Work Text:
You’re just an obligation I must fulfill.
A pair of purple irises quickly opened up in surprise with a body jumped to sit position. Dice’s let out a frantic breath, sweat covered his topless body, the blanket that covered his body now pooling around his waist. Those words, it was really been a while since he heard it. Words that trigger his current lifestyle. A past he wanted to bury as deeply as possible and never dug it again. His hand grabbed a phone beside the futon, July 6th 11.50 PM. Ten minutes before date changing. No wonder those words came to his sleep. Dice take a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart because of the sudden awake.
Nothing will happen. Yes. Noting.
He tried to convince himself.
That memory just a dream. Not a sign for anything.
He grabbed his jacket that luckily also lying around the futon. His lucky dice. Albeit what Ramusa said, he still believed there was a God reside in the dice, his very first betting prize. he played the dice on his hand before threw it above the tatami.
Even only a dream that he won’t think about again. Odd meant a sign for something.
That dice rolled three times before stopped. Five black dots on the upside position. Odd.
Panic hadn’t out from his mind yet when his phone rang. A private number. His heart felt like stopped beating at that second. The person who called him...his feeling so strong about this until it suffocated him. He wanted to push ‘reject’ button but he knew the risk if he dare to ignore it, this person had the capability to make his life a living hell. Clicking his tongue, Dice pressed ‘answer’
“What the fuck do you want?!” He answered without bothering about manner toward his caller.
“How polite.” A woman's voice replied sarcastically but emotionlessly from the other side. “Is living in the streets make you forget about manner in answering telephone, especially toward your parent.”
Dice scoffed. “Wow. I almost got a heart attack knowing they still remember they have a son or still considering me as a son. I thought my name already taken down from the successor line. So just the crap and tell me why you ruined my birthday.”
“Stop playing around. It is time for you to come home.” That woman's voice filled with authority.
But it didn’t deter Dice. If for years this woman spent by ordering uncountable people, then he spent his childhood with hearing this kind of voice. That gave him the experience to handle what cower most people, an authority voice directed to you. “You really should check your ears old hag, knowing it almost fifty years old. I already said that place isn’t my home anymore.” He hated that grand building that once he called home, even for standing in a few yards distance he already loathed it.
“I really should retrain your talking manner.” She answered without any change in her intonation since the beginning of the call. “Arisugawa Family needs its heir. As a wife from Arisugawa Family, I have an obligation to bring you back. You are the only family name inheritor.”
“I refuse.” Dice growled in anger. “I want to live in a way that I love.”
“You already said it on the day you decided to leave the house.” She said. Dice didn’t reply yet, knowing it just a ‘break’ from a verbal attack that will make him furious. “I once wondering what kind of life that you love. Being a gambler, expending every Yen that you earned, borrowing money, living in hunger, even sometimes you didn’t have a place to stay. How you can live in that kind of lifestyle? Everything is uncertain. Merely depending on luck other person kindness. If someone knows you really are a member of bureaucrat family Arisugawa, you will taint that name.”
Dice just stay silent and biting his lower lip hard without anything came to his to counter those words. Moreover, her attack hadn’t finished yet. That woman poison tongue really compatible with hypnosis mic. Okay, she wasn’t only owned hypnosis mic, it was more than that.
“I remember you said you will change the world. What have you gained in these few years? Nothing. You only become a pathetic lowlife, loitering in the street. While I presumed you already saw what I have reached since you ran away, how I changed the world.”
DIce knuckle tightened its hold on the phone until almost turned to white, if he kept tightening it, it will crack the screen, but Dice didn’t care about that. His eyes almost red hearing all of those words.
“I’m also in the front seat when Matenrou defeated you. Pathetic. Your enemy comes from those you hate, white-collar people. That hypnosis mic that you get from betting everything, in which I should comment a foolish act because had you not run away you will own one without any effort, is that how much you can utilize it? Are you just bark without bite? An empty word that you said in a fit of anger? If you already realized it, go back to home. You are no longer in an age that can be said as a child, I already gave you one-year leniency. Go home.” She finally ended her blowing a fuse speech with a tone that didn’t accept any kind of rejection.
