Work Text:
May 2014
It’s the third Monday of May and Namjoon’s feed is full of pictures from his friends receiving their gifts for their Coming-of-Age ceremony.
In the group chat from his high school friends, everyone is congratulating each other, sending nice emojis and little messages. Some are even planning a get together where they plan to go out for drinks now that they can. Namjoon wishes he could join them.
His social media feed consists of other idols his age with flowers and perfume, some even asking who would kiss them. It was the norm after all, receiving flowers, a perfume and a kiss from a loved one. In the pictures, some wore Jokduri, others wore a gat, sticking to the traditional celebration day. Those were rare though.
Sighing, Namjoon throws his phone on his bed, grabs a towel and heads for the shower. There’s already someone waiting in line, as usual. With the official line up being finalized, all the seven members of Bangtan Sonyeondan have moved in to live together in the dorm. The last one to join being Seokjin who moved in back in July. With seven young men in the dorm, of course it’s going to be hectic to just use the bathroom.
Towel wrapped around his neck and his tiny basket of personal hygiene products, Namjoon approaches the door. Hoseok is the one waiting there, scrolling through his phone. As soon as he hears Namjoon approaching, he looks up from it, smiles at him.
“Hey, Joon,” he greets. “Congrats.”
Because of the civil code change in legal age took effect on July 1, 2013, teenagers born in 1993 and 1994 on and before June 30 celebrated their coming of age in 2013, while those born in 1994 on and after June 1 and 1995 celebrated their coming of age respectively in 2014. Since Hoseok’s birthday was in February, he had his coming of age ceremony in 2013, whereas Namjoon had to wait till 2014.
“Thanks,” Namjoon mutters as he clutches his little basket and leans against the other wall.
“Have any plans?” Last year Hoseok had gotten gifts too. From his sister and his parents. They had sent it by mail. Then they had surprised him by showing up to the dorms and taking him out to eat. Namjoon didn’t really expect such a thing from his family. After all, during Hoseok’s coming of age day, Bangtan hadn’t debuted yet. Now they had and they were much busier than they were from when they were about to debut. All those talks of concepts and meeting really took up a lot of time. Especially Namjoon who was more of the spoke-person between the member and the staff.
Pushing his glasses up on his nose, Namjoon shakes his head. “Nah,” he states. “Got a lot of work to do.”
Hoseok nods. “Well,” he begins, ever the optimist, “better to have work than none at all.”
The door clicks open and Namjoon watches as Seokjin steps out of the shower, rubbing his towel over his damp hair. Hoseok takes this as his cue to go shower and quickly swoops in past Seokjin, closing the door as soon as he’s inside.
“Hmm,” Seokjin hums, observing how quickly Hoseok dashed inside. “Maybe he had to take a dump?”
Namjoon snorts. “Hyung, that’s disgusting.”
Seokjin shrugs, continuing to dry his hair with the towel. His eyes flicker to Namjoon’s, they light up as if he just noticed that Joon was there, then they soften and he smiles at him. “Morning Namjoon-ah.”
“Morning Hyung,” Namjoon greets back, a bit more strained than he intended. It wasn’t unsual for Namjoon to see Seokjin in a towel. In fact, by now, he’s basically seen all the members naked. Mostly due to the fact that they sometimes had to shower three at a time to conserve water. Seokjin was no different, even though he was the last one to move into the dorm with them.
It’s…distracting though. Namjoon works out too. According to Jimin, his body is pretty great and Jeongguk complimented his thighs a few times. But Seokjin was one of the members who would constantly go to the gym, and boy, did it show.
Namjoon tends to panic a lot when Seokjin is around, has been doing so since the two of them met. Seokjin was handsome, after all. But not only that. Seokjin was nice, caring, hardworking, relaxed and the total opposite of Namjoon, if he had to be honest. He would go out of his way to buy groceries for them using his personal allowance and would even cook them delicious meals. He was like an ideal older brother, despite being the youngest in his family. And took care of all of them, especially Jeongguk, who he would even take to school every morning.
Yeah, Seokjin was the type of person who would receive a dozen flowers on a day like today.
They were close though. A good group had to be united after all. Starting beef with each other over personal opinions wasn’t the way to success. What tends to clash between him and Seokjin is how the elder is so carefree about everything. Namjoon had never met anyone like him before. But it was a good balance. While Namjoon overthought everything, Seokjin would remind him that there are some things out of his control.
He’s pretty sure the two of them make a great team.
“Happy coming of age day,” he says, finally bringing his towel down, throwing it over his shoulder. “How are you going to spend it?”
“At the studio with you guys,” Joon responds.
“Fun,” Seokjin comments with a smirk, obviously a sarcastic remark. Namjoon shrugs and switches the leg he was supporting his weight on.
“Yeah,” he exhales, “fun.”
Being the ever observant person that he is, Seokjin tilts his head and stares, immediately noticing that something seemed rather off. His brows press together, lips forming a thin line. “Did you have plans or something?”
Joon shakes his head. “No.”
“Did you not get any congratulatory messages?”
“I did,” he replies.
“Any presents?”
Joon lets out a long sigh. “No,” he grumbles. “And there’s no chance of a kiss when I don’t even have a girlfriend.”
It’s out before he even realizes it. Then he feels the shift in the air. God, that was dumb to bring up. They’re idols for pete’s sake. Even though their company specifically doesn’t prohibit it, the fans prohibited them from dating. It’s one of those ´small´ prices to pay. He should be glad he even has a chance to be doing what he’s doing. Not complain. Much less in front of Seokjin, who never complains about anything.
Seokjin becomes silent for a moment, continues his staring. Namjoon squirms a bit under his gaze. The elder’s look was exactly the reason why most of the members had thought Seokjin was intimidating when they first met him.
Very abruptly, Seokjin digs into his back pocket, pulls out a tube of chapstick. “Here,” he says as he hands it to him, “maybe this’ll help you get kissed today.”
Namjoon tries to keep it together. He glances down at the chapstick in his hand, looks back up at his hyung with an unreadable expression. Seokjin’s grin falls.
“Was it not funny?” he asks, letting out a long breath. “Ah, maybe jokes just aren’t my thing.” He honestly looks so deflated that Namjoon can’t help but want to hug him. He doesn’t though.
Instead he just tells him, “I think you’re funny, Hyung.” It’s true. Maybe on some other day Namjoon would’ve had some sort of reaction to the chapstick joke but today he’s too under the weather to do so.
Giving him a light pat on the back, Seokjin smiles at him. It’s one of those that doesn’t fully meet his eyes. “You don’t have to force yourself with me, Namjoonie,” he says softly and then just walks back to the bedroom.
Looking down at the chapstick in his hand, Namjoon can’t help but feel that the act of giving him the item was sort of funny. He should’ve laughed at Seokjin’s attempt of a joke. After all, the elder was trying so hard to ‘find his thing’, even though Namjoon insisted that he was fine the way he was. In fact, just the brief conversation and the item in his hand lessened his tension.
Namjoon liked Seokjin the way he was. And the thing was that he couldn’t really put a date to when he realized when he started seeing Seokjin this way. Not a time or place, but maybe it was since the very beginning.
2011
Late Fall
The first time that Namjoon had invited Seokjin out to eat, it hadn’t been on casual terms.
He had met Seokjin previously, a few days before meeting Jeongguk actually. Seokjin had been brought in by a staff member to be showed around the studio. Namjoon just so happened to be in the recording studio on that day.
His first impression of Seokjin, naturally, had been that he was handsome. Despite his weird choppy hair at the time that he kept short, his features were clearly that of an idol’s. Nothing like his, Yoongi’s or Hoseok’s looks. It dawned on Namjoon at the time that Bighit was really trying to go all out with this idol group scenario.
Chatting with Seokjin at that time had been, awkward. Seokjin was an acting major. How the hell was Namjoon supposed to talk to him about Hip hop? Not to mention that Seokjin’s every pore screamed rich, so how was talking about dorm life going to be attractive when this guy could just do something else? Not to mention that Seokjin’s whole demeanor cause a somewhat intimidating presence. Namjoon felt unworthy just to be near him.
