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Carlos looked at his watch again. The hands swung lazily back and forth like a metronome, occasionally dipping all the way around. He understood this usually worked as a measure of five-minute intervals, although he was not sure he would ever discover the patterns governing Night Vale clockwork. Ptolemaic epicycles maybe, or the movements of the earth’s mantle. He estimated that he had been standing here for about thirty-five minutes total. He knocked on the bedroom door. “Cecil, you've been in there for half an hour, what are you doing?”
“I'm still picking an outfit, just give me a few minutes,” came the muffled Voice through the door.
“You know you don't need to look fancy for this, right?” said Carlos. “This is a casual afternoon date, it's not like we're going to the opera. I'm not dressed up. Really, anything you wear will be fine. And probably stunning,” he added.
Cecil opened the door just a crack and peered out. “But we're going to the zoo, Carlos. Don't you want to be prepared?”
Carlos tilted his head. “Can I come in?”
Cecil considered for a second, and then said, “Actually, maybe you can help me decide between the two I've narrowed it down to.” He pulled the door open all the way. Carlos stepped in to find his boyfriend dressed head to toe in what appeared to be an entire bear hide. What were once the creature's arms had become a scarf loosely wrapped around Cecil's shoulders, paws still attached at the ends. His short-sleeved shirt was made of thick black fur with the signature white mark on the chest, and the matching short pants revealed quite a bit of almost-as-hairy leg. Even the belt was fuzzy.
Cecil gestured at himself. “Okay, so it's between this, or this.” He held up a slim, sleeveless dress tie-dyed in every colour of the rainbow. Carlos raised a single eyebrow – not at the choices, which were about what he expected, but by the fact that he had never seen either garment in their closet before. Cecil seemed to own an unending supply of clothing; Carlos had no idea where he hid it all, and made a mental note to check the dimensions of the closet against those of the rest of the house.
“Is there... any particular reason you zeroed in on these two?” he asked, trying to gather all the data before formulating a theory.
“These are the only animal-like ensembles I can find right now,” said Cecil, in a tone that suggested this was an obvious point. Meeting Carlos' nonplussed gaze, he elaborated, “Because we're going to the zoo? And it's Sunday? Oh my god you've never been to the zoo on a Sunday have you.”
“No, why?”
“Sunday's the day they unlock the enclosures and let people walk right in! It's a wonderful chance to get up close and personal with nature. But of course, for your safety, you've got to try to blend in with the animals. You're not going to last very long against the spider tigers in that,” said Cecil, glancing at Carlos in his lime-green coat, jeans, and old T-shirt emblazoned with the slogan “PHOSPHORME + PHOSPHORYOU = PHOSPHORUS”.
“I did not dress with the intention of facing down spider tigers today!” said Carlos. “Although, they are a fascinating local creature whose behaviour I would love to observe in detail...”
“Well, if you want to go into the enclosure, then maybe you can wear the outfit I'm not. I know it'll be big on you, but... here, let me show you the other choice on me and you can figure out what you want to do.”
As Carlos watched Cecil slip out of the bearskin duds and into the dress (smiling at the view this afforded), he saw for the first time what made the latter animal-like: a taxidermy crocodile tail sewn into the rear, just above the skirt hemline. Cecil twirled in the dress, making both skirt and tail fly up momentarily. “Is the tail even? It's so hard to tell without using a mirror,” he said.
“It's perfect,” said Carlos. “Actually... this really flatters your figure.” He blushed a little as he said this, but it wasn't wrong. The dress was close-fitting and looked as if it had been tailored specifically to Cecil's frame, which Carlos guessed it probably had.
Cecil perked up. “You think so? I really like this one, it's just that it's so colourful. Even with the tail, I’d stand out among the trees.”
“Well... maybe that’s a good thing. Scientifically speaking, a lot of animals, especially reptiles and amphibians, use very bright colours as a warning to predators. Like the poison dart frog? It's basically shouting, 'Don't eat me, I'm poisonous', you know?”
“Poisonous…” Cecil said the word slowly, letting it roll across his tongue, so that the very sound of it seemed to drip with thick bile. “I like it. I like it a lot. What predator would dare to attack such vibrant prey?” he said, baring his teeth in a mock scary face.
Carlos grinned. “Not me, that's for sure. So you'll be keeping this one on?” He looked over at the fur clothing now piled on the bed. “I think I'll... take the shirt but leave my lab coat on for now.”
“That should be alright. Spider tigers are nocturnal anyway, so they should all be asleep unless someone provokes them. Just watch them and don't touch. And if something goes wrong, I'll protect us both with my dazzling display,” said Cecil, planting a light kiss on Carlos' cheek as he helped him get his shirt off.
They walked out the front door with their arms around each other's waists. Cecil worked his hand underneath the lab coat and slowly stroked the fabric of the fur shirt. Carlos could feel the crocodile tail brush against his arm of its own accord. He didn't mind.