Dice can catch that last two words meaning, she was serious. If he got this call before he met with Ramuda, he will obey it, but not now. There was something that he won’t let go, what he got after trading his lifetime luck, something that he didn’t and won’t regret it.
“No.” Rejected Dice sternly. “If I return I must end everything in my current life.”
“Yes, and I guess you already know it includes your special relationship. You are Arisugawa successor, I still can tolerate if a woman, but a man, no.”
“I repeat it again, I live in the way I love, to hell you accept it or not! Don’t disturb my life! You never even consider me as a son!” His patience reached the breaking point for facing this woman. He just wanted to end this call now, as rude as possible.
“Do you know he is a true liar? He has a lot of things he hides even from you.” She replied, not affected by his anger.
“I know!” Shouted Dice. He knew the risk when he decided to follow his heart chasing that person. “We already talked about it, not now, but at the time we will tell everything.” Dice didn’t lie for this and neither he.
“I will give you leniency one more time.” She said after a few seconds of silence. “But sooner or later you will return. One thing, happy birthday, Teito.”
“Don’t call me with that name, bitch!” But his scream didn’t reach his caller, only hung up voice. That guiltless phone became his target of anger when Dice threw it, luckily on the soft tatami.
With a ragged breath he pulled his hair in frustration, at the same time trying to calm his emotion. How dare she said that name, a name long abandoned on the same day he decided to leave the house.
A gentle touch on his shoulder reminded him he wasn’t alone. That talk must be awoken the room owner.
“Sorry, shouting at this hour.” Dice said with guilt.
Brown hair gave a shook. “I already awoke when I heard your phone rang. I thought it was from your mistress.”
Dice groaned. “That’s not funny, Gentaro.”
Gentaro chuckled. “I know.” Those slender fingers touched his cheek then his lower lip. “Why?” He asked.
For a moment Dice didn’t know what Gentaro asked until he felt blood trickled from his lip. He must bite it to bleed unconsciously back then. But Gentaro who always can read his expression already knew the answer without verbally said. Though it didn’t stop Gentaro to make his heart jumped on his chest, because without any sign, Gentaro leaned in and licked his wounds.
"Ge...Gentaro!!"
He held himself as much as possible seeing Gentaro licked his own lips, as if tasting delicious food, or… something that they had done two hours ago. Gentaro upper body which wasn’t covered by anything like himself just worsened the condition. White skin that glowing under soft light from outside the window with two red marks on the shoulder was really tempting to touch.
Gentaro flirting smile loosened some of his reins.
"You have a meeting with your editor this morning." Dice said while looking other side. It will be bad if this continued. Last time he lost control he made Gentaro three hour late from his meeting with the editor, that man didn't want to see his face for two weeks. Ramuda who just laughing his ass off didn't help at all so he had no other option than back to his old habit, cold park bench. Such torture when he already accustomed to futon warmth.
"I can't go back to sleep because you're so loud. Take responsibility."
God gave him strength. "Is there anything you want to talk?" He still couldn't look to Gentaro direction. He will accompany Gentaro speaking until they fell asleep, just that, nothing more!
"Me? No. You, Dice?" There was a change in Gentaro voice, no longer teasing him with that arousing tone but a seriousness.
Slowly Dice turned his head to Gentaro. They weren't like other ordinary couple who expected honesty from the start, theirs based on a pile of lies and covered truth. He can't ask Gentaro to be honest if can't do the same. The woman who called him, even though Gentaro already had a suspicion about his past for time, he still can't give his confirmation.
"Want to talk a little?" Offered Gentaro. Working as a novelist made Gentaro used with observation and a good listener.
Dice wanted to say yes but he didn't know where to start. He definitely will start a swearing frenzy if he must talk about his last call.
"You heard from the start?" Asked Dice for confirmation that got a yes. "Then you must know that was from my mother."