So when Namjoon had finally heard from Bangtan’s manager a few month later that Seokjin had been approved as a part of the official line up for their group, Namjoon felt the need to step in and question Seokjin and his intentions.
Sitting at the corner of a booth at his favorite restaurant near the dorms, Namjoon waited patiently. He had asked Seokjin to go out to eat with him and the elder had said he would meet up with him after finishing his vocal lessons.
Fidgeting with his hands, Namjoon goes over the list of things he planned to say. He needed to be direct. Needed to be confrontational. Seokjin was not only older than him but also an actor in training, he could lie his way through these questions. So Joon had to choose his wording carefully.
The bell of the restaurant’s front door rings and brings the aspiring rapper out of his head.
As soon as he caught sight of Seokjin entering the door, Namjoon stood so that the elder could see him. The weather was unreasonably cold that day and Seokjin had been overly bundled up, much like Namjoon himself.
He remained standing when Seokjin approached him. When he was close enough Namjoon gave a slight bow.
“We’ve met before,” he said as he straightened up. His hands at the time were sweaty from how nervous he was about this, “But, um, hi. I’m Kim Namjoon.”
“Hi,” Seokjin greeted back as he shuffled into the booth, taking seat across from Namjoon. “I’m Kim Seokjin.”
His smile was pleasant enough to put Namjoon at ease. There were talks about Seokjin among the trainees. He was pretty popular, mostly because Seokjin was —is— very handsome. Not only that but he had originally signed up with Bighit to pursue a career in acting. It was highly suspicious to see him suddenly change his mind and to want to be a part of a hip-hop idol group.
With the company’s sudden decision to reconstruct Bangtan and change direction towards idoldom, lots of members had left or been kicked out. Namjoon can’t say he’s not disappointed. He had originally wanted to focus on hiphop and switching to an idol group was already getting criticism from certain hip hop circles.
Bangtan had already recorded an album and had already started taking the album cover pictures and concept photos. But once again the group was broken up and they had to start from scratch again with only Yoongi, Hoseok and Namjoon. So forgive him if he was a little stirred up at the time and just wanted to make sure that every new member to the crew had their priorities straight.
“So,” Namjoon began after they each ordered some food, “I heard you made the lineup.”
Seokjin nodded. “Don’t ask me how, but yeah.”
A crease formed between the younger’s brows. See, it was that sort of attitude that Namjoon was worried over. Shouldn’t Seokjin be saying something like ‘I worked hard, glad it paid off’ or ‘I’m glad because this is what I wanted’? His comment literally sounds as if he didn’t do shit to deserve it.
Namjoon doesn’t need a slacker. This was his dream. “Aren’t you worried?”
The elder lifted a brow as he reached for his glass of water. “Of what?” he asked as he took a sip. Joon watches him intensely. Did this guy not know what he was getting into?
“I know our contract says we get 70% of the earnings while the company gets 30%, but what if we don’t sell well? Or what if we don’t even make to debut? We’re practically broke. We’re not JYP, nor any other big company. We could flop and just make a full of ourselves.” It was a worry that sometimes kept Namjoon up at night. The uncertainty of this job. What it called for. What it could end up being. Sometimes dreaming wasn’t enough. Sometimes passion didn’t go through. Sometimes a dream just remains that. A dream.
“I think we just have to work hard on debuting,” was all Seokjin replied.
Sighing, Namjoon felt that he had to be more direct. “Seokjin-ssi, what is your goal in joining Bangtan?”
“To debut.”
“And what do you think you can actually bring to this group to help us accomplish that?”
Seokjin looks a bit taken aback, he frowns. “What do you mean?”
“I rap, I write, I compose. Yoongi-hyung can do that plus b-boy. Hoseok is a well-known dancer. Jeongguk can sing. Jihoon dances. Hyosang-hyung is like me and Yoongi-hyung.” He stopped, not wanting to go too into detail with all the trainees since there were so many other possibilities. “What about you?” Why you?
“Oh.” Seokjin set his cup aside. Namjoon noticed the elder’s cheeks turning pink. “This is because I don’t have any previous music experience, isn’t it?”
There were other reasons of course, but Namjoon didn’t want mention them. He just nodded, watched as Seokjin uncomfortably shifted in his seat.
“I can understand why you’re doing this, Namjoon-ssi,” Seokjin sighed. There’s a sheepish edge to the smile he suddenly tries to play off, as if trying to tone down what he’s was going to say. “I know a lot of people don’t find it fair that I got picked.” His eyes held Namjoon’s firmly. “Even you.” Namjoon tried to hold his gaze back, but the longer he did it, the more guilt started consuming him at what he saw there.
“I didn’t expect to be recruited,” Seokjin continued. “I didn’t expect to be one the official list.” He let out an airy laugh and looks down at his hands. “I consider it a miracle honestly. I’m really just a normal guy. But this company seems to see something special in me, you know?”
Namjoon did know. He started rapping around 2007, even joined several crews. Crews that were too focused on the fame when Namjoon wanted to focus on the music. In 2009 he had auditioned to join the Big Deal Squad, but was apparently not good enough to win a spot despite being a finalist.
For him, his miracle started when Sleepy had asked him for his contact info. And he had almost given up the dream until Sleepy had called him and told him to audition for Bighit. Seeing Bang Pd hire him on the spot and then finding a way to create a group around Namjoon had been crazy. But that’s how all this began.
So yes, he knew what Seokjin meant. But Namjoon worked hard for his miracle.
“Miracles don’t happen often,” the elder kept saying. “I’m not one to throw it all away.” He went back to locking eyes with Namjoon. “I’ll work hard to become a good singer and not let the group down.”
Namjoon pursed his lips together, unconvinced. “Will you be moving into the dorms with us?”
Seokjin shook his head. “I live in Seoul. My house is pretty close to the company building so I’ll commute.”
“Don’t you think you’re being a bit anti-social?” Namjoon commented. “If we’re going to be in a group together you should get to know us. We’re going to be together for about seven years.”
The elder rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m pretty shy around new people,” he said in a low voice. “But you’re right.” He sat up, a new determined look on his face. “If it helps, I can visit the dorms every once in a while and cook for you all.”
Joon’s brows shot up. “You cook?” Didn’t rich kids have cooks for them?
He nods. “My mom told me to learn. She’s pretty strict about certain things. She wouldn’t let me what Pokemon if I slouched while watching the TV so,” he motioned to his posture, he was sitting as straight as a board, “you can guess my trauma.”
Oh. Namjoon always thought it was because he had a stick up his ass.
“Anyways,” Seokjin stated, “yeah, I’m willing to cook for you all if it brings us closer together. I can even provide the ingredients myself.” He gave Namjoon a gentle smile that turned sheepish. “My only request is that I can be out before my curfew ends. Strict mom, you know.” His eyes flickered upward. “Is that okay, Leader-nim?”
At this point, Namjoon didn’t know what to say. He had been thankful for the interruption when the restaurant’s ajumma finally arrived with their food. Both of them focused on eating instead, although they had engaged in a bit of small talk.
They finished their food and honestly, Namjoon felt dumb at the time. Maybe even a little ashamed. He had judged Seokjin too hard. He was shy, not stuck up. He careful with his words, not lacking in interest on the topic. He lived day by day and focused on the things he could change rather than the ones he couldn’t. Namjoon had never met anyone like him and was intrigued.
“I’ll pay,” Namjoon had said when they reached the register. “I did call you out to meet with me, after all.” Seokjin stepped aside, let him. It wasn’t until Namjoon had reached into his pocket to realize that he had left his wallet at the dorm.
Completely embarrassed at the turn of events, Joon looked up at Seokjin who seemed to have noticed Namjoon’s predicament and snorted. “I got it,” Seokjin chuckled, handing the cashier his card.
“I’ll get it next time.”
Seokjin gave him an amused look. “Next time?”
Now Namjoon was the one blushing. “So I can pay you back.”
Seokjin laughed, covered his mouth with his hand as he did so and takes his card and put it in his wallet. “You’re cute Namjoon-ssi.”
Coming from someone as handsome as Seokjin, Namjoon believed it.
