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“Hey, I found your note, can I come in?”
Aidan silently nodded and stepped away from the trailer’s doorway so that Dean could come inside. He saw that he had brought two beers along with him and felt the lump in his throat slightly decrease. Maybe some alcohol in his and Dean’s system would make it all a little bit easier.
It had taken Aidan weeks to make this decision. They had been shooting the Hobbit for almost three months now and all that he had been able to do was distantly admire the man that was now making his way towards what was probably supposed to be a ‘living room’, but what was really just a couch squeezed into the corner of the trailer with a small TV on the opposite side of it. Aidan knew that the longer he waited to talk to Dean about his feelings, the harder it would become to do so. They had chemistry, yes, and they sure enjoyed their time off-set together playing games in Stephen Hunter’s trailer or joking and pranking around in the canteen. They even once – he would never forget that memory – spent a few hours together in an old rental car driving through wherever it was that they were in New Zealand because they had taken a wrong exit on the highway. They had talked, laughed and shared stories about each other’s lives together.
And that’s also when Aidan found out.
“Me and my ex would always go surfing together in the summer,” Dean had said; “He was one of those cliché surfer-dudes. We were doing great, really, but he still broke up with me after about two years. I still don’t know for sure why. I was heartbroken for months.”
Wait. He?
Aidan had to take a few deep breaths to get his heart rate to go down, having difficulty focussing on what Dean was saying in the passenger’s seat while he tried to stop his brain from going into overdrive.
So there was hope?
Aidan had always seen Dean as a ladies man. He was very attractive, slightly tanned, and he had the most beautiful dimpled smile. And if yes, Dean apparently liked men, how could he ever be interested in a boring Irishman like him?
For weeks he had been pondering on this question. Even though Aidan doubted himself, his qualities, heck even his looks, it was still always Dean coming to him if he had something to get off his chest. It was always Dean who hugged him when he had a rough day on set. It was always Dean.
So when last week he finally decided that he would talk to Dean about his feelings, he set up a plan. He would leave him a small note inside his trailer on the last Friday before they would both go home for their two-week break, telling him to ‘come to my trailer tonight, I have something I need to talk to you about.’ They would talk about it and then make whatever new start necessary after their holiday. Would the talk turn out to be a disaster, he had fourteen days to be sad and heartbroken about it before moving on with his life. Would the talk end up into a two-way confession, well… he’d probably regret his decision of leaving New Zealand for a holiday in Ireland immediately.
So Dean has found the note and he’s now sitting on his couch. Shit.
“So, about your note,” said Dean after Aidan had opened the two bottles of beer and had handed one of them to his friend; “What did you want to talk to me about?”
Aidan sat down next to him and buried his head in his hands, resting his elbows onto his knees and letting out a deep sigh. Dean almost automatically lay is hand on his shoulder and gave it a little squeeze, which instead of making it easier only made it harder for him to start talking.
“It’s… a bit difficult to start.”
Dean moved to sit a little closer to Aidan, and he felt his heart rate rapidly going up. He was also starting to feel uncomfortably warm and sweaty, but Dean didn’t seem to notice or mind.
“You know you can tell me anything, right? I won’t laugh at you or gossip about you with the lads.”
God.
Aidan couldn’t stand the look of sympathy that Dean was giving him. The puppy eyes and the small frown between his eyebrows. What was he going to say? ‘Yeah mate, I just wanted to say that I’ve been fucking crushing on you ever since I lay my eyes on you at the auditions?’ That’s one way to scare someone away. Not a chance.
So he took a big gulp of his beer to try and relax. It didn’t work in the slightest.
“Is it about work?”
Aidan shrugged and tried to keep his voice steady. “In a way, I guess.”
“Something happened on set?”
Aidan didn’t like the direction this was already heading in, but decided to just go with it. Better get it over with soon than drag it out until he was losing the confidence to confess that he’d been working on for weeks to build.
“Yeah, sort of.”
Dean was silent for a while, probably thinking of a way how to get Aidan to tell him more.
“Has it got something to do with one of the lads?”
“Yes,” said Aidan softly. Dean’s frown deepened and he lay one of his hands down on his thigh, a tiny bit closer to his crotch than he was comfortable with right now.
Well fuck.
“Who?” he asked gently but with a little bit of an urge.
Aidan took another big mouthful of beer just to delay having to reply as long as possible, a motion that Dean copied. After messing with the zipper on his vest for a few seconds, scratching his head and clearing his throat a couple of times, he couldn’t delay answering any longer. So he just said it.
“You.”
Dean opened his mouth in surprise and then shut it again. He took a deep breath and then tried again:
“What about me? Did I say something wrong? Did I do something that upset you? I’m sorry man, I didn’t mean –”
“No, no! You didn’t do anything wrong, really,” Aidan said quickly before this could turn into an argument. Something he wanted to happen least of anything.
“Then what’s going on here, Aidan?” Dean said, obviously confused.
“I just… I don’t know how to say it, I… I just need to tell you something…”
He paused to clear his throat; “Something I’ve wanted to tell you for quite some time…”
Dean placed his hand back on Aidan’s thigh and gave it a little squeeze. He smiled and said:
“Just say it then, get it over with. Whatever it is I won’t be mad, I won’t laugh, and I won’t cry. I promise.”
Aidan looked Dean in the eyes, his beautiful, blue eyes, and he temporarily forgot about all that has ever bothered him. All of his many insecurities, the huge fear of Dean not being interested in him, the fear of losing him once filming was over. Having to leave him behind…
When he looked into Dean’s eyes, he felt his stomach flutter, his heart skipping a beat or two or ten. It felt like the warmth of the sun on his skin after the rain, like finally being back home after a long and rough day. It felt like he could forget about everything for a while and just be happy for the one or two seconds he could do it. Before it became creepy, of course.