"How rude." A petty comment. Gentaro already knew his broken relationship with his parents, that compared with politeness in Gentaro words when talking with his adoptive parents, his definitely really rude. "Why she called you when she no longer saw you as a son."
"She doesn't need me as a 'son' but as Arisugawa 'successor'. I'm no longer underage, I can be a perfect Arisugawa 'puppet' that she can control." Dice closed his eyes and leaned his head on Gentaro shoulder, inhaling the unique scent from the brunette that he loved, even sweat can't covered it all. For now, that scent calming him.
"Their marriage didn't base with love or any feeling. Just for personal gain. Dad got a serious warning if he brings 'a bitch' on official party one more time he will lose the party support, while mother needs a 'step ladder' to get a promotion in the government rank. They just using each other. Amazingly with that condition, I can be born. What happens next probably like stories in your novel." He wouldn't mind if his childhood story became Gentaro idea for his next novel.
Dice's hand reached Gentaro's, seeking warmth in there. Something he never got from his childhood.
Even though growing up in a luxurious way, anything he wanted he just need to point it and it will be his, but he was raised by servants. He can't remember whether his mother ever held him. Since he can remember, every fragment in his memories, he tried so hard to get his parent attention but his effort was fruitless. From crying, sulking, made an act, until became a good kid and earned a high score, not even once he got an acknowledgment. He lost father figure from his life for so long, in one month he can count just with his hands the time his father spent at home, busy spending the night with his mistresses outside the home. While his mother lived at home, Dice rarely able to meet in person. Leaving the house early in the morning, coming back late at night, solely focusing her life at work. Dice tried to bear living in that condition, but he was still a normal person who had his own limit. With all gold and money surrounding him, he still longed for affection. When he got accepted in a famous university and gave his result to her mother, he still remember exactly her answer, she didn't bother to take a glance, her eyes glued to report in her hand.
"Is that so. Tohoku. You got accepted in there?"
His hard works like vanished into thin air, until that words slipped out from his mouth. Words that triggered him to abandon everything.
"Why you never look at me? If you can't love me then why was I born?"
"Because it is a wife's duty to give a successor. You’re just an obligation I must fulfill."
That was the first and last time her mother looked at him, for once putting down her works to see him directly on eyes to tell her answer.
After he snapped back from his shock, Dice realize he was in a new place, never been there before, men from various age crowding in a circle in front of him, doing some illegal gambling. Curious with the crowd, he walked inside the circle, then joined the bet. The sensation whether he will win or not was a new sensation for him at that time, that ended up becoming an addiction, till this moment.
"Probably I'm one of the reasons why she hates men. A husband who prefer spending time with his harlot and a scumbag son." Dice laughed weakly, staring at his and Gentaro intertwined hands. Things like this never occurred in his mind a few years ago. He never thought there would be something more important than gambling in his life.
Spending his childhood without knowing warmth, made him like an hungered man who offered with buffet when someone gave him 'warmth'. He took 'warmth' that Gentaro offered without a second glance even though the brunette early intention only to made him as a 'toy'.
He indeed a naive and childish person. But that was in the past. Now, Gentaro feeling not just a lie, just like him. Like a child who still stumbling on his feet, that was how it felt while building their relationship, but both of them tried, put their effort.
He was serious with his thought he already traded his lifetime luck when Gentaro accepted his feeling. The whispered 'yes' with head tilted down and faint blush will be followed with 'I'm lying' but no. He waited for any words that have similar meanings with 'lie' out from the lips but what he got from Gentaro who put an annoyed face because he just stunned in his place was 'Dice, you want to hug me or standing with mouth wide open in there'. He can't believe a scumbag, lowlife, beggar, or any words, like him can get Gentaro attention. A thought that almost in an instant reminded him although Gentaro’s arm only lifted writing pen on daily life, he still had a strength of average men. One punch in the gut really hurt. Gentaro didn't like Dice saw himself as a second class person because it can also mean that novelist had a low standard. Dice never asked what Gentaro actually saw in him, he didn't want to provoke his partner anger again.