May 2014
Joon’s pretty much been kooped up in the studio since he left the dorms this morning. He’s sending the last few bits of the lyrics he’s thought of. Those words that took up ages of his time. The company wanted a new concept. Something different. There last album, School Luv Affair, that went out back in February was gaining them a bit more attention. And in a few months a new album would be released, the recording a post-production section of it already completed. They just needed to finish start filming the MVs which would be approximately two weeks from now.
Bang Pd had suggested they try out a new style for their next album. Said that they were thinking of going in a new direction that didn’t particularly centered around hip hop. This of course was a challenge he gave them. He had said they still had a year before they’d thing of releasing it. He first wanted to see what the reaction would be for the album in progress. “Dark & Wild” he believes is the name they settled on.
There’s a knock at the door to the studio and Namjoon thinks it may be one of the producers. But no. It’s Jimin that’s peeking his head into the door.
“Practice in one hour,” he says. “I’m reminding you so you don’t arrive late again and we all have to suffer because of it.”
Back when they were trainees things have been different. They chose when to practice and how much they wanted to practice. But that too had been a test by the company. They were willing to take in only the most passionate of trainees. So they always observed who would slack off and who wouldn’t.
Now as rookies, things were different. They had schedules to attend to.
“Also,” Jimin adds, “Jin-hyung wants to know if you’ve eaten already. And that if you haven’t then this is your reminder that you should.”
Namjoon tries not to smile. “Tell him I haven’t, but I will.”
“You tell him,” Jimin whines. “I’m not you two’s love pigeon.”
“Love pigeon?”
“You know, like those pigeons that people used to send each other love letters and stuff.”
Making a face, Joon responds, “I’m just telling you to tell him that I’ll eat.”
“Yeah, and that’s such a coupley thing to do.” Jimin brings his hands together, bats his eyes dramatically. “Honey,” he begins in a high pitched voice, “have you eaten yet?” He suddenly frowns and lowers his voice. “No honey, but I will.” Voice going higher again, he adds, “Omo! Let me cook something tasty for you!” Voice drops. “Anything you make is tasty my love.”
Rolling his eyes, Namjoon looks down at his notepad. “We are not like that.”
Jimin crosses his arms. “Not out loud but you two definitely have your moments.” The dark haired boy suddenly moves. “Neither of you are like that with the rest of us.”
“That’s not true,” Namjoon remarks. “Jin-hyung is pretty close to Taehyung and Jeongguk. And I—” He pauses. Who was he particularly close to?
“And you’re close with Jin-hyung,” Jimin finishes for him, then throws his hands out dramatically. “You see my point?”
Groaning, Namjoon goes back to his lyrics. “Jiminie, if you want to bother someone go to Hoseok or Yoongi-hyung. But I really want to try to finish these lyrics before practice. You know how hard it is for me to find time to write.”
This, of course, seems to calm Jimin down a bit. But not before sticking his lips out and lightly stomping at the floor. “Fine,” he mutters, then does a quick turn that could only be described as graceful and leaves.
Namjoon tries to continue writing his lyrics, he really does. But Jimin’s words sort of echo in his head.
He was closest to Jin? Nah, there was no way. There had to be some other member that he got along better with.
Yoongi for instance. Sure they quarreled a lot at the beginning. Each one with their own opinions on hip-hop and such, especially since Namjoon was fond of American hip-hop while Yoongi was more into local. But they were close. They never went out or anything but they were close.
Or Hoseok for instance. He was his 94liner buddy. His unofficial second in command. The water to put out his fire. Together they tend to…do nothing outside of Bangtan.
Oh man, he really does hang out a lot with Jin-hyung, doesn’t he? Now that he thinks about it, he and Seokjin either go out together or Namjoon goes out alone. Seokjin always tells him to go out to eat meat and Namjoon always says yes. They’ve even lost count of whose turn it is to pay and just split the bill.
Is this what the new generation calls whipped? Namjoon does find himself doing everything that Seokjin asks of him. And the other members say he’s been smiling a lot more around Seokjin but that’s mostly because he’s a funny hyung. And his presence is comforting, calming.
Namjoon shakes those thoughts out of his head. “Dammit Namjoon. Keep your stupid crush to yourself,” he mutters, slapping his cheeks to go back to focusing on his lyrics. A new sound. A new message. He had to think about this. The future of Bangtan rode on this. He shouldn’t be thinking of Jin-hyung right now. He had his dreams for that. Because that’s all Seokjin was going to be for him.
A dream.
God, Namjoon hated these feelings sometimes.
It’s definitely my heart, my feelings but why don’t they listen to me, he scribbles on the page. Hums. That was a good start.
It goes round & round, why do I keep coming back. I go down & down, at this point, I’m just a fool. Whatever I do, I can’t help it.
It’s a bit cliché, he thinks. Writing about love. But Bang PD always says they should write about their personal experiences. And this was what he was going through.
Eh, it’d probably get set aside anyway.
He’s a bit too deep into lyric writing when his phone vibrates. Joon glances at it. It’s Jimin. That means he’s late for practice.
Folding up the paper as thinly as he can and tucking into his pocket, Namjoon stands up and leaves the studio. Hands in his pockets, he heads to the practice room. Luckily for him, their company building was small so he wouldn’t be late by much. Most likely, the scolding he would receive would probably be minimal.
Peeking through the window of the practice room door, Namjoon notes that the practice room is…empty? What? Where were the other members?
After looking around some more he spots Jin and Yoongi suddenly appear at the corner of the room, bending over to grab something. Namjoon decides that he should go inside now. Sliding the door open, he opens his mouth to speak. "Hey, guys, why haven’t you starte—"
Something suddenly hits Namjoon in the face.
“Surprise!” he hears Taehyung shout excitedly. Namjoon pulls the object away from his face, sees him jumping up and down like a kid, holding a bouquet of flowers. Before Namjoon can ask, Taehyung shoves the flowers into Namjoon’s hands. The rapper blinks, stares.
“Um, what’s this?” he dares to ask.
“Your coming-of-age flowers!” the silver-haired boy announces loudly. He smiles, his grin forming into a cute rectangle. “Do you like them?”
Before Joon can even process that answer, Hoseok appears next to him. “That’s not all!” he announces sprays something on him. Namjoon gets a sudden whiff of a brief woody smell. He blinks owlishly. Hoseok smiles widely next to him. “How is it?”
“It smells nice,” Namjoon comments. Not too strong. Smelled of nature and was very natural. “Wait.” He frowns. “Is this all for me?” He turns to the guys. “You guys went and got this for me?”
“It was Jin-hyung’s idea,” Jimin states with a wiggling of his brows. “He’s the one who went out and bought the flowers and perfume.”
At that, Namjoon looks at Seokjin who’s over in the corner chugging down a bottle of water with Yoongi, chatting away. Namjoon’s chest feels warm, it itches a little. Did Seokjin buy this with his personal allowance too?
God, this is exactly what he hates about Seokjin. The cologne looks expensive. Seokjin should’ve spent the money for it on himself instead of on Namjoon. He had already received some seaweed soup on his birthday. He didn’t need anything else from Seokjin. Seokjin has already done enough for him as it was.
“He said not to tell you,” Taehyung whispers. “But we think it’s only fair to do so.”
Ugh. That was so like him. Never wanting to take credit for things, never wanting to be in the spotlight when others could have it instead.
“I see,” Namjoon responds, trying to keep his voice casual, to hide that he was actually very happy about all this. It doesn’t work. Hoseok can see right through him. Thanks to years of living together there was only so much he could keep from certain people, Hoseok and Yoongi being part of that list.
“Well, Hyung,” Jimin begins, rubbing his hand together. “You have your perfume, you have your flowers,” he grins, “all that’s left to complete the coming of age tradition is…”
“Oh,” Hoseok giggles, catching on pretty quickly to what the other was implying, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Should one of us give Namjoonie a kiss?” He and Jimin start cracking up. Next to them Taehyung scrunches his nose in recoil.
“Can we decide with rock, paper, scissors?” he asks. “I don’t want to have to kiss someone again.” Recalling the kiss with Hoseok back when they were filming Rookie King, he shudders.
Jimin, who’s still laughing, though struggling to stop, waves his hand up and him. “No, no,” he says, “Jin-hyung should do it!”
