Work Text:
Trying. The two syllable word that Katsuki and Izuku always did when it was about them.
Fights were constant. Yelling was a must. Tears always spilled, didn’t matter if it was his or Izuku’s. The word sorry has left Izuku’s mouth more than he could ever guess and it only left his once, in an aggressive tone that made his boyfriend flinch and cry even harder. Katsuki was in a god awful place, not one that was suited for a relationship at the moment, and him dragging down the person that he loved more than he’s loved anything else in the world was ruining him.
Clumsily, he’s letting him break him as he breaks himself. And he could not have that, not anymore.
Katsuki was far from the romantic boyfriend. Well, not yet anyway, not with his mental health constantly deteriorating and not with his pride- especially with his torn, past relationship with Izuku, albeit the amends that were sewn together have successfully taken their place- always finding a way to erupt at any given moment. The reason why he’s fallen with Izuku in the first place was his pride out of all things, anyway.
And god, believe his words, he loved Izuku. How could he not? After restarting everything, ( but not erasing what’s crumpled up in the recycle bin ) he’s seen Izuku under the light without seeing him through the broken lenses of his shitty pride. He was beautiful. Jaw droppingly gorgeous. He doesn’t think he’ll ever meet someone as wonderful as Izuku and fuck his selfishness for swooping that boy up before anyone could because fuck was Katsuki selfish. Fuck was Katsuki a greedy brat who always got everything he wanted because he fucking wants it and he’s fucking Bakugou Katsuki.
But he’s growing up. He’s grown old enough to know that sometimes, things weren’t meant to be his.
Old enough to know that, but not old enough to hold something- someone in his arms.
Especially not someone as wonderful and precious as Izuku Midoriya.
After graduating, they’ve both moved in a moderate penthouse somewhere in the outskirts of Kyoto. Katsuki’s cooked Izuku’s favorite meal, his special style Katsudon that was made ‘ just as Izuku likes it ‘, or so he’s written in that tiny notebook of his, filled to the brim with things that Izuku likes. Katsuki memorized things easily, but he thought it’d be a little thoughtful to actually put some physical work in his relationship with the nerd.
And, out of all the things that he’s done, this was probably going to be the biggest thing he’s done for him.
The most painful one, too.
Katsuki stands in the balcony, hair swaying to the wind’s gentle song. He texts Izuku to be home earlier than his usual time because he wants to do something special for him.
Of course, Izuku, being the smitten, stupid, adorable idiot that he is, immeditaely responds with an “ OK! :D “ followed by a couple of happy kamojis. A smile involuntarily rips itself on Katsuki’s face, followed by a sigh.
He’ll miss this.
He’ll miss him.
Izuku arrives around nine, which was earlier than his normal schedule. The selfless bastard liked to come home around early bird times since he was so fixated on giving up his own fucking bones for people’s names he won’t even remember. But that was the purest essence of being a hero, and the biggest reason why he’s carved a special place in Katsuki’s heart.
The explosive hero greets his boyfriend with a gentle kiss and a soft caress on his smaller boyfriend’s waist. Midway through their intimate exchange, Izuku can’t help the giggle that falls past his lips.
“ You’re awfully sweet tonight, Kacchan. “ He says the beloved nickname with such love and affection. He always does, without fail. “ Did something happen? “
Right. He was never sweet. So aggressive, blunt, and harsh. It contrasted Izuku’s loving hugs, his gentle I love you’s and endless babbles on how he was so, so, so fucking happy and lucky to be Katsuki’s boyfriend.
A parasitic relationship. Izuku couldn’t possibly be in love with a man who didn’t share the same affection. If he was, he didn’t deserve him, and Katsuki hates his past self for being too greedy to see that.
“ Maybe. “ He says bluntly, taking his hands. His grip was steel but gentle. “ I’ve made your favorite. Come eat with me. “
Izuku’s heart thumps with happiness at his boyfriend’s sudden romantic gesture. He couldn’t help the giddiness that blew up in his stomach like bubbles. He felt like he was in nirvana.
And oh, wasn't it tragic that it was only a short-lasting moment?
Katsuki lets Izuku rant about his day like he always does. He makes short and quiet comments while he tells him the tales of today, and how he manages to save the day and be the hero that everyone adored.
He held the number one title for a goddamn reason.
The number two hero waits patiently for his turn to speak. Izuku picks up the cue, noticing that he’s been itching to say something. His smile does not waver, staying as that literal embodiment of the sun as Katsuki would dub, as he sits up, leaning forward as he questions : “ You wanted to say something, Kacchan? “
Oh boy, here we go. Katsuki takes a big, deep breath- mentally gathering the courage for what was next. He looks down, unable to form the words properly without shattering his own heart. It hurt him, yes, but what served as the mallet was the expected aftermath of 3 words.
“ Izuku. “
The green haired boy tenses. Katsuki never addresses him by his first name.
“ Let’s break up. “
The chopsticks fall on the floor, and so does Izuku’s heart.
Just hearing those three words slip past Katsuki’s lips felt like the world itself crumbling to dust.