Then what about his luck in gambling after that? His average winning streak increased. When he told to Gentaro how can he still able to win when it supposedly run dry, with a laugh, the man who is four years older than him answered, 'probably it’s because I still beside you. If you dare to let me go, then be prepared to say goodbye to your win'. Either it was a joke or not he didn't know, that talk never became a topic again.
"Can I ask something?" Gentaro asked.
"About?"
"I never recall any Arisugawa among chuuohku higher up."
"Because she never changes her maiden family name. My parents have a pre-marriage agreement, one of it, mother is allowed to use her maiden family name on work even though according to registration she is an 'Arisugawa'."
"And her maiden family name?"
Dive just silent. An answer that meant 'not the time yet', but Gentaro smarter and more observant than him, inside that novelist mind now there must be a list of possible names.
"Teito?" Gentaro decided to ask another thing. Dice wanted to thank Gentaro decided not to continue to mention each potential name because he didn't want to lie if he guessed correctly. Though he was okay with this question, he hoped this will be the only time that name out from Gentaro mouth.
"Dice is the name I pick after I left my home. To be honest I also want to drop Arisugawa name, but it will be a pain in the ass to make a new ID, furthermore who will believe a lowlife like me a member of bureaucrat Arisugawa family. Just don't tell anyone and call me with that name again."
Gentaro nodded then pulled his ear roughly. "I believe I said don't say you're a 'lowlife' or something like that in front of me."
"Ouch, ouch, I'm sorry! I forgot! Gentaro, stop pulling my ear!"
He was lucky Gentaro decided being easy on him, released his ear just seconds after he said he was sorry. Usually, it will be rougher than just a few seconds ear pulling.
"I never thought she would call me on my birthday. How suck." Dice grumbled. His birthday that hadn't one hour old already ruined just by one call. "I don't think other surprise and present will make it better."
"Hmm….present? You're one year older but your mind is still a child."
Dice cautious alarm came back alive. Gentaro voice that he just heard….
Before he decided what should he did, not even pulled his head who still leaned on Gentaro's shoulder, his back already touched the futon with Gentaro stradling on him. With simple yet sensual way, Gentaro tucked his brown strands behind his ear. Dice gulped when he saw seductive look on that green irises, crushed his 'don't do anything' will.
"Gentaro….you editor…" Dice tried to remind him again.
"Ara...I lied Dice." Gentaro whispered right on his ear, giving a small blow. Dice gripped tight the white sheet under him when he felt a teasing bite on his ear. "I still have two more days before my meeting and I already finished my script for it. I lied to make you behave until midnight."
"Fo….for what…" The beast inside him began to slam its cage, a long stroke from his clavicle until under his belly weakened his self-restraint which never that strong in front of Gentaro.
"Because I want to give a present and I'm sure mine will make you forget about that call." Gentaro placed a small bite on his throat base, right in the middle clavicle bones, giving a red mark on there.
Oh, of course. This present not only made him forget about bad things that just happened to him, but also forgetting the time. He loved it when the usually calm and composed Gentaro decided to become aggressive and took the reins. It was rare for Gentaro willing in this position, didn't want multiple his exhaustion, he reasoned.
His arm pulled Gentaro closer, crushing the lips that easily saying a lie. His tongue didn't want to wait to join the play, at first only a small lick but when Gentaro moaned, now playing with his partner tongue, caressing every corner that he already memorized but it never bored him. Hard for him to get bored or even stopping his touch when Gentaro gave his consent. Every inch in Gentaro's is morphine for him. Gentaro unique scent that reminded him to flower and paper made him drunk. Pale white skin that rarely touched with sunlight. A slender body that will make any women jealous. Moreover the moan and cry that only Dice can hear every time he touched Gentaro body. Those voices will fill this traditional-designed room for the rest of the night until dawn arrived.
Dice can imagine what kind of scenery he will see this morning. Gentaro laying beside him in a deep sleep because of exhaustion, brown strands framing his beautiful face, white skin marred with red marks of his ownership. Nothing can beat this present.