“I should do what?” Seokjin asks as he approaches them. He takes one look at the items in Namjoon’s hands. “Oh,” he says casually. “Those are nice.”
“We already told him you bought them Hyung,” Taehyung informs, grinning wide and reaching for the water bottle that Yoongi hands him as he approaches them.
“Yeah,” Jimin adds, stretching his arms out behind him. “No use in covering it up. We’re not going to take credit for all this.”
At this, the tips of Seokjin’s ears start turning pink as his eyes meet Namjoon’s who’s just staring back. This of course makes the elder even more embarrassed and he looks away. Nervously, Seokjin scratches the back of his neck. “I hope it wasn’t too overdone.”
It wasn’t. It was sweet and it was so like him that Namjoon can’t even find it in himself to feel embarrassed about it even when his members are looking at them with a face similar to when Spongebob realized Squidward actually liked Krabby Patties. Seokjin is actually a very shy person. From where he stands, Namjoon can see his ears turning pink.
Behind them, Namjoon can hear Jimin snickering. It sort of brings Namjoon out of his stupor.
“I think he likes it, Hyung,” Jimin grins. Namjoon wants to shove him back. Instead he decides to change the subject. He’ll thank Seokjin later.
“Where’s Ggukie?”
“He’ll be here in a minute,” Yoongi answers. “We asked to start practice a little later so we could give you the gift. Unfortunately that clashed with Gguk’s night schedule a bit so manager-nim told him to switch things around a bit. But he got a bit setback so…”
As if on cue, Jeongguk run in, their dance teacher right behind him, as well as their dance teacher her claps for them all to get into place. Apparently, there would be several choreo runs today. Namjoon internally groans.
Their dance teacher was absolutely relentless. He made them go through each of their choreo set ten times. Namjoon wanted to whine. But every single time he opened his mouth to during their quick water break, he would look over and see Seokjin stretching to give it another go. That sight was enough to make Namjoon swallow the words he wanted to say and just get moving.
When their teacher finally tells them they’re done for the night, the members almost whoop in relief. Sweaty and sore, they grab their belongings and head for the van. It’s hot and tight on their way to the dorms and once they reach the building they all start fighting over who gets to shower first.
In the end they agreed that Namjoon should shower first, alone since it was "his day". Then the rest of the hyung line, followed by the maknae line.
Once he’s out of the bathroom and the next three head in, Namjoon spots his flowers and cologne on the small table in their ‘dining room’. Namjoon grabs them, heads to the kitchen to grab a cup or something to fill with water. Cup filled, he heads to the bedroom.
Placing the cup on the nightstand next to his bunk bed —after clearing out everything that he had on top of it— Joon puts the flowers inside and places the cologne with his own personal stuff.
After setting everything in place, Namjoon stands and turns. Stopping, he sees Seokjin hovering by the door, watching him.
“Was it too much?” Seokjin asks him suddenly. It’s only him and Namjoon in their cramped bedroom. He didn’t know where the others went. The maknae line must be showering, but Yoongi and Hoseok?
“I liked it,” Namjoon answers him. “I wanted to thank you when it was just the two of us.”
Seokjin continues watching him. His contacts are out and have been replaced by those thick glasses he hates wearing. “You didn’t look too happy about them.”
“I was surprised is all,” the silver-haired male tells him. “I—“ He glances at the flowers, then at Seokjin and blushes. Shyly, he looks down at his feet. “They made me happy.”
The answer seems to satisfy Seokjin enough to make him break out into a smile. The elder catches himself and suddenly looks away. “I see,” he whispers, I’m glad.”
Silence takes over the room for a moment. Neither knowing what else to add on to the conversation. Both of them were awkward like this around each other. Not wanting to leave but not knowing what to say to stay.
Seokjin breaks the silence by suddenly asking, “You hungry?”
Namjoon smiles. “Starving.”
“We could go out for some budae jjigae?” Seokjin suggests.
Namjoon stands, still grinning. “That sounds great,” he answers.
They grab their coats. The dorm is surprisingly quiet and Joon wonders if all the members were staying out of their way to give them some time alone. That seems like something they’d do. Even though Seokjin doesn’t seem to think too much about it. Joon wonders if the members tease Jin about their relationship as much as they do with Joon. Seokjin would probably laugh it off or turn pink and scold them, though. Not like Namjoon who doesn’t really have much to say on the matter once he realizes they’re right.
Leaving the dorm and heading down the hall, Namjoon decides to make some small talk. Knowing that if he didn’t he’d probably just stare at Jin the whole way there.
“Hobi praised you today,” he comments. “You’re apparently improving a lot.”
“He’s probably just saying that to motivate me,” Jin tells him. “No way I’m improving if you’re the one I’m always practicing with.”
Namjoon elbows him. Seokjin laughs. They laugh together. Truth be told, they both knew how things were. The blood, sweat and tears from hours of nightly practices alone. Namjoon would’ve never improved if it weren’t for Seokjin. Even though he’d never admit it.
Late 2012
“Has anyone seen Jin-hyung?” Namjoon asked when he entered the dorm.
Yoongi was the one to answer him, looking up from where he sat at the table in the ‘dining room’ with a sheet of paper in front of him, a few scribbles of notes and staffs took up the page. Namjoon couldn’t understand a bit of it. “He said he was going to sleep.”
“He’s not in the bedroom though,” Namjoon replied. They shared one room with bunk beds, there was no way a member could get lost in a dorm as tiny as theirs.
“Weren’t you with him?” Namjoon asked Jeongguk. The young boy was in the corner of the living room, bunched up into a ball listening to some music.
“I asked him why he was going to bed so early and he said that what good kid-adults do,” he answered, those large doe eyes of his looking up at Joon like they wished they could help more. “He had left before all of did.”
So Seokjin either hadn’t gone back to the dorm, or he came and then left without anyone noticing. The second option wasn’t really hard to do considering that Yoongi was too immersed writing, Jeongguk was distracted by his music and everyone else was showering. Namjoon had been the last one to arrive to the dorm.
Or so he thought.
The bathroom door swings open and out came Hoseok, Taehyung and Jimin. The three of them no doubt tired from their long day at practice. Namjoon watches as the 94liners head straight to the bathroom, while Hoseok glances at Namjoon. “Something wrong?” he asked.
“Have you seen Jin-hyung?” Namjoon asked him. Hoseok is usually more on top of the others than Namjoon is.
Hoseok hummed. Tilting his head to the side, he clicked his tongue. A habit he did when he thinks. “Nope,” he answered. “But come to think of it, he has been acting pretty weird lately.”
Namjoon frowned. “How so?”
“He kept asking me to stay with him to practice longer, but honestly I was too tired. Then he sort of just stopped asking.” Hoseok crossed his arms, pressed his lips together in a thin line. “I kept teasing him a bit during practice. Do you think that he maybe took that personally?”
He probably did. Seokjin may seem touch on the outside but he actually swallows down a lot of shit. Keeps it all inside. He’d never actually say whether someone’s comment hurt him or not. He was usually one to laugh it off.
“I’m going to go look for him,” Namjoon stated, already heading towards the door to put his shoes on.
“I’m sure he’s fine, Namjoon,” Yoongi called after him. “Out of all of us, he’s the grown up after all.”
True. But that also meant that he wasn’t one to just disappear without telling anyone.
Without another word, Namjoon left.
He tried calling first before he actually goes anywhere to look. Seokjin’s phone was turned off. Sticking his own phone is his pocket, Namjoon went out to search.
The first place that he went to check was, of course, the studio. The guard on duty recognizes him and lets him aside, but still gave him a questionable look.
“Um, is there anyone still inside?” he asked. “I’m kind of looking for someone.” Joon used his hands to describe him. “He’s about my height? Orangish hair? Really handsome?”
He could’ve been describing anyone honestly, but the guard seemed to know exactly who he was.
“Ah, right. Seokjin-ssi, right?” the guard asked. Namjoon nodded. “Yeah, he’s in the practice room like he is every night.”
A crease forms between Joon’s brows. “Every night?”
“Yup. Hardworking one, that one is. He’s been going over the same dance over and over.” The guard smiled. “I’ve almost got the moves memorized myself from just watching him.”
