet still let anger have the upper hand. "I won't do it again, I promise."
Threading the tie into its typical classic windsor knot, Amanda pulled it taut, while simultaneously not rendering it too tight. All told the process took only five seconds. “I’ll have a word with Connor. So long as you keep this conversation between us, you need not worry about him.”
"Okay, I can do that. Thank you, Amanda." Smiling at that, Nick nodded his thanks as well. Even if he had been upset before, about no one stepping in, he had gotten more than he needed from her with this meeting - some answers, and help with Connor.
But then she had to go and end it on a threat.
“And don’t give us a reason to replace this - with a bow tie.”
It might have been her try at a tease. But how was he to know the difference?