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The bass from the large speakers in the living room crawled atop every surface in its reach in heavy waves, strong enough to reach bone-deep. The air in the penthouse was thick with sweat and euphoria. Hyunjin sat down on the armrest of the only couch nearby to hush his racing pulse. His glass had long since been abandoned in one of the other rooms, yet the sting of whiskey stubbornly clung to the back of his throat.
For a shaky string of seconds all the roguish smiles and ecstatic voices surrounding Hyunjin felt as distant as a movie scene. It was a peculiar kind of irony, the way his grasp on reality could loosen even in situations such as these. He slowly curled his fingers into a fist and watched the skin over his knuckles get stretched taut. A dopey smile prodded at his features when he looked around and it settled in, bit by bit, that he truly lived in the moment.
The large windows in the far end of the room caught Hyunjin's wandering gaze. The tiny city lights outside seemed impossibly far, overwhelmingly out of reach, too many to count, yet too few to set the night ablaze. A whimsical wisp of curiosity tugged him up on his feet and led him through the crowd of swaying bodies. Shoulders and elbows bumped into him on his way, but the mild inconvenience barely registered. Languid steps brought him to a measly proximity from the closest floor-to-ceiling window. He craned his neck to look down at the uneven mosaic of buildings and streets spanning farther than his eyes could see, all his to marvel at and scrutinise.
In the mist of Hyunjin’s mind, the distance between the top floor apartment and the ground far below seemed amazing. A more morbid layer of his subconscious evoked passing thoughts along the lines of what it would be like to dive into the wide expanses of nothingness stretched out before him. Were he more sober, his better judgement would had advised him to refrain from touching, but in a fleeting moment of wonder, he pressed his hand against the spotless glass, as if he’d get to feel the night on his fingertips.
A pair of hands settled on Hyunjin's waist and pulled him out of his musings. Even without turning around to check, something about the sheer boldness of the touch carried the certainty that it was Minho who had snuck next to him. The warmth of a chest pressed to his back and a chin propped on his shoulder made Hyunjin feel more grounded. The long exhale that left him as he leaned back into the embrace should've been enough. He had no words to offer to Minho at the moment, only pliance.
Arms wove themselves around Hyunjin’s waist and fingers teasingly travelled down his abdomen. They left a sweet heat along their path until they abruptly dipped into the front pockets of his jeans. Minho deftly fished out Hyunjin’s cigarette pack from one of them. The satisfied giggle that followed his success almost got buried in the music.
Hyunjin only looked back when he felt Minho unhitch himself from his back and walk away, already missing the embrace despite the veiled intentions. A cheeky grin and a nod in the general direction of the exit were the only clues left to Hyunjin before Minho disappeared in the crowd.
A disbelieving little huff got drawn out of Hyunjin, tiny enough to get lost in the room, perfectly complemented by the smile growing on his face. He wasn’t one to turn down invitations.
On his way out, Hyunjin walked slowly to give himself time to scan the sea of people. A short distance away, in the pleasant haze of hookah smoke and multi-coloured lighting, Felix was easier to find than anticipated. It was a sight to behold, the way he danced with his eyes half-closed as if the music was playing for nobody but him. When the angle was just right, his features glistened in the dim room due to the light sheen of sweat covering them. The blissed out smile that stretched Felix’s lips made Hyunjin feel like he was having an out-of-body experience again, like nothing else in the room was quite as real.
Partially on auto-pilot, Hyunjin reached out to softly tug on Felix’s sleeve. There was a short-lived shimmer akin to a shooting star in Felix’s eyes when he snapped out of his own little world and focused on Hyunjin. Attention caught by the smooth movement of Felix’s hand while he pushed his bangs away from his sweat-matted forehead, Hyunjin almost forgot what he had set out to do. The soundless gasps for air that parted Felix’s lips ever so slightly made the reminder float back to the sober part of his mind. He didn’t need to do more than bring up two fingers to his mouth and throw a glance at the exit to make Felix understand.
Felix’s eyes curved into exhilarated little crescents as he latched onto Hyunjin’s arm and began dragging both of them to the door. His honest giddiness was almost out of place in the situation they were in, a sliver of innocence in a den of lost inhibitions. As if he were simply so glad to see Hyunjin that he just couldn’t hold it in. It was so different from Minho’s way of giving attention, but made Hyunjin’s insides stir all the same.