Thanking him, Namjoon headed towards the practice room. As soon as he was down the hall he heard it. The light sound of music coming through the walls. Heading straight for the studio room, Namjoon peeked through the window at the door. That’s when he saw him.
Sweaty and breathing harshly, Seokjin stood in front of the mirror a small cd player a few feet away. Focused, he locked eyes with himself in the mirror and step by step matched each beat of the song, limbs moving according to what they had practiced.
It wasn’t an elegantly executed dance like watching Jimin, or powerful like watching Hoseok or Jeongguk, but it still captivated Namjoon when he had seen it. Mostly, it was the concentration, the dedication. The raw determination he saw as Seokjin danced. He was trying his hardest and it was tugging at Namjoon’s chest.
Even when he looked tired and ready to faint on the spot, Seokjin took a deep breath and mumbled, “One more time,” before he hit play again and went through the whole choreo once more.
After this round, Namjoon had stepped in before Seokjin could hit play again. Stepping forward, Namjoon pressed himself against the elder’s back and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “I think that’s enough Hyung,” he told him lightly, even though his action ended up startling the elder. “You’re going to be too sore for tomorrow if you keep this up.”
Seokjin freezes up under his hold. Eyes panicked, he met Namjoon’s eyes in the mirror and then relaxed, shoulder slouching. “Oh. What are you doing here?”
“I would ask you the same question but I heard from the guard,” Namjoon had said matter-of-factly. “You’ve been practicing here by yourself every night.”
Fingers sliding through his hair to push his bangs off his face, Seokjin sighs. “Yeah. Dancing comes a lot harder to me. I needed the extra practice and Hoseokie was always busy so…”
There’s silence. Namjoon waited on Seokjin to continue but when he doesn’t he just hummed, then smiled as he slowly released Seokjin from his hold. “That’s admirable, Hyung.”
A tint of pink appeared at the tips of Seokjin’s ears. He scratched the back of his head, not knowing how to respond. It was then that Namjoon realized that Seokjin really didn’t get as much praise as he should despite being so hardworking.
But then ago how horrible must’ve Seokjin felt for him to decide to do this on his own? Surely there had to be some pain there, right? Some loneliness?
“Alright!” Namjoon shouted excitedly, clapping his hands together once and then bawled them into tight fists. “Starting tomorrow, I’ll join your extra nightly practice!”
Seokjin snorted. “Namjoonie, if we practice together we’ll be mirroring each other. Where’s the improvement in that?”
“Then we can both be made fun of for not improving,” Namjoon joked. I’ll carry your burden with you.
Nodding, Seokjin tried to hide a smile behind his hand. Joon raised a brow. “What?” he asked.
“It’s just,” a tiny high pitched squeal left Seokjin mouth, “your hair looks funny.”
Oh. Right. He had forgotten that he went to go get his hair permed today. Honestly, he had felt rather iffy about it. Seokjin giggling about it wasn’t helping. “It’s not styled yet,” he whined, covering it with his hands. “It’ll look cooler tomorrow. You’ll see. I have a pair of sunglasses and everything to make me look all mysterious.”
Tomorrow was the filming of their first MV. Namjoon was nervous. It meant debut was really right around the corner.
Seokjin snorted again. This time his laughter was a bit louder. That squeaky chortle of his rang as echo throughout the practice room, muttering a low “sunglasses” here and there and other words that he couldn’t quite catch. Yet the whole time he laughed, Seokjin would still cover his smile. Namjoon wished he wouldn’t do that. Seokjin had a nice smile. Namjoon liked seeing him smile. It made him smile too.
As long as he could see Seokjin smile, Namjoon would let him tease him all he wants.
May 2014
In his head, Namjoon considers these little outings with Seokjin as dates.
Maybe for the elder it wasn’t the same. But it felt like one. And he enjoys them, even though sometimes he’s focused on his phone. Usually it’s because he doesn’t have much to talk about, so he looks at his phone while he thinks of a new topic to bring up.
Tonight, however, Seokjin is pretty chatty. He seems a lot…happier, Namjoon notes, wonders what has him so upbeat. He doesn’t question it. Maybe it was the alcohol. Being of age meant that Namjoon can drink. Meaning Seokjin could now drink in front of him without feeling bad.
Namjoon talks a lot as well. He talks about a project he’s working on. A mixtape that he wants to release next year. He’s already got a lot of songs ready for it. Just wants to touch up on it a bit. Pulling out his phone, he plays a bit of the demo, Seokjin bobs his head to it and then dramatically claps after the first song finishes.
“Wow, Namjoonie!” he exclaims, wiggling his brows. “Our Rap Monster is so cool.” Using his chopsticks he reaches for some of the side dishes. “Very sexy,” he jokes.
Laughing, Namjoon puts his phone away, goes back to eating his food to distract himself from the praise. “It’s nothing,” he mumbles, reaching for a shot of soju.
“It sounds great. Will you be shooting an MV?”
“I want to but…budget.”
Seokjin hums, nods as he gets it. “Well if you do, I’ll go visit you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to,” Seokjin states, another playful grin on his face. “Got to see this sexy side of you up and close.” He snorts and then starts slapping his knee when Namjoon turns beet red. Joon can’t really say he hates the comments, even if they are jokes. A man can dream that Seokjin really means it.
When they’re almost done with their food, after chatting for a good two hours, Namjoon stirs his cold noodles around.
“Hey Hyung?” It felt like the alcohol was kicking in a little.
Jin hums in response, takes in another shot. Namjoon licks his lips, thinking of the best way to say what’s on his mind.
“On coming-of-age day, we’re supposed to receive a kiss too, you know.” He tries saying it casually, but as soon as the words leave his lips, Namjoon realizes how direct it’s coming out. Nervous, he looks up to catch Seokjin’s reaction.
Seokjin’s face is pretty stoic. It’s almost like he froze. “Oh,” he says after a moment, tilts his head. “Do you want us to go out and find someone to kiss you?”
No. That’s so not what he wanted. But of course Jin would take Namjoon’s comment and try to make it sound reasonable. That’s how Seokjin was. Reasonable. Namjoon was going to have to be very direct about this or else Seokjin would never get what he was requesting.
He takes in a deep breath, starts slow. “I was hoping that, maybe, you could do it?” Seokjin blinks owlishly. Namjoon quickly adds, “To have the full experience, you know? I mean, this event only happens once and it’s almost over.” He blushes, sinks into himself as Seokjin continues staring at him. “There’s no time to look around for someone else and you’re the only one here so…”
Seokjin isn’t saying anything. Fuck. He was going to run away, wasn’t he? He was going to go to the dorms and tell the others and Jimin would never let him live it down.
“I just think it’s best to receive the kiss from someone close to you rather than a stranger,” Joon quickly adds. It comes out a bit more frantic than he intended to and Seokjin even jolts from it, knocking his drink over.
Cursing lightly under his breath —something that Seokjin rarely does— Jin gets up from the table as his drink spills on his pants. One of the workers comes over with a cloth and hands Seokjin a handful of napkins to dry himself off. Thanking her and excusing himself, Seokjin leaves to the bathroom to do just that.
Alone with the remainder of his food (Seokjin had luckily finished all of his before the drink had spilt), Namjoon bangs his head on the table a few times. Wow, he was so dumb. Damn, this was awkward. How was he supposed to look Jin-hyung in the face after this? His crush was practically obvious now, not only that but he ruined Seokjin’s pants in the process.
Sighing, he sits up, runs his fingers through his silver hair and eats his food with remorse. He’s done eating everything when Seokjin comes back from the bathroom. There’s a stain on his pants from the coke but it did look like he had gotten most of it out.
Namjoon doesn’t look up at him. He keeps his hands on his knees, head down.
“Ready to go?” he hears Seokjin ask and gives him a nod in response. Seokjin grabs his coat. Namjoon does the same and follows him to go pay, moping all the way.
Seokjin was ignoring him. It was so obvious. He was pretending that the previous conversation didn’t happen. That Namjoon hadn’t asked him to kiss him. Wow, this was really humiliating. He expected Seokjin to laugh it off, play it down a bit but to completely ignore him?