He looks up at him with an incredulous look, not understanding. “ K-Kacchan…? “
“ Let’s break up. “ He repeats with more conviction, teeth gritting because he can not stand saying those words to Izuku’s face again. “ I think it’s time we see different people. “
He’s barely even said anything but the tears are already slipping off of Izuku’s eyes. “ W-what…?! W- K-Kacchan! This- This isn’t a funny joke! Please don’t joke about things like th-this, I get that you- uh, I.. You like joking a lot but this is really too mu- “
“ I’m not joking, Izuku. “ He hisses, red eyes now staring up at green ones that shattered before him, and god said shattered eyes were done by him. He’s hurt him a million times but this is so far the worst he’s ever done and that’s all because of the buildup he’s made.
Everything is his fault and he’s ready to take account of that.
“ QUIT CALLING ME THAT! “ He cries loudly, standing up from his seat, hands slamming on the table and nearly activating his quirk. The plates tumble on the wooden surface, bits of soup scattering around. “ Call me Deku! You always call me Deku! Don’t call me Izuku that’s- That’s not like you! “
“ Do you even realize how messed up that I still call you by a nickname that I used to mock you for?! “ Katsuki counters, teeth biting his lower lip, refraining himself from crying too. “ You don’t deserve someone who’d care so little about you that they wouldn’t even cut themselves off from a detail as small as that?! “
“ That nickname had no meaning! You were a kid! “
“ And even if we were kids I still hurt you, Izuku. “ He reasoned, his gaze stern. He can’t stop the tears that burned from the corners of his eyes this time. “ You were a kid too. “
“ You’ve moved on from that, you’ve grown so, so much, Kacchan! “ Izuku fights back, stepping forward. His eyes burned from crying, chest heaving and body shuddering as Katsuki broke him more and more and more. Which was ironic, considering he’s doing this for his sake. For him.
But that’s not what he wanted, oh god, no, no, he didn’t want a life without Katsuki, without Kacchan. He’s stood by his side ever since they were kids and he refused to leave it, no.
“ You’ve improved. You’re better. You’ve changed from the boy that I knew when I was four. “ Izuku says sternly, almost glaring as he looks up at his taller loved one. “ Don’t you dare compare yourself from him. “
Katsuki laughs weakly, giving a sad smile. “ I still started as that boy, Izuku. And I haven’t grown enough to be the man worthy for your embrace. “
“ SHUT UP! “ He cries, hitting him on his chest. His sobbing became more erratic, fingers tangling on his black shirt as he looked up at him. “ You’re still growing-- So what? So am I! We don’t k- hic- we don’t know w-what it’s like or- or- hic - how f-far we have to go through, we- we can grow together! Y-You! You and I can change together! Y- hic - You can improve more and still stay by my side! “
“ I don’t think that’s possible without me hurting you while I do it, Izuku. “ He sighs, strong, warm hands that he loved, loved, loved to be held with wiping the tears that streamed down his cheeks. Izuku wants to pry them off and push him away, not wanting his gentle touches now with the nonsensical bullshit that he’s saying but Izuku is a weak man, and Katsuki’s touches are one of the things that he’ll melt to no matter what the situation it is.
“ Then.. T-Then I don’t care if I get hurt! “ He says, voice brimming with desperation to keep this man’s arms around his. “ I-I don’t care! I just… You-You’re all I need, Kacchan! Even if it hurts me I- I don’t mind! Just as long as you’re by my side! “
Katsuki gives that stupid sad smile again, shaking his head. “ I don’t think it’s healthy that way, Izuku. “
Izuku hiccups more on his own cries. His sobs were choking him like a rope around his neck, threatening to kill him. His vision was blurry with the tears invading his sight, Katsuki a hazy vision in front of him as he sputters his next words weakly. “ Y-You’re my sun, Kacchan. I- I can’t live without you. “
“ And you’re an Icarus, Izuku. You can’t keep burning yourself for me. “
He cries harder, not getting what he did to deserve this, what he had done to have his world suddenly crash down around him.
“ I love you! “ He reasons finally, hoping that it was finally, finally enough to let him stay. The grip on his shirt weakens, sobs louder, snot dripping out of his nose. He’s shaking, muttering incoherent phrases.
“ And I love you too, Izuku. “ Katsuki says finally, and now he’s regretting that he’s never let those words leave his lips as often as Izuku did. “ But- I’m doing this. For you, and for me. You have to understand. “
Izuku wails. Katsuki shushes him with gentle pecks on his face. He takes his cellphone from his pocket, opening it easily.
Katsuki’s heart shatters the moment he turns his phone on, seeing a picture of him and his now ex-lover as his lockscreen.
They were happy.
Too bad it was always a short lived type of thing, wasn’t it?
“ I’ve deleted my contacts of me here. You and I need time apart for now. “ He explains calmly, even if it was hard for him. He feels like he’d die when he’s not by Izuku for one more second but he’s trying, trying for him. “ If… We’ve managed to heal, we can still be friends, okay? “
Izuku does not reply. He’s still crying, staining Katsuki’s black shirt with his snot and tears, muttering Kacchan, I love you and Don’t leave me, please over and over, like a broken mantra.
Slowly, Katsuki pries him away from him but to no avail. Soon enough the green haired man gets tired, passing out from exhaustion against his chest.
The next time Izuku opens his eyes is on his and Katsuki’s bed. He wakes up alone, no chest to nuzzle into like he always does in the morning.
He starts sobbing once again. His own hands cupping his cheeks to mimic Katsuki’s warm touches, but to no avail.