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As she pulls into the cul-de-sac, she notes that McCluskey’s lights are not currently doing their best to deplete the world of its fossil fuel supplies tonight but this doesn’t stop her scanning the sidewalk for the twins. There is no evidence of the boys on the street, she doesn’t know if this is due to Tom becoming more vigilant of if she has traumatized them with the whole ‘stranger with candy’ incident but she tries not to think about that, after all she could not possibly know that fear would convert her elderly neighbour into a one woman vigilante force. With the car safely in her driveway she goes through the ritual of gathering the ever growing number of items that she carts between home and work. Her movements are accompanied by an inner tirade about people letting their paranoia turn them into something just as dangerous as the things they are trying to protect themselves from, and she wonders if, in the interest of the safety of the other residents, it would be possible to have Mrs McCluskey removed from the street but as much as she would like to, she can’t absolve herself for her own involvement in the events that led to Stu becoming intimately acquainted with a Taser. She is still busy mocking her neighbour’s misplaced fear as she shuts the car door and hears someone clear their throat behind her and suddenly increasing her home security doesn’t seem like a foolish idea, right at this second she would give anything for a Taser of her own.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” The words do nothing to ease the tension in her body but it’s not their fault, they are perfectly good words, what upsets her is the voice that carries them. She turns around, expecting to engage in an argument but finds herself rendered silent by Bree frightened eyes and trembling body. “I know you don’t want me around, I just needed to see that you were safe, I’ll go now.”
She steps toward Bree, effectively blocking her exit, “Why are you standing here in the dark?”
Bree’s shoulders rise minimally, as though it is too much effort for her to complete the shrug, “I set off the motion sensors if I stood any further away.” A small chuckle escapes from her lips and she moves closer, telling herself that, no matter how angry she is with Bree, it would be wrong to ignore her clearly distressed state and that in talking to her she is not offering anything that she wouldn’t give to anyone else in the same circumstances. She does her best to convince herself that that is her only motivation but it’s hard to work out where noticing that Bree’s dress clings to all her curves or how longing to run her hands over the shiny material fit into that equation. Without actually planning to do so, she finds that she has invaded Bree’s personal space and that Bree hands are now on the bottom of her suit jacket, pulling lightly on the material, “It’s so strange to think that this is how you dress all the time, the world is moving on and I’m left behind,” Bree isn’t looking at her and she doesn’t seem to want a reply.
“You’re acting like you haven’t seen me in forever, we were both at the Neighbourhood Watch meeting and you saw me when we botched our attempt to support Gabby, I thought both of those went okay, I thought we were reasonably civil to one another.”
Bree’s voice remains quiet, “It was fine and Mrs McCluskey is wrong, you care deeply for your children,” that shouldn’t mean as much to her as it does and she really wishes Bree would be silent because her carefully cultivated animosity is fading, “but I think the fact that it was fine is the problem, it was more than fine, it was sort of like things used to be, I expected it to be uncomfortable and awkward but it wasn’t and that just makes it worse that I can have this,” Bree wraps her arms around Lynette’s waist and pulls her against her own body.
“I don’t think this is a conversation that we should be having outside,” she is pleased that the warm glow in her chest doesn’t seem to have made its way to her voice. She grabs Bree’s hand and starts to pull her back across the street. Bree follows initially but freezes as Mrs McCluskey’s lights instantly transform night to day. This is not like Bree’s previous reluctance to hold her hand in public, Bree’s horror is different, this not about keeping up appearances, this is mortal terror.
“We shouldn’t be seen together, you need to go home.”
She won’t be dictated to, she will be the one in control of whether they talk or not and while her instinct is to go with not talking that would mean doing what Bree wants and she doesn’t want to do that either. She wonders if Bree knows that her statement effectively guaranteed that she won’t leave, “Something is really wrong and I’m not going home until I know what it is.”
Bree hesitates but then nods at her and practically sprints towards the house. She follows at a pace more appropriate for her high heels and they clip clop across the asphalt, loudly announcing her intended route to the world. Bree locks the door the moment Lynette enters and then proceeds to push Lynette deeper into the house while she dashes around looking through the windows.