Chest tightening and cheeks burning, Namjoon clutches his shirt. He was an idiot. What if this ruined his relationship with Jin and ended up affecting the other members as well. Thing were going to get awkward next time Jimin or Hoseok make a joke about them. He had to fix this somehow. Maybe he could just tell Seokjin he was joking and then just forget about it.
Clutching his shirt tighter, he nods to himself. Yeah, that was the best option.
He doesn’t realize when Seokjin finishes paying but he only notices him when he’s heading out the door. Determined, Namjoon follows him out. He’s about to open his mouth to just laugh it all away, to just burry his feeling into the bottom of the ocean when the elder just suddenly stops.
“Okay,” Seokjin sighs once they’re out, jerking his body to face Namjoon and crossing his arms, “Okay. So how do you want to do this?”
Caught off guard by the question, Namjoon is confused. “Huh?”
“The kiss,” Seokjin clarifies, ears turning pink. “T-the kiss. How should we do it?”
“You’re going to kiss me?” Namjoon asks incredulously. “Really?”
“Well, I mean, you want it don’t you?” Seokjin narrows his eyes at him. “Or were you just messing with me?”
“No!” Namjoon shouts, then recoils as he realizes how loud that came out. Wow Namjoon, way to be obvious. Why not just tattoo ‘I want you to kiss me’ on your forehead? Clearing his throat he tries again. “I mean. Yeah I—I want the kiss —to have the full experience.”
It really felt like he was taking advantage of Jin’s kindness. Seokjin was selfless, usually thinking of all the other members instead of thinking of himself. Or maybe the alcohol was getting to both of them. But Namjoon didn’t feel drunk, even though he had no idea what it actually felt like.
Biting his lip and nodding, Seokjin turns. “Okay,” he says again, voice determined but sounding forced. “How about over there? By the bench?”
There’s a nice little park in front of the restaurant. There’s a bench there in the middle, several feet away from the bus stop. Namjoon nods, suddenly growing more nervous. Realizing that Seokjin has his back to him, he says “Sure.”
Each step towards the bench is like a jolt inside his chest. He can hear his heart thumping in his ears, feels his hands turn cold. Looking forward, Seokjin seems pretty calm about this. He guesses that’s a good sign. Seokjin wasn’t repulsed at the idea to kiss him. Baby steps.
Placing his hands on his knees, Namjoon sits first at the bench. Seokjin sitting next to him. Joon thinks he needs time to process that this is actually going to happen but Seokjin gets right to it when he sits.
“Cheek, right?” he asks him. Joon tightens the grip he has on his jeans. Wow, did Namjoon have the right to more options? Could it be like a sweet forehead peck? Or even one at the tip of his nose? Wait. Could it be a full on kiss? Like with tongue and everything?
He shouldn’t take any chances. “Yeah,” he whispers, eyes flickering to Jin’s lips. “Yeah, cheek is fine.” He’s trying hard to look everywhere but at those lips, but it’s a struggle. Namjoon doesn’t know where Jin is looking but he on the other hand feel that the elder’s lips are the one place he can’t look away from. Cause damn, Seokjin’s lips are just so pretty and plump. Not to mention they look very well moisturized and—
“Okay,” Seokjin breathes, bringing the younger male out of his thoughts. “Ready?” Namjoon nods, swallows and licks his lips. “Okay, turn your head.”
Namjoon does as he’s told. He does it slowly, faces forwards and braces himself. This was it. Every one of his senses stop working to concentrate on the coming feeling of Seokjin approaching him. He couldn’t hear anything but his heart ready to burst. Couldn’t see anything other than Seokjin’s frame coming closer to his left cheek. It’s just a kiss on the cheek, he tells himself, taking in deep breaths from his nose. A kiss from Jin-hyung but only on the cheek. It’s not that big of a deal. Not that big of a—
He turns his head. "Hey, Hyung, wait I—" Before he can finish telling the other that he’s not ready, Namjoon feels it, feels Seokjin’s lips briefly touch half of his. Namjoon feels his insides jump, feels his heart start hammering in his chest and his eyes go wide.
“Oh my god.” Seokjin jumps back as soon as he realizes what he’s done. Namjoon doesn’t move. Jin places his hand over his mouth and starts mumbling behind it, just loud enough for Joon to hear. “Shit, shit, shit.”
During the elder’s clear inner turmoil, Namjoon is just frozen, caught off guard and in a daze. His mind is a little late to process what happened. And apparently, it needs some sort of confirmation of it too. "Um, did you just—"
“Shut up!” Seokjin hisses, scrambling away from Namjoon. “No, I—It was an accident! I swear. Oh my god someone kill me right now.”
“It’s not that big of a deal,” Namjoon shrugs, trying to play it off. Inside however, he can feel the way his heart is pumping like crazy, he has to actually bite down on his lip to keep from smiling. “It wasn’t even a kiss,” he continues. “More like a peck, really.”
“Please stop,” Seokjin begs, already hiding his face in his hands. Taking a step back he lets out a groan along with an exasperated breath. Namjoon doesn’t know what to do.
“It’s okay, Hyung, really,” he insists. “I didn’t mind it.”
Seokjin peeks at him from behind his fingers. Namjoon can see how his pinks have darkened in color. “You didn’t mind it?”
Answering honestly, Namjoon shakes his head. “No,” he assures him, then —mustering up all of his bravado— gives him a cocky grin. “It’s not every day that I get a kiss from handsome guy.”
This, thankfully, seems to set Seokjin at ease. He brings his hands down, the red cheeks start dimming down to a more natural color. “Oh,” he comments, a smile tugging on his lips. “I guess that’s true.” He straightens up, a sudden confidence spilling through, “In that case, you should feel honored by having kissed these lips. Ha. Ha. Ha.”
Namjoon tries to chuckle as well. Let’s out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Eyes flickering to Seokjin, he watches as the older relaxes, licks his lips and leans back on the bench. Seokjin didn’t seem disgusted by what happened. He’s not wiping his lips, nor spitting into the grass or vomiting. He looked, fine. Was all that frantic apologizing because he was worried Namjoon might’ve thought he was taking advantage of him? After all, Jin is older than him and stronger.
Joon wishes he could be honest. Wishes he could tell Jin that he liked the peck on the lips and actually wished they could do more. But…
No, no. Things were fine like this. He didn’t want to make Seokjin uncomfortable. There’s something tight at his throat, he bites his inner lip and grips at his jeans again, leaning forward. Things have been this way for three years. They could stay like this forever. Namjoon didn’t even know if Jin even liked guys. Didn’t know if he’s ever even thought of him like that.
Placing his hands back into his pockets, Namjoon feels something there. Frowning, he touches the object in his pocket, wondering what he placed there.
Oh. Right. The lyrics. He has to go back and submit them. Type them up and send them in an email to Pdogg-nim.
Namjoon pinches his lips together, biting down on his bottom lip and stares at the man next to him. Seokjin has his eyes closed, long lashes fluttering against his cheeks. Jaw relaxed, lips a bit parted and curved at the side into a small smile. Joon’s chest ached, a tingling throb that occurred whenever he stared at Jin for too long. Like if his body knew how much it hurt him to be this close but to not be as close as he wanted.
Somehow, Namjoon felt a bit ashamed of his actions today. To Seokjin, the gesture didn’t seem to carry any gentle depths, no feelings. As if kissing Namjoon had just been Jin’s way of being friendly, a natural thing he did without a second thought because Namjoon asked for it and because Seokjin was just that selfless.
And Namjoon was just that selfish.
Guilt strikes Namjoon. Seokjin didn’t deserve to be used like that. Namjoon had kept these feelings to himself, bearing it in silence and secretly hoping it would just fade away over time. Now those feelings had manipulated him into asking something like a kiss, using today as an excuse to receive it.
What else would he ask for in the future? What else would Seokjin give him before he caught on? How much longer could he hold in these feelings?
Kim Namjoon, for the last three years, has done everything in his power the last seven years to fall out of love with Kim Seokjin, and he had failed miserably.
But there was one thing he hasn’t done yet.
