Work Text:
Tony stared at the blank page. He’d tried to talk Gibbs out of leaving. Tried to stop him from going, but his words had fallen on deaf ears.
Gibbs had already left the country. Tony was pretty sure he was in Mexico. The man spent years as a soldier away from home, surely he exchanged letters frequently. Maybe written words would make a difference in a way that spoken words, hadn’t.
He didn’t know, but with the way the team was behaving he didn’t have many other options. This was really the only viable choice for dealing with his lover leaving the country. The song Trust by The Cure rang especially true to him, right now.
There is no-one left in the world
That I can hold onto
There is really no-one left at all
That was so true it wasn’t even funny. Ziva and McGee, heck even Abby and Ducky were all in their own world. At least Abby and Ducky did their jobs, mostly, McGee and Ziva weren’t even doing that much.
It was frustrating and Director Shepard wasn’t making things easier with the war path she was on to get him to seduce Jeanne Benoit. Nor were Abby’s “in training” stickers or Ducky’s frustration with Gibbs. He understood where they were coming from for the most part, but that didn’t stop him from feeling like he was alone with no one to hold onto.
Dear GiJethro,
I know you don’t remember our relationship, but you are literally the only one who has ever been there for me.
Tony shook his head and erased everything he’d just written. It sounded way too whiny. That wouldn’t help anything. Gibbs hated whiners.
There is only you
And if you leave me now
You leave all that we were
Undone
Tony severely hoped that Gibbs wasn’t leaving him for good that all that they’d done together and been together both as boss and subordinate and as lovers wasn’t about to be undone, but he couldn’t help fearing that Gibbs’ move to Mexico would foretell the end of it.
Dear Jethro,
I hope this letter finds you well. You’ll want to know all the things that are going on around here. Well, probably, you won’t want to know all of them as some of them might make you quite disappointed, but I’ll tell you about all of them anyway.
Abby’s taken to slapping training stickers on my head. I’d love to find it amusing, but it hurts that just because you left I’m not good enough anymore. Ziva and McGee do the bare minimum and refuse to lift a finger for much of anything.
Our solve rate hasn’t gone down, but the hours I have to put in to accomplish that are insane. I miss you like crazy and not just because of all the changes at work. I miss coming home to you and talking about our days. I miss cuddling with you at night.
I miss knowing that when all the chips are down you’ll be right there with me trying to figure out how to make this work.
Tony shook his head and erased the letter again. This wasn’t working. This one was better than the last, but it still sounded like he was complaining. This wasn’t what he wanted to tell Gibbs, well it was, but he didn’t think Gibbs was ready to hear it.
Maybe if Gibbs ever came back he could tell him these things in person, but it just didn’t feel right via a missive. So what did Tony want to say? What did he need to tell Gibbs right now?
Dear Jethro,
I miss you.
Love,
Tony
There. That was perfect. Short and sweet exactly like Gibbs liked it.
It didn’t really do anything to make Tony feel less alone, but hopefully it would mean something to Gibbs. Tony considered enclosing a trinket with the letter, but decided against it.
There is really no-one left
You are the only one.
Tony had no idea what he would do if Gibbs didn’t come back soon. He couldn’t hold on much longer if he didn’t get some support soon. That night Tony was alone in the bullpen again as was the usual these days only tonight was different.
While Tony was busy trying to stay awake long enough to finish reports given he hadn’t eaten anything in two days, Jimmy appeared out of thin air. He brought with him chinese takeout. Jimmy was the first person to actually provide him support and it came at a time when Tony desperately needed it.
Not everything was fixed, but things were looking up. At least, Gibbs wasn’t the only one left in the world who cared about him anymore.