But hey, this was taking more than one or two seconds, wasn’t it? This was becoming three seconds now, four, five, six…
Was Dean leaning in closer to him, or is it just a trick of the eye?
Seven, eight, nine…
Aidan could smell Dean’s shampoo now. He always washed his hair with the same and he could recognize it from miles away. It was the smell of fresh, the smell of clean. The smell of Dean.
Ten, eleven…
Is that a freckle on the tip of his nose? He’d never noticed that one before.
Twelve, thirteen…
Aidan is now so close that he can see Dean’s pupils dilate, and he can almost feel his heart hammering against his ribs, very much like his own. The tension of the situation makes it difficult for him to breathe, but at the same time making him more and more aware of being alive.
Fourteen…
Aidan suddenly feels Dean’s hand making contact with his lower back, slowly pulling their chests towards each other until they’re pressed together, the heat of their bodies colliding. Dean shifts his head just enough to the side to prevent their noses from bumping into each other.
And then it happened.
Oh god.
All the tension from the months of uncertainty left his body and mind at the moment that his lips brushed softly over Dean’s. He brought his hand to the back of Dean’s head and buried his fingertips just slightly into his hair, pulling his face a little closer and pressing his lips down onto his a little tighter. They explored each other like this for a few seconds until Dean parted his lips slightly, just enough to allow Aidan to deepen their kiss. He explored his mouth with his tongue, making the kiss more passionate but still romantic and beautiful. They both enjoyed the moment, judging by the small moans that were escaping from the backs of their throats, and by the heat coming from both of their bodies, turning their breaths gradually into pants.
After what felt like a month, or a year, or an age, but what was actually merely a few minutes, they broke the kiss. Immediately after coming back to earth and realising what had just happened, Aidan backed away from Dean, eyes wide, afraid of what Dean might think of him for kissing him out of the blue like that.
When Dean realised this, he smiled and gently pulled Aidan back to him, giving him another passionate kiss on his lips. Aidan eagerly leaned into it, but Dean broke it and shook his head.
“Talk to me first,” he said, still so close to him that he could feel the heat coming from his body. Aidan frowned.
“I thought that what just happened makes it pretty clear what I wanted to talk about.”
“I want you to talk about it anyway,” said Dean stubbornly, moving his arm to grab Aidan’s hand and giving it a little squeeze.
“How long?” he asked when Aidan failed to say a word.
“Since the audition,” he mumbled shyly, looking down at his socks. The one on his left foot had a hole in it, he realised absent-mindedly.
“That’s long, Aid, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
Aidan shrugged. “Why would I? I figured you wouldn’t be interested in me so I –”
“Wait, what?” Dean interrupted in a shocked tone; “Aidan, look at me,” he continued, using his right hand to redirect the younger man’s stare from his feet back to his eyes.
“Why would you think something like that? You’re a wonderful person, Aid, you’re nice to me, you’re funny, you’re smart, you’re talented, you’re…”
Dean stopped his jabbering to take a deep breath and enjoy a moment of looking into Aidan’s eyes. He realised that they were watery, and he placed his hand on his stubbly cheek and stroke it with his thumb.
“You’re very beautiful, Aidan, and I like you very much.”
“Really?” Aidan asked shyly, at which Dean nodded and pulled him into a tight embrace, pressing a kiss into his neck before resting his chin onto his shoulder. It fitted perfectly, he thought with a smile.
“Really,” he answered.
They remained like that for a couple of minutes, just relaxing into each other’s embrace and enjoying being close to one another. Aidan let out a big sigh of relief and buried his face deeper into Dean’s neck.
“You smell very nice,” he confessed, and Dean chuckled, glad that Aidan wasn’t able to see how much he was blushing.
Aidan plucked at a loose stitch on Dean’s t-shirt and played with the thread for a while. Dean remained silent.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked after a while, and Dean lifted his chin off of his shoulder a little bit so that he could look at Aidan.
“I’m thinking about what I’m going to do with my life when you’re in Ireland for two weeks and I’m stuck here with my parents and Brett.”
“I’m not leaving until Sunday.”
“That’s the day after tomorrow.”
“So?”
“What do you mean, ‘so’? You’re here telling me that you’ve got feelings for me, feelings I’ve been wishing to be returned for ages, and then you just run off for two weeks! Leaving me alone for two weeks with a heart that’s pounding three times its normal speed, leaving me longing for you to come back…”
Dean sighed deeply and looked at Aidan. Aidan looked back at him with eyes full of sadness.
“I’m going to miss you so much now, so much more than I would have missed you already when you hadn’t told me this.”
“You were going to miss me?” Aidan asked, his eyes widening a little bit.
“Of course I was going to miss you, you goofus! I love spending time with you. I understand you haven’t seen your parents in like months and neither have I but yeah, of course I wished you wouldn’t go half the world away. Yes I wished you’d stay here with me. I still do, you know. More than a lot.”
Aidan smiled and used the back of his hand to wipe an escaped tear away from his cheek. “That’s really sweet, Deano.”
“Yeah,” Dean laughed and shook his head; “And a bit hopeless, maybe.”
“How about we just spend the day together tomorrow, we’ll make it as fantastic and amazing as we possibly can, and then when I’m back in two weeks, we’re going to enjoy every second that we are together to the fullest,” Aidan suggested, treating Dean with one of his bright smiles.
“Deal?” Dean asked, leaning in for a kiss, which Aidan gladly returned. He only interrupted their kissing once more that night to answer:
“Deal.”
*THE END*