“Bree what the hell is going on?”
Bree just places her finger to her lips and then goes back to her checking. She eventually returns to Lynette and steers her to a point of her choosing, “I don’t think we can be seen here.”
“This is kind of freaking me out.”
“It should.”
“Are you just doing this to frighten me?”
“No,” there is such sadness in Bree’s simple reply.
“What happened? Did someone hurt you?” Even though Lynette has said hurtful things to her and is still mad at Bree, her heart constricts at the thought of someone causing Bree pain.
Bree rests her forehead on the top of Lynette’s head, “I don’t know.”
She pulls back, determined to force Bree to get to the point but Bree’s eyes are clouded with so many emotions that tears are beginning to fall, as though she believes that the water could wash the fear away and suddenly the cause doesn’t seem as important as the symptoms. She strokes Bree’s hair and tells her to hush and without really thinking about it she touches their lips together. Bree seems to crumble at that point as if Lynette’s lips stole her resolve to hold in her pain.
“Baby, I’m sorry.”
She has a list of things that she thinks Bree should be sorry for but she’s not sure that this is about any of that, “It’s okay.”
“No it’s not,” Bree insists but as soon as she utters the words her confidence seems to decrease, “at least I don’t think it is.”
“Is it something that you can talk about?”
“I’ve done so many stupid things, I tried to tell myself that I was doing them for the right reasons but you were right to hate me.”
“I don’t hate you.”
“You should.”
“That’s probably true.”
“When you said you would be with me if things were different and I was okay with it did you really mean that?” She has no idea where Bree is going with this but feels it’s important for Bree to feel comfortable with what they are talking about.
“I don’t know. I wanted it to be true.”
“But you knew that you’d never have to test it, that it would be like sending a wedding invitation to someone you knew couldn’t attend the event. You get all the points for the effort but never have to deliver on the promise.”
“Would you actually send wedding invites to people that you think couldn’t come?” Even though Bree brought the topic up, she goes a worrying shade of green when Lynette mentions weddings and it doesn’t seem like this is a question that Bree is going to answer. “I never meant it to be that shallow or callous, I can’t make you promises and I can’t say for certain that if our lives were different that I’d pick you.”
“At least that’s honest.”
“But even though all we seem to do is hurt one another and make one another angry, part of me, a big part of me, wants to pick you.”
“Do you resent me for that?”
“Somedays.”
“I resent you every single day.”
“Well that’s nice to know.”
“I resent you for having a husband, for having young children, for having more to lose than me, I resent the things that I do to try to cover up the fact that I am in love with you and to try and help me deal with the fact that I am never going to be able to be with you and I know that’s not really your fault but I blame you anyway.”
She’s not sure what she should say, “I’m sorry everything got so messy.”
“Hey, we made this mess together.”
“You know, even though I shouldn’t care, I can’t stand to hear you refer to what we had,” she thinks about that for a second and looks at her hands resting over Bree’s hips and amends her statement, “what we have, as a mess.”
To her surprise Bree doesn’t seem happy that she has referred to their relationship in the present tense, “We have such unbelievably bad timing, I think we are cursed.”
“So there’s never going to be a good time, so what?”
“I do want right now to be a good time but things are probably worse than ever.”
She feels her confusion cause her face to scrunch up, “Don’t you want me any more?”
Bree kisses her quickly but soundly, “I want you more than ever.”
“What I said to you the other day about George, I was angry and I am in no position to tell you that you can’t be with him, I am still with Tom.”
Cool lips press against her forehead and fingers tangle in her hair, “There’s only you, I don’t want him and I don’t love him and need you to believe that, no matter what happens.”
“Are you telling me that you are going to be with him anyway?”
“I told him it was over, I just don’t know that he is going to accept that answer,” her voice is soft again.
“He’s what you’re frightened of? Did he do something to you, cause if he hurt you I swear I will end him.”
“I should have had him on the list of people that you were learning tricks with a knife for.”
“Wow, I haven’t even thought about Jezebel recently, you’re right, he was much more deserving of being on the list but you haven’t told me what he’s done to make you so scared.”