Hyunjin only had enough focus on his surroundings to match Felix’s pace. He left himself to the steadying grip on his arm. Lost somewhere in between the occasional giggles that spilled out of Felix, it didn’t occur to him that he had little clue whether they were even headed in the right direction.
Sneaking out was smooth sailing once they reached the penthouse foyer. The music was reduced to muffled thuds when they slipped outside and closed the front door behind them. Like a lighthouse at bay, Minho was waiting for them on the other end of the hallway, leaning on one of the dull cream-coloured walls. He stopped fiddling with his phone when he saw Felix and Hyunjin approach. Pushing himself off the wall with an exaggerated stagger, he wordlessly beckoned them to follow.
Vague confusion drew Hyunjin's eyebrows together while observing Minho walk past the elevators. It dawned upon him quickly enough once he noticed the door at the end of the hallway. It was a different colour compared to those of the apartments in the building, no touch of aesthetic vision in its faintly scratched surface. With several harsh tugs on the old handle, Minho pulled the door open and went up the staircase behind it without sparing a thought.
The unnervingly symmetrical pattern of the hallway carpeting led Hyunjin to believe that he'd feel dizzy if he stared at it for too long. The sudden enthusiasm to go outside in his steps stuttered when he felt Felix's grip on him loosen. Under the assumption that he rushed too much, Hyunjin slowed his pace, but it clicked when he felt an arm wind up on his lower back. A glance to his side showed him Felix leaning a cheek onto his shoulder. He felt the hand on his back slowly slide lower, deliberately pressing into his skin along the way just enough to keep his attention on the touch.
Hyunjin almost tripped over the perfectly smooth carpet when Felix's fingers snuck into the back pocket of his jeans. A gulp that sounded too loud to his own ears crawled down his throat, and his senses twitched with the impulse to wrap an arm around Felix's shoulders right at that moment. The sliver of neediness withered, however, when he felt Felix grab the lighter that was in his pocket and swiftly snatch it away.
A giddy Felix let go of Hyunjin and scampered on ahead with light laughter. Reaching the first step of the staircase, he only threw back a quick mischievous glance before hurrying ahead. His wide smiles always complemented the shape of his eyes.
In the span of no more than ten minutes, Hyunjin had fallen for the same trick twice, and he was faring quite calmly with that fact. They were playing a game with him, and he was more than determined to beat both of them at it. With a faint smile of his own, he went ahead, closed the door behind himself, and obediently followed.
A chill rippled through Hyunjin when he finally reached the top. The gust of cool night air that enveloped him felt sobering. A tall chain-link fence skirted the wide empty plain of concrete that constituted as the roof. Instead of the music from downstairs, the monotone buzz of traffic coming from far below completed the city view up there.
Minho leaned on the wall right by the door, keeping his distance from the fenced periphery, away from clear signs of just how high up they were at the moment, content with just Felix huddled by his side for warmth. Eyes half-open in lazy satisfaction, an unlit cigarette hanging from the edge of his mouth, Minho shot Hyunjin a smile warm enough to stave off the late night cold when he saw him approach.
Felix treated himself to a cigarette from the stolen pack in Minho's hand as well. He twirled the lighter in his fingers a few times before flicking it on with a familiar click. The tiny flame illuminated his freckles when he brought it closer to his face. Time stood still while he took the first drag. When Felix exhaled a bitter grey puff, Hyunjin couldn't help but focus on the shape of his lips and the way they looked with smoke curling around them.
Minho held a palm out in front of Felix, wordlessly asking for the lighter. Felix regarded him for a moment, mulling over the request for a thin-stretched moment.
Instead of handing it over, he reached out to place a hand on Minho's neck, fingers trailing along his skin until they comfortably settled at his nape. Felix pulled Minho forward while leaning closer himself, until the tips of their cigarettes lightly touched, their faces less than the span of a hand away.
Felix’s eyes were downcast, following the way the tiny flame began slowly crawling across, sparks eating away at the dark between them. He must've missed the glint of raw awe Minho peered at him with. When miniature flickers of light started livelily dancing along the edge of Minho’s cigarette and made him take in a tart lungful, the two of them locked gazes. Seconds kept trickling on, yet neither of them moved away.
