Chapter Text
When Kankri comes over for the fourth time this week, he and Latula sit you down to have a little talk. You know exactly what they want to talk about, but you can't get out the words to say you already know. This must have been Kankri's idea; Latula wouldn't talk to you like this. Slow and steady just to make sure you understand, but no, you understood before they even started talking, why is he talking so goddamn much? You're starting to get a headache. It's probably because you're angry. Angry with him for sitting you down like this. Angry with Tulip for letting him do it.
He's telling you that he and Latula -- your Tulip! -- are in seeing each other. You want to ask what that means, but you're already all too aware of what that means. You know exactly what's happening here and you think you must be offended that they presumed to think you didn't notice already. Your headache is starting to get worse. For a moment, you're afraid you might start sparking, but then you remember -- you can't spark anymore. That's why he has to talk slow and with small words, because he thinks just because you can't spark anymore, you're some kind of idiot, some kind of moron --
By the time Kankri stops talking, you still haven't said a word. You aren't even looking at him. You're staring at Latula from behind your helmet's visor, and she knows you are. You know she knows, because she tells Kankri to go away and let her do the talking, except that she's nicer than that, and she kisses his forehead before he goes, and you want to cry, because she does it just like how she does to you, just like how she's always done when you hurt yourself and everything sucks and she wants to make it better. You don't cry, though. If you cry, she'll cry too, and you don't want to see her cry.
"Listen, Tunez..." she says, but you shake your head. You shake it probably too hard, because you come away from the whole experience feeling dizzy.
"I knowsth. He's not-not-- damaged," you manage to say. It's difficult, and you say it slow because it's a struggle to get out words that make any sense sometimes. But it's out there, and you swear you can hear her heart break.
"No! That's not it," she says, but her resolve is weak. That's it and you know it.
"Are we-we gonna break up?" you ask. Another struggle, especially with the tears threatening to fall as much as you really don't want them to.
"No, see, that's just it!" She's smiling, hoping that it's going to make you smile, too. "I don't want us to break up. I love you. It's just..." You wait. You're not sure you want to hear what she has to say next, and you definitely don't trust in the words she just said, especially after Vantas' spiel.
"Look, Tunez, I don't wanna ditch you like that. We're rad together and you know it. But sometimes it's nice, you know? To have options. I won't keep it up if it's not chill with you, okay?" Lie. She'll just hide it better. You appreciate the sentiment, you guess. "It's totes nice to have options, but for now I need you. This is about your comfort level." No it's not. You know it's not, or at least you think it's not, but you guess it's not about that.
"What-whatever makesth you ha-happy, Tulip." You smile, and you try to make this little heart with your hands but it turns out kind of looking like a dick and you laugh at that. She laughs too, and she makes the little heart sign, but hers is better. Way better. You think for a second that things are going to be okay. That she's not slipping out of your grasp like she should have sweeps ago. You try to hold onto this hope. It's all you have left.
She's all you have left.