“Oh,” Seokjin says suddenly, jolting up to his feet. He leans down and smacks Namjoon several times on the arm. “Namjoonie,” he says frantically. “Namjoonie, there’s the bus!”
He suddenly jerks forward and grabs Seokjin by his jacket. “Hyung, wait.”
November 11th 2013
They’ve been going several places to meet fans by now. A few days ago, they had been at Yongsan. It had been… interesting.
If he had to be honest. He didn’t remember much about it. He remembered most of the faces of his fans, had make sure to look them straight in the eyes. But most of the time he had been fooling around with Seokjin.
They had gotten closer. Those late night practices had brought them closer. Namjoon really understood now that it was no mistake bringing Seokjin into Bangtan. He too was needed.
Namjoon can’t imagine a Bangtan in which the eldest hyung was someone like Yoongi, who was a perfectionist. It’d probably be tiring to the point of exhaustion. Yoongi still made attempts to get the group to be the best. But Seokjin would usually let him see that pushing would lead them all to hate what they were doing. He kept reminding them that they had to like what they were doing. And that forcing things wouldn’t help.
Seokjin was their peacekeeper.
At the Yongsan fansign, Namjoon had realized how having Seokjin around brought out the best of him. Seokjin was childish, being the youngest in his family, so he played around a lot. And Namjoon would go along with it. It distracted him from his nerves.
Most people would worry about having the handsome member sitting next to them. Namjoon didn’t worry about that. Not when Seokjin threw most of the attention on him by making hand hearts with him or playing rock, paper, scissors with him. The fans laughed along with them when they gave each other punishments which involved flicking each other’s foreheads. At one point, Seokjin even grabbed a marker and flicked him with it. Namjoon was about to do the same but decided against it. Unable to bring himself to do it.
Seokjin made that fansign fun.
Today it was Yeoido.
It was the fansign for their mini album. They had greeted their fans and had answered questions and had chatted. Now they were standing in a line letting the fans take group pictures of them.
One fan yelled for them to do aegyo. All the members looked at each other, clearly not wanting to do it, but they all did it anyway.
Both Joon and Jin balled their fists and placed it against their cheeks, smiling at their fans as the flashed blinded them. Once the flashing subdued Yoongi started teasing Seokjin.
“Oh, Hyung, good job!” he yelled. The other members laughed. It was a reoccurring joke among them that the eldest’s aegyo wasn’t the best. Namjoon laughs too, but suddenly saw how taken aback Jin is by the comment, saw him turn around to ignore them.
Namjoon knew that face. Seokjin clearly didn’t like the teasing and was laughing it off so they could move on.
Hoseok grabbed Jin by the shoulders, teasing him some more.
At seeing his hyung flustered, Namjoon did something he doesn’t usually do with any of his members. He grabbed Seokjin, pulled him away from Hoseok and wrapped his arms around him. He thought maybe Jin would protest, thought it might make him even more embarrassed. What surprised him was the way Seokjin let him. Next thing Joon knew, they were pressed against each other, hugging.
It’s a mistake. Namjoon has a sensitive neck. Seokjin’s nose brushes up against it. Joon has to close his eyes, has to keep himself from letting out an embarrassing sound. Seokjin doesn’t move. He just stays there and held Namjoon. Joon patted his back gently, ignoring the new feeling that was bubbling up inside him.
Even with Jimin laughing and pointing at them. Namjoon notes how perfectly Seokjin fits with his head neatly tucked against Namjoon’s neck and his arms wrapped around him.
Joon is thankful for their thick jackets separating them. If not, maybe Jin could hear the way Namjoon’s heart was thumping. Hugging Jin though, it was nice.
At the end of the line, Jimin is still laughing. Namjoon knows why. The young member teases them often and calls them a couple since they’ve been glued to each other lately. Namjoon wanted to tell him to fuck off as he usually does but their fans were watching.
Seokjin pulls away, but keeps close. He turned his back at the fans while Namjoon tried to play off Jimin’s laughter. He just nodded to himself. Telling himself that everything was okay. Nothing was weird about them hugging each other.
The sudden absence of having Seokjin in his arms though. That was weird. Namjoon suddenly felt empty. He just kept nodding, more to shake off what he was feeling.
Suddenly, Seokjin is pressed up against Namjoon’s back and Joon felt his heart start up again. Felt a jolt in his body. Namjoon tries to play it off. As Seokjin squishes next to him and Hoseok, Namjoon goes back to being ‘cute’ for the camera. It was a way to distract himself. To keep his mind from thinking too much about what he was feeling.
The need to be that close to Seokjin…
It felt right.
May 2014
“Hyung,” Namjoon speaks up, feeling the blood rush to his face. “Hyung, please wait a moment.”
Looking back at him with a frown, Seokjin says, “But Namjoon, the bus—“
“We can get the next one.” Seokjin opens his mouth to protest, Namjoon interrupts him. “Or we can walk back to the dorm. It’ll save us money anyway.”
Seokjin seems hesitant, keeps looking at where the bus drives past them, stops to drop someone off at the bus stop.
“Please,” Namjoon begs. “I need to tell you something.
Pressing his lips into a thing line, Seokjin lets out a sigh.
“Fine.” The bus drives off. Seokjin slouches for a moment, then turns around to give Namjoon his attention. He looks tired, Namjoon notes. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. It was late after all.
But if he didn’t do it now then he never would.
“What is it Namjoonie?”
Joon swallows. “Hyung I,” —he pauses for a moment, feeling his cheeks heat up— "I—" Come on Namjoon. “What do you think of me?”
The question, as if would anyone, make Seokjin’s brows come together, makes his head tilt. Namjoon starts insulting himself in his head. “You want to know what I think of you?” he asks. “Why?”
"I—" Joon licks his lips, takes a deep breath, “It’s important.”
Seokjin just stares for what seems like an eternity. There’s no clear emotion on his face, there’s no telling what he’s thinking. And all of this scares Namjoon. Then after what seemed like an eternity, Seokjin chuckled.
“Ah, Namjoonie,” he says slowly. “You’re very cute.”
Namjoon stares at him as if he had a money on his shoulder. “What?”
“I said you’re very cute,” the elder repeats, ruffling Joon’s silver hair then stops and his eyes widen, he lowers his hand. “Wow, when did you get taller than me?”
“Hyung,” Namjoon half-whines. “I’m being serious.”
“I am too,” Seokjin replies. “I am seriously telling you that I think you’re cute.”
“Yeah, I get that,” Namjoon comments. “But like, I mean,” his heart is thumping too loud right now for him to be able to focus correctly, he feels a lump at his throat, “do you like me?”
Owlishly, Seokjin blinks, then his features soften. “Of course I like you,” he says in a soft voice.
“No, but like,” Namjoon feels his eyes sting, feels the tears welling up. He’s not ready to be rejected. He’s not ready for things to change between him and Jin but he also can’t keep lying to himself. Can’t keep lying to Seokjin. He sucks in a deep breath, wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. Dammit, was he a sad drunk? “Like, Hyung, you’re amazing. You’re smart and you’re kind and you cook for us and you practice longer than anyone and you’re always asking for feedback but you also assure others that they’re doing well and wow Hyung you’re so admirable. I admire you. Like a lot. I like you a lot.”
Cheeks now matching the color of his pink ear tips, Seokjin looks to be in awe. “You forgot to say I’m handsome,” he whispers.
“Yeah,” Namjoon replies weakly, feeling his heart fall, “that too.”
The silence takes over again. Namjoon feels it. He’s failed. Seokjin didn’t even see him in that way, that’s why he sees nothing weird with Namjoon’s words. Joon feels his nose running. He suddenly can’t breathe, chest tight.
God, today was the celebrating him being an adult and here he was sniffling like a child. But oh man it hurt. Stupid alcohol. He blames it all on the alcohol.
At the first sign of the tear falling, Seokjin’s eyes grow wide and he steps forward, hovering over Namjoon without knowing what to do. “Wait, wha—Namjoonie, why—what happened? Why are you crying?”
Namjoon just lets the floodgate open. He wails, sniffles, sobs, “Because I just confessed and got rejected.”
“Someone rejected you?” Seokjin asks, startled and confused. “Wait, when? Who?”