The view made Hyunjin's fingers twitch, a sense of want seeping through the cracks between his ribs.
Between lazy drags, Minho's eyes shifted to Hyunjin, his gaze every bit as dazed as Hyunjin felt. It was like a moment of quiet solidarity. Hyunjin vaguely motioned towards the cigarette pack in Minho's hand, wordlessly asking for one. The cravings inside him threatened to grow into restlessness lest he busied himself with something.
Minho gave him another meaningful glance before moving. He took a long drag as he stepped closer to Hyunjin, pulled his cigarette away from his mouth and leaned in with a half-lidded look. Hyunjin froze in his spot, heart beginning to thrum faster in his chest, holding his breath as he watch Minho tilt his head and come closer.
Minho stopped when they were no more than a breath apart. Hyunjin understood.
Slowly, Minho blew out a thick little cloud of smoke, focus set on the way Hyunjin's lips parted to take it all in. Hyunjin let the weightless bitterness linger in his mouth a bit. In an instant, in a second so quickly gone, he exhaled the smoke against Minho's lips, watched the way it dissipated against his skin.
The look they shared afterwards left nothing unsaid. Ash fell from Minho's cigarette, forgotten.
Hyunjin wound an arm around Minho's waist and pulled him closer with a sense of urgency, an undercurrent of desperation to his movements. Still breathless, both of them moved at the same time, closing the distance between their lips. Like a drowning man grasping for salvation, Minho placed his free hand on Hyunjin's cheek and kissed him fervently as if he'd never get to do it again. On a night so chilly his touch almost burned. Their lips moved with no rhythm or reason, each just trying to feel as much of the other as possible.
When Hyunjin's lungs started burning for air, he reluctantly pulled back. The way Minho's mouth chased after the broken kiss was nothing short of exhilarating. Shallow gasps and another shared look, this time sated, relieved, for now content with just holding each other.
When he no longer felt light-headed from breathlessness, Hyunjin turned his attention to Felix. Felix, who had watched with rapt attention. Felix, whose eyes widened when Hyunjin met his gaze, as if it suddenly hit him that it was all very much real. He stood no more than a few steps away, but in the moment it seemed far, too far.
Hyunjin met him halfway. He gently released his hold on Minho to approach Felix with that same deep-rooted hunger moving him. A longing for that burn in his lungs overcame him. Wrapping his fingers around Felix's wrist, he brought Felix's cigarette to his lips and impatiently took a much wanted drag. He didn't even wait to exhale before capturing Felix in a kiss.
They found their way to each other so easily; Felix pulled Hyunjin in by the collar of his shirt, his other arm settled around Hyunjin's neck. Smoke languidly snaked past their lips before curling up in the air and disappearing. Hyunjin was about to melt then and there when he felt Felix's tongue swipe across his lower lip. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, holding Felix close by the hips.
Sharp and unforgiving, the remnants of rum and nicotine on Felix's tongue tasted like poison. Hyunjin wanted to drink it all in.
A hand settled itself on Felix's side. Minho breathed in whatever was left of his cigarette before tossing it aside to weave his arms around Felix's waist from behind. He leaned in to exhale a bitter gray breath against Felix's neck and smiled when he felt Felix lightly shudder in his arms. Minho planted slow open-mouthed kisses along Felix's skin where the smoke had glided mere seconds ago. Felix let out a pleased gasp against Hyunjin's mouth.
Once Hyunjin leaned away to catch his breath, he stared enthralled at the way Minho kissed up the side of Felix's neck and along his jawline. Felix's impatience eventually took the reins. He reached out to card his fingers through Minho's hair and tugged him closer. Between kisses Minho made a show out of biting on Felix's lower lip and dragging his teeth on it. Hyunjin could watch them all night.
Sweetly, the deeply buried hope in him assured that he'd have plenty more to see. He reached out to wrap his arms around both of them, close enough to revel in all the little sighs they let out between kisses. The warmth they gave him brought along the belief that everything was alright, that this wouldn't be the last time the three would submit to each other like this, and that visceral sense of security was all he could’ve needed.