“That’s the thing, I can’t say for certain, he hasn’t done anything really. Someone warned me that he had a history of unsavoury behaviour when it comes to relationships, particularly when they end and then there was the whole thing with the,” she stops mid sentence, her face a tableau of guilt and Lynette tries not to focus on what must have transpired for Bree to look like that, “and then he wanted to force me to wear something that I didn’t want to wear,” again Lynette tries not attach motives to Bree’s sudden cryptic word play, “and tonight he seemed so angry.”
“You really believe that he will hurt you don’t you? Bree you should go to the police.”
“I’m sure the people who think I murdered my husband are going to be falling all over themselves to protect me from the man that they believe is my accomplice.”
She is completely floored this information, “The police really think that?” Bree closes her eyes and nods. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“We’ve not exactly been on speaking terms of late.”
“Thank you for not pointing out that it’s my fault.”
“I can do that if you want,” there is a jovial tone in Bree’s voice but it doesn’t remove the haunted look from her face.
“Let’s say George is a vindictive psychopath, what are we going to do about keeping you and the kids safe?”
“I’m not worried about us, not yet, we are part of his fantasy, I don’t think he wants to destroy that.”
“Then what are you so worried about?” The answer comes to her even before she completes the question, “You think he’ll come after me.”
“You should have seen the way he acted tonight and that was about someone I dated in college.”
“I don’t want to defend George but I have to admit the thought of you having dated anyone, no matter how long ago, upsets me.”
“But if you met the guy, you wouldn’t be threatening his life.”
“I might.”
“Please take this seriously.”
“I am, this is how I handle things when I am uncomfortable.”
Bree hugs her so tightly that she fears she might puncture her lung, “I know. Lynette, he really scared me tonight and I am starting to think that the things I have heard about him are true and if he ever found out about you I hate to think what he might do.”
“Are you trying to tell me that we can’t be together because of your stalker?”
“I guess I am, I thought that would make you happy, an hour ago you didn’t want anything to do with me.”
“I was angry but I still wanted you, I don’t know that I have ever wanted anything as much as I want you.”
“Doesn’t that worry you? This thing between us is so powerful, it defies reason. We are constantly crashing together and then being thrown apart, sometimes I wonder if what we feel is real or if this is all about some sort of adrenaline charged ride that we are both hooked on.”
“I don’t know what I can say to convince you that we are not like that except to tell you that if you wanted me to, I would let you go. I wouldn’t stop loving you and I would always want things to be different and I’d be waiting for you to change you mind and I might not be very subtle about that. Above everything I want you to be happy, ideally I want that to include being with me but if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.” Bree is obviously pleased with her answer because she is rewarded with a kiss that is making her doubt her words, she can’t imagine ever being able to give this feeling up.
“I need you to trust that this is not about pushing you away, that this is about keeping you safe.”
“I trust you, I always have.” Bree makes it clear that she doesn’t think this is the case with an eye roll that she probably learnt from her children. “So sometimes I let my anger get out of control and then I am too stubborn to admit it and I have to do my best to make you the bad guy, that doesn’t mean that I am able to make that trust go away.’
“I just need to know that he is not going to be coming after you, I’d die if he hurt you.”
“Back before I got all stubborn and angry and things got out of control, I told you that I was willing to wait for you, to wait for us, and I still am.”
“I promise to let you know when I am ready.”
She removes her keys from her handbag and takes her house key from the ring, she knows that Tom will crucify her if she wakes the kids trying to get him to let her into the house but this is worth it, she presses the key into Bree’s hands, “I’ll be waiting.”
“I can’t take your key.”
“I have another copy, I’ve been keeping it somewhere safe.” Bree nods in understanding and then shows her to the door. She pauses briefly in the hallway, thinking about the things that transpired the last time they were there, “I know you are worried and I won’t do anything crazy like kissing you goodbye but,” she gestures to wall as though it holds the secrets to their relationship, “we are going to get back there.” Bree offers her first real smile of the evening and she leaves feeling that if she can’t just manage to get herself into her house without starting world war three that there is a real chance that everything is going to be alright but that doesn’t mean that she isn’t happy when the street becomes flooded with light and it doesn’t stop her checking the shadows to see if someone is watching her.