“You, you asshole!” he shouts at the top of his lungs. Seokjin jumps. Namjoon regains his composure. “Sorry,” he sniffles, “I know it’s not your fault.” Bringing his hands up he starts wiping his eyes but the tears won’t stop. “It’s my fault. I’m the one that has a stupid crush on you. It’s not your fault that you’re a guy who doesn’t like guys and— and— I thought this would happen but it’s been three years and it hurts and—“
“Whoa, whoa, Namjoonie please calm down,” Seokjin asks of him, holding on to his shoulders. “Three years? You’ve had a crush on me for three years?”
He nods, lip quivering. “Yeah, but don’t feel bad for me,” Joon cries. “It’s not your fault you’re perfect. It’s not your fault that this— Hyung what are you doing?”
Jin’s hands suddenly appeared at his cheeks, cupping them. The elder’s face was suddenly so close that Namjoon could smell a bit of soju on him.
“Namjoonie,” he says softly, “I am about to kiss your stupid snot nosed face. If you want me to, then nod. If not, the shake your head.”
"Wha—"
“Nod or shake your head, Namjoon-ah.”
Confused, utterly confused, Namjoon nods his head. And before he can even bring up another thought, Seokjin’s lips press against his.
Shocked, Namjoon doesn’t do anything. He stands there, still as hell as Seokjin’s lips press harder against his. It’s simple, like those from those dumb kdramas where they’re just touching lips. Chaste. But it’s enough to send Namjoon’s inside flying. His heart is jumping, his insides are doing summersaults and his lungs stopped working. His brain has turned to absolute mush.
“Hyung,” Namjoon gasps when Seokjin finally pulls away. "Hyung, wha—"
“I’ve liked you since we met the day I was getting a tour around the studio,” Seokjin blurts out, leaning in and placing another kiss to Namjoon’s lips, shorter this time. Seokjin pulls away again to catch his breath. “It was physical at first. You looked so good in that tank top and it had the nerve to say ‘COME IN ME BRO’ in large letter all across it.”
“It was hot,” Namjoon rambles, still out of it. “Air condition wasn’t working and I was burning up and—“
“You looked hot,” Seokjin says, kissing him again. Stops. “Then you asked me to meet with you and you were so reliable and cute asking me all of these question. And you accepted me and then we talked and you— you…”
“Me?”
Seokjin lets out an airy laugh. “You’re amazing,” he whispers. “Your words, your brain, your music, the way you are your music. The way you can ramble away about anything for hours, the way you laugh like your honking air out of your mouth, the way you jump around when you’re excited. The way your eyes look like they’re dripping honey when you look at me. You’re this pure-hearted guy that loves crabs and eating cotton candy, and reading. You’re the guy that dreams big and” he plants a kiss on Namjoon’s forehead, this one is soft, gentle. “I love it all. I like you.”
Mouth hanging open, Namjoon finds himself at a loss for words that could fit this scenario. “You…like me?”
Letting out an airy laugh, Jin nods.
“And I…like you?”
Seokjin raises an amused brow. “Is that a question?”
Quickly, Namjoon shakes his head. “No,” he says. “I like you,” he assures, heart light from being able to finally say those words. “I like you a lot.”
Jin gives him a blinding smile. One where his cheeks cutely squish up into balls. “Happy Coming-of-Age Day, Namjoonie.”
May 2016
“Okay, we have about 300,000 to 400,000 won right?” Seokjin asks as he and Namjoon head to the convenience store, the camera crew following behind them.
They’re in Northern Europe at that moment filming for a new series deemed “Bon Voyage” by the company.
“Oh.” Namjoon stops, spots a few flower bouquets outside the store. Seokjin stops as he hears him gasp. “We have to get this for him even though it’s useless,” Namjoon states to Jin as he motions to the flowers. Seokjin laughs at Namjoon’s intentions and squeezes his arm. Namjoon is serious however. “Do you know what I’m saying?” Joon asks.
“Flower, perfume—” Jin lists off.
“Perfume is too expensive,” Joon comments.
“—Kiss.”
Namjoon’s hand goes back into his pocket, a bit flustered but not acknowledging it. “We can’t kiss him,” he states, trying to keep his cool. Seokjin lets out a little giggle. Namjoon maintains his composure despite it. He points to the flowers again. “Should we get this?”
Ignoring him, Jin just waves him over and heads inside the store. “Let’s go.” Namjoon follows after him, mumbling something about wishing how the store sold only one flower.
He and Seokjin buy all the stuff they need —that Seokjin insists they need— before heading back to the hotel they’re staying at. They have a nice cheesecake and some snacks for Jeongguk’s surprise party tonight and they’re giggling to themselves because of it.
When they enter the hotel they tell the members they failed. Only managing to get some ramen and meat, but they did manage to get some snacks, to which Jimin gleefully thanks. In reality, they did a lot of food. Watermelon, shrimp, salads, Pringles, and a lot more.
To decide who would sleep where, they draw numbers and play rock paper scissors for the order. As he pulls out his paper, Seokjin meets eyes with Namjoon and comments, “I don’t want Namjoonie.” Hoseok laughs at them.
Namjoon stares at his hyung in disbelief before he points at him and pettily says, “Fine!” To which Hoseok laughs some more and rubs Joon’s shoulder.
One by one, they pull their papers out. “I don’t want to room with, Jin-hyung,” Namjoon pettily mumbles. Hoseok smiles. Seokjin giggles. Then both Jin and Hoseok look at each other and break out laughing.
They start revealing their rooms. Jimin has the living room. Yoongi and Jeongguk hug each other because they’re together. Namjoon is in room number two.
Seokjin and Hoseok stand, holding their papers tightly. “This means I’m stuck with one of them,” Hoseok laughs, referring to Jin and Namjoon. They count to three before they both open their papers and Jin lets out a huge scream while Hoseok laughs his lungs out. Namjoon yells too. Jeongguk starts clapping as they find out that Jin and Joon end up in a room together. Seokjin turns red and continues screaming while Namjoon watches him with this mischievous grin on his face.
Once the chaos is over. The members all start cooking, sending Jeonggukkie out to do the laundry while they prepared for the party they had planned. Ramen now ready, Jimin runs to set the table and they all sit as they bring the food and all excitedly huddle around.
“Is everybody ready?!” Namjoon shouts. “5, 6, 7, 8!”
The members start singing happy birthday. Namjoon brings in the cheesecake, carrying two lit candles on top of the plastic. Jeongguk starts laughing as he sees realizes that this is all for him, because it was the May after he turned 19.
“I had no idea about this!” he laughs, “I swear!”
Clapping, the members start crowding around the youngest. Jimin comes up behind Jeongguk and smacks him hard on the back, saying he must be beaten up on a day like today. Hunger taking over after a long day of travelling, everyone picks up their plate and start serving themselves, chatting away.
“You have to get perfume, rose and kiss on Coming-of-Age day,” Namjoon tells Jeongguk seriously as he fills his bowl. “Who do you want to get if from?”
The youngest member completely ignores them. Namjoon casually mentions that he got his Coming-of-age day kiss from Seokjin, who bonks him on the head. Namjoon gives him a grin, followed by a wink. Flustered, Seokjin blushes and looks away to grab at some more food. The rest of the members all ignore the couple’s banters.
“Let’s do rock, paper, scissors and the loser does it,” Yoongi suggests once they’re all sitting down. Namjoon laughs. Jeongguk’s eyes become nervous and the second eldest then suggests, “Let’s do a raffle.”
“Let’s not, let’s not,” Jimin states, noticing the youngest’s discomfort.
“I don’t want a gift from you!” Jeongguk nervously laughs. And the members leave it at that.
On the other side of the table however, Namjoon looks up, eyes looking at a certain member who looks back at him. Mouth full of noodles, Namjoon smiles at Seokjin, who snorts and covers his mouth to prevent his noodles from flying out. Joon winks at him again and continues eating, both of them with the same thing in mind.
A day like today. When they were both young, having the same colored hair as today, only both being shy and awkward. Completely lost in the confusion of how they felt, but how together they both understood. How they both gave in.
Nice memories they were. The day Namjoon had received flowers, perfume and a kiss.